Body dysmorphia

[WilmaHun]

I feel really embarrassed to even be writing this but does anyone here suffer with body dysmorphia?
After a lot of struggling my mum convinced me to see my GP who has referred me to a specialist for assessment. Whatever is wrong with me is taking over my life and I’m really struggling. Just wondering if anybody has been diagnosed or through similar at all, would be nice to be able to speak to people who understand how im feeling? The GP said I could be offered CBT or antidepressants depending on the outcome of an assessment.

I’m struggling talking to people close to me because I feel like they just think I’m being dramatic or fishing for compliments but I’m not, I can’t explain how I feel because nobody understands.

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

Sorry to dig up an old thread but I thought better to do that than start a new one.

I got sent a video of myself and two of my friends having fun at one of their houses, at am impromptu birthday party for the other one (happened yesterday). Instead of thinking 'look at us all having a great time', my immediate first thought was 'Jesus I look fucking hideous, look at that fat fucking face. Of course THEY look gorgeous'.

 

[Silverback]

I have/ had BDD. Thankfully not as bad as I used to though- it completely and utterly took over my life. My whole existence was based around thinking everyone was staring horrified at a certain feature of mine. I was constantly trying to cover it up.

I was referred to a psychologist by a surgeon who id been to see to try and get the feature altered. I had burst into tears in the hospital room and said ‘I can’t spend the rest of my life looking like this’ because the surgery wasn’t viable.

I’m so incredibly thankful to the psychologist who I worked with for months. The main thing that stuck out for me was that each week I had to do a different step, so I started off letting the feature be visible while, say, driving my car. I had to note whether anyone was looking at me at all. Then I had to walk down the road. Then into town. And so it went until I realised that nobody was looking at me. I now let the feature be fully visible at all times. Sometimes I’ll catch myself and think shit you’re not covering it up! And then I remember nobody is looking at me.

Press to get the best help you can. It can be a fucking brutal illness.

 

[Pesky Tarian]

I was a size 22 at 15, dieted in my late teens and have maintained a 10/12 through my 20's/30's but still view myself as larger (guess my avatar reflects that). I very much get you where you've cancelled social events because I've done it too.

My best advice is to have a whole range of sizes in your wardrobe, don't just be thinking well I'm an X.. it all depends on material/cut. Cut the labels out. I've started many a day thinking well today's going to be a shit day because I'm in the larger size (heat's a b@stard).

You will feel better . I look back at nearly 40 and think hey I actually looked ok and you will too. Too many years spent in baggy clothes shuffling out of rooms so no one saw my arse.

My mum has poor MH and I think I've learnt/inherited overthinking. I've never been down the CBT route but have heard good things. I always identified with Bridget Jones and the line would appreciate removal of brain and full mental valet (or words to that effect). I hope today has been better xx

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

Thank you. I spoke to the friend who sent me the video and she was all 'lol, I thought I looked terrible too, what are we like?' I couldn't explain it to her that it's not just 'thinking you look terrible' and then juet moving on, it's obsessively watching the video over and over again picking out every flaw, it's telling yourself you're too disgusting to exist, it's finding yourself so utterly repulsive that you cry.

 

[WilmaHun]

Hope you're feeling better now? It's much harder with the hot weather. Don't want to roast to death but also don't want to be on display

I still feel really down to be honest, I think you are right though that the hot weather doesn't help at all. It's hard to find any clothes I feel comfortable in, especially as I work in an office so I still need to look smart, whilst being cool enough to cope with the heat, and covering up all the bits of my body I hate

 

[Rodneytrotter]

One thing that helps me is not having full length mirrors otherwise I would be very angry about my shape. I wear a lot of makeup every day so do have a mirror for that but I try to focus on what I'm doing e.g. putting on blusher rather than actually looking at my face. I never take photos of myself and avoid shops windows etc.

Also I have children so I try to focus on the amazing thing my body has done rather than what it looks like.

 

[hehehe]

Sorry to hear what you're all going through. I recently attended a party where they hired a professional photographer -- photos came out just there, and seeing my face in various states of motion made me almost throw up. This was a family party -- I'd never dream of attending any other kind of party.

 

[natx]

Hi lovely,
I have BD and have had it since I was about 13. It used to be horrific around 15 - 18 years old where I was self harming and crying myself to sleep pretty much every night. I also began having panic attacks. I went to the GP and they weren’t very helpful at all. They just wanted me to take antidepressants but being so young I didn’t want to. They got me in for CBT and even though it was a long waiting list, it was really really helpful. My counsellor helped me establish my triggers and helped me understand why I felt this way. After that, I learnt to avoid my triggers as best as I could. It didn’t always work of course and some days were better than others but it really did begin to help. As I got older and distracted myself with university and things I was still incredibly anxious and sad but it wasn’t as bad. Now at 26, I really do feel like I’m the best I’ve ever been. I still have the odd panic attack and crying over my appearance but it’s not daily anymore. You just have to trust that things will get better and honestly exercising is the best! It really helps your mood and boosts endorphins. Just do what makes you happy and remember that you are BEAUTIFUL. You are so so beautiful. You just need a wee bit of help to see it. Always here if you need a chat

 

[judgejohndeed]

This is a tough one because I want to say 'yes' but already my brain is saying 'no, you don't have BD, you are actually just fat' so the whole thing is just extremely difficult. But yes, I think so. I had bulimia several years ago and it was touched on at the time but my treatment focused on the bulimia. I'm having a really rough time at the moment having gained literally about 3 lbs, but knowing I've gained it on the scales means I feel like I can see it on my body, I feel like none of my clothes fit, and I can't leave the house atm without having a breakdown over getting dressed. I'm cancelling things left right and centre and everyone I try to explain it to thinks I'm being ridiculous, especially people in my family who are objectively bigger than I am. I don't really have any advice for you but I'm glad you've been referred and I hope you find something that helps

 

[WilmaHun]

Thank you for your replies. It’s nice to know I am not alone.
The last few days in particular have been awful for me, changing my outfit on average 4 times a day because I feel like I look huge. I was supposed to attend a family bbq today but cancelled and made some excuse about waiting in for a parcel of something important when really I just couldn’t bring myself to go because of how I look. It’s so sad.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Yes this is something I continue to suffer with. I went to my gp who offered me antidepressants then and referred me for an assessment at the eating disorder hospital as I was severely restricting my food intake due to BD. It took 6 months for the assessment and then I was offered 6 weeks of CBT face to face sessions. This was pre-covid so I don’t know how long the wait is now. I didn’t take the antidepressants but there is no shame in it if you are really struggling.

 

[Happy35]

I think I have this as well, I think I am huge etc hate my belly, arms and legs but know I mustn’t look as big as I think I do as I wear a dress size uk 8-10. I have got better as I have got older as I thought I was huge when I weighed 7.5 stone as an 18 year old.

 

[NormaBates]

Yes I definitely think I have some version of this. I'm getting kinder to mysef as I get older (I'm in my 50's now) but it's something I've battled with for a long time. Sending hugs xx

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

Photos are tough, especially candids

 

[judgejohndeed]

After a relatively good day yesterday I feel like everything has hit me with a ton of bricks this morning. I’ve pretty much cried from the moment I got up and got in the bath until now I’m currently sat on my floor surrounded by clothes because so far the 5 outfits I’ve tried on just look hideous and show all my lumps and bumps. I literally don’t even wanna face the world but I’ve got to go to work

Hope you're feeling better now? It's much harder with the hot weather. Don't want to roast to death but also don't want to be on display

 

[Rodneytrotter]

Yes I have it and have done since I was a child.

 

[NormaBates]

I think I have this as well, I think I am huge etc hate my belly, arms and legs but know I mustn’t look as big as I think I do as I wear a dress size uk 8-10. I have got better as I have got older as I thought I was huge when I weighed 7.5 stone as an 18 year old.

I'm the same as you. I'm actually really thin (like unhealthy looking and bony) and it's only actually recently I've seen this as all I see is a huge fat person, my clothes hang off me as I only buy large sizes as I feel that's what I am.
Would you believe it's my lovely, now adult daughters that have helped me with all of it. I have a some sort of eating disorder for sure but I've never seen a doctor or anything. I have a terrible relationship with food and my body image. It's so sad and time consuming. I'm just so lucky my daughter's are happy and healthy after watching me all these years. So everyone on here you not alone. So many people suffer xx

 

[KawaiiSloth]

I have struggled with BD for years... I was walking to the gym a few days ago and caught my reflection in a car window. I suddenly turned around and walked home as quickly as I could. I couldn't face having to see my reflection AGAIN in the gym's mirrors, and having to subject everyone there to my ugliness. I am so self critical, and I know being this way isn't serving me, but I can't stop having these horrible thoughts about the way I look.

 

[Slaybutter]

ive felt like this long before I started watching the kardashians, but I do know what you mean.

I think it goes a bit deeper for me than being influenced by what I’m watching though

okay, i just wanted to check in. media diet and how it has shaped my perception of attractiveness is something that ive been thinking a lot about lately. having nothing to wear that you love sucks. i’ve been there and it’s honestly so stressful. i love that you started this thread for everyone to share their experience.. hope you’re feeling better today

Hope you're feeling better now? It's much harder with the hot weather. Don't want to roast to death but also don't want to be on display

yessss this. i noticed everything gets jigglier too in the heat. i think it’s another way for the body to keep itself cool.