Who are KelloggsOnTheRun and thewelshrunner?
Kelloggs (Kelly Ruck) and thewelshrunner (Matt Rees) are a running couple from the Forest of Dean.
Matt is considerably quicker than Kelly, and normally runs under Swansea Harriers. He started running in 2015, after primarily lifting weights/doing gym workouts. To his credit, he found out that he was above average at running and consistently hitting podium places within a few months of 'becoming a runner'. His 'claim to fame' is twofold; firstly, he is quite quick (but not Elite) and secondly, he 'rescued' a runner in the final 300m of the London Marathon. This clip unfortunately is repeatedly shown every April when London is on TV to nauseating rapture from his fans. The truth is far from the impression that TV gives of the clip - Matt himself has admitted that he only stopped as he'd blown up and knew he wasn't going to get a PB, and that he would have passed the chap if he hadn't already given in himself.
Kelly is a type 1 diabetic, which frequently causes her problems as she trains and fuels her exercise in the most bizarrely inappropriate ways. She often promotes quite dangerous practices, can't balance her carbs and struggles with blood sugar management which has in the past 'caused her to go blind' during races.
Their relationship blossomed when they were both on the ASICs FrontRunners team, spending time together on PR meet ups, despite both being in a relationship - Matt in a serious, long term relationship and Kelly actually being married at the time to the father of one of her older children. Soon after their relationship was announced Kelly fell pregnant and they have been together ever since.
Neither of them seems to know how to clean or tidy their house, and for a long time Matt was zwifting bare chested in the kitchen, creating pools of sweat where his biological and non-biological children presumably ate and did normal things like homework.
They recently (August 2024) bought a Hungarian Visla puppy, despite neither of them seeing to understand how much effort these dogs take and that they can't just
Nicknames
Matt bears the brunt of most Tattle nicknames. These include, but are not limited to:
- WelshTits
- ToothyTits (TT)
- Tiny teeth
- Dead teeth
- Full Time Tits (FTT)
- The Incredible Sulk
Wellloggs is a collective term to refer to both Kelly and Matt at the same time.
Coaching
Both Tits and Kells claim to work full time which means coaching and content creation - they are incompetent at both of these. Tattle doesn’t know what Tits charges but sometimes his books open up for more clients (that cut and paste plan works hard). Kells has Kelly Ruck Coaching (KRC), which is £65 a month or £35 to join the “club”. Neither is qualified or experienced enough to coach and looking at their training, you might as well burn your money.
They host a “run club” every Thursday night where they live which is just another example of how they juggle their busy lives and childcare. (The older kids watch Harri every Thursday night).
Notable events
- December 2021 - Kelly was due to run Valencia Marathon. She posted a giveaway with Garmin to predict her finish time, despite many Tattlers determining that she probably wouldn't go as her training had been beyond awful. Luckily (?!) Harri, their child, had developed a cough so Kelly sacrificed her PB to stay home with him. The day that she would have returned to England, Matt fucked off to Iten, Kenya to train with many great Kenyan distance runners and post photos of small local children in some white saviour bollocks. He made some undisclosed nominal donation to a local charity there. Somehow having a child at home with an (at the time) highly infectious and still feared virus did not stop him from getting on that plane. The rest of us were facing Christmas being cancelled, and he was quite happily flying off to Africa to run with some people who outclassed and outpaced him in his sleep. Predictably, he brought home the must have 2021 Christmas gift - the Omicron COVID variant. Kelly, being a type 1 diabetic, classes as Clinically Vulnerable to COVID, and hadn't had her booster at that point. One of her other children then caught Hand, Foot and Mouth. Merry Christmas!
- Kelly has been trying to qualify for Boston for about 95 years at this point. Long before the tattle thread started, she insisted that she was going to run Chicago Marathon in order to secure the illusive BQ, despite being too pregnant to safely fly let alone run a marathon [author note: obviously Pregnancy does not mean you cannot run a marathon, but flying to an American one in your 3rd trimester to run one with terrible training behind you is not sensible]. As of July 2024, Kelly remains too slow for a Boston Qualifier slot, with her 2024 marathon PB of 4:15:08 being almost exactly 40 minutes below the qualifying standard of 3:35:00 without any wiggle room.
Kelly did a massage course. Matt strava'd it. Twitter found it, and had a field day. Enough said.
- Matt threatened to do an IronMan. Due to not bothering to actually train for it, he soon sacked it off. But not before he answered the door to the postie in his wetsuit, giving us all nightmares.
IronMan Iginominy
In July 2024, Kelloggs defied all odds and despite absolutely no appropriate training whatsoever, did get into the water at Swansea 70.3 IronMan. Opinion was divided in the thread as to whether she'd make it out of the water and if she did in what time she'd manage.
Luckily for us all, she wasn't rescued by a volunteer on a kayak and did make it out on her own two feet. Unluckily for her, she was stopped at the transition point to the bike despite 'being 32 seconds inside the cut off time from the swim". Clearly IronMan Swansea's volunteers were far more experienced and recognised that she'd probably keel over a mile into the bike leg and couldn't be bothered with doing the paperwork that arises with such medical emergencies, so pulled her before she got on course. According to some Z lister influencers who are equally as bad as Kelloggs and FTT, 'this was more inspiring than seeing someone qualify for Kona on their first go'. You do you boo, but I'm not sure wasting £400 on a competition entry that you don't train properly for despite having no job is inspiring.
Her DQ prompted much anger and vitriol from Tits, Kelly and their supporters all aimed at the organisation.
She posted a very long explanation of why she'd done so badly and basically absolved herself of any and all personal responsibility.
Later on, definitely totally real emails emerged from the definitely real IronMan HQ saying that they were definitely really sorry that this happened and it was a mistake. It was all absolutely real and kosher. Completely.
A large part of Kelly's argument centred around the fact that there was a man just ahead of her in transition who was allowed to carry on. Speculation suggests that this could be for several reasons - perhaps it was because the man didn't look like he'd done 6 rounds with Cthulu in the water when he exited, or he was in a different wave and started later, or perhaps he was a minute into the transition and just squeaked into the acceptable boundaries, as they knew he'd make the bike cut off and had good suspicions that Kelly wouldn't. We will never know.
