Dating after lockdown #8 Tinder, completed it!

[LaurieLaurie]

I mostly use Snapchat, Instagram or good old iMessage haha I’ve never paid too much attention to WhatsApp.

 

[ATV2021]

He said what?????
I just got sick in my mouth. What absolute dickhead of an excuse of a man.
You have had such a lucky escape so early on!!

Yep he said exactly that and I was quite shocked...! I definitely feel there's major resentment towards ex wife aswell. In his text he said about thinking he had time for a relationship but doesnt then said about no great spark and I was like what?? It was just major 180 mixed words and signals

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Which one is Adam?

 

[Thank(space)you]

I think Clickbait is right, treat it as a joke.

I'm probably an overly suspicious person, but how do you know its not your friend testing you?

I don't know that tbf.
I know he has cheated previously and she's forgiven him.

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Hey I said nada. I'm just here drinking my wine....

Loving your vibes

Did we get any sex stories??

 

[HelloStereo]

Strange that the message only shows one tick as in not delivered but the phone rings. Are you ringing through WhatsApp?

I rang through WhatsApp and normal phone. It just rings and rings and eventually invites me to leave a message. I'm just so worried because if he wasn't interested surely he would just block me? Seems like he just disappeared from WhatsApp entirely.

 

[mehere]

it’s so straightforward and simple when you write it out like that! Thank you

ETA: sent, and now nervously waiting for him to read and respond

It's a nice message, as nice as it can be to dump someone! Keep us updated with his response!

 

[Thank(space)you]

Matched with a guy on tinder and we've been talking all evening. He's full of personality. But I'm a bit concerned because he's 10 years younger #cougar

Nothing to lose by meeting him. At the very least its an ego boost

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Mr Perfect cancelled our date, haha! I knew it was too good to be true

What was his excuse?

 

[Wowitsme]

App day 1:
Got a potential date lined up for next week (prepared for him to cancel) but he’s not my type at all. The chat is easy but I feel like I’m probably only going to try and get over my psycho ex (I’m obsessed even though I know that he’s a horrible person).


No way! I’ve watched it loads and none of their ‘bits’ ever look like mine, it worries me slightly

how recent is your break up?

 

[Bettyboo2021]

From the messages you've shown us, he literally has asked. To me, the ball's 100% in your court and there's nothing to wait for from him. I'd drop in and suggest a day next week!

I’m so terrible at this stuff which is probably why I never have sex and am perpetually single I literally have zero assertion. I feel if I send another text I’m pushing him to want to go out with me if that makes sense? I know he sent that last one but was probdbly just being kind due to my situation

 

[LaurieLaurie]

No, it’s the 51 year old big man from my original thread. The one who cooked me a roast. I have defo binned off the 57 year old coke head.

Sorry.. I must have mixed it up.
Why is this one being a cunt then?

 

[Bettyboo2021]

I think what your mate's partner said is inappropriate but tbh the style communication between you from those texts is a little odd to me. Both using 'x' at the end of messages etc., maybe it's a cultural thing abroad but from the outside it looks like maybe lines are a touch blurred anyway? I agree with NoseyNiamh that your friend will probably dismiss his messages as him trying to make you feel better, and following on from that you'll come off as the friend who can't see boundaries and is a shit stirrer. There is really no good outcome from sharing these with her, and whilst I would usually advocate telling a friend in this scenario, I think the messages do both of you no favours. I'm not trying to blame you at all, but this doesn't look as clear cut as one might hope.

There's also the possibility that he was, in some misguided and slightly inappropriate way, saying these things just to give your confidence a boost. People view you as what they know of you in life, and he knows you're fed up being single, feeling a bit unloved, and some crank on tinder has 'fat' shamed you (I'm not saying you're fat, just the thing re. weight in the tinder screenshot). It's plausible his response to this is to say 'you're gorgeous' and the rest to make you feel better. It's still maybe a little inappropriate but it's hard to know what his communication style usually is, and that'll stand to how inappropriate it is. In my own life I've had a troubling few years that my friends would know about to varying degrees, and I noticed this affected how they treated me and spoke to me, with most conversations going over 'are you sure you're doing ok?' months and even years after the events. That made me feel like some kind of basket case when really they were just trying to be nice to me knowing what I had been through. I had become some kind of victim in their eyes and they treated me like one, even in trying to be a good friend to me, and I noticed it as a pattern. Not excusing his choice of words etc. but I think your friend will view it that he was trying to be nice to her pal and you'll end up on the outside as a result.

I had a friend like this...I noticed when I was around her I always ended up blackout drunk, texting my ex and she would veer between encouraging me and judging me. As soon as I distanced myself from there I felt a lot better xx

 

[Bettyboo2021]

I think ultimately you’re not bothered about this guy as you can proactively email the ex when you know you shouldn’t (re: thinking you saw him out) but you don’t want to double text to arrange another date with Gareth. It’s ok not to feel a spark despite him being a nice man, and you’re not wasting his time or your own by admitting that. He may feel a little aggrieved that he was a counsellor for the evening but he’ll get over it.

I think you just need to be honest about what motivates you rather than being self deprecating about having no assertion.

I’m also thinking you’re not over the ex and continue to compare others to him which isn’t fair because despite him sounding like an utter shit in the way he treated you, you hold him in high esteem because he was intelligent, had a good job and was great in bed.

Take time to grieve for all the things you’ve lost until your heart is ready to give someone new a chance. You’re clearly a heart rules your head person and so you have to let your heart catch up.

I honestly did like Gareth, he again was exactly what I was looking for in terms of what I liked about my ex. I think I’m only comfortable contacting him as he’s in the same friendship group...Gareth was really nice but I honestly don’t know if he likes me? He’s quite serious person and I didn’t get any vibes off him that he did. Even my ex said I was non committal and hard to read...I don’t like “giving” myself to people for them to hurt me and take away part of me if that makes sense? I feel if Gareth wanted to message me, wouldn’t he? Men have fought wars over women throughout history...if they want you don’t they just want you and make it known? What I mean is it’s possible he wasn’t really into me and asking to meet up was a polite gesture he didn’t intend to follow up?

 

[Bettyboo2021]

I wouldn’t even reply to this Message I’d leave it on read tbh

Men also want to feel like the person they are chasing has some sort of interest in them but it’s just dead blunt replies what’s the point

I think if I knew him better I might Try to open up more but I’ve only met him Once so it’s hard for me..usually I’m able to get somewhere because they might find me physically attractive and not see my detachment but I think he’s too much of a gent to say anything like some of the other men I have dated unless he possibly wasn’t that attracted to me anyway, who knows

 

[HelloStereo]

This is the last I heard from him. Nothing to suggest he'd suddenly disappear. I'm not worried that he's not interested. I'm genuinely concerned something has happened.

 

[NoseyNiamh]

I feel the same, but he’s one of those super wealthy, powerful alpha men. And I’ve always ended up mothering losers, so not sure what to do.

Is there much of an age gap ?

 

[Jadejones9596]

I downloaded bumble....can you not see anyone whose liked you unless you pay??

Nope you have to pay for premium for that privilege such a pain!

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

I know but we are all anon and faceless lol

we’ll we may not be next weekend!

 

[HelloStereo]

Very strange. Seems you're not blocked on WhatsApp so but strange that the message hasn't delivered. I'm sure it's awful for you, poor thing. Are you connected on SM?

No he doesn't have any social media .

If he'd have blocked me on WhatsApp I would have taken the hint. But he's just disappeared it seems.