Annoying things your work colleagues do all the time? #4

[Pringles123]

I was wondering if someone can help. Is there anyway of finding out exactly who is sending messages/emails to someone? Like possibly tracking them down with their IP address (this lie that influencers spread explained here) or if they have made a fake Facebook profile is there anyway of finding out who exactly it is.

Long story short and I’ll try and explain this the best way I can.

I work for a small business, my manager is having a fling with the hairdresser next door. They have been for the past year. I knew from day one, I was the first and only person to know from the beginning and was happy for them. I’ve been wanting them to be together from the get go. In our business we have another male who works for us, the managers best friend, he doesn’t agree with them being together (for several reasons I wont get into and he’s made it very clear on several occasions). I have to also mention this guy (the managers best friend) I used to work with him in my old job so I’ve actually known him a lot longer than my manager has and he’s changed as a person (in a bad way) from when I used to work with him in my previous job.

Anyway, for months they have both (my manager and hairdresser) have been receiving quite vile and abusive emails from a fake account but the emails are also being made out to look like I’ve sent them. Things that have been mentioned in the emails are only things that we have all spoken about together so nobody else would know (including the male - managers best friend too) but the way the email text is coming across they are using grammar which I would use and words that I would use to look like me. Specific words, texts, phrases that I say etc as if I’m sending the emails to put the blame on me. At first they genuinely thought I was sending the emails, I was oblivious to these emails until they asked me if I was me, I had no idea they were even receiving these emails until recently, I showed them I was innocent. I would never do such a thing. They didn’t expect it would be the other member of staff (his best friend) until we started piecing the evidence together.

Anyway, tonight, I’ve started now receiving messages but via Facebook because this person doesn’t have my personal email address. This person has made up a fake Facebook profile to send me messages which are very personal, abusive and disturbing. They have told me they watch my every move, they know everything about me, to watch my back because “you will find out in time what will happen to you, you think you’re smart but I’m smarter than you, just wait and see”. Etc etc… saying they are going to message my partner and make up lies saying I’m sleeping with other people etc! I did block the person and normally I wouldn’t bother but I have mental health problems and I can’t sleep from panicking. I know this is the person from my work because they have mentioned personal stuff that only my manager and he knows in my work and I know for a fact it’s him! But how do I prove it! I’m so angry. What does he want from me and why is he doing this to me and to my manager, his so called best friend! Baring in mind this guy is in his 40s. If it’s not him it’s his partner that’s doing it on his behalf.

I can’t afford to just pack up and leave my work but I can’t go to work dealing with this as it’s affecting my mental health badly. What would you do in this situation? I’m so tempted to set him up in a way to prove it’s him but I don’t know what to do. I know 100% it’s him who’s sending these emails and threatening me too. I don’t know why he is doing this.

 

[DA Stella]

@Pringles123 Anybody with moderate computer skills could determine the IP address (this lie that influencers spread explained here) of the sender. Additionally you could report the messages to the police. It's against the law to send threatening messages.
I'm sorry this is happening to you.

 

[EleanorRigby]

To be clear: He was my manager, so I had to be “nice” to him and professional. I’m not his friend.

No, you absolutely do not need to be "nice" to a toxic ex-boss. You don't owe him anything, including respect.

 

[ChastityDingle]

No, you absolutely do not need to be "nice" to a toxic ex-boss. You don't owe him anything, including respect.

100% this. And keep remembering that end of year rating the fcuker gave you.
I hope he got a nice shock when he was told that he can't pawn off work on you anymore.

I wouldn't be surprised if he still tries to get to you with ridiculous orders to do his work for him, but if so I would be bouncing the emails onto your manager and let them tell him in words he understands, to GO TO HELL.

 

[Dishthedirt2021]

I was wondering if someone can help. Is there anyway of finding out exactly who is sending messages/emails to someone? Like possibly tracking them down with their IP address (this lie that influencers spread explained here) or if they have made a fake Facebook profile is there anyway of finding out who exactly it is.

Long story short and I’ll try and explain this the best way I can.

I work for a small business, my manager is having a fling with the hairdresser next door. They have been for the past year. I knew from day one, I was the first and only person to know from the beginning and was happy for them. I’ve been wanting them to be together from the get go. In our business we have another male who works for us, the managers best friend, he doesn’t agree with them being together (for several reasons I wont get into and he’s made it very clear on several occasions). I have to also mention this guy (the managers best friend) I used to work with him in my old job so I’ve actually known him a lot longer than my manager has and he’s changed as a person (in a bad way) from when I used to work with him in my previous job.

Anyway, for months they have both (my manager and hairdresser) have been receiving quite vile and abusive emails from a fake account but the emails are also being made out to look like I’ve sent them. Things that have been mentioned in the emails are only things that we have all spoken about together so nobody else would know (including the male - managers best friend too) but the way the email text is coming across they are using grammar which I would use and words that I would use to look like me. Specific words, texts, phrases that I say etc as if I’m sending the emails to put the blame on me. At first they genuinely thought I was sending the emails, I was oblivious to these emails until they asked me if I was me, I had no idea they were even receiving these emails until recently, I showed them I was innocent. I would never do such a thing. They didn’t expect it would be the other member of staff (his best friend) until we started piecing the evidence together.

Anyway, tonight, I’ve started now receiving messages but via Facebook because this person doesn’t have my personal email address. This person has made up a fake Facebook profile to send me messages which are very personal, abusive and disturbing. They have told me they watch my every move, they know everything about me, to watch my back because “you will find out in time what will happen to you, you think you’re smart but I’m smarter than you, just wait and see”. Etc etc… saying they are going to message my partner and make up lies saying I’m sleeping with other people etc! I did block the person and normally I wouldn’t bother but I have mental health problems and I can’t sleep from panicking. I know this is the person from my work because they have mentioned personal stuff that only my manager and he knows in my work and I know for a fact it’s him! But how do I prove it! I’m so angry. What does he want from me and why is he doing this to me and to my manager, his so called best friend! Baring in mind this guy is in his 40s. If it’s not him it’s his partner that’s doing it on his behalf.

I can’t afford to just pack up and leave my work but I can’t go to work dealing with this as it’s affecting my mental health badly. What would you do in this situation? I’m so tempted to set him up in a way to prove it’s him but I don’t know what to do. I know 100% it’s him who’s sending these emails and threatening me too. I don’t know why he is doing this.

Make it a police matter. He will either tit himself and stop or he’ll be dealt with by the police.

 

[DA Stella]

No, you absolutely do not need to be "nice" to a toxic ex-boss. You don't owe him anything, including respect.

He'll go around your current manager directly to you and will figure you're too "nice" to tell him no. I have some people who try that. I reply to them copying my manager, explaining that my responsibilities don't allow me time to take on their projects. I recommend you do the same because otherwise he won't stop.

 

[TheGlossy]

Thank you all for your insightful posts. I really appreciate them. Very empowering!!

He apparently told my new manager that he approached me directly because we have a good “rapport” (when in reality, I just had to tolerate him when I worked with him).

Then my manager was like “regardless”, any work queries should have been routed through them.

This old is the same manager who indeed gave me that ridiculous year end review and who told me “We all have problems” when I spoke to him about the stress I was going through when my dad passed last year. I haven’t forgotten that. I gave them more than enough during my time there, it’s over now. They’re not entitled to a single second of work from me ever again.

I’m sure he was shocked as he certainly didn’t expect I’d escalate to my manager because I’ve always been amenable. He’s literally burning bridges at every angle. Today, I ran into two people I know from that department and apparently he’s “stressed”. I mean he lost all his experienced staff within 4 months of him getting appointed as manager I left four months ago and it appears I’m not being replaced either. He’s only left with a shortage of staff and new hires who still need training.

He literally went into his management role saying he’d only approve holidays, do performance reviews and be a point of escalation. He said he “paid his dues”. This is what happens when you move into a role for the wrong reasons and have a toxic personality.

 

[JustmeKC]

Thank you all for your insightful posts. I really appreciate them. Very empowering!!

He apparently told my new manager that he approached me directly because we have a good “rapport” (when in reality, I just had to tolerate him when I worked with him).

Then my manager was like “regardless”, any work queries should have been routed through them.

This old is the same manager who indeed gave me that ridiculous year end review and who told me “We all have problems” when I spoke to him about the stress I was going through when my dad passed last year. I haven’t forgotten that. I gave them more than enough during my time there, it’s over now. They’re not entitled to a single second of work from me ever again.

I’m sure he was shocked as he certainly didn’t expect I’d escalate to my manager because I’ve always been amenable. He’s literally burning bridges at every angle. Today, I ran into two people I know from that department and apparently he’s “stressed”. I mean he lost all his experienced staff within 4 months of him getting appointed as manager I left four months ago and it appears I’m not being replaced either. He’s only left with a shortage of staff and new hires who still need training.

He literally went into his management role saying he’d only approve holidays, do performance reviews and be a point of escalation. He said he “paid his dues”. This is what happens when you move into a role for the wrong reasons and have a toxic personality.

I’m glad your new manager appears to have a bit of control over the situation. Hopefully someone is logging the old manager’s behaviour with HR, he sounds horrific.

 

[Black.bird]

I was wondering if someone can help. Is there anyway of finding out exactly who is sending messages/emails to someone? Like possibly tracking them down with their IP address (this lie that influencers spread explained here) or if they have made a fake Facebook profile is there anyway of finding out who exactly it is.

Long story short and I’ll try and explain this the best way I can.

I work for a small business, my manager is having a fling with the hairdresser next door. They have been for the past year. I knew from day one, I was the first and only person to know from the beginning and was happy for them. I’ve been wanting them to be together from the get go. In our business we have another male who works for us, the managers best friend, he doesn’t agree with them being together (for several reasons I wont get into and he’s made it very clear on several occasions). I have to also mention this guy (the managers best friend) I used to work with him in my old job so I’ve actually known him a lot longer than my manager has and he’s changed as a person (in a bad way) from when I used to work with him in my previous job.

Anyway, for months they have both (my manager and hairdresser) have been receiving quite vile and abusive emails from a fake account but the emails are also being made out to look like I’ve sent them. Things that have been mentioned in the emails are only things that we have all spoken about together so nobody else would know (including the male - managers best friend too) but the way the email text is coming across they are using grammar which I would use and words that I would use to look like me. Specific words, texts, phrases that I say etc as if I’m sending the emails to put the blame on me. At first they genuinely thought I was sending the emails, I was oblivious to these emails until they asked me if I was me, I had no idea they were even receiving these emails until recently, I showed them I was innocent. I would never do such a thing. They didn’t expect it would be the other member of staff (his best friend) until we started piecing the evidence together.

Anyway, tonight, I’ve started now receiving messages but via Facebook because this person doesn’t have my personal email address. This person has made up a fake Facebook profile to send me messages which are very personal, abusive and disturbing. They have told me they watch my every move, they know everything about me, to watch my back because “you will find out in time what will happen to you, you think you’re smart but I’m smarter than you, just wait and see”. Etc etc… saying they are going to message my partner and make up lies saying I’m sleeping with other people etc! I did block the person and normally I wouldn’t bother but I have mental health problems and I can’t sleep from panicking. I know this is the person from my work because they have mentioned personal stuff that only my manager and he knows in my work and I know for a fact it’s him! But how do I prove it! I’m so angry. What does he want from me and why is he doing this to me and to my manager, his so called best friend! Baring in mind this guy is in his 40s. If it’s not him it’s his partner that’s doing it on his behalf.

I can’t afford to just pack up and leave my work but I can’t go to work dealing with this as it’s affecting my mental health badly. What would you do in this situation? I’m so tempted to set him up in a way to prove it’s him but I don’t know what to do. I know 100% it’s him who’s sending these emails and threatening me too. I don’t know why he is doing this.

I think you should go to the police. They're communicating via Facebook now, but they might up the ante by sending you texts next (either via a burner phone or an app).

Don't tell anyone your plan (if the perpetrator is given a heads-up they might chuck the burner phone and kill the FB account, then when everything dies down just start up again) - just go and see the police and let them handle it.

If it is this guy, what is his problem with his friend and the hairdresser - is he in love with his friend and doesn't want anyone else to have him? It's all very bizarre behaviour ...

I would also look for another job. If it is this guy doing all this and he receives a warning or a conviction of some sort, there's no guarantee he won't be fired - maybe his bestie will feel sorry for him and keep him on. For your peace of mind and sanity, find something better (keep working there while looking).

 

[Hello Kitty]

When lazy people have been given work and ask if I can do it as they are too busy today . It didn't even take 5 minutes to do and in that time, the person that was too busy was sending me a message on teams.

 

[CrimsonCountess]

When lazy people have been given work and ask if I can do it as they are too busy today . It didn't even take 5 minutes to do and in that time, the person that was too busy was sending me a message on teams.

I've got one like this too. She normally asks me to frank her post or something quick like that. I stopped doing it after the first few times when I saw she was sat on her phone most of the day and easily could have done her tasks

 

[ChastityDingle]

I've got one like this too. She normally asks me to frank her post or something quick like that. I stopped doing it after the first few times when I saw she was sat on her phone most of the day and easily could have done her tasks

I worked with someone years ago who used to try to foist stuff off on others, including stuff that absolutely had to be completed under your own ID and would be traceable back to you.

I used to just nod as though I was agreeing and then not do it. She had no choice but to do it then but I'm certain she got away with it with others, at different times.

 

[Ensay]

Thank you all for your insightful posts. I really appreciate them. Very empowering!!

He apparently told my new manager that he approached me directly because we have a good “rapport” (when in reality, I just had to tolerate him when I worked with him).

Then my manager was like “regardless”, any work queries should have been routed through them.

This old is the same manager who indeed gave me that ridiculous year end review and who told me “We all have problems” when I spoke to him about the stress I was going through when my dad passed last year. I haven’t forgotten that. I gave them more than enough during my time there, it’s over now. They’re not entitled to a single second of work from me ever again.

I’m sure he was shocked as he certainly didn’t expect I’d escalate to my manager because I’ve always been amenable. He’s literally burning bridges at every angle. Today, I ran into two people I know from that department and apparently he’s “stressed”. I mean he lost all his experienced staff within 4 months of him getting appointed as manager I left four months ago and it appears I’m not being replaced either. He’s only left with a shortage of staff and new hires who still need training.

He literally went into his management role saying he’d only approve holidays, do performance reviews and be a point of escalation. He said he “paid his dues”. This is what happens when you move into a role for the wrong reasons and have a toxic personality.

Good to hear your new manager is supportive. I mean, I get there's something in it for them too, because they want all your time, rather than you spending part of it on something else, but that's understandable because you work for them now.

Hopefully any further requests from him will be filtered out!

 

[TheGlossy]

A quick follow up on my issue from last week.

My previous manager apparently spoke pretty badly to my current manager who takes no BS from anyone and ended up escalating the matter to my previous manager’s manager who apologized for his report’s attitude.

My current manager is multiple levels above my previous manager who is at the same level as me and still thought he could enforce his authority (or lack thereof).

 

[ChastityDingle]

He probably lost it a bit when he realised he wasn't getting to foist the work over onto you.
Plus he thought he could get away with speaking to your manager (possibly because she is a woman) like that.
I know his type.

Bloody good enough for him, I hope he was thoroughly hauled over the coals for it.

 

[TheGlossy]

One of my coworkers is seriously taking the mic.

I had previously mentioned how one day they rescheduled a meeting three times in the same day and tuned up 20 minutes late when they finally dared to show up to this 30 minutes meeting.

This is the same person who stood me up twice on meetings they’d scheduled.

I let it slide. However, today I got super annoyed. They moved our 30 minutes meeting from one time to another which is fine. When the meeting was due to start, they ping me saying they’ll be a few minutes late. Sure no worries. After 20 minutes, I ping them and ask if they can make it because it’s a 30 minutes minutes meeting and I needed to be gone by a specific time. Their answer was: “Apologies, I just got dragged into another meeting, can we move ours?”

At that point, I saw red. So you told me you were late because you were in Meeting A then proceeded to jump into another meeting after that (Meeting B) all while I was left waiting with my line open for our meeting (Meeting C)... all this and you didn’t think to tell me you wouldn’t be able to make it until I pinged you?! At no point between the two meetings you took instead of ours did you think to let me know?!

I obviously didn’t tell them this but this is basic lack of respect. My time is as important as theirs. The fact they joined a second meeting while I was waiting with the line open and didn’t tell me - that’s taking the biscuit.

In the end, I rescheduled this meeting to the very last hour of the day another day, so that if they don’t show up, I’m logging off. I honestly can’t.

 

[YetAnotherObsessionx]

I know this is massively less shocking than the posts above from earlier this week, but I've just experienced this tonight & can't think where else to share: when people in the UK don't have any idea where some other very large well-known places are. I'm mainly referring to my Kent/Sussex colleagues referring to pretty much anywhere that isn't Kent/Sussex/London as being 'up north' so much that one of them said she was going 'up north' next week which in fact turned out to be Bristol. They all think 'oh well it's somewhere outside London' is a hilarious excuse for not knowing something as basic as what's the next county to the one they live in... as if driving an hour east, west or north is a thousand times further than driving an hour from London to Brighton to go to the beach. They know Cornwall exists but I doubt some of them could find it on a map, like it's some sort of mythical place you get to via a portal on the M25. I find this all infuriating.

Anyway. Rant over. Back to reading everyone else's far more dramatic colleague issues!

 

[DA Stella]

Purchasing Department Employee: Can you fix this, it's wrong on my end.
Me: It's correct on my end, see screen shot. I don't know why it's wrong on your end, I don't have access to purchasing.
Purchasing Department Employee: Can you tell me why it's wrong on my end?
Me: Um, no, like I said I don't know why it's wrong on your end. I don't have access. Perhaps my Manager can assist.
My Manager: It's wrong on the Purchasing side because Other Purchasing Department Employee didn't do their required data entry a few months ago.
Purchasing Department Employee:.......<crickets>

I love when manager stands up for me.

 

[Black.bird]

I'm doing a short-term work for a friend. She wasn't able to be in the office today; she told me this well in advance, and I went in earlier in the week to see where I'd be sitting and to get my logins, etc.

So today I rock up and my access fob doesn't work. No problem ... I just waited in my car for someone to come (and had to tell them who I am as they weren't in the office on the day I went in). I got to my desk, to find it had become a dumping ground of boxes, cables and general office mess. I asked her PA - "Am I still meant to be sitting here?" to which she shrugged her shoulders, sighed and asked if I needed help to move everything. The only chair I could find had icky stains all over the seat. Not a good start!

At least my logins worked and I managed to churn out a good amount of work - which wasn't hard to do as nobody came to say "hi" to me (even if I politely smiled at people as they walked by, nobody stopped) ... so I was pretty much Nancy No-Mates!

 

[KitcRed]

Annoys me to no end when I return from leave and have a million emails to deal with. My OOO is on and clearly states that work should go through my manager. Their excuse is always BS like 'I didn't want to bombard them' or 'You know the work'. Fine. You're now at the bottom of my priority list because clearly none of it was important enough to be dealt with last week.