Break up at 38 - Will i ever find happiness?

[Bellaboo83]

Your feelings are completely valid, I imagine your head is all over the place. It’s important to accept what you’re going through is normal and just let yourself feel, especially as you’ve probably bottled a lot up. You won’t be able to move on overnight as it was years of negative experience that got you to this. What that other poster said about learning to love yourself is so important - feeling hopeless about not finding love is no way to live, a relationship is supposed to enhance your life but that shouldn’t mean being single can’t be fulfilling. Allow yourself time to process, learn to feel whole without a partner, focus on you. In all likelihood you will find someone new but even on the small chance you don’t, you’ll at least be happier

I’m in a similar situation so if you want to chat, don’t hesitate to PM me

You put it very well, sometimes you get yourself into one train of thought and get tunnel vision and I think that's where I've ended up panicking about never meeting anyone again.

I've completely lost myself over the last 10 years, I don't know who I am anymore. Ive also picked up some bad coping mechanisms for when the inevitable and regular relationship lows hit. So I've probably got a lot of work to do with that and locating my dead self esteem

Thank you much, I hope you are coping well with your situation and if you ever want to chat feel free to PM me

And though you may be in free fall, being at the bottom is a very good place to start. It’s YOUR story now. You’re the author of your life. Your self esteem doesn’t have to be linked to him anymore.

Also, don’t do what I did when I was weak and went back thinking it would be different (more than once). Stay resolute and see this as the time to step back from it all and just be. Working on yourself is so important. I can look at my ex now and think WTF did I see in him?!
One more thing (I feel like Columbo ) reach out to your friends for support. They might surprise you with their reaction.

Ooooh gosh I've been back about 4274859 times in the last 10 years hoping it will be different. I wish I'd have had the courage and strength to get off the train years ago. In fact I need to remember I've just said that when I'm having a wobble

How long was it before you started to think 'wtf did I see in him'? When I've got my logical brain on I can definitely see how that might come, but then my emotional brain takes over and I worry I will always ache because of what could have been (if at some point during the 10 years we could have got on for longer than 2 weeks .... I know, I've just read that too )

Oh I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's wretched at any time, but I understand the feeling of being in your 30s when everyone else seems to be happily settled down. I went through similar and definitely worried I would never meet anyone again.

The only advice I can give is the cliche that age is just a number. When I was ready to date (about a year after my divorce) I found I had no problem matching with guys a couple of years younger than me. My boyfriend is 3 years younger but it really doesn't make any difference. But like others have said, don't rush back into the dating scene (not that you can at the moment anyway!). Use this time to focus on yourself and do things that you enjoy and make you happy, don't be defined by your relationship status.

Thank you so much for your reply and advice

 

[Bellaboo83]

Just echoing what others have said really....try not to focus on finding someone else for the moment. Work on yourself and aim to get to a point where your life feels content and fulfilled with everything you already have. Your next partner (and there will be one!) will arrive when you’re ready, I truly believe that

Thank you