Bizarre grandparent behaviour.

[sunnystorm88]

My son turned 8 at the end of October, he sees my parents a lot and we talk most days.
He sees my ex’s parents when he has his one over night visit every fortnight.
He said his grandad (ex’s dad) was going to get him a mobile phone! Really not impressed his 8 he does not need a mobile phone.
I get the impression they want to do this so he can communicate with him when his not there.
I’m sorry but they showed there true colours when they stood by there abuser son, no way am I letting my son have communication with them than needed.

 

[Kim Mild]

Do you invite them to visit? Offer to take the kids for a bit ?

Husband has taken the kids over a few times. They used to sometimes call in to ours , but then the dog gets too hyper with visitors.

I asked husband if they ever ask him , or if he ever asks them to see the kids but apparently he doesn't know.

 

[Facehugger]

Would you keep in touch often using technology?

An old colleague of mine had grandchildren who lived in the USA, she said she found it so costly to visit regularly, and also very tiring- not a holiday by any means. Their other grandchildren lived elsewhere in the UK so they were long distance grandparents to both

Oh absolutely, of course, I'd be WhatsApp video calling, I'd insist Nanny in the UK wasn't forgotten even if I couldn't go. My friends daughter is in Oz, they've only been over twice but they're always online to them and the kids are teenagers now.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

So since I made this thread 2 months ago my children have seen their grandparents once. No phone or video calls either. They've gone almost 7 weeks so far. I got a text after my 3 year old was off nursery ill saying they could go over if they were better , but they younger one had caught it too. So they never made any more arrangements since then . So my kids didn't see their grandparents at all during November.

I was talking to a lady in the shops today who's grandchildren live in Australia and she speaks to them everyday.

The situation makes me quite sad.

it is very sad and they will be the ones who lose out the most the children will find other confidants etc I had an Auntie who was mine

I was talking to the other grandparents of my daughter's children the other day and we both have felt at times that we have been taken advantage of ( Im really really not saying you do this, this is purely about our situation ) but one good thing, we all have amazing relationships with the three children. and neither they nor I would change that.

 

[BattleAxing]

Every family is different. One families normal is one person's bizarre.

As a kid I would remember going to my paternal grandparents every Sunday afternoon. Where as my maternal grandparents are pretty aloof, clearly favoured one particular grandchild (who was an only child) as opposed to handling several of us (me + close in age siblings) at once. I remember my parents always making plans with them to be told the old chestnut that they were "ill" - they were the types that feigned bad backs with walking sticks until they eventually got the real deal. Both sets of grandparents lived within walking distance.

My partners parents are the aloof type. They make it clear they "are done raising children" and don't seem very interested nor loving or close towards any of their grandchildren. Rarely see my child despite living round the corner, I am pretty sure about twice this year only and fly by visits at that. I don't take my child to their own home as due to their own admission too, its not very child friendly there. Where as my ex partner whom I also share children with have a very close knit family, whose parents can't get enough of my children and will see them every opportunity given and often even go away on holiday with them. I used to think they were quite over bearing but since seeing how nonchalant my partners parents are towards their grandchildren. I now appreciate it. My own parents live quite far and work full time so we aim for once or twice a month and special occasions.

It's a case of courses for horses, no two families are the same. And very often things like this cannot be forced.

 

[Kim Mild]

My fil sees my children once a week om average, but he's quite old and will just sit and watch. My kids also resent him as he favours another grandchild BIG TIME. And everyone knows it


My mum lives about 3 hours away and we haven't seen her much due to pandemic, and then she had some health problems, but when life is usual, she'd come up regularly or we'd go down. When she lived near, she did help a lot with childcare. She treats them the same and as equally as possible, and phones and texts them too. My step dad tries hard too.


My dad isn't interested in kids, not to say he's unloving, when he does see them (once a year ish) he gives sweets and tries to find things for them to do, but its very much out of sight, out of mind. My step mum has never had kids, but also tries hard with them.

My maternal grandparents were amazing and I want to be like them when it's our turn for grandkids

Is the cousin your fil favours his daughter's child?

I wonder if my in laws are also the out of sight, out of mind sort too. Pity they couldn't be a bit more like that with their sons .

 

[Emmas83]

My parents see my kids at least twice a week husbands parents are a nightmare and making me dread Xmas they live in mainland Europe and have only met my kids once (they 2 year old twins) but are back this Xmas and expect us to just arrange plans around them. I refuse to not go to my parents on Xmas day because they help us so much with childcare and my kids actually love going to their house. My in laws are very offended we’ve said no to Xmas eve / day with them though.
Everyone is different but some in laws are really not normal!!

 

[Web30]

I grew up with a set of grandparents over the road so saw them all the time, my nana i didnt meet till i was about 9, didnt even know my dad had a mum as she was never talked about!

My daugther sees my parents and my mother in law every week as they help out with childcare which we are super grateful for!

 

[MeMyselfnI]

Only 10 times since March seems a lot! We are grandparents, well rather my husband is and I’m the step nanny/granny. One of his sons lives practically round the corner but we see the grandsons very rarely, they have never been to our house (they are nearly 2 and 3 years old). They obviously invite us for birthday dos etc but there’s not a regular visit. I find it odd because we always visited my dad’s parents every Saturday when I was growing up; my maternal nan actually moved quite close to us so that was handy.

Maybe they just hate our house.

Do you invite them to visit? Offer to take the kids for a bit ?

 

[ATV2021]

I saw my maternal grandparents every week and would stay round there alot. We would also go on holiday together etc. My "father" wasn't in life to comment on his side BUT my brother has a separate Dad and 2 sets of grandparents that side.... I think they saw him once a year max? If that tbh. I always found that odd compared to how involved our maternal grandparents always were in our life. Even calls during the week etc. I do miss them and their arguments with each other on the phone you'd just be sat there like helllooo I'm still here lol

 

[Tublet83]

My own parents see mine once a week because they pick them up from school and do childcare, every 6 weeks or so they stay over night at a weekend. Again I never ask unless it’s a wedding or something and I need childcare. Both my parents also still work part time.

My in laws only see my kids once every 6 weeks, have never baby sat, done childcare and they haven’t stayed over ever. They are also retired.

Again, I don’t push it because they clearly aren’t interested and I don’t want my children looked after by people who aren’t interested.

 

[Milehammer]

My in laws are my 2 youngest children's only living grandparents ,and they are the only grandchildren. They live in the next town , and are semi - retired from the family business where my husband works , yet since March they have seen the kids only 10 times. Am I the only one who finds that strange?

They don't contact the kids via phone / facetime or anything either.

I fell out with my in laws, because I stood my ground about something, and they blew it out of proportion, but I decided prior to this that it wasn't worth going against my wishes to appease them because they never saw the kids anyway ( the selfish part of me thought they weren't beneficial to me as they never provided childcare) .

When I was a child I remember seeing both sets of grandparents frequently, at least weekly.

What sort of grandparents contact do people think is normal?

I don't think my MIL has seen my son 10 times in 2 and a half years and she only lives round the corner she doesn't show any interest.
My mum sees him every week though.

 

[MrsFishandChips]

I seen my maternal grandparents daily as a child and my paternal grandmother prob twice a week as a child
I’m a stepmom and he sees his maternal grandparents three times a week and his paternal grandparents whenever there’s a birthday or event

 

[Taetae95]

I saw mine at least weekly and video call with mine regularly now I live further but the bf's live in another country so he only phones every now and then. Both sets of our parents dote on our nieces/nephews and are always babysitting and stuff.

But I don't think there's a 'normal' and there are lots of valid reasons to have less contact with family

 

[Kim Mild]

I'm also interested to hear from people who are grandparents themselves.

 

[KeN87]

As kids I saw both maternal grandparents weekly for Sunday tea (didn’t babysit for us but I don’t think my mum would have asked as she assumed it would be a no) and paternal grandma saw us weekly and came on any family holiday we had before she passed away when I was 10. My dads siblings lived really far away but she travelled to different countries to visit, inc Australia to ensure a bond, and I think it meant we had a closer bond with her as her only nearby family. Only surviving grandparent is my maternal grandmother who is in a home with dementia. I still visit when I can, and though she hasn’t got a clue who I am it’s still lovely im actually able to see her. She was also good with the kids as babies but she got ill before they were old enough to understand so we just tell stories about her now.

my parents see the kids once a month at the moment as they have a lot on, and probably see my sisters kids a bit more as she lives closer. Hasn’t had them overnight but I haven’t ever wanted to do anything overnight, and mum has helped with school/nursery pickups in the past but I stopped that as she was so stressed and only thing I could take off her plate.

Their paternal grandfather used to send cards hit and miss but would miss out kids etc and only time he ever really speaks to their dad it would be about himself. There’s a whole lot of other things I would write but I don’t want to think about him anymore, and I would probably put my foot down about him being in their lives but don’t need to as he’s not interested in being a part of it anyway.

Their paternal grandmother and her husband do the cards and birthday/Christmas presents thing and probably sees them once every 6-8 weeks. We have to alternate if we go to her/her to us and say I don’t have the car and can’t get there she would just skip the visit and not come until I have made the journey. I do find it annoying that she takes photos to put on social media/advertises herself as a really hands-on grandparent, but the way I see it at least she does make some effort and it’s not just me (she doesn’t really have a relationship with their dad) trying to ensure there is a relationship, there is some effort both sides.

I don’t think kids miss out not having lots of people in their lives, the important thing is the people in their lives are people that make them feel loved.

sorry this turned into a massive essay, was a bit like therapy!

 

[Kim Mild]

It must be hard for grandparents to share their time between multiple grandchildren who are cousins ,I suppose it depends on every individual situation and who lives closest to each other.

 

[FreePrinny2018]

Maternal grandparents we had nothing to do with growing up, paternal maybe twice a year. My niece and nephews see my mum every school holiday and stay round but my dad they probably see once a year if that.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

Ive been non contact with my dad for 7 months for various reasons and in laws dont like to travel to us. we see them about twice a year when we travel to theirs. So the kids don't really have grandparents in that respect but they all remember the kids birthdays and Xmas so the kids get a card and present in the post.

 

[Saddlesoap]

My thoughts as a childless person with nieces and nephews. As I find it quite interesting.

Three of them live very close to both sets of grandparents. Both sets see them regularly, at minimum weekly when they were younger, but are all approaching adulthood now, so is lessening.

Another two live close to my BILs parents, but 5 hour drive from my own. BIL parents see them regularly, again use to be weekly as after school childcare, but lessening now they are getting older. My parents see them appropriately 6-8 times a year for 2-3 days at a time.

My SILs children see her parents probably daily, but rarely see my PIL. They only live an hours apart, so it's not that far. SIL always seems to find an excuse why they can't visit. PIL don't 'ask' to visit, wait to be invited. They are really sad about it.