food and drink : Most liked Posts

Please add me to the list of frauen encouraged by the bravery of the canal to go and get their smear test. It was fine although I did have to sit down for five minutes afterwards to ensure I wasn't about to pass out. There was a bloke in front of me in the waiting room who got called by one of the doctors and as they went into the consulting room I heard the doctor say 'are you two together?'. The bloke looked back utterly confused and the doctor said 'I thought you were with that guy, you've got very similar tattoos'. I am currently re-working this into a doctor shouting something like 'WHAT ARE YOU? BIRDS CAN'T HAVE TATTOOS' at me as all the other patients cackle and dance in a circle around me, after which I will expect cashos to heal the withered husk of my self-esteem.

I have one of those super fine hairs on my forehead, just off centre and then one that sometimes comes off the inside of my nose, near the top by one of my eyes. Occasionally get one of my neck and back too. Really satisfying in a weird way when plucked as they’re like a baby hair. I’ve always struggled with my relationship with body hair - my mum and other females in my life have always embraced the hair etc so not sure where it comes from really.


My night snack is some sushi I didn’t have for lunch from Aldi. Last nights night snack was pate and Brie on little mini toast crackers.

Universal said:

Morning @PunkyMonkey (fab name) welcome to the thread. Take a seat and tell us what is troubling you.

I'll tell you my clumsy fucker story. I have an important governmental meeting in Whitehall ( me) and got all dressed up like a proper grown up to get the train to London. I got my coffee, stood on the platform nervously waiting for my train. So nervous in fact that I looked at my watch for the millionth time forgetting I had a hot coffee in my hand and poured the contents down my front, slowly, while everyone watched me. I turned up to the meeting with stains on my dress and coat stinking of coffee but aced the meeting as by that point I couldnt give a shit!!!

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Thank you, that was a much needed laugh! Once upon a time I worked in public health research, I do wonder whether parliamentarians/chief scientists actually notice the little things like research assistants determinedly holding files over sauce stains or frantically taped together glasses, last minute PowerPoints and emergency taxis etc.

To answer the question... The emergency services aren't generally known for our lengthy and successful marriages but roughly 40 hours into Lockdown 2.0 my husband informed me that he no longer wants that particular role and I'm a curious mixture of devastated, blindsided and furious. The timing alone is less than ideal, but the shock is really quite something. The mornings and bedtimes are quite tough at the moment.

MancBee said:

Reading the previous comments I feel a little bit guilty. I seem to me-rail quite a lot.

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MancBee I can hand on heart say, I have never once read a post of yours and thought 'bloody hell, not again!'. Your posts are relevant, interesting and often educational. I appreciate you sharing your experiences, as I do many posters in our diverse little corner. Don't feel guilty for your contributions

Hi all. Am a frequent lurker and occasional poster on the MT. Have been struggling a lot with things recently so thought it might be a good idea to spend more time here and less over there is you wouldn’t mind me joining you every now and then?

Sunday School Cat sends best wishes to all too.

I’m slightly scared of posting in here but I wanted to also say that I take your points and hope very much I haven’t been too annoying. This is the first place in ages on the internet that I’ve laughed out loud and I really need that at the moment. So thank you.

Also think posting rules and READ THE WIKI at the start of every thread is a good idea.

Anyway, just please tell us newbies when we fuck up. I would like to stay.

Here‘s my cat for tax





ps my son likes his weighted blanket but it’s really a bit too heavy so he only uses it in extremes. I think there’s probably an ideal weight that feels like pressure but not a dead body

Thank you everyone for the condolences. My family is quite small so I've been fortunate enough to be relatively untouched by death up until this point. It's been hard to take. Both my granddads died some years ago now but they both had dementia so in a sense they were already gone. I've not been sleeping well, I feel incredibly guilty especially as I'd made a dusty relatives joke on Tuesday evening not knowing that she'd died earlier that day. She'd sent me a cheque at Christmas that I hadn't got round to putting in the bank so my mum told me to do it before the account got frozen. I felt like I'd sold my soul when I realised that I'd just fed the last thing I had from her into a machine for money.

You know it's been a bad week when forensically combing for a few hours through the same few minutes of JM warbling is not the worst thing you've heard!

Thank you guys I’m rubbish on my phone so sorry I’m not quoting -

Husband didn’t faint amazingly, he wore his go pro all the way through on his forehead! When he came into the room he did say “why is there so much blood on the floor - is it yours” which is 100% something I could have done without ever knowing much less at that time! I never want to see that footage in my life tbh I don’t know why he did it, he did really well as we knew my surgeon so they chatted during too! I was most surprised the midwives said they’ve never seen anyone do it before tbh? Maybe most men have more shame

Baby was shockingly even bigger than they predicted... She’s not even chubby she’s just very tall, with ridiculously long legs. She is brilliant with her feeding so that’s a huge relief, but probably cos she’s so big too she needs it?

I like to think JM’s booking another holiday away for this humid heat wave for us all to enjoy gentle pleasantries? Or maybe she’ll start cooking liquid slop in that ooni like a science experiment? Something wholesome pls!

Vet called me in this evening. Said they hadn’t been able to stabilise him and he was essentially drowning. Said it would be cruel to take him home. He’s gone. I held him as he went.

I can't contribute much Sideboard Cat to the thread atm, she is still being looked after by my parents while I recover from traumatisation by peas so I'm feeling quite guilty about it. My mum did send me this picture tho.

Happy Caturday, one and all.

Gather round ye fraus for the tale of the inaugural cabal meetup (written in JM style verbosity)!

Twas a relatively frosty eve in ol' London taaaaahn (please affect the same drawl as Michael Caine would 'traaaaaaazers') and an ancient tavern offered ample creature comforts for three thirsty fraus. Bedecked in their gladrags - grey and fraying CK sports bras, charity shop Vivienne Westwoods (RIP) and orange Nike Airs - the maverick mavens were delighted to find they completely resembled their forum likenesses. There was @Bookweevil, whose sultry Geordie tones periodically whispered 'she's lying', whilst brandishing a tennis racquet; @MarmiteExtract, with hair as unctuous and glossy as the yeast product that bore her name; and @crystaleyesd, from which a seductive ashy aroma emanated from a mouth that struggled to contain her unruly teeth. There were many drinks ordered - although, sadly, the establishment was fresh out of caviar vodka AND whiskbucha - alongside a veritable feast of food, all of which had texture. @Bookweevil even ordered a lasagne which appeared to contain NO horse spunk, or if it did, it had thickened up in the oven. Much revelry and frivolity was had, as the evil trolls delighted in sharing their favourite Tattle moments (saying 'grunka' in real life is WEIRD, FYI), from the best bits of Mayo Live (and the utter cringe 'candid' photoshoot) and DKL (anyone remember 'edible...garden???' - cos I didn't!), to theories on why Louisa LEFT. The fraus also got to know more about each others ACTUAL lives, which are yesABSOLUTELYx as exciting and glamourous as they appear on the internet. Fan favourite @Pocahontas even made a cameo appearance by video chat, where the eye of Sauron became apparent when trying to fit all three frauheads into one phone camera (we feel your pain JM!) - and yes, our princess is as stunning and as regal as she appears in your dreams . @Breakdance Badass was too busy swapping keys in the country to join, whilst @Alansbigplate was prepping the timetable for a James Bond marathon and couldn't make it.

Alas, all good things must end. Not nearly enough tea had been spilled, nor alcohol imbibed, when the coven were unceremoniously turfed out into the night - luckily, the Groucho club was still open and they were hosting their monthly orgy in honour of their resident urchin karaoke queen Jack! There were sex people from all walks of life, dressed in a variety of shower caps depicting beans in various states of undress/rinse - (this part may have been a dream @Bookweevil had, but none of us can remember).

Needless to say, we had a blast. And we wished all of you had been there too (three fraus do not a cabal make) - one day the fraubeque will happen, it will be magical, and we truly thank our very own maverick cupid @Jack_M for bringing us all together and forging beautiful friendships!

Lads I almost forgot to celebrate Sideboard Cat's seven year adoptaversary! I can't remember which photo I shared before of her when she was a kitten so you might be getting recycled material. I think she was 12 weeks old here? How was that seven years ago (obviously I know how, relentless linear passage of time etc.)

Well, well, well ... done! To that ruddy lovely @Alansbigplate

Will this thread bring us to all the way to Christmas? Going to kick off a Christmassy discussion and put to the floor the topic of mince pies.

I’m currently trying the Lidl deluxe mince pies. Verdict: Not too deep with the mince (which I like), the pastry is crumbly and short, and it tastes pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good.

Just got totally confused at the fact my posts got moved to the f+d thread, but I can understand why.

So it appears that he can't cope with my disability, (which mainly just affects my walking, which I manage to control quite well) which he knew fully well what he was getting into as I got poorly the first time we got together. (over 5years ago). We rekindled things again over a year ago. He hasn't told the kids by the looks of it as I've had tiktoks off the stepson. I'm trying to keep things as normal as possible for him, as it isn't his fault so I've replied as I normally would.

The fact it's not even because of something I've done that he's ended it about is what hurts the most. Apparently didn't want to make it into a big argument . No idea on that one.
It's honestly made me feel completely unlovable because of something out of my control. I only came back from his, as I had hospital appointments closer to mine and I didn't want to put pressure on him to get there. It's made me hate my disability even more that I already hated it as it took away so much.

A couple of pictures from my Dublin trip so far So many libraries and book shops! First time here and a big fan already

Orphy B get to M&S! Plant Kitchen shortbread. Bought it for my grandma (who is definitely not vegan) at Christmas and she loved it.

Bubbly D you need ginger nuts as the curative biscuit, or those Nairn's ginger oat biscuits that Tunnelly recommended to me.

I have good news frauen. I'm cured! Well, I'm very much exaggerating but I am feeling a lot better. The new medication fucked me up physically but sorted me out mentally so now it's the long road to rebuild my appetite and Herculean physique. I've even registered for my local car club because I now trust myself to drive for the first time in ten years. Truly cannot thank you all enough for the animalos and letting me me-rail all the bloody time, it meant a lot to be able to come here to the canal of mithering ninnies and faceless trolls on the worst days and not be yeeted out for being a prize twat. Love to everyone

Not to rub salt in anyone's employment wounds but I had an interview today and got the job! I interview much better over Zoom it turns out.
Very small celebration because I'm in one of the areas *triangulate me* that has last minute lockdown restrictions and that could jeopardize my summer job and side hustle (I'm very BUSY right now) so no plans to buy a Cotswold sideboard yet but hopefully I'll be able to go from one job to the other without losing any money.

I made @Pocahontas ‘s brownies today and they are chef’s kiss

I've been avoiding it for over a week but I'm finally being roped into a review with a doctor and my care co-ordinator next week. I have accepted I can see myself doing weird shit and I think 'why am I doing this, is this actually real?' yet can't stop myself because it does feel very, very real and I can't take the risk that it isn't. At least I have the known constants that JM is a twat and Susan is beautiful to anchor me to reality.

So I'm not just whining about myself in this nice new thread, here's more Sideboard Cat. I thought I'd lost her this morning but found her on the bedroom windowsill blinding herself like a tit.