Mumsnet #37 Wipe down my cucumber and sanitise my Hovis, I need to get my dicks in a row!

[NoddyFromToytown]

You can't go back to MN, we won't let you. 38 is young for peri, but it doesn't necessarily mean you'll need to part ex your noddy car for a juggernaut just yet. Enjoy MacBeth! The local theatre here shows plays direct from the RSC as well and I bloody love it, it only costs a fiver and there's a bar too.

I've paid £21.99 and there's no alcohol! Might just have to get a hot dog, and a popcorn, and a Tango ice blast... after all it's all downhill from here right to be fair I'm about to be put on the waiting list for a hysterectomy anyway due to my endometriosis so knowing that it would be coming soon regardless isn't the end of the world...

 

[50degreesnorth]

<whispers> I think “peri” is a crock of shite made up by MC women who are just tired of other people’s tit. I’ll reconsider my options when I hear the women in the Forge in Glasgow bemoaning their peri symptoms.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Menopause has turned me into dHumpty dFuckingDumpty.

I envy you. At least Humpty Dumpty can get his fat are onto a wall! My backside's drooped to the back of my knees.

 

[Girl#7]

Off on a tangent here, but I remember seeing Macbeth, live, on a beautiful summer evening in the grounds of Magdelene College in Oxford. It was magical, surrounded by people of all nationalities, gibbering away to each other, and the performance was way beyond superb. (I've seen the play approx. 20 times, and it was one of the better versions I've seen.)

The only downside of the magical evening was I'd dragged my wee Auntie with me. I love her very much, but she's the very essence of a philistine when it comes to The Arts. She snored all the way through.

Multilingual excitement and awe, and one wee Glasgow woman snoring her head off.

Magical.

 

[Serene Serena]

Calling @CrimsonCountess
New thread time

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

I do that. It’s how I remain a steady BMI 15 and it honestly tastes just the same.

Have you tried dehydrated air? Youjust add water to it and it's delicious -and excellent for flushing out blades infections.

 

[50degreesnorth]

said she would be committing a sex offence because her 12 year old daughter lives with her.

I’ve just asked my 12 year old about this and he reckons I’m worse. He wanted in my bed for a cuddle the other night, but I told him I was naked and had just farted (both true) , he pulled a face and backed right out of there - and THAT is how you handle co-sleeping.

DHMP will let me do OU course right? And my own room?

 

[Affiliatemebaby]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who picked up on the 'I would pay £2.6k a month just to speak to my dead ex for 5 minutes....' WTAF. And as for, tell my daughter it's ok her dad died as her left her relatively wealthy - ok absolutely NOTHING in this world can make up for the loss of a parent but I can tell you that my life would have been a lot easier if when my dad died (I was 13) he hadn't left a tit ton of debt and no will!

Anyway guys it's been nice knowing you but I think I'll have to scuttle back off to MN now since not only am I going to watch an RSC production of Macbeth tonight (it's actually on at the cinema) but I've found out today I'm peri-menopausal at the age of thirty-bleeping-eight. Goodbye teeny tiny era!

MN threads on inheritance ALWAYS line up on the ‘I’d rather have my parent than the money for a house’ and ignore those of us who got neither and think inherited wealth is a crock of tit.

 

[PJ Cat]

I’m breastfeeding at the moment and have transformed into a swarm of locusts disguised in a highly challenging human figure I’ve moved a box of snacks into my bedroom so I can eat something before I even go downstairs to eat my weight in breakfasts. My apologies to the dNHS!

I did this when I was on steroids during chemo, I was starving every 20 minutes, there was more food in the bedroom than the kitchen most days.

 

[sistersofpercy]

Have you tried dehydrated air? Youjust add water to it and it's delicious -and excellent for flushing out blades infections.

Dust? Low in fat

 

[Mugglewump]

I always eat too much curry when we have one. Omg if I lived in the east , I would end up 30 stone

I always do regret it, but only because of the heartburn.
Thank you for that menopause.
---

I did this when I was on steroids during chemo, I was starving every 20 minutes, there was more food in the bedroom than the kitchen most days.

Ooh, I do this, despite the dheartburn and no baby/cancer.
I'm just quite greedy and eat cheese/crackers/olives/salami in bed.
I'm single, so I can.

 

[Cinnabun]

W. T. F.

 

[Captainmouse]

MN probably costs the NHS millions by encouraging eating disorders, mental health issues and domestic violence.

And ringing 111 unnecessarily

 

[kendallroysdownfall]

<whispers> I think “peri” is a crock of shite made up by MC women who are just tired of other people’s tit. I’ll reconsider my options when I hear the women in the Forge in Glasgow bemoaning their peri symptoms.

I can absofuckinglutely assure you that peri is bleeping real so don't you dare bleeping say it isn't.

OMG, sorry. I'm now crying and pulling the covers over my head. I think I'm going MAD....




...is how I would have responded before the magic of HRT patches and pills. Seriously!

 

[sistersofpercy]

I can absofuckinglutely assure you that peri is bleeping real so don't you dare bleeping say it isn't.

OMG, sorry. I'm now crying and pulling the covers over my head. I think I'm going MAD....




...is how I would have responded before the magic of HRT patches and pills. Seriously!

I knew it was time for HRT when I had an almighty row with DH in the bread aisle of our local Tesco over a panini.
I say row, rather he just stood staring at my totally unhinged reaction and said nowt bless him.

 

[Galinda]

Also, what’s actually wrong if you want to wear something to tittilate a man? If that’s your bag then you go for it.

Please ignore this cool wife, anything besides Dmill girl boots is misogynistic and a kick in the teeth to Dfeminism

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

I knew it was time for HRT when I had an almighty row with DH in the bread aisle of our local Tesco over a panini.
I say row, rather he just stood staring at my totally unhinged reaction and said nowt bless him.

With me it was how the cats were getting off my lap to cool down when the thermostat said it was 11 Celsius inside and I was wondering whether Mr D would notice if I switched the air conditioning on for a bit.


The only time he's been on the receiving end of my arseholery was when he asked - after cutting across me three times in a row when walking to the cinema so I had to do dead stops in the road/stepping onto the pavement - was I alright. Yes, apart from the flaring arthritis and the compressed lumbar vertebrae and the agonising shooting pains going across my lower back and hip because some bleeping imbecile can't control where he walks despite knowing that I'm right there trying my hardest to keep up with him, yes, I suppose I'm alright.

I did renew my patch that evening, but I still think he deserved it.

 

[anniemouse]

W. T. F.

Surely that’s a troll post?

 

[Blurp]

The fatty haters are out in force on this one
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My first boyfriend at uni could eat double that at least and remain wiry with no fat at all (used to be a competitive swimmer). He gobsmacked the staff at his RAF basic training by putting weight ON while everyone else was losing it dramatically; he had no fat to lose but increased his muscle and hence his weight. The amount that he ate while being relatively inactive (a squash game every so often was about the most he did in the way of sports).

Most people know someone like that. On the other hand, I was constantly being nagged about my weight whenever I had my routine Navy medicals. I'm a good stocky build and they only shut up about my weight when I turned up straight from the gym in t-shirt and cycle shorts and they could see that it was muscle rather than fat. Of course, now I'm not doing aerobics and gym several times a week, it's just plain fat.

It's not that simple, you lying eejits!
---

To be fair, about 10 years ago, we wanted to get my dad to stop driving as he had developed Alzheimer's, and, every time he came back from an errand, the car had a new dent to add to the collection.

While googling for help on what to do, The likes of Age Concern were of little use as they were 100% "DON'T LET YOUR BASTARD FAMILY TAKE AWAY YOUR CAR!"

We eventually got dad assessed and he failed on 7 major points, 5 of which were bad enough for me to spot and I've never had a driving lesson in my life.

My dad and I were so concerned about his sister's driving that we were debating who to talk to about taking her licence away when she has an accident and the procurator fiscal made it a choice between stopping driving or being prosecuted for careless/dangerous driving and losing her licence anyway.

 

[ShopTilYouSlop]

My first boyfriend at uni could eat double that at least and remain wiry with no fat at all (used to be a competitive swimmer). He gobsmacked the staff at his RAF basic training by putting weight ON while everyone else was losing it dramatically; he had no fat to lose but increased his muscle and hence his weight. The amount that he ate while being relatively inactive (a squash game every so often was about the most he did in the way of sports).

Most people know someone like that. On the other hand, I was constantly being nagged about my weight whenever I had my routine Navy medicals. I'm a good stocky build and they only shut up about my weight when I turned up straight from the gym in t-shirt and cycle shorts and they could see that it was muscle rather than fat. Of course, now I'm not doing aerobics and gym several times a week, it's just plain fat.

It's not that simple, you lying eejits!

It is totally possible to be fit and fat. I had a Zumba instructor once who was a bit chubby but he did 8 sessions a week plus weights. The shape of your body might affect how well you perform certain sports (long legs, big hands and feet etc) but that's another matter.

I read a very interesting article once about several female Olympians in different sports that showed how completely different their bodies looked. The gymnasts were tiny, the weightlifters were massive, the cyclists had thick thighs, the archers looked pretty ordinary...but all of them were world class athletes.