How do you know she hasn’t used protection? Bit of an assumption to make.
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Just a point I don't think I've seen anyone else make - I would tell him first and foremost because there is really no point in either of you trying to move heaven and earth to get to the same place if you are then going to split up. You sound relatively settled in your respective countries and it would be awful and distressing for either of you to have to disrupt your life to move elsewhere, only to then split up and be kind of astray in another place you didn't really want to be in. I think if I were your partner I would probably try to forgive this as it sounds like you're having a really hard time right now and your communication isn't great, so it's not like a normal cheating scenario at all.
Believe it or not, being completely uncompromising on protection is about the only moral high ground I can claim right now. I’m also kind of paranoid so will probably also get tested.
I respect how open you are about how ducked up this all is
I don’t know what the future holds but you’ll be ok 
we all duck up, we’re human,Just set yourself a lockdown on this,
Make a choice to leave it in October? Leave it in November
but you need to draw a line, realise you’ve hit a kind of rock bottom, and it’s now time to get out of it,
forget the men involved, leave all 3 if necessary, make choices for you. This isn’t it, you deserve better.
I'm all for being honest with your partner about it in any usual circumstance if that's what you want. The fact that you're both so far away from each other & how lonely people are already feeling in this pandemic is making me go against that (for both of you) All sorts of emotions can be unearthed from these kinds of conversations. If you decide to tell him make sure you're prepared for the worst.
Does he know how you've been feeling and the strain your relationship is under?
Does he know how you've been feeling and the strain your relationship is under?
I understand that you are going through a difficult time right now but I don’t honestly think that is a valid excuse for cheating on your husband with two men 
you need to be upfront and honest with your husband. You will never be able to rebuild the relationship with your husband fully if you are riddled with guilt - which you will be if you keep this from him.
I see my husband at weekends only due to work and sometimes he even has to work some of those weekends, meaning I could possibly only see him for a couple of days in one month. We are together 10 years. I would never dream of cheating on him because I felt lonely or down with our working arrangements because I love him. If you really love someone you don’t cheat in my opinion. Sorry if that sounds very harsh but I am being honest.
I hope it all works out for you xxx
you need to be upfront and honest with your husband. You will never be able to rebuild the relationship with your husband fully if you are riddled with guilt - which you will be if you keep this from him. I see my husband at weekends only due to work and sometimes he even has to work some of those weekends, meaning I could possibly only see him for a couple of days in one month. We are together 10 years. I would never dream of cheating on him because I felt lonely or down with our working arrangements because I love him. If you really love someone you don’t cheat in my opinion. Sorry if that sounds very harsh but I am being honest.
I hope it all works out for you xxx
I honestly can’t see how your relationship with your husband is ever going to survive any of this. You’ve been living apart for 2 years with apparently no intention of that changing anytime soon. That’s not a marriage. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh but it’s the truth. You are living separate lives. I’m still not sure exactly why he can’t come back to be with you or vice versa - but whatever, that’s almost a moot point now. You need to seek professional help to deal with your emotions & to explore the infidelity first and foremost. Work on yourself. But stop sleeping around - it’s going to cause more harm than good.
I’m not even sure OP is married? I haven’t noticed her saying ‘husband’. Either way, I’m surprised at the comments and the lack of people telling her to tell the main man in her life what she’s been up to. I definitely think if she wants to remain with him, he deserves the right to know and then make his own mind up.
OP, is there a anyway you could go there on a tourist visa? Just so you guys are together right now, then later think about your available options.
Is he able to come to you, instead of you go to his country?
Even if it's for 6 months, but it will give you a chance to catch your breath, and not be so exhausted from trying to no avail.
You sound exhausted. Like you just need to catch a break. I hope things start looking up for you.
Each and every one of us has done something we're not proud of, at some point in our lives.
Don't let the guilt kill you, let it teach you. Are you guilty because you have to be? If you had to relive this year all over again, what would change? If you had to tell yourself one hard truth, what would it be? (Don't answer us, answers are for you).
Is he able to come to you, instead of you go to his country?
Even if it's for 6 months, but it will give you a chance to catch your breath, and not be so exhausted from trying to no avail.
You sound exhausted. Like you just need to catch a break. I hope things start looking up for you.
Each and every one of us has done something we're not proud of, at some point in our lives.
Don't let the guilt kill you, let it teach you. Are you guilty because you have to be? If you had to relive this year all over again, what would change? If you had to tell yourself one hard truth, what would it be? (Don't answer us, answers are for you).
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I think the real question here is - why don’t you want to be alone?
What scares you about being alone?
What scares you about being alone?
Firstly I hope you are okay and have someone to talk to it sounds like you are going through a difficult time
I could be wrong here but is it possible you’ve fallen out of love with your husband or even grown apart? I don’t know how far away he is or what the rules are but I am sure both of you would be able to see each other even if it was just for flying over for a weekend, day etc take some time off work. Can be really not fly over for a weekend at all? I am just struggling to see why you couldn’t see each other for a weekend if both of you really wanted to. Again I don’t know all the facts so forgive me. I think if you are wanting to save your marriage going over and talking to him in person even if you can only be there for a day is better than doing it over Skype. Be prepared that he may not trust you after which could make him paranoid living in a different country
I am not judging I have been in similar situations, I had a long distance boyfriend and at the end of the relationship we had grown apart didn’t really realise until looking back after. We would have moved heaven and earth to see each other at first then towards the end excuses as to why we couldn’t see each other became easier. I built more of a life without him and so did he etc we both were tempted by other people but that should have been alarm bells that something was wrong not just the distance
in relation to your work here have you tried talking to someone about how the first wave affected you? Your work should be able to offer you some confidential support
I could be wrong here but is it possible you’ve fallen out of love with your husband or even grown apart? I don’t know how far away he is or what the rules are but I am sure both of you would be able to see each other even if it was just for flying over for a weekend, day etc take some time off work. Can be really not fly over for a weekend at all? I am just struggling to see why you couldn’t see each other for a weekend if both of you really wanted to. Again I don’t know all the facts so forgive me. I think if you are wanting to save your marriage going over and talking to him in person even if you can only be there for a day is better than doing it over Skype. Be prepared that he may not trust you after which could make him paranoid living in a different country
I am not judging I have been in similar situations, I had a long distance boyfriend and at the end of the relationship we had grown apart didn’t really realise until looking back after. We would have moved heaven and earth to see each other at first then towards the end excuses as to why we couldn’t see each other became easier. I built more of a life without him and so did he etc we both were tempted by other people but that should have been alarm bells that something was wrong not just the distance
in relation to your work here have you tried talking to someone about how the first wave affected you? Your work should be able to offer you some confidential support
“went to a bar, met a guy and spent the next two days at his place doing some pretty unspeakable things with him. Anyway, that continues and I feel powerless around him (in a good way, it’s so hot).”
And you’re outraged I said to get tested, she’s in theory sleeping with 3 men, I’m shocked nobody else asked has she been careful or kept her sexual health in mind, we’re not kids, you can make one mistake and screw up your whole life, I don’t really give a duck if someone is randomly shagging 5 people a night, but look after yourself and the people you’re hooking up with,
If you’re offended I said this I don’t know what to say to you, I stand by what I post.
100%. My ex partner was cheating on me without protection. He gave me 3 STD’s. One of which I have for life. He also gave me chlamydia which scarred my Fallopian tubes... so I ended up having an ectopic pregnancy and nearly died. My tube burst and I had to have it removed.
I also haven’t had sex for years since what he did to me because I have to disclose to the next guy what he’s given me. So much shame.
So yeah, my sexual health is royally ducked for the rest of my life because of his selfish behavior.
He also gave the same excuse. That he couldn’t be alone.
duck cheaters.
Nothing about the first post suggested protection was priority, I understand the OP has cleared that up and actually took my post in the manner it was intended, as someone working in healthcare I’m glad she answered as she did and didn't seem offended,
But if you’re reading that post and not worried about the medical fall out and not just the emotional I don’t understand that way of thinking.
What an awful thing to go through. All of it
I am so so so sorry to hear this happened, wishing you all the best
My thoughts seem spiral to very dark and unpleasant places at the moment and I can’t stand it. It’s not a problem I used to have. I used to be pretty content but now if I’m not occupied it’s like torture. If I have a day off coming up and nothing to do or no one to see I dread it.
I’m sorry about what your ex did to you.
I’m not offended or outraged at all. I just thought it was a jump to assume that, nothing I read from the original post suggested that she wasn’t keeping her sexual health in mind, that’s all.
What if he's having affairs, or living the single life too? It might be better if you speak with him about the relationship first, and how is he feeling about it. If neither of you want to make the effort, and both of you are seeing other people, the conversation may need to be had to finish the relationship.
If hes not doing the same, and being committed - I dont think he deserves to be treated this way & I think you should come clean. He has a right to make a decision on the person he's going to spend his life (potentially) with.
If the relationship ends, would you be that upset or would it be a weight lifted?
Also, you don't need to put yourself through this, the guilt must be awful. You can have a decent relationship (if you need / want one) with someone in your own country, and him with someone in his.
I hope you do whats right for both of you x
If hes not doing the same, and being committed - I dont think he deserves to be treated this way & I think you should come clean. He has a right to make a decision on the person he's going to spend his life (potentially) with.
If the relationship ends, would you be that upset or would it be a weight lifted?
Also, you don't need to put yourself through this, the guilt must be awful. You can have a decent relationship (if you need / want one) with someone in your own country, and him with someone in his.
I hope you do whats right for both of you x