Hope I’ve picked the right thread… I have for the past few months become wary of a female friend of my boyfriend. She is part of his social circle, although not a close friend. Last year she left her toxic, abusive partner and father of her child. It was terrible and I genuinely felt for her. Everyone in the ‘group’ checked in on her etc including my boyfriend. The thing is, she seems to have chosen my boyfriend to text and call to confide in when her ex gets in touch or does/says something nasty. At first I assumed she was messaging everyone and just needed some all-round reassurance and was perhaps a bit lonely. I encouraged my boyfriend to check in on her and helped with his advice responses back to her. However, it has escalated where his phone is constantly pinging with messages from her. Nothing untoward, general chitchat I guess, but they’re not ‘best friends’/ ‘close friends’ so the volume of texts and calls feels inappropriate. I’m worried given the arsehole she was previously with, she sees how lovely my boyfriend is and has latched on and got a bit of a crush. I’m not jealous or threatened at all, just concerned. My boyfriend is the loveliest guy on Earth and I trust him completely but I have felt the need to mildly warn him to just be careful not to be too nice that she may misconstrue messages. Any advice????
Absolutely go with your gut - I cannot stress this enough.
My ex had a female friend like this and she HATED me because she was friends with his ex. So much so that he said "oh you can meet her last" when he was introducing me to his friends when we first got together. The first time I met her was at his birthday party and she point blank ignored me all day/evening and made things unbearably awkward, to the point that I ended up in tears leaving early. He had a word with her, but it made little difference to her behaviour even though she apologised (to him, not me!!)
She had also broken up with a boyfriend and was leaning on my boyfriend a lot. She got him presents for his birthday that only a girlfriend would get for their boyfriend, including a newspaper from the day he was born (?!?!?).... I had to point out to my ex how bizarre her behaviour was. She invited him and not me to her birthday celebration in Ibiza.
My ex and I didn't last long after that. It wasn't just because of her, but I could never have stayed with him if he'd continued that friendship. What I didn't understand was that she was really pally with his ex and hated me coz I was with him, but she CLEARLY had a gigantic possibly unrequited crush on him. I have no idea if they eventually got together and don't care, but there was something very very off.
Have you spoken to your boyfriend about your concerns?
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Just a random update to this. A few months later I got stronger confirmation something was happening...
Then we drifted apart for a year. My partner would never go anywhere with me, was so distant. A year later he said he wants yo split. No communication no explanation...just separation. I've since found more evidence. Always trust your instincts.
So true - the gut never lies, and I am so sorry this happened to you. Good on you for trusting your own instincts and believing in yourself. Things will get better xxx