Body dysmorphia

[WilmaHun]

I feel really embarrassed to even be writing this but does anyone here suffer with body dysmorphia?
After a lot of struggling my mum convinced me to see my GP who has referred me to a specialist for assessment. Whatever is wrong with me is taking over my life and I’m really struggling. Just wondering if anybody has been diagnosed or through similar at all, would be nice to be able to speak to people who understand how im feeling? The GP said I could be offered CBT or antidepressants depending on the outcome of an assessment.

I’m struggling talking to people close to me because I feel like they just think I’m being dramatic or fishing for compliments but I’m not, I can’t explain how I feel because nobody understands.

 

[judgejohndeed]

This is a tough one because I want to say 'yes' but already my brain is saying 'no, you don't have BD, you are actually just fat' so the whole thing is just extremely difficult. But yes, I think so. I had bulimia several years ago and it was touched on at the time but my treatment focused on the bulimia. I'm having a really rough time at the moment having gained literally about 3 lbs, but knowing I've gained it on the scales means I feel like I can see it on my body, I feel like none of my clothes fit, and I can't leave the house atm without having a breakdown over getting dressed. I'm cancelling things left right and centre and everyone I try to explain it to thinks I'm being ridiculous, especially people in my family who are objectively bigger than I am. I don't really have any advice for you but I'm glad you've been referred and I hope you find something that helps

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Yes this is something I continue to suffer with. I went to my gp who offered me antidepressants then and referred me for an assessment at the eating disorder hospital as I was severely restricting my food intake due to BD. It took 6 months for the assessment and then I was offered 6 weeks of CBT face to face sessions. This was pre-covid so I don’t know how long the wait is now. I didn’t take the antidepressants but there is no shame in it if you are really struggling.

 

[Happy35]

I think I have this as well, I think I am huge etc hate my belly, arms and legs but know I mustn’t look as big as I think I do as I wear a dress size uk 8-10. I have got better as I have got older as I thought I was huge when I weighed 7.5 stone as an 18 year old.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

Yes I have it and have done since I was a child.

 

[WilmaHun]

Thank you for your replies. It’s nice to know I am not alone.
The last few days in particular have been awful for me, changing my outfit on average 4 times a day because I feel like I look huge. I was supposed to attend a family bbq today but cancelled and made some excuse about waiting in for a parcel of something important when really I just couldn’t bring myself to go because of how I look. It’s so sad.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

One thing that helps me is not having full length mirrors otherwise I would be very angry about my shape. I wear a lot of makeup every day so do have a mirror for that but I try to focus on what I'm doing e.g. putting on blusher rather than actually looking at my face. I never take photos of myself and avoid shops windows etc.

Also I have children so I try to focus on the amazing thing my body has done rather than what it looks like.

 

[KawaiiSloth]

I have struggled with BD for years... I was walking to the gym a few days ago and caught my reflection in a car window. I suddenly turned around and walked home as quickly as I could. I couldn't face having to see my reflection AGAIN in the gym's mirrors, and having to subject everyone there to my ugliness. I am so self critical, and I know being this way isn't serving me, but I can't stop having these horrible thoughts about the way I look.

 

[NormaBates]

Yes I definitely think I have some version of this. I'm getting kinder to mysef as I get older (I'm in my 50's now) but it's something I've battled with for a long time. Sending hugs xx

 

[WilmaHun]

After a relatively good day yesterday I feel like everything has hit me with a ton of bricks this morning. I’ve pretty much cried from the moment I got up and got in the bath until now I’m currently sat on my floor surrounded by clothes because so far the 5 outfits I’ve tried on just look hideous and show all my lumps and bumps. I literally don’t even wanna face the world but I’ve got to go to work

 

[ATV2021]

I had/have BDD. I didn't find CBT helpful for me personally (I got assigned an AWFUL therapist who tried to get me to change my mindset....by forcing me to eat a food I said I didn't like (as was a fussy child anyway) and now I REALLY hate it!).

I'm becoming slowly more accepting but I still definitely have days and binges of eating which I'm also trying to work on. Life coaching/self love work is definitely helping... mine ramped up after I lost 3 stone on SW as I had an image in my head but the reality didn't match that so it got worse. I look at photos of me now from then and I'm like damn I looked lovely just didn't see it then. That was 10 years ago now.

I'm trying hard - I go to the gym but not with a weight loss focus but a strength one, trying to rephrase my attitude to food (i.e there is no good or bad food...just food...and try to pick more protein type choices for example). Its so hard - I'm not fat, I know this but it will creep in still and be like my god you're vile. You look so boring etc. I'm naturally wide in terms of skeleton and tall (plus bullied at school) so I need to learn to stand up tall still.... and just be me. It's a proper naff condition but maybe look into hypnotherapy, life coaching etc. It's a long process outta it - I'm still going but only really started putting in the self love work in September last year so learning to be more patient (after I did Cambridge diet to rid the LD weight as quickly as possible...sigh lol)

 

[NormaBates]

I think I have this as well, I think I am huge etc hate my belly, arms and legs but know I mustn’t look as big as I think I do as I wear a dress size uk 8-10. I have got better as I have got older as I thought I was huge when I weighed 7.5 stone as an 18 year old.

I'm the same as you. I'm actually really thin (like unhealthy looking and bony) and it's only actually recently I've seen this as all I see is a huge fat person, my clothes hang off me as I only buy large sizes as I feel that's what I am.
Would you believe it's my lovely, now adult daughters that have helped me with all of it. I have a some sort of eating disorder for sure but I've never seen a doctor or anything. I have a terrible relationship with food and my body image. It's so sad and time consuming. I'm just so lucky my daughter's are happy and healthy after watching me all these years. So everyone on here you not alone. So many people suffer xx

 

[natx]

Hi lovely,
I have BD and have had it since I was about 13. It used to be horrific around 15 - 18 years old where I was self harming and crying myself to sleep pretty much every night. I also began having panic attacks. I went to the GP and they weren’t very helpful at all. They just wanted me to take antidepressants but being so young I didn’t want to. They got me in for CBT and even though it was a long waiting list, it was really really helpful. My counsellor helped me establish my triggers and helped me understand why I felt this way. After that, I learnt to avoid my triggers as best as I could. It didn’t always work of course and some days were better than others but it really did begin to help. As I got older and distracted myself with university and things I was still incredibly anxious and sad but it wasn’t as bad. Now at 26, I really do feel like I’m the best I’ve ever been. I still have the odd panic attack and crying over my appearance but it’s not daily anymore. You just have to trust that things will get better and honestly exercising is the best! It really helps your mood and boosts endorphins. Just do what makes you happy and remember that you are BEAUTIFUL. You are so so beautiful. You just need a wee bit of help to see it. Always here if you need a chat

 

[Slaybutter]

After a relatively good day yesterday I feel like everything has hit me with a ton of bricks this morning. I’ve pretty much cried from the moment I got up and got in the bath until now I’m currently sat on my floor surrounded by clothes because so far the 5 outfits I’ve tried on just look hideous and show all my lumps and bumps. I literally don’t even wanna face the world but I’ve got to go to work

iirc from the what are you watching thread, you’ve been binge watching kardashians? they’re sooooo often to blame for people becoming dissatisfied with their appearances i would seriously suspect that they might be having an impact on you now?

 

[soymilk]

I'm not sure I have it, I suspect I do and my family suggest that I do. I've been battling with eating disorders on/off since I was like 16 and although I'm better, there are days and even periods of time when it's so difficult.
I've had many occasions when I've cried and cancelled going somewhere bc I thought I looked fat or that people would be talking about the way I looked.
One of the worst things is seeing my bf react to me when I'm in this mood bc he obviously doesn't see it and it's horrible for him to love someone who doesn't love themselves.
thanks @WilmaHun for this thread, it's nice to be able to talk about this with people who get it

 

[WilmaHun]

iirc from the what are you watching thread, you’ve been binge watching kardashians? they’re sooooo often to blame for people becoming dissatisfied with their appearances i would seriously suspect that they might be having an impact on you now?

ive felt like this long before I started watching the kardashians, but I do know what you mean.

I think it goes a bit deeper for me than being influenced by what I’m watching though

 

[judgejohndeed]

After a relatively good day yesterday I feel like everything has hit me with a ton of bricks this morning. I’ve pretty much cried from the moment I got up and got in the bath until now I’m currently sat on my floor surrounded by clothes because so far the 5 outfits I’ve tried on just look hideous and show all my lumps and bumps. I literally don’t even wanna face the world but I’ve got to go to work

Hope you're feeling better now? It's much harder with the hot weather. Don't want to roast to death but also don't want to be on display

 

[Slaybutter]

ive felt like this long before I started watching the kardashians, but I do know what you mean.

I think it goes a bit deeper for me than being influenced by what I’m watching though

okay, i just wanted to check in. media diet and how it has shaped my perception of attractiveness is something that ive been thinking a lot about lately. having nothing to wear that you love sucks. i’ve been there and it’s honestly so stressful. i love that you started this thread for everyone to share their experience.. hope you’re feeling better today

Hope you're feeling better now? It's much harder with the hot weather. Don't want to roast to death but also don't want to be on display

yessss this. i noticed everything gets jigglier too in the heat. i think it’s another way for the body to keep itself cool.

 

[WilmaHun]

Hope you're feeling better now? It's much harder with the hot weather. Don't want to roast to death but also don't want to be on display

I still feel really down to be honest, I think you are right though that the hot weather doesn't help at all. It's hard to find any clothes I feel comfortable in, especially as I work in an office so I still need to look smart, whilst being cool enough to cope with the heat, and covering up all the bits of my body I hate

 

[Pesky Tarian]

I was a size 22 at 15, dieted in my late teens and have maintained a 10/12 through my 20's/30's but still view myself as larger (guess my avatar reflects that). I very much get you where you've cancelled social events because I've done it too.

My best advice is to have a whole range of sizes in your wardrobe, don't just be thinking well I'm an X.. it all depends on material/cut. Cut the labels out. I've started many a day thinking well today's going to be a tit day because I'm in the larger size (heat's a b@stard).

You will feel better . I look back at nearly 40 and think hey I actually looked ok and you will too. Too many years spent in baggy clothes shuffling out of rooms so no one saw my arse.

My mum has poor MH and I think I've learnt/inherited overthinking. I've never been down the CBT route but have heard good things. I always identified with Bridget Jones and the line would appreciate removal of brain and full mental valet (or words to that effect). I hope today has been better xx