Sending you love and positive thoughts. You will get through this. X
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Just thought I’d put a final update on my journey as a way to close it off and in the hopes that it may help others who might pass through here at some point.
I had my abortion on Thursday. It was a lot easier than I expected. The staff at the clinic were absolutely lovely, the environment was really calm and caring. My surgeon was a woman which really helped put my mind at ease. In the room was surgeon, three nurses and the aesthetician who was the only man. All of them lovely and kind. They managed to find my rogue coil whilst I was under and remove it too and put a new one in. I was in recovery about 45 mins and then allowed to leave and my friend picked me up and we got McDonald’s
.
Ex moved back in a few days before the procedure
but it was helpful having him here for the school runs. He’s staying in the spare room and I guess next week we will have ‘The Talk’ and work out how we separate our massively entwined lives.
I had my abortion on Thursday. It was a lot easier than I expected. The staff at the clinic were absolutely lovely, the environment was really calm and caring. My surgeon was a woman which really helped put my mind at ease. In the room was surgeon, three nurses and the aesthetician who was the only man. All of them lovely and kind. They managed to find my rogue coil whilst I was under and remove it too and put a new one in. I was in recovery about 45 mins and then allowed to leave and my friend picked me up and we got McDonald’s
.Ex moved back in a few days before the procedure
but it was helpful having him here for the school runs. He’s staying in the spare room and I guess next week we will have ‘The Talk’ and work out how we separate our massively entwined lives.Glad it’s all sorted for you. With you on the sorting out of lives, nightmare. You’ve shown huge strength so far!Just thought I’d put a final update on my journey as a way to close it off and in the hopes that it may help others who might pass through here at some point.
I had my abortion on Thursday. It was a lot easier than I expected. The staff at the clinic were absolutely lovely, the environment was really calm and caring. My surgeon was a woman which really helped put my mind at ease. In the room was surgeon, three nurses and the aesthetician who was the only man. All of them lovely and kind. They managed to find my rogue coil whilst I was under and remove it too and put a new one in. I was in recovery about 45 mins and then allowed to leave and my friend picked me up and we got McDonald’s
Ex moved back in a few days before the procedure
So glad I found this thread, just read through it all and it made me feel alot better about the situation. For context, I am not sure if I am pregnant as of yet. Me and my ex (have 2 children together) have had a few moments of madness shall we say and one time an accident occurred. I got the morning after pill but then realised it doesn’t work if you’ve already ovulated (this was CD16) so I’m pretty sure that was pointless. So now in that dreaded 2 week wait. Just horrible not being able to talk to anyone about it, my friends/family I honestly think would disown me if they knew I’d been anywhere near him (long story but he broke my heart 3 years ago and I’d finally got to a good place and then moments of weakness let him back in) I guess I feel ashamed as it shouldn’t have happened in the first place 
but having a baby just isn’t an option, I am not in the right place mentally or financially and I’m just scared 
but having a baby just isn’t an option, I am not in the right place mentally or financially and I’m just scared @anonesk223 i hope you don’t mind me tagging you here 
i started this thread way back when and had lots of support x
i started this thread way back when and had lots of support x
@Keera thats so kind and thoughtful thank you 
Here’s my story:
I’m 28 and fell pregnant unexpectedly. I think I’m about 6 weeks? I’m in a 2.5 year relationship. We’ve made our decision to abort but we are both absolutely heartbroken.
We don’t earn loads of money. My partner earns less than me. He’s had financial difficulties in the past and has only just found a job he likes, with possibilities to move up in the future.
We rent a tiny one bedroom flat in an expensive area. We still have a temporary sofa, and wardrobes without doors. We have been using our money to slowly build the flat up.
We don’t see a way we can make it work. If we move to a cheaper area, we lose what little support system we already have.
Sadly our families can’t support us financially.
Partners paternity package is appalling (2 weeks statutory pay) and mine is 8 weeks full pay and then 16 weeks half pay.
We can’t live off just one of our salaries or even part of our salaries. We’d have to have the baby straight into childcare which is horrible anyway, and we couldn’t afford. We can’t really afford anywhere bigger just yet.
I completely understand and agree, but I’m so resentful and upset at the state of the world. We both work full time and we can’t afford to have a child - it’s so unfair.
We wanted the time to be exciting and not stressful.
My partner suggested that we spend the next year or two taking it really seriously and saving money so that we are better prepared. He said we set a deadline (say, two years time) and even if we are in the same position, we start trying again anyway. At least we will be prepared.
I am so heartbroken and just wanted to vent I guess..
Here’s my story:
I’m 28 and fell pregnant unexpectedly. I think I’m about 6 weeks? I’m in a 2.5 year relationship. We’ve made our decision to abort but we are both absolutely heartbroken.
We don’t earn loads of money. My partner earns less than me. He’s had financial difficulties in the past and has only just found a job he likes, with possibilities to move up in the future.
We rent a tiny one bedroom flat in an expensive area. We still have a temporary sofa, and wardrobes without doors. We have been using our money to slowly build the flat up.
We don’t see a way we can make it work. If we move to a cheaper area, we lose what little support system we already have.
Sadly our families can’t support us financially.
Partners paternity package is appalling (2 weeks statutory pay) and mine is 8 weeks full pay and then 16 weeks half pay.
We can’t live off just one of our salaries or even part of our salaries. We’d have to have the baby straight into childcare which is horrible anyway, and we couldn’t afford. We can’t really afford anywhere bigger just yet.
I completely understand and agree, but I’m so resentful and upset at the state of the world. We both work full time and we can’t afford to have a child - it’s so unfair.
We wanted the time to be exciting and not stressful.
My partner suggested that we spend the next year or two taking it really seriously and saving money so that we are better prepared. He said we set a deadline (say, two years time) and even if we are in the same position, we start trying again anyway. At least we will be prepared.
I am so heartbroken and just wanted to vent I guess..
It’s really tough.@Keera thats so kind and thoughtful thank you
Here’s my story:
I’m 28 and fell pregnant unexpectedly. I think I’m about 6 weeks? I’m in a 2.5 year relationship. We’ve made our decision to abort but we are both absolutely heartbroken.
We don’t earn loads of money. My partner earns less than me. He’s had financial difficulties in the past and has only just found a job he likes, with possibilities to move up in the future.
We rent a tiny one bedroom flat in an expensive area. We still have a temporary sofa, and wardrobes without doors. We have been using our money to slowly build the flat up.
We don’t see a way we can make it work. If we move to a cheaper area, we lose what little support system we already have.
Sadly our families can’t support us financially.
Partners paternity package is appalling (2 weeks statutory pay) and mine is 8 weeks full pay and then 16 weeks half pay.
We can’t live off just one of our salaries or even part of our salaries. We’d have to have the baby straight into childcare which is horrible anyway, and we couldn’t afford. We can’t really afford anywhere bigger just yet.
I completely understand and agree, but I’m so resentful and upset at the state of the world. We both work full time and we can’t afford to have a child - it’s so unfair.
We wanted the time to be exciting and not stressful.
My partner suggested that we spend the next year or two taking it really seriously and saving money so that we are better prepared. He said we set a deadline (say, two years time) and even if we are in the same position, we start trying again anyway. At least we will be prepared.
I am so heartbroken and just wanted to vent I guess..
I also kind of felt the decision was made for me in a way because of the financial and living situation I was in at the time.
Physically I recovered really quickly (just FYI in case that side of things is worrying you at all) but mentally I think I was still a bit shocked that it all happened for a long time. Sort of like when you see a storyline about abortion on the TV you think “aw how awful” and then you think wait that actually happened to ME.
and obviously because it still has a bit of stigma attached to it it’s not the sort of thing I felt comfortable sharing with anyone really outside my partner it can be difficult to work through - my advice is find someone to talk to, be it family, friend or the qualified counsellors (the service who does your procedure should pass on some details). My partner was great but after a week or two he didn’t really GET it. Much easier for men to compartmentalise and move on I think.
I’m so sorry for you both. It’s not fair at all and I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you both. If you have any questions about anything please ask away. X@Keera thats so kind and thoughtful thank you
Here’s my story:
I’m 28 and fell pregnant unexpectedly. I think I’m about 6 weeks? I’m in a 2.5 year relationship. We’ve made our decision to abort but we are both absolutely heartbroken.
We don’t earn loads of money. My partner earns less than me. He’s had financial difficulties in the past and has only just found a job he likes, with possibilities to move up in the future.
We rent a tiny one bedroom flat in an expensive area. We still have a temporary sofa, and wardrobes without doors. We have been using our money to slowly build the flat up.
We don’t see a way we can make it work. If we move to a cheaper area, we lose what little support system we already have.
Sadly our families can’t support us financially.
Partners paternity package is appalling (2 weeks statutory pay) and mine is 8 weeks full pay and then 16 weeks half pay.
We can’t live off just one of our salaries or even part of our salaries. We’d have to have the baby straight into childcare which is horrible anyway, and we couldn’t afford. We can’t really afford anywhere bigger just yet.
I completely understand and agree, but I’m so resentful and upset at the state of the world. We both work full time and we can’t afford to have a child - it’s so unfair.
We wanted the time to be exciting and not stressful.
My partner suggested that we spend the next year or two taking it really seriously and saving money so that we are better prepared. He said we set a deadline (say, two years time) and even if we are in the same position, we start trying again anyway. At least we will be prepared.
I am so heartbroken and just wanted to vent I guess..
Oh I completely understand!! We have both agreed to have counselling together and I’ll probably have solo counselling as well.
No worries if you don’t want to answer this - but which method did you use and how was the experience? I’ve opted for medical termination but starting to think I maybe should use surgical as I’ve heard lots of horror stories
No worries if you don’t want to answer this - but which method did you use and how was the experience? I’ve opted for medical termination but starting to think I maybe should use surgical as I’ve heard lots of horror stories
i had medical termination and a medicallly managed miscarriage - both the same medication and both at home. All fine, a bit of pain when the initial bleeding started - sort of like if you’ve ever had bad food poisoning that sort of tummy pain? But you obviously get codeine tablets to take for the pain which took the edge of. By the time I went to sleep the worst was over and then I bled in both cases for about 10-14 days. But was only heavy for maybe 3 or 4? the pain was over the first day and I was back to normal physically the next day or two.Oh I completely understand!! We have both agreed to have counselling together and I’ll probably have solo counselling as well.
No worries if you don’t want to answer this - but which method did you use and how was the experience? I’ve opted for medical termination but starting to think I maybe should use surgical as I’ve heard lots of horror stories
Just jumping in to say I had a medical termination at home and it went as well as something like that could go. It was apprehensive due to horror stories but it was all over and done in a few (painful) hours. I was glad to be able to do it at home and had my husband with me the whole time. I was told that if you can’t have anyone with you then best to go into hospital just to be on the safe side.Oh I completely understand!! We have both agreed to have counselling together and I’ll probably have solo counselling as well.
No worries if you don’t want to answer this - but which method did you use and how was the experience? I’ve opted for medical termination but starting to think I maybe should use surgical as I’ve heard lots of horror stories
Sorry that you are going through this, it’s a difficult time. I highly recommend counselling, the whole experience hit me like a ton of bricks mentally and still plays on my mind 2 years later even though we have decided not to have children. I also recommend it for your partner, I perhaps selfishly didn’t think of the big impact the whole situation had on my husband.
I’ve had both in my life, most recently a surgical as I was 12 weeks before I even realisedOh I completely understand!! We have both agreed to have counselling together and I’ll probably have solo counselling as well.
No worries if you don’t want to answer this - but which method did you use and how was the experience? I’ve opted for medical termination but starting to think I maybe should use surgical as I’ve heard lots of horror stories
and I would say I actually found the surgical easier however it’s more faffy (for want of a better word) as you have to go into the clinic and stay for about half a day, be put under and then obvs can’t drive after but at least once I came round it was done. Medical is quicker in the sense they give you the treatment then send you home however then you’re awake for the whole thing but it wasn’t that bad just a lot of cramping and nausea but the give you anti sickness meds. My clinic for the surgical offered counselling after but I declined as my work were already sorting me out through our medical insurance to see a therapist.
I did medical. Two very different experiences.
When I was 21 it was very painful but I was as also very underweight. It was done in hospital and I don’t know if that added to the stress as I was sick after the first medication and in a lot of pain.
At 33 it wasn’t painful at all. I didn’t bleed that much either. I’m a normal weight now. I did it at home and BPAS were fantastic. It was nice to have the option to set the time aside to prepare.
When I was 21 it was very painful but I was as also very underweight. It was done in hospital and I don’t know if that added to the stress as I was sick after the first medication and in a lot of pain.
At 33 it wasn’t painful at all. I didn’t bleed that much either. I’m a normal weight now. I did it at home and BPAS were fantastic. It was nice to have the option to set the time aside to prepare.
If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it. I had a medical abortion this month (at the start so a few weeks ago now) but never told my bf as I thought it was pointless. We haven’t been together long and it was a no brainer. Anyway… two issues I’m struggling with. One, my sister has just announced her pregnancy and it’s two weeks behind what would have been mine. I still check Flo and think, ‘Oh I would be x weeks now’ 
Not sure how that’s gonna go for the next 6 months.
Also feeling guilty about not telling him- not that he would have disagreed, but now every time babies or pregnancy is talked about (not us but other people), I can’t stand it, knowing I was pregnant until recently. Would it be silly to tell him? What would I get out of it, maybe it’s just me wanting some validation rather than for his sake?!
I’m considering contacting BPAS to see if it’s not too late to speak to someone counselling wise but just wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom. I don’t regret my choice but I probably didn’t need a constant reminder of it with my sister.
Not sure how that’s gonna go for the next 6 months. Also feeling guilty about not telling him- not that he would have disagreed, but now every time babies or pregnancy is talked about (not us but other people), I can’t stand it, knowing I was pregnant until recently. Would it be silly to tell him? What would I get out of it, maybe it’s just me wanting some validation rather than for his sake?!
I’m considering contacting BPAS to see if it’s not too late to speak to someone counselling wise but just wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom. I don’t regret my choice but I probably didn’t need a constant reminder of it with my sister.
first of all definitely contact and ask for counselling.If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it. I had a medical abortion this month (at the start so a few weeks ago now) but never told my bf as I thought it was pointless. We haven’t been together long and it was a no brainer. Anyway… two issues I’m struggling with. One, my sister has just announced her pregnancy and it’s two weeks behind what would have been mine. I still check Flo and think, ‘Oh I would be x weeks now’
Also feeling guilty about not telling him- not that he would have disagreed, but now every time babies or pregnancy is talked about (not us but other people), I can’t stand it, knowing I was pregnant until recently. Would it be silly to tell him? What would I get out of it, maybe it’s just me wanting some validation rather than for his sake?!
I’m considering contacting BPAS to see if it’s not too late to speak to someone counselling wise but just wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom. I don’t regret my choice but I probably didn’t need a constant reminder of it with my sister.
and, unless you rely it on it heavily for cycle tracking I would delete Flo for a bit. I completely understand as I felt awful even seeing distant acquaintances pregnancies on social media after mine so I can’t imagine what it would be like if it had been my sister!
My advice is to perhaps throw yourself into getting ready to be an auntie (once you’ve had space to mentally heal). It takes a while to move on from it but you will get there and eventually you’ll stop thinking about it everyday I promise 🩷
secondly - I think only you can judge how your boyfriend will react, but if you feel you would have been on the same page and you would like the support from him then I would tell him. I think I’d just be prepared he might be hurt initially that you didn’t tell him to start with? Maybe it would be prudent to speak to BPAS first and organise your feelings before telling him?
Hi I’ve just been thought he termination process and the reminders and pregnancy announcements and seeing babies is a little tough. I already have 3 kids that are quite grown now so I just couldn’t start again. It would have literally pushed me back 16 years and my life’s already hectic without bringing a poor baby into the mix.
My biggest struggle is not telling my OH. He is very much pro-life and would have made me have it. He would never forgive me if he found out what I’ve done so I know I can’t tell him but the tension is awful because it’s obvious I’m keeping a secret. I’m just praying it slips to the back of my mind eventually so we can get back
To normal. It’s very early days at the min. I only took the 2nd pill 3 days ago.
My biggest struggle is not telling my OH. He is very much pro-life and would have made me have it. He would never forgive me if he found out what I’ve done so I know I can’t tell him but the tension is awful because it’s obvious I’m keeping a secret. I’m just praying it slips to the back of my mind eventually so we can get back
To normal. It’s very early days at the min. I only took the 2nd pill 3 days ago.
That’s really tough
Have you got anyone else you can talk to, who you trust not to tell him? Hope you’re ok xxxThankyou. Yes my best friend knows and is on the end of the phone all the time if I need to speak to her but it’s not the same as lying to your partner and kids feeling like a bag ofThat’s really tough
(physically and mentally) but having to be normal. Tbh I have felt a lot better today so fingers crossed things are moving in the right direction. Thankyou for taking the time to reply to me x@Keera thank you for your reply… I think deleting Flo is probably a good idea for now until it’s faded a bit. I think trying BPAS for just maybe a one off counselling session might be useful if the flo deletion doesn’t help enough. I think it may be as that’s what usually makes me compare it all, like it’s not in the forefront of my mind all day every day! It was the right decision and definitely don’t regret it. Just a little raw with my sister’s announcement. Thank you 
Hi all, I’m so grateful I’ve found this thread and would appreciate any support/guidance. I recently had a medical abortion this week, after finding out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago. This was a very, very wanted pregnancy and I cannot believe it ended this way. Without going into too much detail, we discovered our circumstances were not what they seemed financially, and my partner was close to a breakdown so an abortion seemed the only option, although I now feel this was a rushed option for concern of my partners mental health. I worry this was a huge mistake, and the sadness is consuming me. Although I agree that now was not the best time once I had the full picture, I feel broken that I’m no longer pregnant, and like I’m spiralling. I have PCOS and thought I would need intervention to get pregnant, so I feel ungrateful on top of everything else that I chose to end the pregnancy, although again I feel like the word ‘chose’ is incorrect (but I will stress that I wasn’t forced). Please can someone share if they’ve had similar feelings and if these have shifted since? I’m aware things are still so new, but it’s hard to imagine feeling any different at the moment. We won’t have kids now for at least a year (this would have been my first) and that kills me too. I completely understand this is not how most people felt and I by no way mean to transfer any guilt or sadness onto anyone else’s experience, I just need some reassurance life will feel a little easier as I’m honestly struggling to function. I plan to reach out and request counselling, I’m just looking for real life examples too. I really hope this post isn’t upsetting or triggering for anyone, I just don’t know how else to stress how big this all feels.