Can women really have it all?

[DaisyDeluxe]

It's a very real dilemma for me at the moment. I've been SAHM since 2015, primarily because the costs of childcare for two children are completely prohibitive - we have no free family childcare. I now feel I've fallen behind my friends who have returned to work (they all have free grandparent help so financially they've benefitted) and I worry my life is passing me by while they have a life outside of being "mum". I've struggled to find part time work in my skills, experience and what I need round current nursery/school commitments so I explored the full time option. I was offered a role last week, and I said I'd need flexible working to meet the hours and I'd also like to explore part time if they would be willing, and I'm currently waiting on them getting back to me. I'm just so worried that full time work pushes me too hard in the other direction - look at the posts above of the guilt of kids being in childcare so many hours a week, plus we all know mums still bear the lions share of household duties. In principle I'm happy to do most of it, it's not that my husband doesn't want to contribute, but he's obviously the main wage earner, he has a very good job and salary which gives us a very good standard of living. My salary could never match his so his work is always the priority over mine. I just don't know which way to turn - accept this full time job and potentially struggle with the pressure of it all, or remain unemployed even longer waiting on something part time?

To summarise for the original topic/question, I believe we can have anything but not everything, and I think that goes for men and women. Yes men typically achieve in their careers than women who have become mothers, but at what cost? How many men now feel they miss out on their children's lives as a result? I know my husband tries to balance his work commitments so he can still be at the christmas play etc. But many dads simply have to miss out.

 

[petitspois]

It's a very real dilemma for me at the moment. I've been SAHM since 2015, primarily because the costs of childcare for two children are completely prohibitive - we have no free family childcare. I now feel I've fallen behind my friends who have returned to work (they all have free grandparent help so financially they've benefitted) and I worry my life is passing me by while they have a life outside of being "mum". I've struggled to find part time work in my skills, experience and what I need round current nursery/school commitments so I explored the full time option. I was offered a role last week, and I said I'd need flexible working to meet the hours and I'd also like to explore part time if they would be willing, and I'm currently waiting on them getting back to me. I'm just so worried that full time work pushes me too hard in the other direction - look at the posts above of the guilt of kids being in childcare so many hours a week, plus we all know mums still bear the lions share of household duties. In principle I'm happy to do most of it, it's not that my husband doesn't want to contribute, but he's obviously the main wage earner, he has a very good job and salary which gives us a very good standard of living. My salary could never match his so his work is always the priority over mine. I just don't know which way to turn - accept this full time job and potentially struggle with the pressure of it all, or remain unemployed even longer waiting on something part time?

To summarise for the original topic/question, I believe we can have anything but not everything, and I think that goes for men and women. Yes men typically achieve in their careers than women who have become mothers, but at what cost? How many men now feel they miss out on their children's lives as a result? I know my husband tries to balance his work commitments so he can still be at the christmas play etc. But many dads simply have to miss out.

Congratulations on the job offer. I've been in a similar situation. I'd say take the job, do it for a few months until you can prove how valuable you are then you'll have more 'power' to negotiate even better terms that suit you. It's also easier to find a more suitable job if you already have one. You've done that hard bit - I'd try to get stuck in for a few months and then re-assess.

 

[Yoghurtpots]

I'm not sure. Everyone has different definitions of "having it all". Some would look at my life and would hate my small (but nicely done up) house and old (but drives perfect) car and would rather work more hours to have a better house/car.
I feel lucky though, I work from home answering the phone to mine and my husbands business, I am able to do the school run, school holidays, cook tea every night but still work and contribute to the family income. I also go on amazing holidays every few months. Not bragging just putting my life out there. Its perfect for me but plenty of people in my life keep looking down their noses at my car and house. Being CONTENT is having it all. That is more important than anything. If you have that then you are a very lucky person. I believe living simply is the best.