Dating after lockdown #5 The MANdemic

[Lhm87]

Guys I can’t sleep - just had a mare of an evening so any advice here would be SO muchly appreciated. Long ramblely post incoming:

I’ve been seeing this guy and today was only our third date. I asked him if he was free tonight on Tuesday and he said yes, but he had work drinks and I said I was fine to see him after. I told him he needed to organise something because he hadn’t booked anything on our other dates (he just likes to turn up without a res…). So last night I texted him asking where we’re going and he just said we’ll meet in the general vicinity of where he works cos that’s where he’ll be, and that there’s “loads of fun stuff” to do around there (again no concrete plan). I felt uneasy about this but I didn’t want to nag so I left him to it.

I had a really busy work day so wasn’t thinking about him at all. He texted me at 4pm asking when I would like to meet. I said whenever he’s done with his work drinks I’ll meet him after. He asked if 6:30 would be ok but I knew I wouldn’t be finished work by then because I was so busy. So I told him the earliest I could possibly see him was 7:30. He said that was fine, then asked if he should come to me - but I told him I’ll see him after his friends.

At 6:30 he texted me he’s done with drinks but will head slowly to where we were supposed to meet. I got done with work just before 7, and told him I’d probably be there after 7:30. He’s like nice ive found us a table and tells me he’s in the back. It’s now 7:20 and I tell him thanks for sorting and sorry for the inevitable wait. I then jump in the shower, do my hair and makeup and he’s like not to rush you but my phone is about to die - and says he’ll hang around until 8:30 but if I’m later than that he’s gotta go. I tell him I’ll be there by then. I keep updating him and at 8 I tell him I’m leaving and I’m 20 mins away. His phone died by this point.

Bear in mind the venue is like Dinerama - huge outdoor loads of people everywhere. I get there and am searching for this kid everywhere. All he told me was that he was in the back and I obviously can’t call or text him. After looking EVERYWHERE and asking staff etc. It dawns on me that he left. I was so shocked because he said he’ll wait to 8:30 and I had gotten there just before. I ask staff like is this the whole venue or is there more? Turns bloody out that there’s a whole other building next door that is part of it and I go next door and start looking around. A waitress calls me over and is like are you looking for someone? I tell her my friend was waiting and she’s like yeah I saw him he looked really sad he was here for ages but he left. I was like I feel so bad but he knew I was going to be late. His phone died and I couldn’t find him - I was looking next door. She’s like I don’t know why he didn’t give his phone to us to charge.

As I was leaving (still in total disbelief) all the staff I had asked for help were like “did you find your friend?” And honestly I wanted to burst into tears. I was so embarrassed and shocked that he’d left. I sent him a couple texts shocked texts and asked him to talk to me when he’s phone is back up.

About an hour later he replies and tells me he’s so pissed off. Like really emphasises how angry he is. Says he waited for over two hours. I was like ?! You said you’ll be here till 8:30 but when I got here you were gone?? I call him and he doesn’t pick up. He says he wants to talk another day when he’s less pissed off.

We continue to text and I just tell him I’m so confused he left before I got there when he knew I was running late and he said he’d be around till 8:30. He goes on about how he waited till quarter to 9 which was really fucking patient of him. The thing is we were there at the same time but I couldn’t find him because of the whole dead phone thing. He’s like I can’t believe you haven’t apologised yet, I waited over an hour and even an extra fifteen minutes to give you the benefit of the doubt. He says we can talk on the phone but he has nothing else to say.

I call him and explain I’m shocked he left before I got there and how I couldn’t find him but we definitely overlapped. He told me he was done. I was upset because I like him and I had been looking forward to seeing him all week. Maybe I’m completely in the wrong (which is why I’m here) but i thought the whole thing with the phone was a massive issue but he wouldn’t concede that at all. Or the fact the whole thing was poorly planned at the 11th hour. He just kept repeating how all of it was “on me”, no matter what I said.

am i really in the wrong here?

Sorry I think you were in the wrong. He text you and asked you when at time you wanted to meet. You said whenever he had finished with his friends you would be free - he said 6:30 and you said earliest 7:30. That would be my first annoyance if i was him, you should have said earliest 7:30 straight away.
then you ended up being an hour later than that. I understand the frustration on both parts here to a point but I am on his side here, sorry. There is only so much time I’d wait around for someone. Yes his phone died but he didn’t know you were there looking for him and there has to be a cut off point somewhere.
I’d apologise to him and take some responsibility to try and salvage this.

 

[Roger Smith]

Urgh the weekend traffic on the apps is just disgusting. What’s wrong with this picture!

 

[mehere]

By way of update - I had my dinner date with the pilot on Friday. It was fun but from the way he went on he’s quite the international playboy and just looking for sex while he’s in town. For health reasons spoken above it’s a firm no from me.

Had my second date with the other guy on Saturday and again it was nice. We went for a walk by the riverside, had dinner then went to his for a movie and kiss and cuddle on the sofa. So before the date we’d been chatting on the phone one night and I asked him if he was smoking because I could hear him but he said no. On the date he admitted that he’d lied and he was a smoker - the smoking didn’t bother me so much but the gaslighting did. On the phone he played it off like I’m hearing things and said he definitely wasn’t smoking, so bit of a red flag and I ended it with him on Sunday because I can‘t look past it.

 

[newtoyou]

Don’t want to be harsh, but you the type of person to do this to friends too? Because I’ve had friends like that and it comes across that you think your time is more important than theirs. They might be too kind to tell you though.

I don’t think she needs to feel any worse that she already does @doodlebug I’m sure you’re a fine friend!

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Me again. So this 46 year old who was turning 47 on Sunday (cancelled, sick mum whatever) turns out he’s 48?? Like he posted on Monday “48 yesterday” so I then said so when was our age gap 20 years. His response? “covid messed my brain up” . Like what?! Old enough to be my dad honestly he is. what is the deal with men lying about their age? Has anyone else had this issue? This isn’t the first time I’ve met a man who’s lied about his age but I don’t get it?

Anyway I’m off the apps seeing as Boris said I can go clubbing from the 19th. I’m busy huns anyone in London/Essex come join me

In the nicest possible way... I feel like you can’t keep away from these bad situations STOP MESSAGING THESE IDIOTS.

 

[This.is.me]

This one reminds me of Dora the explorer. Is a rucksack really necessary for taking a bathroom selfie? I do like the bath pillow though

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

Me again. So this 46 year old who was turning 47 on Sunday (cancelled, sick mum whatever) turns out he’s 48?? Like he posted on Monday “48 yesterday” so I then said so when was our age gap 20 years. His response? “covid messed my brain up” . Like what?! Old enough to be my dad honestly he is. what is the deal with men lying about their age? Has anyone else had this issue? This isn’t the first time I’ve met a man who’s lied about his age but I don’t get it?

Anyway I’m off the apps seeing as Boris said I can go clubbing from the 19th. I’m busy huns anyone in London/Essex come join me

 

[Bellaboo83]

Playing devil’s advocate here, but you did say you’d be able to meet him at 7:30 but didn’t turn up until 8:30 - the punctual person in me would have got really frustrated with waiting around.

Yes, I think he'd already waited from 6.30 - 7.30...An hour between when his drinks finished and when you said you'd be there. Then you didn't arrive until 8.30. The guy had been waiting two hours on his own, that's not fair. Perhaps he should have communicated better about where exactly he was before his phone died but it sounds like he showed up and then had a lot of patience to wait 2 hours for you... if you'd have been on time your date would have gone ahead.

Perhaps chalk it down as a 'stars didn't align night' but I would certainly try to apologise and take some responsibility

 

[HelloStereo]

You’ve not said anything wrong, he’s just being a dick. Next time he gives you that attitude I would ignore him, it’s so early and he’s already behaving in a way that would stop me from talking to him. Behaviour like that always gets worse in my experience.

I hope you have a good sleep tonight and feel more refreshed tomorrow.

Thank you . I do agree with you and it did make me have my doubts. I said something in jest and I think he took it literally, but I don't want to be second guessing everything I say and working out what it is that I've said to upset him if he's not going to say.

We were meant to meet last week but I got ill and postponed it until now. We had a video call a few days ago and he said he told his friends I was sick and they accused me of lying so he wanted to make the call to see if I was ill?

Just seems a bit... I don't know, too much for someone you barely know?

 

[square_spoon]

Run. It’s not meant to be this strange so early on - and the thing of ‘something’s wrong but I won’t tell you what because it might put you off me’ never gets better in a relationship. Even if you did say or do something annoying (and I’m not saying at all that you did!) the way he’s handling it isn’t very positive.

 

[newtoyou]

View attachment 651309

I woke up to this string of messages, all after I told him to sling his hook when his first substantive question beyond how was I tonight was ‘will you send me a photo of your ass’. Lovely eloquent profile about how he’s looking to meet a nice girl and settle down. I despair.

wtf! I’d be so tempted to troll him and send him questions back

-Is YOUR sphincter brown or pink?
-What are you wearing in bed?
-A full flannel pyjama set with a matching hat is so hot
-I love big bellies, send me a photo of your belly

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I think it’s a mix of people who just don’t have a lot of luck with dating and then there’s the ones who rinse it for sex.

I always get asked how the hell im single or why I’m using apps but it’s because I pick cunts.

 

[mehere]

Come on ladies.. form an orderly que

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I’ve been asked what my love languages are, this is a first

Quick, say expensive presents

 

[secretsu]

Just popping my head in to introduce myself. This thread is great and is going to be a bit of a life saver for me I think.

I've been Bumbling on and off for a year, I thought I was a fairly good judge of character until my last match (who seemed so nice and I thought was totally into me) dropped me like a hot potato mid conversation. It really shook my confidence as it was so unexpected. Anyway, I'm back on the dating wagon again, I have a current chat that's been going on for a few weeks and had a couple of video calls, but we are both single parents, so finding time to meet up isn't happening right now. But he is totally HOT and I'm willing to him a chance .

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

There’s been someone that I’ve matched with for the third time last night and I’ve finally messaged him when the last two times I let them expire. I never messaged him because he was only 5’8 (which really means 5’6 ) and he wants kids someday.
So I messaged him just now saying “just a heads up, I’m taller than you and I don’t want children” which it even says on my profile and he’s unmatched me. Proof that men don’t read women’s bios. angry little man.

 

[Woolmercardington]

Why do men over the age of 40 all look the fucking SAME?!?!

(Google image representation of all men over 40 on dating apps)

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

He’s liked me and I was trying to think for ages what his photo reminded me of.
V for vendetta.

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

Doesn’t matter if you ask and get it signed in blood, a lot of men will lie to get what they want and move on. It’s an awful feeling when this happens, particularly if you felt you’d been really clear about what you were looking for and they’d confirmed they were on the same page.

The very first man I met from an app did this to me. It was years ago and I was incredibly naive as to what kind of men were out there and how manipulative some of them could be.

On the surface of it, he had everything I could have wanted and he was unbelievably charming. We had three dates in rapid succession (which I’m now incredibly wary of - anything that feels like love bombing will send me a million miles in the opposite direction ) and I slept with him after the third. He stayed the night and I remember as he left the next morning I was on absolute cloud 9, couldn’t believe my luck.

He began the process of phasing me out almost immediately. I remember that week, I would go out walking for hours at a time leaving my phone at home or lock my phone in my desk drawer at work so I wouldn’t keep checking it. When I finally accepted what had happened, I completely broke down, I’d never felt so used, manipulated and stupid in my life. He came crawling back about 6 months later as though no time had passed at all asking if I wanted to meet for a drink. Either completely oblivious to what he’d done, or very aware of it and wanting to see if he still had a foot in the door.

It was only after speaking to my best friend, who had been on apps for years and had seen it all before, that I realised how common this behaviour is. I’m much more cautious now about letting my mind run away with itself and judge people entirely on their actions, not their words. One sniff of a red flag or behaviour that feels off, i disengage immediately

 

[newtoyou]

Now bear in mind, back when I first started chatting to him and my other temporary lockdown toyboys, he used his grandparents as an excuse as to why he didn't turn up in my WhatsApp on a Sunday at 9pm for a chat/sexting 'date' and then disappearing for a week. I tried to brush him off then, but at his insistence agreed we could still keep in touch on a friendly basis.

View attachment 654919

Call you!? Next it will be "Fancy a video chat?"

Tell him you’ll call him, don’t turn up, and if he asks say your elderly neighbour fell over right outside your window and couldn’t get up for a week