Cheating on my partner with two men.

[CarrieW24]

This is unfair on the OP to lay all of that on her. Shame a moderator is doing this! Where do I report that? I'm so uncomfortable right now.

Her sexual health is none of your business, you don't need to worry about it. First thing that also jumped at me is that she could potentially transmit stds to her partner (which is why I originally liked your post) but I didn't say it because she's not looking for health advice, and later she explained she did use protection (not that any of us were owed an explanation). She was looking for a room to scream in. We should all be allowed a space with no judgement to just let go and scream/tell our truth. Isn't this why we're anonymous online?

To the other poster who got stds from her partner: whilst I deeply sympathise with you for your pain, I again feel like it was unfair to lay that on the OP. She didn't cheat on you, your partner did. Did you watch the thread to give her advice or were you just waiting for a moment to strike?

 

[BigQueenEnergy]

This is unfair on the OP to lay all of that on her. Shame a moderator is doing this! Where do I report that? I'm so uncomfortable right now.

Her sexual health is none of your business, you don't need to worry about it. First thing that also jumped at me is that she could potentially transmit stds to her partner (which is why I originally liked your post) but I didn't say it because she's not looking for health advice, and later she explained she did use protection (not that any of us were owed an explanation). She was looking for a room to scream in. We should all be allowed a space with no judgement to just let go and scream/tell our truth. Isn't this why we're anonymous online?

To the other poster who got stds from her partner: whilst I deeply sympathise with you for your pain, I again feel like it was unfair to lay that on the OP. She didn't cheat on you, your partner did. Did you watch the thread to give her advice or were you just waiting for a moment to strike?

Did I say anything about OP? I was talking about cheaters who don't use protection. RELAX.

I asked OP why she is scared of being alone because I think that's the issue here.

Whether you like it or not, cheating ruins lives. Good on OP for wanting to fix it, but there's also the other person who can potentially have their life destroyed. It's not wrong to look at both sides of cheating which is why I shared my story. I didn't lay anything on OP.

So sorry to OP if I made her upset. I'm sure she knows what she's doing is wrong.

 

[Markle Debarkle]

@CarrieW24 whilst that was my initial reaction too, I don’t think I can put this thing out online and expect only kind responses. Most, if not everyone has some experience of cheating or being cheated on and I doubt it’s a good experience.
Most of what people have said has been really good advice or just things I needed to hear. Not so sure about the person comparing seeing her husband once a week and not cheating to my situation. That stung a little as I’d probably chew my arm off if it meant I got to see my partner once a month, god knows if that were the case I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing. But yeah, I don’t think you can ask the internet for advice and expect to like all of it.

 

[Laur91]

In an odd way I feel like your relationship is the least of your concerns right now, the cheating and affairs is just the way that your struggles are manifesting themselves. Stop thinking so much about the cheating and the other men etc and look a little deeper.

it’s clearly more about how you’re feeling and your mental health right now, it’s awful you’re dreading time off because you will be alone and can’t see anyone etc. Even if that’s due to Covid is there no one you can form a bubble with as you live alone? No friends or family nearby at all? If you’re sleeping with random men though I assume that’s not a concern as you’re meeting them in person still.

making friends and having a support system to help you with these hard times is so important, start looking into counselling and focus on getting better.

 

[Definitelyme]

In an odd way I feel like your relationship is the least of your concerns right now, the cheating and affairs is just the way that your struggles are manifesting themselves. Stop thinking so much about the cheating and the other men etc and look a little deeper.

it’s clearly more about how you’re feeling and your mental health right now, it’s awful you’re dreading time off because you will be alone and can’t see anyone etc. Even if that’s due to Covid is there no one you can form a bubble with as you live alone? No friends or family nearby at all? If you’re sleeping with random men though I assume that’s not a concern as you’re meeting them in person still.

making friends and having a support system to help you with these hard times is so important, start looking into counselling and focus on getting better.

I couldn’t agree with this more. I feel that people are focused too much on what you are doing, rather than the why. Trying to fix the symptoms rather than the cause, so to speak. And it’s clear from what you’ve said that your mental health has taken a nose dive recently. If you seek help for this, from your gp and your friends and family, get this aspect under control, then you will feel more secure and at home within yourself, and not feel the need to seek out the company of these men.

 

[Base2019]

Most of what people have said has been really good advice or just things I needed to hear. Not so sure about the person comparing seeing her husband once a week and not cheating to my situation. That stung a little as I’d probably chew my arm off if it meant I got to see my partner once a month, god knows if that were the case I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing. But yeah, I don’t think you can ask the internet for advice and expect to like all of it.
[/QUOTE]

I apologise if I offended you, it wasn’t my intention. I was mentioning my situation as it came across to me that your loneliness was the main reason for you cheating. You have said that if you even seen him once a month you wouldn’t be doing what you are doing now, so that again points to the loneliness being the main issue.

I think you need to tell your husband how strongly you feel about this and what’s happened. He might not know that you aren’t dealing very well with living alone and without him physically. I would also reach out to friends/family and tell them how you are feeling and maybe see if there’s a possibility of living in a bubble with friends/family during covid until you come out the other side, hopefully then in a better position to then see your partner.

I wish you well x

 

[Nosysamsie]

Does your occupational health have access to a counsellor? Its all phone appointments at the moment thanks to covid, no face to face & may be easier to speak.

It might be a good way of dealing with your covid feelings and help you move forward & support provided for you through work

 

[Beansprout]

Can say from personably experience in my teen years that sleeping with random men and cheating to cope with any sort of emotion will haunt you for the rest of your life, the shame will eat you alive even years after you overcome it. Get your husband back or go over for a few months, or leave him and find happiness in yourself. Xx

 

[Markle Debarkle]

Does your occupational health have access to a counsellor? Its all phone appointments at the moment thanks to covid, no face to face & may be easier to speak.

It might be a good way of dealing with your covid feelings and help you move forward & support provided for you through work

They do, just not sure I’m ready for that yet. I think they are very over subscribed at the moment too.

 

[Oohthedrama]

This is unfair on the OP to lay all of that on her. Shame a moderator is doing this! Where do I report that? I'm so uncomfortable right now.

Her sexual health is none of your business, you don't need to worry about it. First thing that also jumped at me is that she could potentially transmit stds to her partner (which is why I originally liked your post) but I didn't say it because she's not looking for health advice, and later she explained she did use protection (not that any of us were owed an explanation). She was looking for a room to scream in. We should all be allowed a space with no judgement to just let go and scream/tell our truth. Isn't this why we're anonymous online?

To the other poster who got stds from her partner: whilst I deeply sympathise with you for your pain, I again feel like it was unfair to lay that on the OP. She didn't cheat on you, your partner did. Did you watch the thread to give her advice or were you just waiting for a moment to strike?

I respectfully ask you to grow up,
This is a gossip site....
with an advice forum, not a support network, nobody here is giving advice in a professional capacity and nor should they be expected to do so,
The original poster admitted to shagging two men, and I quote......

met a guy and spent the next two days at his place doing some pretty unspeakable things with him. Anyway, that continues and I feel powerless around him (in a good way, it’s so hot).
On top of that I met a guy at the gym

so no I’m not going to wrap it up in pretty ribbon. I don’t give a flying duck who’s shagging who, where or when, but get tested.
I stand by that post. Get tested, then unwrap the rest of this mess.
I’m not even going to respond to the rest of this comment
“She was looking for a room to scream in. We should all be allowed a space with no judgement to just let go and scream/tell our truth” not going there today

hit report on this post and allow admin to put me on the naughty step if necessary.
I won’t deal with this level of snowflakedom, if you post a thread here you might not get the replies you want.

To the other poster who got stds from her partner: whilst I deeply sympathise with you for your pain, I again feel like it was unfair to lay that on the OP. She didn't cheat on you, your partner did. Did you watch the thread to give her advice or were you just waiting for a moment to strike?

how dare you, and how dare anyone who likes this attack on two members, long standing members who have been on this site for quite a while really support this? No problem with you calling me out, honestly don’t care but this woman? After what she shared?
Mind blown. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.
@BigQueenEnergy you should really report that post to admin

Believe it or not, being completely uncompromising on protection is about the only moral high ground I can claim right now. I’m also kind of paranoid so will probably also get tested.

I respect how open you are about how ducked up this all is I don’t know what the future holds but you’ll be ok we all duck up, we’re human, but you need to draw a line, realise you’ve hit a kind of rock bottom, and it’s now time to get out of it, forget the men involved, leave all 3 if necessary, make choices for you. This isn’t it, you deserve better.

while we’re here let’s just recap the reply’s, WITH the original poster. You know, just for the laugh.

In an odd way I feel like your relationship is the least of your concerns right now,

I couldn’t agree with this more. I feel that people are focused too much on what you are doing, rather than the why. Trying to fix the symptoms rather than the cause, so to speak.

I will stand by my point, if there was a chance she had slipped up and caught something, that is JUST as important and should be addressed as priority. For herself and everyone she sleeps with from here on in. You can’t mess with another persons health like that.
anyway I rest my case.
@Markle Debarkle I hope things are improving for you.

 

[WilmaHun]

Hi @Markle Debarkle - just wondering if there's any updates? Have you decided what you're going to do?

Maybe the new lockdown will be the best thing for you - time away from the two other men to really focus on what it is about your partner that you love?

 

[Laur91]

I will stand by my point, if there was a chance she had slipped up and caught something, that is JUST as important and should be addressed as priority. For herself and everyone she sleeps with from here on in. You can’t mess with another persons health like that.
anyway I rest my case.
@Markle Debarkle I hope things are improving for you.

You’ve quoted my comment but it had nothing to do with sexually transmitted infections or disease so I’m not sure why you need to stand by your point. You seem really hung up on this point maybe for your own reasons but I can’t even see anything from the OPs post where she said she didn’t use protection. I thought I even saw her reply saying she had been careful so surely that settles it?

 

[Oohthedrama]

I thought I even saw her reply saying she had been careful so surely that settles it?

Oh it did, i thought it was until it was brought back up by another member who seemed to take offence at my post, on delay, and they wanted to tell me they had agreed with me and changed their mind even after reading the conversation between myself and the OP.
I don’t like the “moderator” tag being used as a reason as to why I can’t have an opinion on threads.

Your comment was quoted incorrectly, I agree with you, the relationship is the least of the worries, mental health and physical always come first.
Hope that clears it up

 

[Meh]

This is an intense thread.

Just out of interest... I wonder what some of the people on this threads view have been if the OP was a male admitting to shagging multiple women behind his partner/wife’s back? don’t think everyone would be as understanding.

OP has had some really sound advice and truly I hope things work out for you.

 

[Markle Debarkle]

Hi @Markle Debarkle - just wondering if there's any updates? Have you decided what you're going to do?

Maybe the new lockdown will be the best thing for you - time away from the two other men to really focus on what it is about your partner that you love?

Hey, so getting a little help from an unlikely source. I ended things with gym guy then had a little, sorry, massive cry the other night at the bar guys house. I ended up telling him everything and he was incredibly sweet. Turns out he works in mental health with the military and he has referred me to a civilian colleague. We are scheduling an online counseling appointment. Bar guy has been unbelievably supportive. I’m not optimistic yet but it’s a start I think.

 

[Scorpihoe]

Hey, so getting a little help from an unlikely source. I ended things with gym guy then had a little, sorry, massive cry the other night at the bar guys house. I ended up telling him everything and he was incredibly sweet. Turns out he works in mental health with the military and he has referred me to a civilian colleague. We are scheduling an online counseling appointment. Bar guy has been unbelievably supportive. I’m not optimistic yet but it’s a start I think.

Have you considered talking to your husband about what’s been going on? Sorry it seems a little unfair to me that he has no idea...

Not even the cheating, but considered telling him you’re struggling with the relationship and being apart right now, so you’re getting some counselling?

 

[Definitelyme]

Hey, so getting a little help from an unlikely source. I ended things with gym guy then had a little, sorry, massive cry the other night at the bar guys house. I ended up telling him everything and he was incredibly sweet. Turns out he works in mental health with the military and he has referred me to a civilian colleague. We are scheduling an online counseling appointment. Bar guy has been unbelievably supportive. I’m not optimistic yet but it’s a start I think.

I’m not really an “everything happens for a reason” person, but that does seem quite coincidental that he is in mental health when that’s just what you need. Well done him for stepping up to help. I really hope you get the help you need.

 

[Markle Debarkle]

Have you considered talking to your husband about what’s been going on? Sorry it seems a little unfair to me that he has no idea...

Not even the cheating, but considered telling him you’re struggling with the relationship and being apart right now, so you’re getting some counselling?

I tried, shortly before breaking down on Bar guy the other night. He changed the subject and said he didn’t want to feel more depressed. He’s not the easiest man to have tough conversations with.

 

[Base2019]

I don’t mean to sound horrible but it’s not a case of him not being easy to have tough conversations with.. he deserves to know. I also find it terrible that you tried to have this conversation with him and as it failed went round to see bar guy. Sorry if this comes across as harsh but as someone said, If this was a guy doing this stuff they would be slated

 

[Laur91]

I don’t know why you don’t just end it with your partner (sorry I don’t know if he’s your husband or not but doesn’t really matter) - what’s the point of your relationship and what are either of you gaining from it? I don’t get why sometimes people act like relationships are life sentences, stringing each other along for what reason? Just do both of yourselves a favour, end it and you can both then focus on yourselves.