Lots of food for thought, thank you all for your replies. I'm torn about 1 and 3, because most other people don't see it as a big deal, but both of them are really snoopy, regularly cross boundaries and invade other people's privacy (go through drawers when visiting, go out of their way to eavesdrop, disclose personal information to others, that sort of thing).
I'm very careful about what I say to either of them and barely communicate with them anymore, but I started thinking what's the point of having friends you have to be wary of, isn't it better to just cut ties?
It does seem I would need to reconsider both 1 and 3. I think I've been so badly burned by the other two people that it's making me want to isolate myself, lol.
Person 3 - again if you don't want them to hear don’t speak about those topics near them.
I wasn't the one speaking in these instances. One example, someone was confiding in me regarding her abusive marriage- that is a very difficult subject in itself. This person snuck up and put his ear to the door to eavesdrop on this very private conversation. I opened the door unexpectedly because I felt something was off and he came crashing down. I was so upset at that childish behaviour but others around me think it's not a big deal.
Person 4 - While that’s horrific, do you know the full situation and does that effect you relationship with them?
I know the suicidal person and they went on to attempt twice and have been left with permanent damage from the pills they swallowed.
I also know the exact situation of the conversation I posted about because I was present for it. Person A (depressed, suicidal) called Person B (friend I have cut off) saying they felt they couldn't go on. Person B snapped back asking why she's calling him and that she should just kill herself already, then disconnected the call.
I was mortified and called Person A repeatedly to try figure out where they were, to soothe them, to get them to phone a helpline. She didn't respond. A little bit later, I get a call from her mother that she's in A&E.
It was truly a traumatizing thing for me to experience. The person whom I described feels no guilt around his choice of words or the way he handled that very delicate situation. He cares but said that he's not powerful enough to stop someone from committing suicide. Which, yes, I get that none of us are- but we shouldn't help push them off the ledge either!
4 they maybe need educating or challenging, if you can challenge them and encourage them to learn about how to deal with mental health problems then try move forwards, if not then bye
I've tried to suggest this but he's stubborn. He is very knowledgeable about mental health and is quick to suggest therapy to anyone who needs it. But with suicide (though he's never had anyone previously attempt) he is adamant that suicidal people should not waste everyone's time and should just follow through. I find it very hard to look at him the same way now that I know this.
Doesn’t even sound like they particularly like you if they are like this toward you.
Claims to love me, I'm their best friend, yet regularly threatens to hit me because I don't follow his orders.
You obviously have very high standards, could they be too high? It’s hard to say without context. I think, If you cut people off quite easily you can soon end up with no one so sometimes you have to give not just them but yourself a break.
This is my biggest worry. Normally, I'm very laid back and I just observe people, take note of things that may be dodgy (aggressive behaviour, for instance) and adjust how I communicate with them moving forward. I don't ever cut people out of my life.
But right now, I feel differently. I've had a lot of people die around me this year (due to covid, cancer, suicide). I feel like I've lost the best people in my life and I don't want to spend my time with these other people who don't share my values. It could be I'm setting an unreasonable bar because I'm grieving. That's why I posted the thread for more objective opinions.
Thanks to all of you for your thoughts.