BF Query

[WilmaHun]

I think it all depends on how you’ve gone about it? Have you explained that your questions are coming from a place of concern? And more importantly- do you have anything to back up your concerns? (Ie: is his rent always paid on time to you? Is he borrowing money etc).

 

[BallsBurst]

Yes I have absolutely explained it. I cleared a loan recently and it got me thinking. I remember in the early days seeing a loan application for €500 and because it was such a new relationship I didn't press him but made it clear he should have asked me if he was ever stuck. Other than needing constant reminding that bills are in/due there has been no delay on his part in paying his way. Ive just become so obsessed now. There are red flags that he is refusing to share this side of his life with me.

 

[BallsBurst]

His reaction & response to the question is the biggest issue here. He reacted to the question with negativity & hostility. There’s a reason.

if you are living together as a committed couple, building a life together as a couple, looking to the future together as partners then you both should be completely honest about your financial position. people don’t like to talk about it but unfortunately money is a huge building block of life and you of course have to be on the same page together on it. Do you know how much he earns a month? Does he contribute an equal share to the household bills/food shop/if you go on holidays etc etc etc - because he should be.

he’s being cagey with you because he’s hiding something - that should be a red flag. If he didn’t have something to hide he would have no issue discussing this with you.

Other than the mortgage and annual household fees (insurance, management fees, tax, boiler services, water softener services, monitored alarm, cctv cameras) he provides 50/50. We both pay for his sky sports package no issues there.
Despite previous confusion he contributes to my mortgage but that's mostly paid by me as was always my intention.

 

[BallsBurst]

Just ask him outright - ask him what he earns, ask him what he saves, ask him if he’s in any debt, ask him if he’s worried about money etc

i can tell you now - he’s trying to keep something from you.

I do think so.
At the rate I'm going it's actually easier for him to tell me fulfilling my nag title

 

[Pixipoppy]

Weird that you live together and he doesn’t tell you, plus he is paying into your mortgage I feel like in a relationship this shouldn’t be a taboo subject. Do you not have a joint account? I don’t know the ins and outs of my partners finances but if I asked him, he’d tell me. What’s he hiding? Is he afraid you’d judge him?