Assisted Dying

[rivermonster]

Right now I am on Day 6 of sitting at my husbands bedside on Nil by Mouth waiting for him to die, what an ffing way to go, it is horrendous. The staff are wonderful doing everything they can to make him comfortable and out of pain and looking after me and now he doesn't move, speak or open his eyes and seems comatosed. He has Parkinsons, Lewy Body Dementia, Dysphagia, Pneumonia and Sepsis - how much more does he have to have for someone to put him out of his misery, it is grinding me down, I am not sleeping, depressed and upset but for goodness sake I am sure there should be a way out of this in a couple of days. I was told on day 1 he was going to die but it is dragging on which should not be able to happen.

 

[rivermonster]

We put everything in place (POA) when he had the first signs of Parkinson's and there are copies everywhere they are needed.
But anyway I wanted to say that my husband passed away today and it was quite peaceful and so glad I was there holding his hand and talking to him when it happened, quite suddenly. It was something I wanted as I think it is cruel keeping people in that state and sure he would have said the same as we have talked lots about it and he should not have been left for 7 days like this - not NHS fault as they have been faultless but something has to be done about this.

 

[Cookiecookie]

Yes. I live in the Northern Territory of Australia. We were one of the first places to allow it. However, the complexities of our political situation as a Territory rather than a State, mean that our laws can be very easily over turned, which is what happened Over 20yrs later, it's now becoming a thing in other parts of the country, and we are still heavily restricted over being able make our own decision on this.

On a personal level, whilst I lived in the UK, I watched my husband die from oesophageal cancer. It was a cruel illness, and whilst I don't know what decision he'd have made had euthanasia been an option, I wish it was there so others don't have to suffer as he did. Terminal patients are often drugged to the point of death anyway without their consent, so why not just give them that choice? It's your life, it should be your choice.

 

[Giggling Squid]

Having watched my granny begging to die, and removing her feeding tube over and over again- I wholeheartedly support assisted dying. She was never going to get better, she didn’t want to be here any more and asked us why we were keeping her alive so many times, it was heartbreaking

 

[Foxvint]

My husband is older than me, his mum is in her 90s and hasn't recognised him for years. He no longer visits because she gets agitated at this big beardy man trying to talk to her. She used to spit at him. She lies in a bed clutching a teddy and staring at the ceiling not knowing her own name. He doesn't want to bump her off for a house cos there isn't one. He just wants her out of this locked in pointless purgatory.

 

[Bitofthebubbly]

It’s definitely something that could potentially be abused but with the right rules and procedures in place I don’t see why not. We do it with animals because it’s seen as the humane thing to do but with humans it’s somehow different?

My granddad had terminal cancer, in his final days, he was so ill/delirious and in pain that he was just lying in bed sort of crying/shouting out. Anyway his gp did a home visit and we mentioned the distressful sounds he was making. He increased his pain meds and it helped settle him down and he passed away peacefully not long after.

I never want to see a loved one get to that state again, it was so traumatic. It almost felt like it would have been better to put him out of his misery. In a way the doctor did I guess by increasing his meds. But when someone is in that state they are no longer living imo, just existing and waiting for the inevitable, often in a state of confusion and pain.

 

[Kaylarina]

Coming at this from a medical point of view. I have seen people who have suffered horrible deaths. I, personally, have operated on people who shouldn't have to go through a surgery but it's the only option to give them some sort of relief.

I came home from work one day many years ago and my childhood dog was huddled in the corner, clearly in pain. I rushed her to the vet and she had internal bleeding plus some other issues going on. I was told I could have her taken to the animal hospital and put through test after test and potentially operations, but she was 22 years old and the outcome would almost 100% have been the same. Instead, she was allowed a peaceful and dignified death. Did it hurt? Of course. But it would have hurt either way. Our animals are not allowed to suffer and yet people are.

Do I think there should be many rules and regulations in place? Totally. It's can't be "I have this diagnosis and now this is my option." It needs to be discussed multiple times with different medical professionals but ultimately, it should be the patients choice.

 

[ordinaryjelly]

I have a neurological condition that has already rendered me paraplegic and will gradually take more and more from me, until I am not me anymore . My swallow is already unreliable. I rely on a supra pubic catheter and have a stoma bag.

While my quality of life now is fine, it is very different to my old life. I am surrounded by the best of friends and an incredibly supportive family.

As my disease takes more from me, losing my swallow, the use of my arms, being unable to sit unassisted, needing to be hoisted everytime I need to move, requiring bed baths and having my hair washed over the end of my bed. Losing my speech. Not being able to tell my children I love them again. Or how proud I am of them. Or to laugh with them again.

I am 44. I could live for years, bed bound, unable to communicate, totally reliant on care 24/7.

I have no desire to put my family though that. I don't want to go through that. We have discussed it at length. I wish I lived somewhere where I could make the choice about my life, with the support of my family. Where I could die a 'good' death, surrounded by those who I love with the things - music, scents etc , that comfort me.

Instead I face dying a cruel death, paralysed (for want of a better word,) with a complete loss of facilities, completely reliant on other people to wipe my dribble and use cough assist on me.

No thank you. Not for me.

(I didn't write this for any sympathy, I am as OK as I can be with it all and have reached a level of acceptance.)

Let me choose.

 

[LittleMy]

Along with dementia patients, I take care of patients with conditions like Parkinson’s. Can you imagine losing control of your own body as it wastes away to nothing, not able to speak and having hallucinations as a result of your brain slowly deteriorating over a period of time? I can think of nothing worse.

I think it’s a crying shame that there are people out there with incurable/terminal illnesses having to resort to planning an early death abroad because they’re not afforded that respect in their homeland, and that their loved ones cannot help them without fear of being imprisoned for it. All because others think it’s morally wrong.

I’d be really interested to hear from those who voted “no” as to their reasons. It does seem that there is an overwhelming majority for an Assisted Dying bill here on the thread.

 

[LittleMy]

I agree. It has to be done right, but an Assisted Dying bill has to be passed. As a carer with 13 years in the care sector and plenty of experience in giving palliative care, I’ve watched many people die over the years. Some are lucky to go in their sleep suddenly and peacefully, but in my experience, many don’t. For them it’s a long, drawn out process and it’s heartbreaking to bear witness to. As a poster above said previously, they are often so doped up on morphine by the end that they eventually succumb. I think that if the person is compos mentis and that is their wish, then they should be allowed to die with dignity. It’s their body; their pain to bear. I also agree with euthanasia, obviously under the correct circumstances and where it cannot be abused.

 

[MavisBeacon]

Much love and strength to you @rivermonster
I just lost my mum to head and neck cancer, and holding her while she cried that she wanted to die while her face rotted from the inside out was horrendous. It dragged on for weeks, she was in so much pain and misery, with her dignity draining away.
It is inhuman that we let people suffer like that. Of course there must be safeguards, but it shouldn't stop us from helping people end their lives when they're in this kind of state.

 

[Definitelyme]

Absolutely. If our dog was leading a miserable existence because of illness we would be able to end his life humanely and end his suffering. Yet we insist that people must continue onwards, in some cases losing any freedom, independence and physical abilities they had, leaving them reliant on others, in pain, angry or miserable because their life has become so difficult. I think it’s horrendous.

 

[MrsVonDarkness]

I've nursed many dying people in my career. I have witnessed horrific deaths where symptoms can't be managed effectively. I've sadly seen families and loved ones in absaoloute agony watching the person the love they die slowly.
I've nursed people who tell me that they have no quality left in life and are scared for the future as their health condition is going to progress.
I have, of course, nursed people who have a peaceful death where their symptoms are managed well.
Assisted death is something I support and would choose for myself if I felt was necessary.

 

[DCICassieStuart]

100% in favour. I watched my lovely FIL die two years ago. It took a couple of months in a hospital bed, and he basically died from starvation in the end.

If an animal is ill with no hope of recovery, you'd take the humane approach and the animal would be put to sleep, but if the same thing happens in the case of a human being they're left to suffer.

 

[Girlinabubble]

As a palliative care nurse I agree - I think that patients should be supported to live as full a life as possible and encouraged to see the benefits of living but everyone should be able to decide when that has become too difficult and make decisions accordingly. I have been asked many times by patients to help them die - most of them have the means to do so themselves very easily as they have cupboards full of medication but actually choose not to. All terminally ill people should have skilled support with pain relief, symptom management and psychological support available to them. It’s a very complicated, nuanced process of course but it should be a conversation.

 

[bolimepipi]

yes 100%

Along with dementia patients, I take care of patients with conditions like Parkinson’s. Can you imagine losing control of your own body as it wastes away to nothing, not able to speak and having hallucinations as a result of your brain slowly deteriorating over a period of time? I can think of nothing worse.

you are a hero for taking care of patients with parkinson's. my grandfather had it, alongside many other diseases. that man defeated three heart attacks and two strokes if i'm not wrong. lung diseases, eye diseases... but the parkinson's got to him in the end. at the beginning he couldn't use cutlery and would get very frustrated about that as he was extremely proud and independent his whole life. as it progressed, we had to beg him to use a walker and eventually a wheelchair. by the end he was in bed completely unable to move and couldn't remember anything or anyone with the exception of my grandma, the love of his life. in the rare moments of clarity where he'd recognize us or realize the situation he's in, he'd just cry and cry and cry.
if someone had given me the option, i would have helped him end this in a heartbeat.

 

[Foxvint]

I wonder if ultimately it's about whether you believe life is worth having at any cost or you don't. I remember when I used to do that perennial teenage moan of 'I didn't ask to be born' being told I'd know how ridiculous that was when I had kids of my own but I agreed with it more when I had them. No one asks to be born, no one asks to be ill, the modern world is such a treadmill, it'd be a comfort to me to know I could get off cleanly and painlessly if it became unbearable.

Our generation faces working til we're 70. Caring for elderly parents will absolutely not be on the agenda for me on top of that and I feel zero guilt on that front. Years ago the older women of the family were free to care for elderly relatives; they worked part time or the household could manage on one wage. My own mum hasn't worked since the early 80s, at my age she was free to pootle about seeing to ageing parents. We don't live like that now. I don't know a single family with school age kids where the mum works anything less than FT. The expectation that we should also want to care for elderly parents no matter what is just another way of guilt tripping and shaming women. It's relevant to convos on AD because the expectation is still there that the women of the family should embrace caring roles on top of anything and everything else they've got going on. Same as that horrible expression 'it takes a village to raise a child' basically means 'my female relatives should all muck in and help me on demand with a shit eating grin on their faces'.

Not wanting to be a burden to others is absolutely valid, noble and not remotely controversial to me. My job as a mum is to care for my kids, forever and no matter what age. It will never be the other way round.

 

[Eltonjohnsflorist]

Yes, its something where the devil is very much in the detail. I do believe that both assisted death and euthanasia should be allowed but we need to legislate strongly against the significant risk of murder and coercion

 

[mrs.migs]

My husband’s family have familial MND. His mum and 2 of her sisters died from it. His mum also developed dementia (quite common in the inherited type), so couldn’t have a feeding tube as she would pull it out. She effectively starved to death. Her last day still haunts me as she was so frail and just lay on the bed in the hospice, whimpering. Husband has already told me that if he gets it (apparently 50/50 chance), he will be going to Switzerland, and I totally support him in that. His mother, being deeply religious, would never have wanted assisted death. Luckily the hospice staff sedated her to the extent that she would not wake again. We would never allow a loved pet to suffer that way, why is it ok to allow a loved family member to do so?

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

For me, the burden issue is the same as when pro lifers say how would you feel if your mother had aborted you. The answer is, I love my mum so much that I'd never want my existence to ruin her life so if she hadn't wanted me I'd prefer her to have aborted me. If feel I'm a burden to my family, that's coming from a place of love, I love them, I don't want my existence (and it would be an existence not a life if I wanted to die or was terminally ill) to ruin their lives. I know they'd want to care for me but seeing me in pain and dying would ruin their lives