Charlotte Louise Taylor #14 sex pond sex pond, #gifted sex pond

[skintsocks]

Right bets in will Merlin be the ring bearer?

Urgh, please don't.

As for the honeymoon, maybe Auntie Debs has done something and then SURPRISE! she'll turn up when they open their hotel bedroom door one morning. They'll all be there; the grandparents, parents, children, dog, seamstress, the girl she met once in waitrose, the man who fixed the tyre on their car in 1997, and the RAC man that they've never needed to call yet. There will be ham rolling, egg rolling, and family bingo, and then someone will draw the raffle to decide who gets to take the pods out of Sharks' ears so that he actually has to listen to the drivel that she spouts about how so so lucky she feels.

*I'm a bit tired*

 

[JustAnotherUserName]

Daisy so didn’t say “don’t be nervous Mama, I’m right here”! That’s not what a young kid says!

 

[snickerdoodle]

New thread title thanks to @99lemons

Update: Charl’s been gifted a hot tub which we have affectionately nicknamed the Sex Pond.

- She’s still shitting ads like last night’s vindaloo.

- Still banging on about Couch to 5k and being “strong and healthy” yet necking wine every night and regular trips to Costa and Maccy Ds.

- Admitted worrying about how her arms will look in wedding dress, yet bought a sleeveless dress she is now adding sleeves to. U WOT M8?!

 

[MardieT]

Thread Suggestion - Charlotte Louise Taylor #15 - Mrs Taylor married her perfect man yet she gets more attention from the Christmas ham

 

[Scotblock]

These fuckers don’t know what real mental health issues are. Having a pyjama day does not mean your “depressed or anxious” it’s just a bad day. My sister had full on bi-polar. I helped take care of her through psychosis and the rest when there were no beds in the local MH hospital and when GP’s just kept saying “there’s nothing we can do until one becomes available”. I showered her, cried with her, cuddled her when she thought people were tearing her skin off. In the end she couldn’t take it anymore the sheer agony of living inside her own head feeling constantly muddled, persecuted from her own irrational thoughts. She had OCD that was off the scale it was like a religion to her. And by muddled I don’t mean had wedding confetti to think about or how many brands she had to email that day I’m not saying Charl isn’t depressed but what I am saying is she just having down days. I can assure you Charl that not even a fart joke from your own kids would make you hilariously piss yourself with laughter or smile if you really were depressed.

 

[I'msayingnothing]

I bet she's disapointed that she won't be changing her surname when she marries, she would have been practicing her new signature in her notebooks for months.

Maybe she'll double barrel it "Charlotte Taylor- Taylor"

 

[goosica]

Laughing at the dishwasher… are we going to get this all day? Coming up soon: “Laughed when I took a big old dump, knowing it was the last one before I’m a wife”.

 

[BettySpaghetty]

She'll be taking about her wedding until Christmas and some

1st halloween as a married couple, 1st bonfire night as a married couple, 1st Christmas ham day as a married couple, etc......

 

[vaticancameos]

She really should focus more on being ashamed of exploiting her children by putting their entire lives on the internet than for daring to have children before getting married.

 

[skintsocks]

Oh god.
don’t.
rolling strippers down a hill in Preston?

it’s a tradition dontchyaknow

Nah, it's three blokes going to be sat in a little van that comes to your house to do gamer parties. All there sat with their hoods up playing call of duty. Mini chicago town pizza in the break and a small can of budweiser zero before going back into the house where they'll have a party bag made by Charlotte which contains a guide to keeping your bride happy. Maybe a little noisemaker trumpet and a flump as a treat.

Edited to add: One of them will be the Shark, one Bill, and the other will be the postman Charlotte met about 6 years ago once when he knocked the door to deliver a gifted sanitary pack or something.

 

[Scotblock]

Postman Frank, Postman Frank, Postman Frank is marrying a crank

 

[Plagueemmi]

It is starting to bug me how she keeps going on that they aren’t doing things the ‘right way’. Was just saying to my husband the other day that it wouldn’t surprise me if more kids are born before marriage than they are afterwards nowadays

why is marriage then kids the right way anyway?! We don’t live in the Victorian age

 

[Dovefromabove]

I think back to auntie Debbie's

Maybe her mum and dad will make an exception and do a hen do ham instead of saving it for Christmas because they're so lovely and she's so so lucky

 

[whoops!]

I’d have booked us all a hotel close by. Woke with the kids had a lovely breakfast, a nice walk, some lunch, a nice bath said good bye to my oh got the kids ready with me, my mum, sisters. Some champagne, oh with his dad and brother doing whatever blokes do before they get married. Made if really memorable and special. Because a wedding and a marriage isn’t just the party.

I wouldn’t be doing house Work. I wouldnt be working. I’d be celebrating from start to finish.

I feel sorry for her too, but I knew it would end up this way. Because he never wanted marriage and this is what happens when both hearts are not in it.

 

[37BBL]

Do we think Mark can actually dance or will he just awkwardly sway whilst his hood slides around on his shoulders? Will Charlotte be able to go through the reception without poking every item on the menu, telling us what it is and why it's there? Will she get teary if some cold meat appears?So many questions.

*still can't believe she bought her own confetti* *IT IS MY WEDDING AND YOU WILL THROW IT*

Omg imagine if they're one of those couples who have rehearsed a first dance?! Like some sort of waltz or quickstep then at the end Mark rolls Charl down the stairs where she lands in a heap and says 'I am just really feeling myself!!'

 

[Eskimogem]

So Stan got the plasters, Daisy got the Teddy for a cuddle and Bill got the drink… how perfect in Charlotte’s wonderful rainbow land of a life Sharky must’ve been too busy playing x box to add to the fairytale!

 

[BettyCrockerr]

My question is this. Given how much she puts away on the average night, how did her hen do cause such a hangover that she was feeble for literally days after?

it was all lies.
she was on her hen do so of course she had to be “hungover” the next day - it’s all for the ‘gram. She had her hen do at BILL’S! and she was home and in bed before midnight - it’s not like she was licking tequila off a strippers arse crack at 4am

 

[Missy92]

She’s at home with him working?! She’s driving herself to the venue?! This is all totally NOT her dream day… it’s all so bizarre?! Even if you were doing it low key and staying together the night before the wedding, surely if it’s a late one you’d spend time together before, nice breakfast or something. I cannot believe he is working, he clearly gives no fucks

 

[JustAnotherUserName]

Isn’t it a coincidence how Charlotte always has a ‘bad mental health’ day after she has some form of controversy going on or gets called out on something? It’s a recurring theme with influencers, not just Charlotte. It’s called accountability!

 

[37BBL]

Nobody is going to say 'oh my seamstress was an absolute cowbag' of course they're all nice, you're paying them at the end of the day. They aren't your new bestie Charl! Such a try hard.

I forgot she was getting married at 6pm. Each to their own. I got married at 130pm and I loved having the busy morning with hair, make up, photography etc. What's she gonna do for the morning?! Maybe put a wash on and stare whimsically out of the window with a cuppa?!