What a journey. Stay strong
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I have had the 1 year anniversary of my mums death this week and I just feel devastated. I feel like I’m grieving now how I should have then, I think I was in some kind of shock or denial. Ive spent a lot of time this week beating myself up that I could have and should have done more. I hate alcoholism, it absolutely rips lives to pieces. It feels very hard to know how to move forward and be happy in life knowing that my mum was so unhappy and her death really was like watching a slow suicide. I remember begging her not to drink, telling her she would die, offering to take her to get help and her saying she didn’t care, she’d be dead soon. When she finally did drink herself to the point where they told her she was going to die she sobbed her heart out and shouted because she didn’t want to die. It’s an awful thing to witness and her death was neither quick or peaceful, I watched her suffer.
If there is anyone reading this right now who struggles with their drinking, please please please seek help. It’s not weakness to ask for help, it’s weakness not to.
If there is anyone reading this right now who struggles with their drinking, please please please seek help. It’s not weakness to ask for help, it’s weakness not to.
Sending love to everyone.
My alcoholic sibling, who is now apparently 8 months sober, with one minor slip she says, was hospitalised over the weekend.
She was apparently being sick consistently and couldn't keep anything down. Called 111 and they sent an ambulance. She has a virus and gallstones, potentially gastroenteritis. Shamed to admit but I wasn't even bothered when my mum told me. I assumed it was alcohol related. I've googled and there is no link between gallstones and alcoholism. I still don't really care that she is ill though which isn't good on my part.
I am not convinced she stays sober. I read my mums messages (it went off when I was in her kitchen and she was walking the dog) there was an evening she should have been round for tea and didnt go, my mum had messaged her several times and no response. This is what used to happen when she was in drink. The messages said she was poorly being sick, she obviously was as she is now in hospital but I am still dubious.
Its so difficult. I know my mum is worried about her, but I just couldn't really care less so I struggle to empathise.
My alcoholic sibling, who is now apparently 8 months sober, with one minor slip she says, was hospitalised over the weekend.
She was apparently being sick consistently and couldn't keep anything down. Called 111 and they sent an ambulance. She has a virus and gallstones, potentially gastroenteritis. Shamed to admit but I wasn't even bothered when my mum told me. I assumed it was alcohol related. I've googled and there is no link between gallstones and alcoholism. I still don't really care that she is ill though which isn't good on my part.
I am not convinced she stays sober. I read my mums messages (it went off when I was in her kitchen and she was walking the dog) there was an evening she should have been round for tea and didnt go, my mum had messaged her several times and no response. This is what used to happen when she was in drink. The messages said she was poorly being sick, she obviously was as she is now in hospital but I am still dubious.
Its so difficult. I know my mum is worried about her, but I just couldn't really care less so I struggle to empathise.
I do understand how you feel. There were occasions my mum was hospitalised that I didn’t go and see her. I did care but kind of felt like I didn’t, I think it was just the exhaustion of it and there were occasions it overlapped with having to deal with things in my own life as well. It was all too much. Also my experience is that alcoholics are amongst the worlds best liars. The stuff that my mum used to say
and I remember family members having to ensure they were at consultant appointments with her because she would lie about how much she was drinking. I never really knew what to believe half the time but I know I didn’t trust her. How you’re feeling is totally normal.
They're so convincing aren't they? I've said within this thread my mum has kidney damage, but of course it's tablets she's been on and short term dehydration. She's said that's what the doctors said. Naturally I have my own opinions and think the doctors must know but when she's so convincing how can they be sure?I do understand how you feel. There were occasions my mum was hospitalised that I didn’t go and see her. I did care but kind of felt like I didn’t, I think it was just the exhaustion of it and there were occasions it overlapped with having to deal with things in my own life as well. It was all too much. Also my experience is that alcoholics are amongst the worlds best liars. The stuff that my mum used to say
How you’re feeling is totally normal.
Life with an alcoholic. Got home yesterday, he is still working from home re lockdown. I kiss him hello and asked him why our housekeeper has not cleaned our bedroom as yet. He looks at me with disdain and said it is your area to sort out. I asked housekeeper she said he was sleeping the whole day so she did not have access to room. He walks into the bedroom wildeyed, i ask him if he is in a mood. I get back, "dont ask, dont talk, do you want me to break every window and door in this house"? i am confused and afraid. I thought things are getting better. I am too nervous to say anything but okay. he leaves the room to go downstairs, come back and says - did you say anything, ready for a verbal attack. I am even more confused and said i didnt say anything. My heart and spirit breaks again. I go and have a bath, the scenario playing over and over in my mind. Once done i go to him, sit on the coffee table right in front of him. I tell him that i listened to lies for years, that i want to trust him. That we have a life that he rules with fear. If he is proud to be a man that makes his wife afraid instead of feeling loved and protected. I cry and leave, he throws sarcastic comments back to me. He gets cruel. A while later he comes up and tells me i blow things up out or proportion. i say because you never admit to what you are doing and/or saying. He walks away pissed off. I sleep in the guestroom afraid to leave room, and i pray and pray. Left the house without seeing him this morning and then later gets a text from him, saying he is disappointed in himself and of how he treated me. What can i say back, that everything is cool? Where does the feelings i have inside of me of reoccurring things that happens all the time go? Why do i need to be scared all the time and nervous about what i say or do. Why do i keep on loving him??
Oh Annie my heart breaks for you. Does your husband acknowledge he has an addiction? Do I remember correctly that you're part on an Al-Anon group too, if so when's your next meeting with them?
My mum never apologises either. In fact it's always my fault. I have the issue with people drinking, I shouldn't have called, I shouldn't have gone home (when I lived there), if I wasn't born she'd live in a nicer house (despite the house she lives in is perfectly lovely but the house they nearly bought is now worth a mill) etc. It's so hard to know where you stand but you must remember that you're the constant, the alcohol is the difference
Sounds like you have done the best you can for both your dogs and you have put your current dog first. What can you do if you cant cover all the costs? I'd just be telling myself I was doing the best I could for my pet given my current resources. I'm sorry your going through this, its very difficult when it comes to pets. Try to focus instead on your dog being happy and healthy.
I wish I had words of comfort for you, but you'll already know you need to do what's right and best for you. Look after yourself and my DMs are open if ever you wanted to chat more x
Didn't want to read and not comment. You are in my thoughts and I'm sending you love and hope.
If you need to chat off the forum I am more than happy to private message xxx
So my mum, who’s the ‘parent’ I’ve talked about a bit on this thread. She posted a video on Facebook tonight about when a husband cheats on his wife, and it wasn’t like this funny skit like I expected, it was quite solemn and serious and now I literally feel sick because why would she share something like that if she couldn’t relate to it in some way? I know this isn’t strictly alcohol related although I’m sure she posted after a few drinks and may possibly be deleted in the morning. But I’m shaking and didn’t know where to post. Feels like part of my world that I’ve always known could be falling apart. My step dad is like a father to me and helped raise me, he’s grandad to my kids, and if he’s done that then despite all my mums faults and difficulties, I’ve lost all respect for him. I hope it turns out to be nothing, but I don’t think it will. What on earth is going on. No point even trying to contact anyone at this time. Hate social media.
I’m so sorry, that’s so worrying and I can see why you would be upset. Do you feel you can ask your mum about it today? X
Thank you. Feeling a bit more composed this morning. I’m just not sure how to broach the subject. Me and mum don’t have the most open relationship and communication has never been her strong point. Despite pushing 30, I still feel in a way like a child who shouldn’t know or be involved in these things because it’s above my station, maybe that’s a defence mechanism or something to avoid difficult family drama idk. If something has happened she will have to tell me sooner or later. Seeing family today so I’m going to find out if anyone knows anything but I doubt they will. Maybe see if I can get my grandmother to talk to her.
I hope you start feeling better. I can relate to your relationship with your mum and I also always felt like a child around my mum too so I know what you are saying. Fingers crossed you can find something out today and I hope you can feel less worried about it all. It really does take such a toll xxx
So here's my update on my person (sister) she did 6 months detox/rehab and has been out since June. One slip up which she admitted to, I've had my doubts on a number of occasions. I always get a 'feeling' when something is on the horizon. Hard to explain as I don't even see her now, but I just know when she is off the rails.
Well, she has been seeing this guy for about 6 weeks, went in all gung ho and has had 2 weekends away with him. We all said it was too soon, this guy was a recovering addict himself. Whilst he seemed nice and was treating her well, it just didn't sit right for any of us. Anyway, he called it a day on Thursday after she had been in hospital for gastroenteritis. He has had a relapse and said the relationship was too much.
My mum walked round to hers and she suspected that evening she had been drinking. She left her to it. She is supposed to see her child today, supervised by my mum. My mum walks round this afternoon, no sign of her. Looks through the windows and cannot see her, apparently bottle of drink on the lounge floor and lounge is in a mess. She didn't turn up to contact. My mum walks round a few hours later, she is on the floor, duvet over her. My mum shouted through the window that she had missed contact and she shouts back 'f off I am still alive'
My mum is just consumed by this. Its clear she is slipping back to old ways. The sleeping, not answering phones, the messy house etc. I feel for my mum and dad, they've paid tens of thousands of pounds for her rehab and she has blown it now.
She will drink her self to death, thats my belief now. She was warned in rehab that she was close to some major health issues.
Its soul destroying having her in my family, she consumes my mum with worry. She just shouldn't be allowed to do this.
I just wanted to vent really xxx
Well, she has been seeing this guy for about 6 weeks, went in all gung ho and has had 2 weekends away with him. We all said it was too soon, this guy was a recovering addict himself. Whilst he seemed nice and was treating her well, it just didn't sit right for any of us. Anyway, he called it a day on Thursday after she had been in hospital for gastroenteritis. He has had a relapse and said the relationship was too much.
My mum walked round to hers and she suspected that evening she had been drinking. She left her to it. She is supposed to see her child today, supervised by my mum. My mum walks round this afternoon, no sign of her. Looks through the windows and cannot see her, apparently bottle of drink on the lounge floor and lounge is in a mess. She didn't turn up to contact. My mum walks round a few hours later, she is on the floor, duvet over her. My mum shouted through the window that she had missed contact and she shouts back 'f off I am still alive'
My mum is just consumed by this. Its clear she is slipping back to old ways. The sleeping, not answering phones, the messy house etc. I feel for my mum and dad, they've paid tens of thousands of pounds for her rehab and she has blown it now.
She will drink her self to death, thats my belief now. She was warned in rehab that she was close to some major health issues.
Its soul destroying having her in my family, she consumes my mum with worry. She just shouldn't be allowed to do this.
I just wanted to vent really xxx
I’m so sorry. Vent away. I feel really angry on your behalf. I understand that alcoholics are in pain but I can just never fully understand why they behave the way they do. I feel very sad that she didn’t go to meet with her child. There’s only so much you can do, you can scream and shout, plead, ignore...until they want to get better though none of it makes a difference. When someone you love drinks them self to death it’s like watching a suicide in slow motion. I just want to send you love, let you know that whatever you are feeling is ok and that others will have felt it too. I hope you can find a way to stay strong for yourself x
I can really relate to this, I’ve read through the thread and your experience of your alcoholic sister sounds so very similar to mine, and i would also have the same suspicions as you about whether she is drinking again
myself and my sister were only a year apart in age, we grew up as best friends, we done everything together and were very close when we were younger, I’m using the past tense now as she unfortunately died at the age of 30 from years of extreme alcohol abuse
I remember the numerous hospital admissions for withdrawal seizures or because she was basically unconscious from binging, the alcohol induced hallucinations, the drunken ranting phone calls in the middle of the night then having no memory of it the next day, the rehab stays which she ran away from after only a couple of days saying she didn’t want any help, one particular occasion she ran away from rehab with a heroin addict and shacked up with him, so yeah that was lovely for all the family: relieved at finally getting her into rehab and her saying she really wanted stop drinking to get a phone call after two days to say she had ran away with a heroin addict...
her life was an absolute train wreck towards the end, she was in terrible condition and had all the symptoms of liver failure, my mums nerves were shredded to pieces and her heart was broken, and it was me who had to break the awful news to her after finding her dead
I can understand the feelings of just not being bothered anymore, at some point you just have to start protecting your own heart and mental health by emotionally distancing yourself, I went through a really bad couple of years were my nerves were in pieces, I constantly felt ill and couldn’t eat, dreaded the phone ringing, dreading even asking family if they had heard from her, couldn’t focus at work, eventually I had to stop thinking about her problems and start focusing on building my own life, especially as I had tried to help her so many times and had it thrown back in my face
reading through this thread has bought back some terrible memories and reading how some of you have been affected by an alcohol parent absolutely breaks my heart, your parents are the people who are meant to love you and protect you and put your welfare above and beyond anything else, I’m sorry some of you on here did not get that from your mother/father, I hope you can all find some level of peace and healing
Oh just seen this update, so clearly your intuition was right then, yes it is absolutely soul destroying, that’s why you get to a point where you begin to emotionally distance yourself, I feel awful for your poor mum, Ive been there myself with my own mum, watching her trying to hold back tears after finding out sister was in hospital, or ran away from rehab etc, she also ended up looking after sisters child, and there are major health and behavioural complications with the child, you are right, they shouldn’t be allowed to do it, I still hold a lot of anger about everything my sister has done even now 5 years on from her death, I really hope your sister can sort herself out, I don’t understand how people can live like that
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