Your in-laws

[KayTay]

Hi Tattlers.

Does anyone else ever imagine drop-kicking their in-laws over a fence?

Quick summary, I've been with my partner for 10 years next year so it's safe to say I know his family well. I've always got on with my mother-in-law; she's a lovely lady who would do anything for anyone, we speak every day without fail. My father-in-law, however, is quite simply a massive a-hole. If he was American he'd be a Trump supporter for sure.

Take tonight for example, during a Zoom call with the immediate family, my father-in-law made the whole "who ate all the pies" joke about me.

I.was.mortified.

I acted as if I didn't hear it but I could see the gasps and awkward looks on everyone else's face. If anyone else says anything even remotely rude to/about me I always stand my ground, but tonight I just did...nothing. I don't understand why I didn't tell him where to go.

So, what I really want to know is, how would you handle this? He's always been an insensitive, judgemental, miserable little tw*t, but I'm so freaking sick of it now. He's made jokes at my expense before, especially about my weight as he knows how self-conscious I am, but tonight was a step too far.

Any advice on what to do with him would be greatly appreciated. I honestly don't know how to handle it without making family gatherings (when we can have proper ones again!) feel awkward.

Please also feel free to rant about your in-laws, as I know there will be some shockers out there!

K x

 

[Kim Mild]

I really can't stand my father in law either. We all met up in the garden last week and true to form he ended up saying something out of line to upset me. He says quite a lot that I consider to be out of line but this time I think he went too far. My dad died (pre-pandemic) and we are selling his house. Fil was saying we should live in it cos that's what he wanted. My dad had never given me that impression. He knew I wanted to move to another town and now I have, I'm in catchment for a a better school for the kids ,which my eldest goes to and we still had trouble getting them a place when we moved. (If he did expect us to commute to school , the situation has now changed a bit due to covid) There are other houses that could more suit our needs. And lastly how would fil know this? I don't think they saw each other often enough,without me there to talk about stuff like that. Giving him the benefit of doubt ,he misinterpreted what my dad thought could be a short term situation to avoid us having our mortgage. Even so, talking about recently deceased family is something he should be a bit more sensitive about

Sorry about the rant but I feel better for getting it off my chest.

 

[Mummylife_247]

I've got a real corker. My husband and I have been married 15 years this week. We met again (went to school together) and were married within 8 months (long distance). His sister (2years older than us both) is a prize b*tech. She has been jealous of me since day dot and his parents and brother and total f#&k nuts.

I lived abroad so after we got married in my home country at the time we moved back to England. His mother never approved of me as I came from a broken home (my parents are divorced). His sister went to physically assault me 6 weeks after our wedding and his parents say by and watched. We moved back to my home country at the time within 6 months which went down like a lead balloon. His mother called around every Tom Dick and Harry to let them know I was taking her son away.

Anyway fast forward 6 years and 3 kids later my other half a parent's managed to convince him to move back to England under the guise of looking after the kids do we could both work and buy a house (we had rented). We lived with them m for 3 years 2 months and 6 days and it was a living hell, his sister physically assaulted me one night....his mum threw hot tea at me and both parents would shit stir in our marriage when I was at work. Finally we moved out and hot our own place and I gave my other half an ultimatum that it was either us or them. We haven't spoken to his sister who lives around the corner from us since that first time after we were married and she fell out with us (jealous control freak) we don't speak to his parents although his dad drives past almost daily and stops every 6 months or so thinking his son will want them back. We haven't spoken to his younger brother (the prodigal son) who is a little c@#t. I couldn't tell you all the things things they have said, done and put me through........they are literally pure evil. We don't have the best marriage as a result of it but my husband finally woke up to what they were like and how they had manipulated him most of his life so I relish the fact that they now have no relationship with their son or grand children and having us move back backfired in their face. Their daughters kids are late teens and the brother is firing blanks......so their loss!!!!!

 

[Dickydoo123]

I cut my husbands mother off a few years ago as the final straw to her behavior. She was always used to being in control and having what she says goes. Unfortunately for her, her son married me and that behaviour doesn’t sit right with me nor will I allow our child to believe that is how you treat people in life. She has never been held accountable for her behaviour until I called her out on it (after many years). My family are close and we treat each other with respect. Your position within the family certainly doesn’t give you a pass for shitty behaviour. Situation now is her and her partner will never step foot into my house again, they see my child when I say and hubby can go round when he likes it’s his mother at the end of the day. The sister in law has recently gone underground so I presume she’s realised I’ll never allow her mother back in our family life and has taken her side. That’s fine. FIL is a diamond, worship the ground he walks on. He’s a real family man. Continual apologies don’t work for me, only a change in behaviour shows how truly sorry somebody is. My child knows the score, I will never defend toxic, shitty people however I put no pressure on them to not go round but should they ever drag my name through the mud in my child’s presence they will be cut off in a heartbeat.
Funny though I know one of them stalks my SM so I have a bit of fun with that every now and again. Childish I know but play that game with me and I’ll burn you.

You know it didn't even occur to me to say something to everyone else on the call. Now you've mentioned it, why didn't anyone say anything?! Maybe it's time to just step away from them and have a little break for a while, get away from the toxicity.

Saying that, the M-I-L hasn't messaged me since and like I said, we talk everyday! So she clearly knows I was upset and her husband was being a massive bellend. But yeah...why didn't she say anything...hmm

The shock of his comment probably stopped you all in your tracks and maybe, not only embarrassed you but the other people on the call too. Would’ve been better if MIL could’ve text you later on and said ‘I’ve had a word with him about what he said, he was out of order etc etc’ Just an acknowledgment would’ve been better than her silence! I hope it goes ok for you at weekend

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

My in laws are the best people I could ever hope to meet-they’ve taken me in and just loved me from day one (ok,they think I’m a bit mad but they just laugh at me)
being round them is like being cuddled with love-I adore them and would do anything for them-they are the most amazing people I’ve ever met-they never judge-they just support us both

my own family?
they can rot in hell
My mother is a controlling narcissistic nightmare
she wanted kids so she could control us and mould us to be her double and an extension of herself (My biggest faults are being female and taking after my father not her)
my father,brothers,aunts,uncles,cousins and sister in laws are her flying monkeys/fleas

ive been beaten,controlled,financially abused,they tried to take my children,(they settle for bad mouthing me-the kids are older)They tried to make me homeless-reported me to social services (19 times in 15 years)as a way to control me-they’ve stolen from me,bad mouthed me all over the place,they have been known to ruin my relationships with both boyfriends and friends,they’ve ruined special times (like my graduation and major birthdays) I’ve had my reputation smeared,she broke into my home more than once,my son came out as gay-she howled about how it’s all my fault because I drank while pregnant (I don’t drink-ever) and she tried to call out a priest to ‘cure him’(he told her to fuck off and cut her out of his life)any presents I bought her just went straight to the charity shop-a beautiful cross stitch I spent months making?she burnt it-cos I didn’t frame it-I didn’t have any money to buy a frame-I could go on for hours (I’ve made my in laws 3 cross stitches-they hung them so you see them as you walk into their home and proudly tell anyone who will listen that ‘itsallaboutmememe made them for us’

i cut them off just short of ten years ago
ive made it very clear to my bloke that if he ever meets them then we are over (we’ve been together 5 years this October and it’s been the longest relationship I’ve ever had)
I can’t bear the thought of them ever coming near him-or any of the other people I love and trust in my life

i hope the whole lot of them rot in hell-I have zero regrets
if I saw them on fire,I’d pour petrol on them just to make sure the flames really took hold
But in their eyes they’ve done nothing wrong and I’m just being a ‘dramatic bitch’

 

[Orange Creme]

Hi Tattlers.

Does anyone else ever imagine drop-kicking their in-laws over a fence?

Quick summary, I've been with my partner for 10 years next year so it's safe to say I know his family well. I've always got on with my mother-in-law; she's a lovely lady who would do anything for anyone, we speak every day without fail. My father-in-law, however, is quite simply a massive a-hole. If he was American he'd be a Trump supporter for sure.

Take tonight for example, during a Zoom call with the immediate family, my father-in-law made the whole "who ate all the pies" joke about me.

I.was.mortified.

I acted as if I didn't hear it but I could see the gasps and awkward looks on everyone else's face. If anyone else says anything even remotely rude to/about me I always stand my ground, but tonight I just did...nothing. I don't understand why I didn't tell him where to go.

So, what I really want to know is, how would you handle this? He's always been an insensitive, judgemental, miserable little tw*t, but I'm so freaking sick of it now. He's made jokes at my expense before, especially about my weight as he knows how self-conscious I am, but tonight was a step too far.

Any advice on what to do with him would be greatly appreciated. I honestly don't know how to handle it without making family gatherings (when we can have proper ones again!) feel awkward.

Please also feel free to rant about your in-laws, as I know there will be some shockers out there!

K x

I guess you froze in shock, freezing is a similar response to fight or flight.

I would have said something like 'what a rude thing to say'.

I would also speak to the others who heard and ask them why they thought it ok to let him say this and not stick up for you.

If mother in law would do anything for anyone then she could at least ask her husband to be nice to her daughter in law.

I'm sorry he said that to you though, you dont deserve it at all. He is obviously very immature.

 

[Rlaw1978]

I’m pretty sure my MIL hated me the moment she set eyes on me. First thing she did was take me aside and say “I could break you two up anytime I want”.
When I was pregnant with my first, my husband and I chose a beautiful pram & paid for it ourselves. We made the mistake of bringing her along to pick it up as we didn’t drive at the time. She refused to let us have it, refused to put it in her car, saying how she didn’t like it and how she wanted us to have one she likes. I was emotional and 21 at the time and cried all the way home.
There’s so many instances where she’s been extremely nasty and controlling.
These days she’s ill and housebound. She’s fallen out with all her other family and friends. She phones 6,7,8 time’s a day for min of 30mins at a time. My husband works a highly emotionally stressful job, so I deal with her most of the time. She hates that of course, a get a list a mile long of how her son let her down etc etc. I’m sure she’d like nothing better than him to divorce me and set up home with her.

 

[Bizziebody]

Mine are dead, sad to lose fil, the mil, dropping off her perch was the best thing she ever did. Nastiest piece of work I have ever had the misfortune to meet.

 

[Orange Creme]

You know it didn't even occur to me to say something to everyone else on the call. Now you've mentioned it, why didn't anyone say anything?! Maybe it's time to just step away from them and have a little break for a while, get away from the toxicity.

Saying that, the M-I-L hasn't messaged me since and like I said, we talk everyday! So she clearly knows I was upset and her husband was being a massive bellend. But yeah...why didn't she say anything...hmm

Yes he only does it because he thinks it's funny and so far has got away with it. Your husband should be sticking up for you also.

 

[KayTay]

I've got a real corker. My husband and I have been married 15 years this week. We met again (went to school together) and were married within 8 months (long distance). His sister (2years older than us both) is a prize b*tech. She has been jealous of me since day dot and his parents and brother and total f#&k nuts.

I lived abroad so after we got married in my home country at the time we moved back to England. His mother never approved of me as I came from a broken home (my parents are divorced). His sister went to physically assault me 6 weeks after our wedding and his parents say by and watched. We moved back to my home country at the time within 6 months which went down like a lead balloon. His mother called around every Tom Dick and Harry to let them know I was taking her son away.

Anyway fast forward 6 years and 3 kids later my other half a parent's managed to convince him to move back to England under the guise of looking after the kids do we could both work and buy a house (we had rented). We lived with them m for 3 years 2 months and 6 days and it was a living hell, his sister physically assaulted me one night....his mum threw hot tea at me and both parents would shit stir in our marriage when I was at work. Finally we moved out and hot our own place and I gave my other half an ultimatum that it was either us or them. We haven't spoken to his sister who lives around the corner from us since that first time after we were married and she fell out with us (jealous control freak) we don't speak to his parents although his dad drives past almost daily and stops every 6 months or so thinking his son will want them back. We haven't spoken to his younger brother (the prodigal son) who is a little c@#t. I couldn't tell you all the things things they have said, done and put me through........they are literally pure evil. We don't have the best marriage as a result of it but my husband finally woke up to what they were like and how they had manipulated him most of his life so I relish the fact that they now have no relationship with their son or grand children and having us move back backfired in their face. Their daughters kids are late teens and the brother is firing blanks......so their loss!!!!!

The whole family sounds like a right piece of work! You absolutely made the best decision by ultimately blocking them from your life. They clearly do not have their own son's interest at heart otherwise they would never have acted the way they have!

If it was me and I wasn't able to have a relationship with my grandkids, I'd be doing EVERYTHING in my power to make it right. But they're not. That just proves your point that you're better off without them.

You've got your own family now and it sounds like hubby has finally woken up and realised they're poisonous. I know you said you don't have the best marriage right now because of it, but each day things will get easier and better as you get further and further away from all the toxicity!

I really can't stand my father in law either. We all met up in the garden last week and true to form he ended up saying something out of line to upset me. He says quite a lot that I consider to be out of line but this time I think he went too far. My dad died (pre-pandemic) and we are selling his house. Fil was saying we should live in it cos that's what he wanted. My dad had never given me that impression. He knew I wanted to move to another town and now I have, I'm in catchment for a a better school for the kids ,which my eldest goes to and we still had trouble getting them a place when we moved. (If he did expect us to commute to school , the situation has now changed a bit due to covid) There are other houses that could more suit our needs. And lastly how would fil know this? I don't think they saw each other often enough,without me there to talk about stuff like that. Giving him the benefit of doubt ,he misinterpreted what my dad thought could be a short term situation to avoid us having our mortgage. Even so, talking about recently deceased family is something he should be a bit more sensitive about

Sorry about the rant but I feel better for getting it off my chest.

What is it about father in laws where they think they can just say whatever they like and get away with it?!

Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. It must have been incredibly difficult for you. The last thing you need right now (or ever, for that matter) is someone telling you how to live your life.

My advice would be to simply ignore it. You do you. At the end of the day, he's your dad and only YOU will truly know what's best and the right route to take from here. Your father in law needs to be more sensitive. It's such a delicate subject at the best of times but something about assets left behind really bring the nosey out in people!!
He really has no right to butt in and start telling you his opinions when you didn't ask for them!

Whatever you do, you'll make the best decision for your own family. Tell your F-I-L where to stick it. Good luck with everything

 

[KayTay]

I’m going to come over all MN now, but every time he makes a sly dig, you should try repeating his words back to him or saying, sorry what did you just say? He’s only saying it because he knows he can get away with it without being questioned or pulled up on it.

Also, this should not be your problem to solve alone! Your husband should be sticking up for you, and telling his dad to lay off you. How horrible that your father in law is being so mean

Thank you! I've spoken to my husband and he's absolutely on my side. He definitely didn't hear the comment, but reckons he would have said something at the time if he did. So we're going over there on Sunday to give him a piece of our mind and tell him it has to stop. Whether he likes it or not, I'm part of the family! I'll happily cut him out if that's what he wants/can't reign it in, but it'll be his loss missing out on future grandchildren!!

Thanks for your advice

 

[Mummylife_247]

Yes they are completely screwed in the head....the lot of them. They also hate the fact that whilst we live as close as we do they are not a part of our life and certainly never will be again. They also hate the fact that I told everyone and anyone ( extended family and friends) what they had put me and my children through.......that was the icing on the cake as they could no longer play this game of happy families . They picked the wrong person to screw with!!

 

[bellinibobble]

I’m going to come over all MN now, but every time he makes a sly dig, you should try repeating his words back to him or saying, sorry what did you just say? He’s only saying it because he knows he can get away with it without being questioned or pulled up on it.

Also, this should not be your problem to solve alone! Your husband should be sticking up for you, and telling his dad to lay off you. How horrible that your father in law is being so mean

 

[DCICassieStuart]

My father in law passed away a couple of years ago. He was an absolute gentleman, such a good kind man, you couldn't meet nicer.

As for the rest of them, I hope they all burn in hell.

If I was to write down everything that they've done to me and put me through over the years, I'd be identified here straightaway so unfortunately I can't do that.

To put it politely, they're a bunch of twisted c**ts

 

[Raininvain]

I would just have nothing more to do with FIL OP which if he lives with other in laws would include not seeing the lot of them. At the end of the day you don't have to put up with it and they are not your family. I'd just say to my partner his Dads a cunt and I'm not putting up with it so that's it.

 

[Mummylife_247]

Yes he only does it because he thinks it's funny and so far has got away with it. Your husband should be sticking up for you also.

I would certainly mention it when you do next speak to your MIL and let her know how you felt, if nothing else she will mention it to him.

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

My in-laws hates me since the day I married their son, he was no longer at their beck and call. After years of them financially abusing him it’s their loss. They’ve never met our baby or even asked about the baby. Again their loss. Can’t stand my mil at all.

 

[KayTay]

I guess you froze in shock, freezing is a similar response to fight or flight.

I would have said something like 'what a rude thing to say'.

I would also speak to the others who heard and ask them why they thought it ok to let him say this and not stick up for you.

If mother in law would do anything for anyone then she could at least ask her husband to be nice to her daughter in law.

I'm sorry he said that to you though, you dont deserve it at all. He is obviously very immature.

You know it didn't even occur to me to say something to everyone else on the call. Now you've mentioned it, why didn't anyone say anything?! Maybe it's time to just step away from them and have a little break for a while, get away from the toxicity.

Saying that, the M-I-L hasn't messaged me since and like I said, we talk everyday! So she clearly knows I was upset and her husband was being a massive bellend. But yeah...why didn't she say anything...hmm

 

[KayTay]

Yes he only does it because he thinks it's funny and so far has got away with it. Your husband should be sticking up for you also.

Yeah he does think he's hilarious. He's ALWAYS making snide little comments about people. Whenever we see them, if it's not one of us he's commenting about, you can guarantee he's got something "funny" to say about someone else!

I did speak to my hubby about it. He said he didn't even hear the comment being made on Zoom (I'm inclined to believe him because he was messing about on his phone). But when I told him he said I need to speak to the in-laws and let them know it upset me and he can't go around saying things like that. We've got another call on Friday, I won't say anything there (unless he makes other comments!!) but then seeing them on Sunday so I'll certainly be saying something then. Just need to find the right way to go about it.

 

[bellinibobble]

Thank you! I've spoken to my husband and he's absolutely on my side. He definitely didn't hear the comment, but reckons he would have said something at the time if he did. So we're going over there on Sunday to give him a piece of our mind and tell him it has to stop. Whether he likes it or not, I'm part of the family! I'll happily cut him out if that's what he wants/can't reign it in, but it'll be his loss missing out on future grandchildren!!

Thanks for your advice

Glad to hear he’s on your side, good luck for the weekend