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did you hear the news of a famous Italian chef dying yesterday?
He pasta way in his sleep
He pasta way in his sleep
I bleeping love this one and say it to all who'll listen every Paddy's Day!
I know, I actually love it too haha.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead
Because it was dead
Bahahahahaha!!Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead
A man finds a genie who grants him one wish. The man whispers it in the genie's ear, and the genie says the wish will come true at the stroke of midnight. At midnight, the doorbell rings and the man answers it to find two abattoir workers holding a rope. One of them says "Excuse me, are you the gentleman who wanted to be 'hung like a donkey?'"
What do you call a les with long fingers and a sharp tongue?
Popular
Popular
I’ve started birdwatching with Sinead O’Connor.
So far we’ve seen seven owls and fifteen jays.
So far we’ve seen seven owls and fifteen jays.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman go for a walk and come across a cave. In the cave there is a table with a £5 note on it.
The Englishman goes to take the money, but a ghostly voice says "I'm the ghost of Auntie Mabel. That pound note stays on my table." He screams and runs away.
The Irishman tries to take the money, and again the voice says "I'm the ghost of Auntie Mabel. That pound note stays on my table." The Irishman runs away as well.
Finally, the Scotsman tries. Again the voice says, "I'm the ghost of Auntie Mabel. That pound note stays on my table." The Scotsman replies, "I'm the ghost of Davy Crockett. That pound note goes in my pocket" and walks off with it
The Englishman goes to take the money, but a ghostly voice says "I'm the ghost of Auntie Mabel. That pound note stays on my table." He screams and runs away.
The Irishman tries to take the money, and again the voice says "I'm the ghost of Auntie Mabel. That pound note stays on my table." The Irishman runs away as well.
Finally, the Scotsman tries. Again the voice says, "I'm the ghost of Auntie Mabel. That pound note stays on my table." The Scotsman replies, "I'm the ghost of Davy Crockett. That pound note goes in my pocket" and walks off with it
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud
(Told to me by my nephew when he was 6 years old. He's 19 now and still tells it
)
A cloud
(Told to me by my nephew when he was 6 years old. He's 19 now and still tells it
)What do ye call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
A walk.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little a little space
He just needed a little a little space
Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
Up his sleevies.
Up his sleevies.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
What do you call a reindeer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
No idea.
What do you call a reindeer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
Worst joke ever...
This year
Actually, I have one.
Where does honey flavoured milk come from?
Boo-bees
This year
Actually, I have one.
Where does honey flavoured milk come from?
Boo-bees
Where are the Andes?
At the end of the wristies
At the end of the wristies
What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?
I don't pay $200 to have a lentil in my mouth.
I don't pay $200 to have a lentil in my mouth.
What do ya call a donkey with 3 legs?
A wonky donkey.
What do ye call a 3 legged donkey with one eye?
A winky winky donkey.
What do ye call a one-eyed,3 legged donkey who loves country and western music?
A honky tonky winky wonky donkey
A wonky donkey.
What do ye call a 3 legged donkey with one eye?
A winky winky donkey.
What do ye call a one-eyed,3 legged donkey who loves country and western music?
A honky tonky winky wonky donkey