Childfree

[Greed-Futures]

For the curious, youtuber Mallory1712 is childfree and did a video about it with her husband about a year back going through their decision process, reasoning, etc. Found it interesting, even though it's not my lifestyle choice.

Power to you ladies and gents who decided against kiddos!

 

[SassyShetland]

Quoting myself here, but I ask this because if i ever meet anyone once bars etc are open again and I start dating, do I need to bring it up straight away? I’m going to be in my mid-late 30s this year and I don’t want to waste my time. Or theirs!! I’ve been single for 3 years now after a long term relationship and he wanted kids in the future (that wasn’t why we broke up).

It’s great that you’re thinking like this! Because it’s such a big deal and a make or break for a relationship, but I’d honestly not over think it too much. It’s quite easy for this kind of discussion to come up naturally from asking about friends, siblings, nieces, nephews etc. And from that the conversation can go quite naturally! I wouldn’t worry on a first date and to a lot of people being out and out I don’t want kids over a Nando’s and a Bev might be seen as a bit weird! Let the conversation flow and it’ll come up naturally

 

[Saddlesoap]

Yeah I get that, but women do feel like this. How many are accused of putting their career first like Jennifer Aniston. Imagine what is said about those of us who don’t have fabulous lives. What’s our excuse? You get what I’m saying!

Yes definitely. I read it wrong at first and then realised that it was sarcastic.

But you are right, I certainly don't have a fabulous life, pretty mundane probably and that's perfect for me!

 

[HelloStereo]

I’m childfree. I’ve never felt maternal. I’m 35 now and still don’t feel maternal. Surely by now I would know if I really wanted children? Wouldn’t I??? People used to say ‘oo it’s different when they’re your own’ ‘ooo one day you’ll know’, well, I honestly don’t feel different. I sometimes get asked about kids, usually by the older people at work. There was even a time after my sister had twins that I’m very sure my manger and another bloke at work were convinced I’d be having babies imminently. Making little comments. Weird hints. It made me cringe. That was 4 years ago now, and here I still am, without children. People are nosey and presumptuous.

My old manager never wanted kids as she loved her life and being able to do what she wanted whenever. However, she got pregnant (unplanned) just before 40 and now she's so doting on her little daughter! But I agree that's the exception not the rule, I think most people know by then if they want kids or not.

I am not sure if I do or not. I've not found anyone to have them with yet and I'm not in a position to bring them up myself as I couldn't afford property and childcare etc. I'm also not very sure I'd be a good parent. I like the idea of kids but not sure about the practicalities / my suitability, and I wouldn't want to bring a child into the world if I had any doubts on my ability to look after them.

 

[QueenKJ]

This. I don’t know who I am without being a mum. I question whether if I had got to this age without having kids whether I’d want them...

Yeah I don’t know who I am either altho I did like the time my sons teacher told him that a parent and not a older sibling should be attending parents evening ....it is hard tho I get asked will I have another....I’m just getting my life back to having time thru the day for my when I’m not working and being the housemaid.


More context... I was 19. I have two. I worked my arse off to buy a house, go to uni etc. And all anyone ever asks me is ‘when will you have a 3rd’ ... all I can think is I love my job too much to think about taking another year off

 

[hiya_hun]

Has anyone here had their tubes tied without having previously had children? I'm about to finally make the break from 16 solid years on some kind of contraception and let my hormones run free but I'm considering just making it permanent since I know we don't intend to have any children (both mid thirties). I'm just worried that I'll have a hard time with convincing my GP or that I'll be made to wait.

Ive had the non hormonal coil for a year now and it’s really good - it lasts 5 years too.

 

[Vroomvroom]

A a question for couples on here. When you met your current partner, did you tell them straight away you didn’t want children? When do you bring it up?

For us it was a decision we came to together so we didn't have to bring it up as such.

 

[openbook1]

My mum hates kids! I sometimes wonder how she even managed to give birth to me and my sibling. Honestly, she’s not maternal at all. Wonder if that’s why the way I am...

Hahahaha, mine is the same. Was a good mother to me but couldn't stand other children. I would be the same if I had a baby.

 

[SavetheDrama]

Thank you but as they get older I don't see it changing. They kind of set in their way now.

I understand that. I was lucky with my parents but honestly I think it's because they themselves may have done things differently if they had another shot

 

[BoujeeBabe]

I love your honesty. Everyone has an opinion and boy do they love to share it.

Thank you. I just edited my post to add my age as I realised some might get judged as I have, as good as saying "time is ticking". I did have a brief point of wondering what having a child would be like, but it's just not for me.

 

[ElectricDreams]

Yep, I asked my doctor for sterilisation options and she looked like I asked her to remove my lungs. It drives me nuts because I either have to constantly take the pill, ask my partner to use a condom every time or not have sex at all.

I even looked at the law for other European countries to get it done but they are all the same "a woman has to be over 40 or have a child". France has a law which allows any woman over the age of 18. But there are almost no doctors willing to do it if you are under the age of 40 or "childless".

The other option is to find a man who had or is willing to be sterilised. But so many men are frightened by it because they think that it will emasculate them.

It's not something I've explored but as I am at risk of having inherited and possibly passing on a nasty genetic condition I often wonder if I would be eligible for sterilisation if I asked for it. My partner is willing to have the snip but I think they are a bit funny about doing that on men who don't have children as well. I would like to not have to take the pill and have the fear of contraception failing!

 

[Shineyshine]

Is it not mandatory to allow part time hours after birth? In my country you can demand half time hours up to child's 3. year and if you have another then until the youngest goes to school which is 6. So basically you can only work half time for 10+ years (but the pay is probably terrible then).

As I understand it, you have a right to request part time hours, which the employer must reasonably consider, but it is not guaranteed.

I’m sure there are others on here who are more savvy with employment law than I am who will know the exact and up to date rules.

 

[Sweatingbullets]

Aquarius. And I tick every box! It fascinates me. I long for and engagement/wedding but when I think about it I then get anxiety thinking - then what? Babies? And then what? All my friends have completely dropped off after babies. The only ones still knocking around are planning weddings so I already know where that's going

Ah yes, they can never male up their minds!

 

[Rebby123]

Hey I'm 28 and my partner doesn't want children yet although people although I get asked all the time! Does anyone else get scared that they will be too late and it will be really hard to get pregnant

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

Hahahaha, mine is the same. Was a good mother to me but couldn't stand other children. I would be the same if I had a baby.

but I can’t ever imagine her doing anything like cooing over me etc as a baby. Tbf, she even told me she didn’t want kids (I’m assuming until she got pregnant) cheers mum.

 

[JoeBloggs]

You all keep saying your parents would want grandchildren like you are the only one who could give it to them… How many of you are the only children?

Me and my husband is, his father has gone on to have more kids but he’s his mums only child.

 

[Danielle1]

I'm 22 and I still feel so confused about whether I want kids or not I go through times when I 100% don't and then I think it would actually be great to have a wee family. I have friends with kids and i just love watching them grow up they are so lovely. I don't know if it's because I had a bad childhood (abusive home, then I went into foster care) it puts me off because my "mum" was so awful to me I even just hate the word mum and it freaks me out a bit just thinking if I had kids I'd hear that word everyday. Sounds silly but I struggle every mothers day because of it. Also I have mental health issues and scared that I wouldn't cope etc, but I know there's plenty mums out there that do too and are wonderful parents. It's still difficult to know really but I feel like I should know by now and not be changing my mind every month

 

[Satisfying Click]

Some interesting childfree news articles:

The challenges of being a childfree woman in Egypt
CNN why more women are deciding not to have kids

 

[Leahcar2019]

There's a brilliant book called, "Motherhood: is it for me?" It was really gentle in its guidance, 12 chapters to read over 12 weeks.

Thanks for the suggestion - I have looked it up and whilst I don't think it's for me I have found another book that someone recommended on the review for this one.. thank you.

 

[imaginedragon83]

Right. So common it seems. We are having an adult only wedding, apart from our niece and nephew and have already told our friends so they can have time to either arrange a babysitter or not come.

As a mum I love getting invitations stating adults only! And as it happens the only child invited to my wedding was my bridesmaids baby (bridesmaid was my cousin) as her parents were also at the wedding and in laws live in another country so no babysitters available.
Kids dont enjoy weddings, it's long day and when they get bored and start whining adults dont enjoy it either!

As a mum I love getting invitations stating adults only! And as it happens the only child invited to my wedding was my bridesmaids baby (bridesmaid was my cousin) as her parents were also at the wedding and in laws live in another country so no babysitters available.
Kids dont enjoy weddings, it's long day and when they get bored and start whining adults dont enjoy it either!

I would also like to put a disclaimer out there that I promise I do like children...esp my own hes really bloody brilliant actually