Body dysmorphia

[Silverback]

I have/ had BDD. Thankfully not as bad as I used to though- it completely and utterly took over my life. My whole existence was based around thinking everyone was staring horrified at a certain feature of mine. I was constantly trying to cover it up.

I was referred to a psychologist by a surgeon who id been to see to try and get the feature altered. I had burst into tears in the hospital room and said ‘I can’t spend the rest of my life looking like this’ because the surgery wasn’t viable.

I’m so incredibly thankful to the psychologist who I worked with for months. The main thing that stuck out for me was that each week I had to do a different step, so I started off letting the feature be visible while, say, driving my car. I had to note whether anyone was looking at me at all. Then I had to walk down the road. Then into town. And so it went until I realised that nobody was looking at me. I now let the feature be fully visible at all times. Sometimes I’ll catch myself and think tit you’re not covering it up! And then I remember nobody is looking at me.

Press to get the best help you can. It can be a bleeping brutal illness.

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

Sorry to dig up an old thread but I thought better to do that than start a new one.

I got sent a video of myself and two of my friends having fun at one of their houses, at am impromptu birthday party for the other one (happened yesterday). Instead of thinking 'look at us all having a great time', my immediate first thought was 'Jesus I look bleeping hideous, look at that fat bleeping face. Of course THEY look gorgeous'.

 

[natx]

No girl! Please don’t think like that!
I know it’s so hard not to think that way. I bet you look lovely! X

Sorry to dig up an old thread but I thought better to do that than start a new one.

I got sent a video of myself and two of my friends having fun at one of their houses, at am impromptu birthday party for the other one (happened yesterday). Instead of thinking 'look at us all having a great time', my immediate first thought was 'Jesus I look bleeping hideous, look at that fat bleeping face. Of course THEY look gorgeous'.

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

You are very kind.

I've had one session of EMDR therapy so far for my BDD, it has helped with one particular trigger memory (my grandmother telling me I was fat when I was around 8 years old) but I still struggle a lot.

 

[natx]

You are very kind.

I've had one session of EMDR therapy so far for my BDD, it has helped with one particular trigger memory (my grandmother telling me I was fat when I was around 8 years old) but I still struggle a lot.

It’s so tough but having at least one session will help so much as you have been able to recognise and identify a trigger that makes you understand more why you feel the way you do. Keep going and over time you will be able to avoid triggers and understand things more xx

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

Thank you. I spoke to the friend who sent me the video and she was all 'lol, I thought I looked terrible too, what are we like?' I couldn't explain it to her that it's not just 'thinking you look terrible' and then juet moving on, it's obsessively watching the video over and over again picking out every flaw, it's telling yourself you're too disgusting to exist, it's finding yourself so utterly repulsive that you cry.

 

[hehehe]

Sorry to hear what you're all going through. I recently attended a party where they hired a professional photographer -- photos came out just there, and seeing my face in various states of motion made me almost throw up. This was a family party -- I'd never dream of attending any other kind of party.

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

Photos are tough, especially candids

 

[natx]

Oh guys It’s so so hard to have those feelings about yourself but I promise CBT really really helps. As well as avoiding triggers and exercise really helped me control my BDD.

 

[Saddlesoap]

@WilmaHun as the OP, how are you doing?