Am i being unreasonable

[Jelly Bean]

So he went out to viewings and bought the house without consulting you at all? And then kept it secret all through the legal stuff? Mind blowing. He must know you want an equal say in all the decisions? As it will be your home.
He *might* just be incredibly thoughtless and not deceitful (being very generous here) but do you really want a future with a person like that? Somebody so good at being so secretive would concern me very much.

 

[skintsocks]

It’s not your future if he made all the decisions himself and used shared savings. It’s controlling and wrong. Try and get your money back but more importantly, get rid. This is not how a happy partnership begins.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Can you imagine how he would react if you had done the same? Ask him that.

 

[Meh]

Nope, don’t let him away with that. He’s trying to control you! As everyone’s said he has essentially stolen from you, I’d try get some legal advice on this - however that’s a route that perhaps if you go down your relationship goes down the pan too which tbh considering his behaviour is a good thing.

You deserve more than this, communication and trust is key and he’s proven there’s none of that there.

Yeah I’m pretty sure when we bought our place we both had to prove where the deposit came from. I.e we both had to show our bank statements with payments into our savings.

I would STRONGLY recommend you take legal advice on this ASAP. He’s stolen your money. I know he’s your bf and you may not want to think down these lines but you must protect yourself.

Whether you saved £5 or £50k he has NO right to take that from you.

Was the money in a joint account? With both names?

 

[tiddles]

I'm sorry this isn't making sense. Was this money in a joint account? The money just isn't removed from an account instantaneously when a house is bought. It sits in the solicitors account for some time. At what point did you notice the money was missing?

 

[Orange Creme]

If he has used your money to buy himself a house then he has stolen from you and you need to report the crime and seek legal advice.

Your future shouldn't include a man who Sneakily goes behind your back, lies, steals, puts himself first, dresses it up as if he's doing it for you.

 

[Gembo]

If he’s done it for your future then why weren’t you included in any of it? You don’t just pop to the shops & buy a house, you have to arrange viewings, visit them, make an offer...to all a really lengthy process and he’s been lying to you by not telling you. Theres absolutely no excusing this behaviour. To be honest it would be bad enough if he’d done this using only his money but to use yours as well is wrong, plain and simple. I would seek legal advice as others have suggested.

 

[lurkyTurkey5]

Me and my partner have been saving for a house we still live with parents .... yet today I've now found out hes now bought his own house for him . . Not for us ... but he still wants us to together... is this man deluded.
Why say ones thing and do another
Used money that was to be ours for a deposit . Heartbroken

Definitely a serious red flag!
Why would he do such a thing.... Be careful because if you move in and live there and say split up in a couple years to come for example, you will be left without anything!!!!!!

 

[Kim Mild]

How far through the process of buying is he?

If he's used your money as a deposit in order to get a mortgage, that's fraud .I'd report him to Action fraud( you can do that online) and I'd let the estate agent and mortgage company now.y

 

[cedarpeach]

I’m so sorry this happened to you. No you’re not being unreasonable. His actions have shown that he is not interested in a long term partnership with you. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but as someone who stayed for too long in a manipulative relationship please know that it’s true. He is showing you quite clearly how little respect and care he has for you and for the plans you thought the two of you had. Concentrate on his actions, not his words. Good luck.

 

[Likkleone]

Me and my partner have been saving for a house we still live with parents .... yet today I've now found out hes now bought his own house for him . . Not for us ... but he still wants us to together... is this man deluded.
Why say ones thing and do another
Used money that was to be ours for a deposit . Heartbroken

I am SO sorry that you’re going through this.

Please understand how wrong he is to do this to you. This isn’t your fault or your mistake. You’ve trusted him and he’s broken that.

i would say this is a huge red flag unfortunately. Living under someone else’s roof can be risky in the long run. he can use this against you (This has personally happened to me and a few friends). If the relationship breaks down it’ll be him who stays in the house and you’ll be left in the lurch - no matter how much it may seem like home in the future. You deserve as much as anyone else to feel secure in your own home, so don’t let him fool you into thinking this was for ‘your future’.

I would fight to get your money back and work towards your own place.

 

[ThePidge]

What a vile boy. I would get your money back and leave him immediately.

For a start- where were you putting the “savings money”? if it’s in a joint bank account then it’s practically theft.
If you’ve been sending him money with a reference “house deposit savings” etc- then it’s still enough to get that money back.

 

[AmeliaFatFace]

Me and my partner have been saving for a house we still live with parents .... yet today I've now found out hes now bought his own house for him . . Not for us ... but he still wants us to together... is this man deluded.
Why say ones thing and do another
Used money that was to be ours for a deposit . Heartbroken

Wow redblueyellow8 this is a really unsettling situation and I’m sorry it’s happening to you.
I think ultimately you need to remove yourself from this relationship as soon as you can. Was the money in a joint account? How far through the house purchase process is he? If possible you need to step in, stop it and reclaim your hard earned money. If that means reporting him for fraud, so be it. He sounds very controlling and I suspect from what you’ve said is going to try and say ‘it’s all for you’ and ‘why are you being so ungrateful’ when you challenge him. Huge red flag Act now and get out.

 

[Be More Pacific]

Hope you're ok @Redblueyellow8

 

[Say What]

I genuinely feel for you! Your partner has stolen from you and you should report him to the police. Personally I wouldn’t stay with someone who did that because if he cared about you, he wouldn’t have done that. I hope you get your savings back!

 

[mcfeez]

You need to get your money back or get your name on the deed of this house. I would seek out professional legal advice.

 

[Daisy.in.the.garden]

This is awful, so sorry to read it. How are you now, hope you ok? Can you give us an update? X

 

[Swishybishy]

Me and my partner have been saving for a house we still live with parents .... yet today I've now found out hes now bought his own house for him . . Not for us ... but he still wants us to together... is this man deluded.
Why say ones thing and do another
Used money that was to be ours for a deposit . Heartbroken

No, he is being selfish and not in it for the long haul clearly. Sorry.

 

[Titntat]

Omg what a prick. Get your money back and run run run

 

[GeordieLass]

you may not feel like this but this could be the greatest blessing you could ever imagine - thankgod you haven't married him!
get solicitors involved and get your money back, you are well rid.
what a selfish and manipulative thing to do , don't let him gaslight you into thinking this is acceptable.
it is horrendous what he has done