Maybe she is doing that to try and make you feel less isolated and alone with having a child with additional needs? I understand why it frustrates you though, but it may be coming from a good place.Does anyone else have friends who are forever trying to self diagnose their kids? Honestly it boils my p*ss. Its all 'oh they had a meltdown over x,y,z'....no they had a tantrum because they didnt get their own way. Or 'they are obsessed with wearing this outfit' yes most kids go through a phase like that. I find it offensive when they try and compare their kids and 'diagnose' them. Theres so much more to autism than the stereotypical traits. I cant even discuss it with my cousin as she then repeats what I've said about my child but says her child is doing it
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
My eldest daughter (11) has very poor social skills (can't hold a conversation unless its about her favourite topic), stims constantly jumping/ hand flapping/ humming and has an obsessive daily routine (even says the exactly the same thing to me at the same time each day).
At school she is no bother and academically doing fine.
She is amazing at maths and enjoys it but can't tell the time.
She is a happy girl at home but I do worry about her starting secondary school this year.
At school she is no bother and academically doing fine.
She is amazing at maths and enjoys it but can't tell the time.
She is a happy girl at home but I do worry about her starting secondary school this year.
I felt exactly the same when my son started school. I was a nervous wreck if I'm honest. My son has autism, ADHD, tourettes and goes to a mainstream secondary school. He struggles to read and write, no concept of time, days of the week or what month it is but I'm so proud of him! He has coped so well from primary to secondary school and your daughter will too. Does your daughter have an EHCP?
It's such a big jump for them from primary to secondary. Have you spoken or had a meeting with the senco to find out how they are planning to support your daughter?
Before my son started in the Sept, in the July we had a walk around the school with our son and senco so he could see what the classrooms looked like, see where he would be eating lunch, sports hall, toilets etc. Maybe the school will do this with your daughter?
Thanks for your reply
she has no diagnosis of anything. Academically she is fine and behaviour great as she is practically mute so nobody at school notices her anyway. Various people have been in to observe for example an educational psychologist and emotional wellbeing. They say they will return again (which they do) but they just say leave their notes for me and school and then come back later. This has been going on for 6 years.School said to trust them that she will be fine as the secondary school we've chosen are particularly good at settling in year 7s by giving colour coded timetables and lining the corridors with older pupils etc (not that my daughter would ever speak to them)!
I'm so glad to hear your son is doing well
Has anyone got any experience with Sensory Processing Disorder?
How frustrating this has been going on for 6 years. I would still speak the senco at secondary school as they may be able to match a like minded child to sit next to your daughter in class. My youngest son has mild learning difficulties and is starting secondary school in Sept so my worries will start all over again!Thanks for your reply
School said to trust them that she will be fine as the secondary school we've chosen are particularly good at settling in year 7s by giving colour coded timetables and lining the corridors with older pupils etc (not that my daughter would ever speak to them)!
I'm so glad to hear your son is doing well
I know it doesn't stop you worrying but your daughter just might surprise you. When she's a bit settled in school an after school club may be a good idea? Our school will be doing a school summer transition for a week in July (cancelled last year due to covid) so they will do fun activities on school grounds and meet other new year 7 pupils. Do you know if your school will be doing something like this? They may be able to partner your daughter up with a like minded child? Good luck for Sept. X
@Rodneytrotter , how is your daughter getting on at secondary school?
Ah really well - thank you for asking
. She has settled in well to the school life and the senco has shown her someone she can go to if she needs help but can't talk to anyone. The only thing is that she sits alone at break and lunch as she doesnt have friends yet. She is desperate for friends. Children have tried to befriend her but they don't get much back from her so they probably assume she doesn't like them.
How is your son getting on? Xx
I'm really pleased your daughter has settled in well. Give it time for friends, the kids are all still finding their feet.Ah really well - thank you for asking
The only thing is that she sits alone at break and lunch as she doesnt have friends yet. She is desperate for friends. Children have tried to befriend her but they don't get much back from her so they probably assume she doesn't like them.
How is your son getting on? Xx
My son has made 1 friend, a girl who he met at summer school but they are not in each others subject classes which is a shame. He's had a couple of mornings of not wanting to go in. Your heart breaks for them and I wish I could keep him home but I'm no teacher (going by how my teaching over lockdown went haha) but I've got to let him experience it even if it's so painful for me. X
Does anyone have any experience/advice regarding school refusal please? Transition to Secondary is not going well.
We aren't there yet with secondary (currently arranging to view our local ones) so I really sympathise with you. My son has always hated school and often refuses to go. He literally has to be dragged in by his head teacher. No advice I'm afraid as we still haven't found a solution.
Thank you. You have my sympathies also. It's so hard isn't it.
It's heartbreaking isn't it? I'm sending you a virtual hug x. Have you managed to pin point from your son/daughter what's happening at school to make him/her not wanting to go?
When my eldest son had problems and he eventually told me a particular boy was calling him names and mocking him (my son has autism, ADHD and tourettes and goes to a mainstream school and has a 1 to 1 support) we had a meeting with the senco, 1 to 1 and head of year. We discussed what this boy was doing (I was so angry and upset that my son was being subjected to this) and I was really lucky that this boy was moved to another class. If it carried on then we wanted a meeting with the head and the boys parents. I was worried that this boy would continue to mock him in around the school but he kept his distance. It's incredibly hard and stressful but if you do know what's causing your child's distress then definitely speak to the school to find a solution. Take care xxx
Sorry me again.....we are currently in a hotel room as we still don't have electricity (6 days now!) caused by the storm. It's so stressful as my son has got a particular routine anyway does you son/daughter have an EHCP? X
Last edited:
Sorry to hear you're stuck in a hotel. Hope you're able to go home soon!
It's a combination of things that are stressing him out. Moving around the school, greater demands on him, sensory issues causing problems etc. He finds it so hard to explain what's bothering him though.
We've had a meeting with the school today and they are putting various things in place for him; a teaching assistant in most lessons, time out passes, access to lunchtime club inside amongst other things. All on a trial run until Christmas.
He refused to go in again today so hoping for a better day tomorrow. He's sky high with anxiety though, meaning his hyperactivity is through the roof. I wish he'd take his ADHD medication but he just can't tolerate the sensory aspect of it. It's so hard to see him struggling so much. I'm hoping that the Christmas holiday acts as a reset for him and reduce his anxiety levels before he goes back to school in Jan.
School are being really resistant with regard to an EHCP. They've said they will only apply for one if he needs a change of placement. The whole EHCP system has changed so much since I went through it with my eldest, back when they were still called Statements. We keep being told over and over that we won't get one so there's no point applying because the school can put things in place to help him without one.
We were meant to have a representative from Sendiass with us today but they had an emergency so couldnāt make it. They seem more positive about an EHCP so we are going to get some advice from them about doing a parental application for one.
Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it x
I'm amazed that the school arent pushing for an ehcp as they would get extra funding which would be great for them in terms of paying for the TA. Definitely look at applying yourselves. I dont have advice for that as school applied for my sons.
Thankfully we have a new teacher who I was very nervous about but hes amazing. Hes previously worked in a special needs school so he knows what hes doing, I know when hes not been around based on my child's mood!
Ah thank you. We've been told that the electric may be on this Friday! A fallen tree has pulled the cables down in the village. It very hard work with my son not being in his own space etc. It's just so hard isn't it? I'm so pleased the school have put measures in place and if it helps your son I hope it continues after Christmas.
What a shame Sendiass couldn't attend. I know they had an emergency but your meeting is just as important. Another representative should have attended instead. I would definitely get them on board with regards to an EHCP because your son would always have the back up he needs. We found without one the school changed their mind on so many different aspects of support aids and there was nothing we could do but with the plan we had the back up.
My son takes medikinet for his ADHD but is unable to swallow any tablets so I open the capsule and sprinkle on yogurt and his nightime melatonin I crush the pill and again sprinkle on yogurt. The medication has been a godsend as I've not had a full night's sleep for 15 years! (Nor has he). I expect you have already tried crushing the pills? I don't give him the medikinet at weekends or on school holidays to give his body a break from it and the difference in him is astonishing. People just don't understand how hard and helpless you feel as a mum.
I'll be honest, it took us 6 years to get an EHCP with primary school support and we took the council to court who faught tooth and nail not to give my son any support. But we won the court case and the council still tried to give him less support hours than he deserved and that was another battle. We had to take that route because the school could only support my son for only a few hours a week and he clearly needed so much more.
Four years ago we left South East London and moved up North. The difference in the services from my experience is vastly different. In London we got absolutely no support at all from CAMHS, I know they are under an extreme amount of pressure due the vast amount of people that live there. I needed emergency support for my son and we wasn't seen for 2 1/2 years!! The service we get now from CAHMS is fantastic and I can get an appointment quickly. I would strongly push for an EHCP as it's opened more support from the school.
So sorry for the waffle, hope it makes sense? I've just stopped and started a few times as my son has just had a huge meltdown (in a hotel room and not his own space it's very difficult for him) and woke my other 2 kids up and trying to calm him down.
Hope your week goes ok for you and your son. Will check in again when we get back into our house. Take care xxx and remember you are doing a fantastic job fighting for your son! Night xxx
You're not waffling! I totally understand and can't thank you enough for taking time during a really stressful period in your life to offer kindness and support to a stranger on the internet!
We have tried two types of medication. Equasym XL which we have tried sprinkling in a variety of things; milkshake, yogurt, squash, chocolate spread etc and recently it was swapped to a liquid form of Strattera. He managed four days before complete refusal and we tried giving it straight with sour sweet chaser, mixing it in milkshake, mango juice and orange juice. He just can't cope. He does manage to take Slenyto occasionally which helps. Like you, we take medication breaks during school holidays. We did with the eldest too. Although at one point, when he would take it, we did get him to have it when we went away on holiday because it made life more bearable for everyone (I hope that doesn't come across as too awful but he has siblings who are really struggling to cope with his behaviour).
Something has changed somewhere and I can only think it's anxiety due to Secondary transition because for the bits of year six that he was at school (Covid not school refusal) he took his medication without issue. The anxiety ramps up his sensory difficulties.
We are going to ask for a referral for CBT from CAHMS which I think could be helpful, especially as he has OCD traits as well (they won't diagnose it as a stand alone condition until he's older).
I'm away for work next week and I've realised that I feel guilty. I started a new career earlier in the year, full time, as oppose to working from home part time like I was previously and I feel like I'm failing him by not being around more like I was for the eldest. I need to work though. Not just financially but for my own well being. I also really love my job. I was unwell for a number of years and waited a long time to be able to be physically well enough to work full time.
Sorry, I'm waffling now! x
FWIW your description of her poor social skills, stimming and obsessive daily routine absolutely screams ASD and I canāt believe youāve been so badly advised by the primary school.Thanks for your reply
Actually I can, because when I spoke to the school about my then year 3 daughter about autism, I think they thought I was making it up. She masks hugely at school. At school she is a model kid. She prefers the company of adults to her peers and comes across as confident and mature.
At home the mask falls off and she talks in baby talk if she talks at all. Sometimes she communicates in squeaks and miaows (sheās 10 now and still does it!).
I went ahead and pursued a diagnosis without any input from the school. I was lucky because my son is also autistic so I was able to contact the team who diagnosed him who spoke to me at length before agreeing to refer to the paediatrician.
Secondary school is often the time when the wheels fall off for autistic kids. They move from a smaller, more nurturing primary school environment to a huge, not nurturing at all secondary school environment, and they canāt cope.
Hopefully the secondary might be more supportive in getting your daughter assessed. I really suggest you do it.
People might try to convince you that a diagnosis will be a hindrance in her life, but I promise you it wonāt make her any less autistic. Iām convinced Iām also autistic and Iāve spent my entire life hating and blaming myself and feeling like a failed adult. Itās a really heavy burden to carry.
Thank you for your supportive post
As an update she has now been officially diagnosed with ASD. She scored well above the threshold and the team did mention that they are shocked that nothing was picked up sooner.
Luckily her secondary school are extremely supportive and nurturing, primary school is now a bad memory for her so it's onwards and upwards.
I would say if you strongly believe that you are autistic then you probably are...
Oh thatās brilliant! Youāre never going to get an āIām sorryā from me if you tell me your child is autisticThank you for your supportive post
As an update she has now been officially diagnosed with ASD. She scored well above the threshold and the team did mention that they are shocked that nothing was picked up sooner.
Luckily her secondary school are extremely supportive and nurturing, primary school is now a bad memory for her so it's onwards and upwards.
I would say if you strongly believe that you are autistic then you probably are...
I scanned back through your posts and must have missed you saying sheād been diagnosed at last.Itās really heartening to hear that sheās being supported at secondary too. My daughter is in year 5 now and Iām terrified of sending her to secondary. Iām forcing myself to think about it and think about what kind of school might be best for her. Thinking back to my experience and how incredibly hard the transition was (I think I spent all of year 7 and 8 completely miserable) I feel like Iāll be throwing her into a bear pit.
Oh, I really do strongly feel that Iām autistic. Iāve been wanting to talk to a GP about it for literally years but canāt face having to explain my entire life in a ten minute appointment
