And by all i mean a thriving career and a harmonious family life. I notice we are always being told we should have both but in my real life I can’t think of a single person that isn’t struggling. Having both appears to be doable but no one I know personally is actually happy with things
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I think if the question is still being asked (in general, not by you the individual) then it's a big no. There's always compromises to make, and unfortunately, it is usually the woman making them.
I feel like I do. I'm married, with a child, work part time. To me that's enough to be happy.
I think it's down to what you think "having it all" means.
I think it's down to what you think "having it all" means.
Historically, men have been able to have a career with children because the woman was doing everything in the domestic sphere with childcare. The closest women can get to that is to have a partner who will take on everything domestically (I've yet to see a man among any of my friends volunteer for that role) and that's not taking into account the physical and emotional toll that pregnancy, childbirth and recovering from both takes.
I've chosen not to have children and feel like I have a decent work life balance. Adding children to that would have stretched me to my absolute limit. Ultimately, I have a roof over my head, my health and loving friends and family. That's not to say the perks of a good income don't exist, but I'm happy to have a reasonably ordinary life.
I've chosen not to have children and feel like I have a decent work life balance. Adding children to that would have stretched me to my absolute limit. Ultimately, I have a roof over my head, my health and loving friends and family. That's not to say the perks of a good income don't exist, but I'm happy to have a reasonably ordinary life.
I wouldn’t say I had a career to give up and by the time I took redundancy with my second child I hated my job so it was easier to give it up plus not much point working after paying two lots of Nursery fees.
However, a lot of my friends who had careers did return to work but most ended up going part time as it is a struggle to manage everything I would say. I think it also depends on whether you get free child care eg. Grandparents looking after them. We didn’t have that luxury so we just made other sacrifices to enable me to be a SAHM but we were happy with those changes and my kids were happy.
However, a lot of my friends who had careers did return to work but most ended up going part time as it is a struggle to manage everything I would say. I think it also depends on whether you get free child care eg. Grandparents looking after them. We didn’t have that luxury so we just made other sacrifices to enable me to be a SAHM but we were happy with those changes and my kids were happy.
If I had to answer I'd say no.
With house prices unless you've bought at a good time many families need two working parents. Women often work full time and yet still do more of the household tasks. I read a good article a while ago linking it to an increase in cancer rates in women as it's really hard to have a career (difficult to ever get ahead if you're part time) and a harmonious family life.
I've seen far too many mums pushed back into work before they were ready, to now rush around to pop the children into clubs while they feel the need to work full time. The role of parent at home is really undervalued IMO.
With house prices unless you've bought at a good time many families need two working parents. Women often work full time and yet still do more of the household tasks. I read a good article a while ago linking it to an increase in cancer rates in women as it's really hard to have a career (difficult to ever get ahead if you're part time) and a harmonious family life.
I've seen far too many mums pushed back into work before they were ready, to now rush around to pop the children into clubs while they feel the need to work full time. The role of parent at home is really undervalued IMO.
No
i used to be a single mum of 6
i worked part time
all that happened is no matter where I was,I should have been elsewhere
now I have a fella and two step kids while still working part time (and overtime)
still as shattered but with different compromises to make
women can’t have it all because we can’t do it all
i used to be a single mum of 6
i worked part time
all that happened is no matter where I was,I should have been elsewhere
now I have a fella and two step kids while still working part time (and overtime)
still as shattered but with different compromises to make
women can’t have it all because we can’t do it all
It depends.
You can have it all and be struck down by a HGV. or be diagnosed with an illness.
you can have a perfect marriage, kids and job and have your partner drop dead, Or your kid.
It always depends what your happy with,
My point is,
you can keep striving to have more and do more but if the rug is pulled from under you are you going to lose it all because you’ll drop all the balls you’re holding immediately
dream as big as you want but be realistic with your dreams.
You can apply for the best job and have a family but is it worth ticking the boxes yet never fully enjoying either, and losing both as soon as one piece is pulled out of the jenga game.
I don’t want it all because I know I could never manage living in that kind of constant stress, like a hamster on a wheel.
I think you probably could have it all.
But not long term and not without it impacting everything in your life a negative way.
You can have it all and be struck down by a HGV. or be diagnosed with an illness.
you can have a perfect marriage, kids and job and have your partner drop dead, Or your kid.
It always depends what your happy with,
My point is,
you can keep striving to have more and do more but if the rug is pulled from under you are you going to lose it all because you’ll drop all the balls you’re holding immediately
dream as big as you want but be realistic with your dreams.
You can apply for the best job and have a family but is it worth ticking the boxes yet never fully enjoying either, and losing both as soon as one piece is pulled out of the jenga game.
I don’t want it all because I know I could never manage living in that kind of constant stress, like a hamster on a wheel.
I think you probably could have it all.
But not long term and not without it impacting everything in your life a negative way.
depends on what 'it all' is for you, I'd say. I don't feel like I ever will. I thought I did, I thought I had a perfect little life with my husband and son but then my son got sick, I lost him and now I've got two more kids but I'm not with their Dad anymore. It does seem for every positive there's three negatives, lol
All I want is a stable job and home for me and my children at this point. My idea of 'it all' has changed drastically over the last few years. But realistically I don't think we can.
All I want is a stable job and home for me and my children at this point. My idea of 'it all' has changed drastically over the last few years. But realistically I don't think we can.
I think it’s subjective to the person. I’ve done both, as in been a full time working mum and been a SAHM when my youngest was born. Full time working was better financially but life was chaos. When I stayed home it was better for all the kids but we didn’t have as much money. In retrospect the money wasn’t as important to us as me being at home. If you can manage both, that’s great. I made to many mistakes because I wouldn’t admit I couldn’t. I’m so glad now that we took a hit on the money as everyone benefitted in the end and the kids didn’t miss what they didn’t know about. Plus, I was much more settled as a Mum.
No!
I work part time and have a toddler. I don’t fulfil my working role, mother role, wife role or ‘housewife’ role to any of their full potential.
(By housewife I mean... I’m very houseproud, I like everywhere to be clean, tidy, washed, ironed, home made etc, but I’m not forced into it by expectations from my husband it’s my standards that I’m referring to.)
I’m always falling behind somewhere, something always has to give, I’m always chasing my tail. I’ve also just noticed I didn’t even include myself as a ‘role’ ie - hobbies, looking after my physical/mental health, beauty treatments etc. Because let’s be honest, that side of me always comes bottom of the list now!
Despite all that, I have a very happy fulfilled life. I’m grateful for everything I have and I muddle through it all. On paper I do ‘have it all’ (family, career, home, husband etc) but I don’t feel like I have it all as well as I’d like it
For me to feel like I had it all, I’d be:
• smashing my career (would need to work full time and be out the house at the crack of dawn!)
• have a spotless house, all the chores done and a home made dinner every night (would need to not work and not have children)
• be a full time mummy and meet all my child’s needs (in which case I’d not be able to work)
• be a size 10 eating healthily at the gym regularly, perfect skin, always shaved legs, fresh highlights every 8 weeks and fresh nails every 3 weeks (Defo not possible being a mother!!)
So no, I don’t feel like we can have it ‘all’ because I think the ‘all’ bit refers to smashing the tit out of every aspect of life which is impossible But we can have a little bit of everything it’s just a balancing act and muddling through each day spinning all the plates! I hope that makes sense and doesn’t sound like a big whinge!!
I work part time and have a toddler. I don’t fulfil my working role, mother role, wife role or ‘housewife’ role to any of their full potential.
(By housewife I mean... I’m very houseproud, I like everywhere to be clean, tidy, washed, ironed, home made etc, but I’m not forced into it by expectations from my husband it’s my standards that I’m referring to.)
I’m always falling behind somewhere, something always has to give, I’m always chasing my tail. I’ve also just noticed I didn’t even include myself as a ‘role’ ie - hobbies, looking after my physical/mental health, beauty treatments etc. Because let’s be honest, that side of me always comes bottom of the list now!
Despite all that, I have a very happy fulfilled life. I’m grateful for everything I have and I muddle through it all. On paper I do ‘have it all’ (family, career, home, husband etc) but I don’t feel like I have it all as well as I’d like it
For me to feel like I had it all, I’d be:• smashing my career (would need to work full time and be out the house at the crack of dawn!)
• have a spotless house, all the chores done and a home made dinner every night (would need to not work and not have children
) • be a full time mummy and meet all my child’s needs (in which case I’d not be able to work)
• be a size 10 eating healthily at the gym regularly, perfect skin, always shaved legs, fresh highlights every 8 weeks and fresh nails every 3 weeks (Defo not possible being a mother!!
) So no, I don’t feel like we can have it ‘all’ because I think the ‘all’ bit refers to smashing the tit out of every aspect of life which is impossible
But we can have a little bit of everything it’s just a balancing act and muddling through each day spinning all the plates! I hope that makes sense and doesn’t sound like a big whinge!!Hmm I feel like I havent managed to have it all. I currently work full time and do not feel fulfilled at work. Like the job just the stupid expectations expected.
Im a teacher and feel that im always expected to put other peoples children above my own children. Ive decided I need to make changes, my children are not going to be young forever and I would rather have less money but spend more time with them.
Im a teacher and feel that im always expected to put other peoples children above my own children. Ive decided I need to make changes, my children are not going to be young forever and I would rather have less money but spend more time with them.
I want to add that women can also have it "all" without having children. We are at a point in society where it is becoming more common for women to choose not to have children as they realise there is a choice rather than following the life script. Two partners can be a family without children. We are childfree and have a blissful life. Without children, we still struggle to get some stuff done...I couldn't imagine adding a child into the mix.
for sure.
For me, children has always been something I wanted. So if I had a great career, husband & money, that wouldn't be it all for me and I'd feel something was missing.
But for my friend, she has all that. A great job that she's worked her way up to, an awesome husband, a beautiful house... they don't want kids and they are extremely happy and content. It's so right that 'it all' is subjective as we all want different things. I think more people need to be aware that not all women want children... it's sort of expected that we do but it's an extremely outdated view.
Personally I'm not interested in having a "career". I just dont see how it could be fulfilling when I have a family at home that I could be looking after. Id rather be putting joy in my families hearts and food in their bellies rather than putting more money in a bosses pocket. (But each to their own). I dont see how it could be possible even if desired
Going back probably 4 years ago ... on the outside people probably thought I had it all a child a boyfriend a house and both working full time. But the truth was my job was going to be relocated and I was hiding abuse. Fast forward 4 years I'm now in a happy relationship and a job which is okay.
Sometimes you just need to value what you have. I'm more happy in my life now than I was back even though then it looked like I had it all.
Sometimes you just need to value what you have. I'm more happy in my life now than I was back even though then it looked like I had it all.
Absolutely not, from my perspective anyway.
Run a business and have 2 young kids and a partner that works away a lot.
Live in a vicious cycle of having to work mad hours to support the lifestyle we've fallen into and pay the childcare.
My kids spend 50 hours a week in nursery and the guilt absolutely kills me.
But I can't run the business and support my family if they're not in there.
Definitely do not have my tit together.
Run a business and have 2 young kids and a partner that works away a lot.
Live in a vicious cycle of having to work mad hours to support the lifestyle we've fallen into and pay the childcare.
My kids spend 50 hours a week in nursery and the guilt absolutely kills me.
But I can't run the business and support my family if they're not in there.
Definitely do not have my tit together.
One of my female friends had a great career and was on the Board of Directors when she had her two children. After her youngest, she set up her own company and still provides well for her family, they have a lovely home, nice holidays, the kids are well looked after, spent most days going to the park, doing crafts at home or other activities before they were old enough to start school etc. But, her husband left his job to be a stay-at-home dad whilst she worked full time. Once the youngest was in school, he started working part time. So in their case, yes - the woman ‘has it all’ (as it’s defined in your question) but I’m not sure it would have been possible if they’d both wanted to carry on working full time and build their careers.
I think it is possible for women to have it all. It’s possible for men to have it all. But I’m not sure it’s possible for both parents to have it all (regardless of gender). Maybe if they’re fortunate enough to have help/support (from family or paid for if they can afford it) they could. But then I expect the subjective view of ‘harmonious family life’ might come into play if people think working parents means the kids would be missing out on family life.
Something always has to be sacrificed in my experience, but like others have said it depends on what 'all' is. To me having it all is being mostly happy and content in life.
I think the concept of ‘having it all’ is flawed as we should try to be content (note I didn’t say happy) with our lot as long as we have the basics. However, as, in this context, we are talking about being able to work and have a family and hobbies then I think it’s very difficult. In my experience, if you have two people who want/need a career plus children you need a male who pulls his weight at home. So so many really don’t and the woman has to work and do everything at home too. That was the case with me and so many people I have come across.
Sometimes you see couples seem OK but they have a Mother or MIL in the background, picking up the slack.
Sometimes you see couples seem OK but they have a Mother or MIL in the background, picking up the slack.