This isn't build a girlfriend
All that & he's not told you anything about him really. No thanks. Dodged a bullet there!
Dating after lockdown #39 Don't get toothfished
- Start date
-
- Tags
- Dating Threads
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
All that & he's not told you anything about him really. No thanks. Dodged a bullet there!
What an insufferable wick
I kind of did bin him off, after the radio silence I text him saying ‘I can’t do this’ and then I got the phone call saying how ‘I’m not being condescending but you have a fundamental personality flaw’. I didn’t beg or plead, I just rolled with it and I haven’t spoken to him since.I really wish you’d been the one to bin him off when he first threw his toys because that would have taken the wind right out of his sails. “This is a disproportionately aggressive response to a simple question. I’m not sure if you’re trying to deflect the attention off the question and back onto me or if this is just your personality, but either way it’s quite alarming, so I’ll bow out from here. Good luck”. Block.
I hope you won’t take what he’s said to heart. This would have always happened at some point, and that’s a him thing, not a you thing. From the way you’ve described him, he sounds very switched on to what women want to hear, he knows how to play the game, and this is a pattern he likely repeats with everyone. I know you’ll know this now, but going forward, someone wanting to see you 3 days in a row (or even 2) isn’t a good thing. It’s nearly always a precursor to very intense behaviour, so be wary of it.
What a stunner of a response yours would have been, though! He’s got military brain. Think he thinks I’m someone he needs to break and trick mentally as thats what he did for 3 years. Whilst I’m sympathetic, this ain’t Afghanistan anymore babe.
It would have happened at some point, yes. I don’t think he can get his head around not being right or someone disagreeing with him. Anyone I have mentioned this too has said that his reaction was OTT. He said he didn’t want me to be sat a year down the line watching tv with him and turning around and asking if he’s cheating on me. It’s totally different!
I should have trusted my gut but I was trying to let my wall down and ‘go with it’ for once. You live and learn, though!
I didn't cave and message Dr 3 since his last message on the 6th.
Guess who is looking at my profile on a Sunday now.
I would have easily married him as well.
Guess who is looking at my profile on a Sunday now.
I would have easily married him as well.
I am recently separated (been married 10 years together 18) so will be dipping my toe into dating for the first time as an adult 
Added an ex-colleague who things were always flirty with on socials when I was pissed a few weeks back. He slid in my DMs. I made it clear only looking for casual/friends with benefits, he was agreeable. I’ve been to his place twice. He has been messaging daily but today has been quiet. And now I'm bored and over thinking
I wanted casual and the daily messaging was a bit much, although it was mostly flirty banter.
I am just a bit frustrated with myself as when I was round there Friday his phone did not stop pinging with messages from other women, bumble etc. and I saw that as a good sign he wasn't thinking its more than it is, but the first day he's not messaging me all day I'm pining.
ETA I know he is probably just busy. I'm annoyed with myself not him.
Added an ex-colleague who things were always flirty with on socials when I was pissed a few weeks back. He slid in my DMs. I made it clear only looking for casual/friends with benefits, he was agreeable. I’ve been to his place twice. He has been messaging daily but today has been quiet. And now I'm bored and over thinking
I wanted casual and the daily messaging was a bit much, although it was mostly flirty banter.
I am just a bit frustrated with myself as when I was round there Friday his phone did not stop pinging with messages from other women, bumble etc. and I saw that as a good sign he wasn't thinking its more than it is, but the first day he's not messaging me all day I'm pining.
ETA I know he is probably just busy. I'm annoyed with myself not him.
Do you think you want him or just connection?
If you realize you want more than give yourself permission to own it. Ask yourself what more looks like and ask if he might be on the same page.
If you realize you want more than give yourself permission to own it. Ask yourself what more looks like and ask if he might be on the same page.
First of all im sorry to hear about you and your husband separating, that can't have been easy. Dating after being in a long term relationship is hard, I've been there. I guess when we are so used to speaking and being with someone every day and that stops its difficult to be vulnerable again. Take a step back and think what do you really want? Casual is absolutely fine but sometimes even that can be hard.I am recently separated (been married 10 years together 18) so will be dipping my toe into dating for the first time as an adult
Added an ex-colleague who things were always flirty with on socials when I was pissed a few weeks back. He slid in my DMs. I made it clear only looking for casual/friends with benefits, he was agreeable. I’ve been to his place twice. He has been messaging daily but today has been quiet. And now I'm bored and over thinking
I wanted casual and the daily messaging was a bit much, although it was mostly flirty banter.
I am just a bit frustrated with myself as when I was round there Friday his phone did not stop pinging with messages from other women, bumble etc. and I saw that as a good sign he wasn't thinking its more than it is, but the first day he's not messaging me all day I'm pining.
ETA I know he is probably just busy. I'm annoyed with myself not him.
Thanks both
Long term I definitely want more. I never planned on divorcing, my husband has left me. So eventually I do want a long term partner.
With this guy I dont think long term is on the cards for us. He wants kids, I'm late 30s and happily child free. There are a few behaviours of his I don’t like, but I dont know if that comes from him being long term single, but even if it is, then it isnt right for me.
I have just been enjoying the attention, and I suppose now it's paused I'm overthinking. But really what is there to overthink? I think I just need a good night's sleep and some food haha. Just nice to vent sometimes.
Hmm…I am recently separated (been married 10 years together 18) so will be dipping my toe into dating for the first time as an adult
Added an ex-colleague who things were always flirty with on socials when I was pissed a few weeks back. He slid in my DMs. I made it clear only looking for casual/friends with benefits, he was agreeable. I’ve been to his place twice. He has been messaging daily but today has been quiet. And now I'm bored and over thinking
I wanted casual and the daily messaging was a bit much, although it was mostly flirty banter.
I am just a bit frustrated with myself as when I was round there Friday his phone did not stop pinging with messages from other women, bumble etc. and I saw that as a good sign he wasn't thinking its more than it is, but the first day he's not messaging me all day I'm pining.
ETA I know he is probably just busy. I'm annoyed with myself not him.
I don’t know your situation but from the outside in it sounds like you might be growing to like his companionship and this is why you’re overthinking things.
I get it, I did it with the first guy I started seeing after my LTR ended. Just look after your heart.
Yeh I think I have got used to him messaging me throughout the day and replying fairly quickly. If he is going to be away from his phone for any length of time he normally says in advance (his job means he isnt always contactable).
Its nice to have someone being nice to me. Which sounds awful but my husband has treated me like tit.
I think I'm tired and hungry which doesnt help.
ETA I was also drinking last night. So probs on a downer from that. I just know he wont have access to his phone for most of this week as he's on a training exercise. I'm going to make some food and have an early night.
I mean you've just came out of a heavy relationship and sometimes we need a release. Don't overthink anything, as hard as it might be! Vent all you want, that's what we are here for. Sometimes things are better in the morning.
BIB Oh definitely. I originally described it as scratching an itch
I have a therapy appointment on Friday and will discuss there too. I think because I feel abandoned by my husband this drop in communication is making me feel unwanted etc. and it was the feeling of being wanted I was liking/chasing
Some ideas you could discuss with your therapist:
1. How can I soothe that part of me that panics when someone pulls away?
2. What would it look like to engage with people who add consistent peace?
3. How is my ex’s emotional unavailability still shaping my tolerance today?
1. How can I soothe that part of me that panics when someone pulls away?
2. What would it look like to engage with people who add consistent peace?
3. How is my ex’s emotional unavailability still shaping my tolerance today?
Also to add you don’t have to make any sudden decisions, you can take your time.
I’ve just retired my tinder account after a brief 3 week stint where I was ghosted, catfished and several attempts made to crypto scam me Oh yes and someone sent me an unsolicited video which was also super. I am firmly back on the shelf where I intend to remain until standards improve.
Oh yes and someone sent me an unsolicited video which was also super. I am firmly back on the shelf where I intend to remain until standards improve.I've done it! It's needed sometimes. I think all of us have felt unwanted by someone at some point.BIB Oh definitely. I originally described it as scratching an itch
I have a therapy appointment on Friday and will discuss there too. I think because I feel abandoned by my husband this drop in communication is making me feel unwanted etc. and it was the feeling of being wanted I was liking/chasing
Any thread title suggestions?
‘I give up.’
Hi all, I'm planning a date
- Status