mother pukka : Most liked Posts

SUMMARY of the visceral crisp packet crash so far:

After a cinematic revelation of unhappiness, involving a single tear and a yellow kitchen cabinet, Anna consciously uncouples from Matt "PappaPukka" Farquarson with shades of smugness, superiority and magpie parenting remarkability. The M&S of divorces.

5 minutes,1 Lorraine sofa and 4 Daily Telegraph columns later... Matt is suddenly without a first name, swiftly rebranded "My Ex" and...oh dear...is outed as quite the failed fumbler in an orgasmless 17 year marriage of empty crisp packet dryness.

Anna is briefly bisexual, horny and on Hinge in her bra. Torturous *weeks* of dating disasters go by.

Anna endures two weeks as a wrought, strung out single mother. Hell on earth.

Until one fateful moonlit afternoon, Anna meets OLLY BRETTON MY PERSON in a Mandarin Oriental hotel after he slides into her DMs saying he "loves what she does". Anna's nervous system calms. Her orgasms awaken and multiply in a whirlwind of otherworldly love and dickmatized haze.

3 months 5 minutes and 4 seconds later,OLLY BRETTON OLLY BRETTON proposes on a plastic chair in Thailand.

Olly Bretton, 5 year Hinge veteran of chunky wallet,24/7 work schedule, dubious jawline (and potential perchant for dubious DMs to previous Hinge ladies) is tagged to hills on the gram. Anna picks up her crisp packets and blends families in a stigma breaking act of activism sponsored by Sure deodorant.

Olly Bretton becomes best friends with the long suffering podcast pal Polly, who happily films him tounging Anna in an H Samuel.

Anna wears a Monsoon wedding dress to the Natural History museum.

As predicted by the mystic Meg's of Tattle...Anna announces her pregnancy and vows to break the stigma surrounding blended families*

*Real meaning = having unprotected sex and moving your two young daughters in with a bloke from Hinge you've known for less than 6 months.

Confused members of the public ask "What stigma around blended families"? "I'm in a blended family, how am I stigmatised?!" And get blocked faster than Matt My Ex bad at the sex left the internet.

Hold me closer, whiny chancer.

Been following this thread for a while quietly as
I know two people who dated stripey on hinge. Let’s just say this man is creeeeepy to the highest. Love bombs, desperate to be serious quickly. Just major red flags. He also messaged one of them fairly recently with a miss you type message. I don’t know Anna other than one of the girls said he was now dating a dj so we looked it up.
Finding it very amusing as both girls have almost identical messages from him so I wonder if Anna has this too but was just the one who fell for it.
He made it to the ‘creep board’ PowerPoint when we recapped last years tragic dates

Get in the hole. It's time for a recap:

According to the Daily Mirror Anna's kids have Never Been Happier now that "My Ex" is out of the way. There's a new mosaic family in town. They are here to inspire, to change the narrative and above all, to break stigmas! There's just so much more love to go around! What could go wrong?

Anna and OLLY BRETTON MY PERSON aka Captain Von Orgasm / Orgasm McPhee held an engagement party where you could only attend if you were pale, stale, named Mimi, Jonty or Tonto and brought along a toothy man wearing pink chinos and brown loafers.

Anna announced the latest stigma she is breaking: geriatric motherhood! She does it the only way she knows best, with an 80s style frazzle haired, mottled backdrop pregnancy photoshoot accompanied by a side eye. Take that, stigmas!

Anna appears on Lorraine in a puffy yellow frock to tell Christine Lampard she is the new Queen of Anglo-Hungarian blended mosaic families and the Dame of stigma breaking step mothers. Christine doesn't look too impressed and barely stifles a yawn and an eye roll.

Anna's tagging of the extended Bretton family Von Trapp results in the ill fated exposure of Olly Orgasm's sister's Lake District wedding website. Many questions arise. Will Anna get the boat on time? How much cash will Oliver Von Trapp transfer into his new brother in laws bank account? Will Anna break the stigma of open water swimming in winged eyeliner? Who will pay for the £45 taxi each way, as Anna is a pregnant freelancer lacking financial support? Which hideous dress will Anna wear? Did Olly Orgasm, Attorney at Law intervene from abroad to have the wedding website password protected?

Nothing else matters apart from a mother's happiness, so Sister Von Bretton won't mind a jot that her wedding got ripped on Tattle. Because Anna Whitehouse is happy and her children are HAPPIER THAN EVER. This has been studied by The University of Ohio and verified by Rachel Stevens from S Club 7, so it is 100% true and factual.

Back in the UK, in a manicured Cheshire mansion, Kate Ferdinand is looking at her phone and saying "Who the feck is this puffy faced pregnant blonde woman on a sun lounger saying I was there on her first date with Simon Cowell?"

Kate, it's about to get visceral. And orgasmic. But also please remember that raising children is super duper hard, exhausting, financially devastating and nobody EVER talks about it. But this doesn't mean Anna and her children aren't HAPPIER THAN EVER, ok?! Just nod along, doe eyed, like Polly Podcast, without ever questioning anything.

Hi ladies sorry to jump back in, this thread is now so big, we have not read it all but we love the chin jokes. Sorry we’ve had some wine and Olly came up again so thought we should jump in.
We are a group of 4, one has previously dated Olly, one has been working with him for 2-9 months (not to out us). We are all under 32. We have all met him together recently.
Please do not worry, this (his parters posts) are being shared amongst a lot of people but tbh he was already known as a bit of a loser from what we know.
We didn’t realise this had got so big so we’re all now digging down and will revert back.
Keep up the good work - it’s literally the only thing keeping us averagely paid girls going

I can’t believe I ever admired this woman!! Now she’s just some idiot I’m slow blinking at, wondering how the fuck she thinks her life is going well, and going so well that it needs to be shared so extensively.

If she was doing this without existing children involved (and Matt barely out the door) then I’d say, you know what, I can get the whole biological clock ticking/it'll work out element. But bringing a random round your daughters, little little daughters, a fucking rando from Hinge in within months of divorce fucking moving in with two little girls, and getting engaged and bringing into a brand new situation. Jeez I can’t believe Anna could be so fucking selfish and naïve. She doesn’t know this man. She does not know him. Why on earth she’s even introduced him to her kids is beyond me, let alone started trying for a baby within months of knowing each other.

It’s not about stigma of blended families Anna, you self-absorbed dickhead! It’s about the fact that it’s irresponsible in the extreme to take such huge steps when you met someone out of the blue merely months ago, seemingly not even divorced, and are pushing your daughters into an extremely intimate and intense situation while they’re still getting over their parents splitting up. No man should be moving in with little girls within months. It’s actually sickening and I don’t care what anyone says. Not all men, of course, but a little caution should be a basic standard.

every single time she posts a pic of him i think of this meme

Going on that podcast is the middle class way of screaming across the housing estate, “Yaaa nevaaa made me cum anyway ya twat!!!”

This woman completely passed me by as I was one of those worthless childless women who has no status or importance in the world. However, since fostering a newborn, the Instagram algorithm has pushed her onto me, and I immediately thought she was a twat so started following her thread here and was proven correct.

Observations from someone with little context:

That baby is the face of Ollie, poor thing. This woman is NOT on maternity leave, so why keep banging on about it? Being an “influencer” is the most flexible job there is. Most women do not have a high earning partner and nanny to enable them to prance around at shit events, so why is she the voice of flexible working? She is privileged, tone deaf, boring, dull and in a situation entirely of her own making.

I’m unwell in bed today and not good at resting. As requested by one poster yesterday, I’ve created a little montage of the many one facial expression of Chinny. Faces include: attending film premiere, celebrating my GLFS’s birthday, family holiday, worried about my unborn child, and meeting new baby

carriebooboo said:

The face of regret.

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Rawdogging & Regret. A portrait, Chelsea & Westminster Hospital, 2024.

BanditHealer said:

https://www.12ft.io/https://www.arc...te-critics.html?ico=article_preview_xp_mobile

What's the hack for reading Mail+ articles?
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Was it in March at Marylebone or in February at Kings X?

Hot on the heels of Matt’s sister… is this the ex-Mrs Olly Olly Breton posting on MN?

Oh PS sorry, he’s bigger than average but finishes quickly

Horrified at that post. I am vehemently pro choice but that’s not appropriate at all and actively feeds into the narrative that women use abortion as contraception.
Anna - your children are riding such a rollercoaster at the moment, parents separating, new sibling, etc etc. PLEASE protect them from this attention seeking lunatic. You are making horrible, horrible choices

PRgift said:

Chin running in his wetsuit reminds me of Igglepiggle.

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Chin The Nightgarden

Thanks for picking up the broken fragments of the old thread and making a shattered but somehow stronger new thread like a toddler-ravaged patchwork crisp packet 🫶

The #preemie is rage inducing. She has no idea, the weeks of not being able to even HOLD your baby. Staring at them an incubator. The not knowing IF they’ll make it home. The brain scans, the heart scans, the lines keeping them alive. The hospital NICU rounds. The inducing your breast milk via pumping, every. 2. Hours. The caffeine reduction, the oxygen rate lowering, the heart rate taking dips.

She can FUCK ALL the way off and when she gets there, FUCK OFF again.

She is beyond VILE.

blurstoftimes said:

casual pic shoehorning in signature towel and picante so everyone knows she’s at soho farmhouse

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Everyone except me!

Who was it who called Soho Farmhouse 'Butlins for cunts'. Made me lol - I cannot think of a place I want to go less.

Galinda said:

I'd rather have my wonderful neurodivergent child than some idiot child who seems to have been sucked into the latest non binary bullshit fad who can't think for themselves and is following all their friends. I'd shut that shit right down as their mother. If she wants to be shitty about my ASD child then there's a lot of things I could say about her eldest and the state of them at that film premiere. Not nice is it Anna?!

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I’m three pages behind but I hope to goodness that Anna’s daughter hasn’t been sucked into this godawful cult (judging by the fact she’s wearing a full on boy’s suit, I’m not so sure) but if she has, maybe Anna’s lack of crowing about her fabulous trans child is kind of telling… either that or her ex won’t let her.

Grim either way. Tomboy girls are rarely allowed to be tomboys nowadays. Too many people tell them they must really be transgender boys instead.

SmeatonsStar said:

All this and yet still time to eye fuck the camera & stroke Content (TM) like a dog.

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Boooring. Nobody cares about these tired “funny” memes about how exhausting little babies are Anna. This is so 2016.
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lucylucyapplejuicy said:

I’d be careful saying transphobic stuff like that as a parent of an autistic child, gender non conformity is extremely common amongst autistic tweens and teenagers (adults too). I have an autistic non binary child, and it’s not a ‘bullshit fad’. I agree that using the term Aspergers is completely awful and wrong, and I think she’s a dick for posting it, but there’s no need to attack her child/step child

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Autistic mum of autistic kids here. There are many reasons why ND kids are drawn towards adopting a trans identity. Mainly it’s because they’ve spent a lifetime feeling like an alien next to their peers, and become convinced that being trans is the perfect explanation for that feeling of otherness. Add into the mix how much social status comes along with being trans - mainly a ready made social group of misfits who accept you with open arms - and it doesn’t surprise me one bit that they get sucked in.

I would 100% have identified as non-binary as an undiagnosed autistic teen. It would have been like a set of armour absolving me of all the social pressures around looking and acting a certain way, tiptoeing into romantic relationships and sex (which I was terrified of back then).

Autistic people aren’t intrinsically more likely to be trans. It isn’t part of an autistic person’s neurology, it’s a social contagion they are more vulnerable to being taken in by.

All the best to your child and I hope they aren’t going to take hormones and have surgeries. All the evidence points to this distress easing by the time they’ve got through puberty.