Asexual needing dating advice

[childofthe70s]

Hi folks. As my title says, I am asexual and never really dated anyone nor was I interested. I am very much the free spirit, and equally recently lost my mum so not in the space for wanting anything more than a friend or maybe companion to do things together we both enjoy. My only experiences were a long distance for a few months, and he played only my mental health to vulnerability to make me feel the one in the wrong/needy, plus another from a guy that gave me bad vibes immediately and knew from the start to avoid them despite him trying for a few months (plus I could read his lies a mile off).

I met up with a friend from social media last weekend for a walk and cuppa. All went fine. My initial warning sign was him saying he's not close to his family, and they live in another part of the UK. I also couldn't find an answer out to how old he actually is - as originally thought he was younger, but something he said suggested older than me. I also feel he knows me better than I do him, which only dawns on me as I write this.

Since we've met up we have Whatsapp each other each night, he's the one that messages me, not the other way round. I don't feel the need to be in constant contact with him, as not like that with anyone bar a very close maternal friend. We have said on meeting up again, but part of me is unsure. We have said on walks again as that's what I enjoy and we both love the outdoors to nature as both work in these areas. Now I am getting messages of wanting to hear my voice, and keeps pushing to meet up.

It's sending huge alarm bells to me. I do not know what to say or do. Thanks.

 

[shadowcat5]

I have never had a relationship either. Only talking so take my advice as you want.

I would trust your gut on it. If you're unsure, don't.

 

[littlepup]

When someone says they want to hear your voice they are feeling a strong connection there. I’d personally never think let alone say that unless I was going down the road of a romantic relationship or I really missed someone I had a very strong, long term friendship (or family) with.

If you’re not interested in them, tell them straight and make sure they understand you’re not playing hard to get or foresee changing your mind at any stage. If they want to pursue a friendship, that’s ok, but all it will ever be.

I don’t know if this person is very sociable or popular but I’ve frequently found that people who don’t often feel understood find someone they connect with and really talk to, they can easily confuse friendship for romance.

 

[childofthe70s]

When someone says they want to hear your voice they are feeling a strong connection there. I’d personally never think let alone say that unless I was going down the road of a romantic relationship or I really missed someone I had a very strong, long term friendship (or family) with.

If you’re not interested in them, tell them straight and make sure they understand you’re not playing hard to get or foresee changing your mind at any stage. If they want to pursue a friendship, that’s ok, but all it will ever be.

I don’t know if this person is very sociable or popular but I’ve frequently found that people who don’t often feel understood find someone they connect with and really talk to, they can easily confuse friendship for romance.

Thank you - I've only had one person act like that around me in my life and he gave off negative vibes, so puts my barriers up immediately.

The last bit makes sense, as don't think they are very much. I'm known among my friends as someone that they can talk to and listen without hate or judgement.

I have never had a relationship either. Only talking so take my advice as you want.

I would trust your gut on it. If you're unsure, don't.

That's usually my advice to others - thanks.