Lorna Luxe the social media influencer.
About
- Lies constantly, pretty much anything she says is questionable
- Edits her photos within an inch of their life to make herself appear thinner
- Uses filters on her story videos. Tattlers spotted background warping and she was called out for it by CelebFace. Never addressed by Lorna and continues to use filters
- Doesn’t upload stories in real time
- Whenever her follower count is dwindling does a giveaway or buys followers
- Favourite beauty/make up products are whatever brands are paying her at the time
- Constantly pushing her flammable & unsustainable clothing collection with In The Style and responds to any complaints regarding quality, delivery and refunds with passive aggressiveness.
- Doesn't actually 'design' anything. Clothes are either selected from a catalogue (e.g. AliExpress) or are copied from runway or High Street designs.
- All clothing she flogs on In The Style is polyester and made in China, despite her trying to describe them differently.
- Blocks anyone who questions her (blocked individuals are referred to as A-Blocked on tattle)
- Hardly ever declares gifts or ads. Reported many times to ASA.
- Says she hasn’t had any face fillers for over 2 years but puncture holes on the lips have recently been spied
- Pretends to be empathetic towards current affairs and world disasters when it suits her but has shown little regard for the covid pandemic because it’s just an inconvenience that she would prefer to ignore
- Poor Boo the dog is often carted off to god knows where while they go on trips presumably paid for by In The Style. Sadly passed away December 2021, she then went awol for several weeks and announced his death in January 2022 that she’d been “rough” and Boo’s death had “just happened”
- Claims she has an English Literature degree from a Newcastle university which is highly questionable
- Eats at a handful of restaurants in London, suspected she backhands Cecconis for use of their toilets as a changing room when she ‘shoots’ on Bond Street
- Asks her own questions on her 'Q&A's, with the made-up questions and answers all based upon whatever pictures she wants to dig out that day, or whatever topics she wants to boast about that day.
John aka Mr Luxe
Also referred to on Tattle as
OAP-Old Age Pensioner
OM-Old Mahogany (due to the depth of his tan)
OMR- Old Mahogany Raisin
The Raisin
Creosote King
Elton John
Whipping Boy
Saggy Old Bollocks
Old Winkle Picker
His position within HSBC is questionable due to them openly flaunting their lifestyle on social media and the amount of time he actually spends (or doesn’t spend) working.
She cheated on John and had an ongoing relationship around 2017/2018. Duration AND gender unknown at this stage as it’s thought she may have had a bisexual affair. Tea has been shared via former friends who say she was away with her fancy man/lady the night before Mr Luxe had arranged and called off a birthday brunch for his princess after she failed to appear. It was after this that the Luxe’s seemingly perfect marriage started showing up on Instagram along with a lot more Chanel and Cartier.
It also recently came to light that she cheated on him again in 2019. We got this information via a fellow influencer who has spent time on one of the threads, but wouldn’t tell us much else.
The Manor House
Well there is no Manor House
Known as Horsham Heights (HH) on Tattle, it is a 2 bed flat situated within lush grounds in Horsham shared by a number of other flats.
She claims she and John bought the property together shortly after they met but it’s been proven there were no flats sold around this time so most likely owned by John himself and he moved her in.
Often posts beautiful interior design images from Pinterest without crediting the images, which her followers then believe are pictures of her own 'house'.
Fellow tattler @Jasmine is Johns ex wife who has confirmed much of the above.
The Ghost House aka Cell Block H
In May 2023, the couple bought the Ghost House, dubbed Britain’s most unique home and the ultimate influencer pad. It has been featured on several news portals and TV shows.
Essentially, it’s a subterranean concrete bunker surrounded by “a haunting pale light across its pools of water, which are dyed black.” However, when viewed from afar, it’s not as luxurious as the media have claimed. See photos below. The house has plain concrete walls and is impractical and uninviting to say the least. Italso prone to flooding, which is how the pink sofas were ruined and subsequently replaced by the insurance company, yet another incident where Lorna couldn’t keep her story straight.
On Tattle, the house is known as "the gaffe," "Prisoner Cell Block," "Cell Block H," "the concrete dump," and the like.
Key Moments
1. Photoshopping the Eiffel Tower into her hotel balcony photo in Paris last year.
2. Booking into a luxury hotel in London last year in the middle of lockdown, and claiming it was because her boiler was broken (aka Boilergate). One tattle member emailed the hotel asking to book a room for a few days as her boiler had broken down, and the hotel responded to say they were unable to help as a broken boiler wasn't listed in the government guidelines of reasons to be staying in a hotel during lockdown.
3. Using the same photo twice in her stories, but changing the colour of her nail varnish to make it look like two different photos.
4. Car gets broken into exact same time on a year basis
Post John Grift and Grieving
So….what’s Lorna been up to since the start of the last thread?
We all watched, open mouthed in horror as Lorna galavanted around, including but not limited to …staying out until 2am, meals with friends, drinks, PR launch dinners, all whilst John was on end of life care. Lorna even bobbed on to show us her new nails, waffling on about John’s downstairs bed setup. It was very much ads and clicks until eventually, her or her team picked up on the comments, encouraged a social media break and of course cancelled the planned charity sale. We realised the end was sadly imminent.
Oh, shout out to the creators of the extremely odd AI images that were posted around this time, showing Lorna at her husband’s bedside. We knew they were fake because lol, at his bedside? Don’t be ridiculous.
Engagement skyrocketed as Lorna posted more sporadically, claimed to be reading every message to John as things really started declining. The well-meaning Susans were in overdrive, passing on their heartfelt wishes, and Lorna encouraged the speculation for click$
We had a brief hiatus between John sadly passing away early Feb, and his funeral. Luxe HQ worked overtime to perfect the comeback story before it was back to business, glam squad in and ….inexplicably 36 hours after the funeral buffet was cleared away…off to the races!
Initially, Tattlers couldn’t believe it had happened when a video of a jodpur clad Lorna -sans wedding band- circulated - “surely footage from last year?” but Lorna bobbed on to say what a great day she’d had, won a load of cash, she’d found a horse called Johnny to bet on- and of course, “John would have loved it”
Tributes started rolling in from the insufferable pals. Still non the wiser as who John was as a person beyond Loon’s servant - we were treated to many a PR shot of his funeral tribute photo, propped against bottles of Lady A. The hollow tributes basically boiled down to how the man lived for treating Lorna like a princess, topping up everyone’s wine…and yellow kecks?
Sometime around now would have been a shoot for The Times where Lorna was glammed up and photographed. The PR machine continued, we are told the engagement rings have been put in storage at John’s request and …the charity sale was back on!
To prepare for the charity sale, she of course needed a trip abroad, so off she went with her insufferable mates to Portugal. Allegedly she was told to bring her passport and the whole thing was a last minute surprise arranged for her, but we side eye this take.
What type of holiday content does a recently bereaved luxe life influencer put out there, you ask? Well, just pan the camera over the Marlborough lights cancer warning, mucky ashtrays and endless glasses of booze, that ought to do it. #aspirational
Back in the UK, the charity sale was a resounding success, candid photos showed the average age was around 62 - looked like there was a sale on perennials at a garden centre. We were treated to pro shots of Lorna twirling with her LAS branded carrier bags à la Pretty Woman. Of course there were yellow shorts on offer, fresh from the sweatshop. With every purchase, came a glossy, b&w memorial photo of John. Unsure what is happening with these - are they now gracing the mantle pieces of the menopausal across the uk?
We soon got a launch of a black dress… called.. wait for it….. “Dear John”. I don’t even need to snark here because she does the work herself. It looks like you couldn’t wear it near a naked flame anyway, so hope she stays away from the Marlboroughs.
The fawnas fawned as Lorna announced that she was simply going to go through life asking “What would John do”. Presumably this doesn’t mean cooking, cleaning, or ironing. Think it probably just means drinking wine abroad? Violently ironic.
Next, we have the house move. Tattlers were shocked that she openly shared somewhere that can be so easily sought out via reverse image search etc… but then Lorna herself announced exactly where it was, the architect and basically her daily schedule?! . Very odd behaviour for someone whose home has been targeted in the past, but that’s our Loons.
The temporary house itself is another unsellable eyesore- a cross between an airport walk bridge and a hall of mirrors. LED strips adorn every ceiling. The dog was briefly wheeled out but we can safely assume that’s because her mum was unpacking for her. Seems to have gone home now.
The Times article came out and the same old bollocks was repeated, although the debt amount is ever changing. She was hilariously referred throughout as “Luxe, 43” instead of her actual surname - like a drag name. The subject of babies came up again and Lorna divulged that she’d asked a fertility expert - well, her botox chap - about freezing her old degrading eggs. The woman is officially off her box.
She uploaded some stories on Hadley doing her hair, it looked predictably lank. Inexplicably, it ended up on the DM website. Mind you, the comment section is like the tattle threads but more vicious - and with poorer spelling.
Her bi-monthly tax deductible trip abroad was due, so off she went to Amsterdam with a suitcase full of heinous “pieces” from her line. Not before treating us to an estrid code and a tutorial on how she shaves her vag, of course.
Eagle eyed Tatters noticed her rebrand from @lornaluxe to simply @lorna….
@Ohmydays pointed out this rebrand stands her up there with the greats, Kanye, Madonna and… Cheryl. The WOS team later put out the world’s most tasteless quote - remember ladies “is it a loss… or a redirection?” 🫠
Just when we thought we’d seen it all, we had Lorna showing us her “single girls dinner”. She’s bypassed widow status completely in the 60 day period since John’s passing. The night after, she showed us her bizarre M&S hall, poured herself a savvy B (Queen Baby has upskilled) and noisily ate two mozzarella balls on camera.
In the most bizarre grift yet, we learn that she’s selling John’s Bentley because it’s too expensive to run and she doesn’t need 3 cars. “If anyone fancies a nice Bentley” she says, whilst eye- fucking herself in her hall of mirrors. This is shortly after mentioning its numerous electrical faults and that its recently been rear ended. Maybe one of the misty eyed Fawnas will be daft enough to buy it to add to their collection of John Memorabilia. A departure from the yellow shorts and a ghoulish funeral tribute photo yes, but not beyond the realms of possibility seeing some of the obsessive Facebook comments, they’d sell their houses for a chance to transact with Lorna.
The “mystery” of the storage unit was teased over a couple of weeks. Apparently, despite many previous stories mentioning John going to the unit, she was mystified when she found a standing order, for said storage unit. Long story short she finally donned a (stained, unwashed) top and investigated. It turned out to be paperwork and old sentimental marriage momentos, put together by John in boxes where he’d written their initials. By her own admission she spent “ten, twenty minutes” in the unit. The boxes clearly got flung to one side and she skipped home for a wine and an …..Indian takeaway…..
Many a lol was had over the WOS brown trousers. Now, we’ve seen the average age of the Fawnas, so Lorna may have actually found a niche here, bringing care home chic to the masses. Boasting the killer combo of a thick elasticated waistband and formal front pleat. Really scraping the barrel now John isn’t around to do the washing.
This brings us to now, as we eagerly await the next instalment. The resurgence of the cliterotica? Finally giving up the ghost and getting a lace front? And, where in the world will the ghastly sienna jacket travel next? Who knows. So don your unlaundered nipple vest, grab yourself a savvy b, two (2) mozzarella balls, and strap in!
The many faces and outfits from LornaLuxe
Over the years we’ve seen many a questionable ensemble, a gallery of her unique style
