Wild behaviour from ‘friend’ narcissist?

[Tretps29]

Well this is what I found with my so called friend . I was there wh

I 2nd this and totally agree with @Popcornshovel

I have had very similar experiences too.

I have been with my now husband 14 years, I met my now ex bff years after getting together with my partner, we met at work, they happened to be in the same team where as I was at the other end of the building in a different company but we were all under the same roof. She used to flirt with him and do things because she knew it would wind me up and bother me as I did have some insecurities. Luckily my partner could see right through her and took no notice. I should have realized YEARS ago that she was no good, as we had a mutual friend who she because friends with after I did, she even asked me if it was okay to hang out with her, I'm like sure, I can't stop anyone hanging out, lol. Long story short, me and hubby went on holiday we skyped with ex bff, to which my hubby said something, and that thing he said got told by ex BFF to the friend back home, as that friend decided to no longer talk to me and completely blanked me when we came back home, she has denied ever telling her, yet she quoted word for word, my hubby found out the problem after a while. (Please don't come for me I now know how stupid I was and should have yeeted her a there and then, but I was going through some really bad insecurity stuff and I was in denial and did not have much confidence. I realize that now but I have learned from this)

Years had passed, me and hubby moved to a different part of the country, then this is where I noticed that I was the one who was making all the effort in this "friendship" If I ever needed a chat it would start off okay, but then the convo changed to all about her. Every. Single. Time. or the convo would be cut short because she would tell me that she had to go because she was going to hang with her bf, I honestly don't mind that at all, she can go hang with him, it was how it was brought up that upset me like quickly telling it will be ok and then end of messages...When me and hubby got engaged the FIRST thing she asked me was if my engagement ring was real..... no congratulations or anything. Stupid me at this point should have realized that I needed to kick her a to the curb (again) but anyways, wedding came along, SHE LEFT EARLY yes, my maid of honor left early so she could get home to prepare for her Physio appointment the next day! Food was not even served at this point! I never knew about this appointment before hand. I was absolutely devastated. She knew of this wedding for months and months, couldn't the appointment have been changed? Am I wrong in thinking that? I'd never do such a thing to a best friend nevermind, when I am maid of honor!

Next my 2nd child came, I didn't hear from her unless I reached out. No gifts, nothing, empty promises of coming to see them due to lack of money (oh but they could afford a 2nd car, a scooter, and additional animals in the home, ( I had my first child in 2015 but we were living in a different country then) but nothing ever happened. She ignored me for months, I eventually plucked up my anxious a's courage and ask why she never reaches out to me anymore, she used the reasoning because she can't have children herself, so she found it hard to talk to me, incase I brought up the children, ( even though we would be talking about her?) I do get it though, I understand that completely as it's a sensitive issue, but after having a baby I'd still congratulate her if the tables were turned, or at least have the decency to maybe tell me how she is feeling so that I can take that into consideration and be of a better understanding! I never really fully knew how she was in that area as she never really talked about it. Loads of other things have happened since but I'd literally be here all night , but anyway I eventually got sick of constantly being the one who reached out. I got depressed and struggled with my mental health as I wanted to understand why people behave such ways, I put a lot of emotional energy into this friendship and for nothing! I went to therapy, I learned to defended myself and spoke up about things, that I was always so afraid to do towards her (or anyone for that matter)

Looking back now I realized everything she did and the way she behaved was jealousy, my husband even told me so repeatedly however I am the kind of person who struggles to believe that people could behave such ways, especially calling themselves BFFS!

This sounds very similar

Ex friend was my bridesmaid and I did this to make her feel comfortable as she wouldn’t know anyone at the wedding but I massively regret it . She got a lovely dress for free, hair and make up for free and couldn’t even bring herself to tell me I looked ok on my wedding day.

She also didn’t contact me at all about the wedding or ask if I wanted a hen do. I wasn’t expecting much but she literally ignored me and then turned up to the wedding, clearly didn’t enjoy it and then I didn’t hear from her.

She should have told me she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid or come along, it would have saved me money.
Something I remember was when she would contact me because she didn’t have another friend available and would ask if I wanted to go to the cinema. I would go, we would watch the film and then the moment it end she would say bye and run off.

Not even a have a good night. It was just so obvious I was being used.



When she started contacting my husband I think she absolutely thought he fancied her and they’d start up a secret conversation about my mental health. What she didn’t know was my husband for years has said to me there is something wrong with your friend and she’s unstable. He’s also said she only gets a bag because she begs men (which is true!)

But this whole time she has thought that my husband would run off with her.

Then there was her desperate behaviour with men. She would go online dating and always pursue men on there…:ask them out, say she would take them for food, really desperate. The guy would agree with no enthusiasm and inevitably she would sleep with them first night because as she told me that was how you get them. She would then go in a six month, year long weird relationship with the guy and be absolutely ghosted, never taken out on another date but when they wanted sex she would be there within 30 minutes.

The lack of dignity YET constantly telling me she was hot and a 10/10.
There was one time she did the above and she hung around a guy for 5 years! Every so often he would booty call her then kick her out the same night but she thought if she just hung in there he would change his mind.

The irony of telling my husband I have mental health problems.

 

[My2cents]

Well this is what I found with my so called friend . I was there wh


This sounds very similar

Ex friend was my bridesmaid and I did this to make her feel comfortable as she wouldn’t know anyone at the wedding but I massively regret it . She got a lovely dress for free, hair and make up for free and couldn’t even bring herself to tell me I looked ok on my wedding day.

She also didn’t contact me at all about the wedding or ask if I wanted a hen do. I wasn’t expecting much but she literally ignored me and then turned up to the wedding, clearly didn’t enjoy it and then I didn’t hear from her.

She should have told me she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid or come along, it would have saved me money.
Something I remember was when she would contact me because she didn’t have another friend available and would ask if I wanted to go to the cinema. I would go, we would watch the film and then the moment it end she would say bye and run off.

Not even a have a good night. It was just so obvious I was being used.



When she started contacting my husband I think she absolutely thought he fancied her and they’d start up a secret conversation about my mental health. What she didn’t know was my husband for years has said to me there is something wrong with your friend and she’s unstable. He’s also said she only gets a bag because she begs men (which is true!)

But this whole time she has thought that my husband would run off with her.

Then there was her desperate behaviour with men. She would go online dating and always pursue men on there…:ask them out, say she would take them for food, really desperate. The guy would agree with no enthusiasm and inevitably she would sleep with them first night because as she told me that was how you get them. She would then go in a six month, year long weird relationship with the guy and be absolutely ghosted, never taken out on another date but when they wanted sex she would be there within 30 minutes.

The lack of dignity YET constantly telling me she was hot and a 10/10.
There was one time she did the above and she hung around a guy for 5 years! Every so often he would booty call her then kick her out the same night but she thought if she just hung in there he would change his mind.

The irony of telling my husband I have mental health problems.

I hurt for us both when we realize that we were used or the friendship wasn't what we first realized. I felt a right mug. I am so sorry that you went through that.

Ah, yes that is another thing I missed. Men... She would sleep around a lot. Due to past trauma supposedly. One incident that hurts was she flew from her home country to come see me, we went out for something to eat and go to the cinema and she was on her bloody phone more than half the time because she was getting messages or whatever you do on Tinder, I have no idea and they were talking messaging back and forth I felt more shocked at the fact that she made herself "seen" in a different country? I eventually said to her should I leave because we weren't talking and I am 100% convinced they hooked up. Not that I care she can do whatever the hell she want. Why spend all that money on a flight and hotel to hardly put in any effort?

One last thing I want to say is that I caught her in a live stream on a gaming streaming website ( I do game streaming online, so I occasionally watch people play games) so I was watching this person we both knew, however she had no idea I was in the stream. They were talking about friendships and she claimed that she had no IRL friends, I confronted her straight away, and she told me that because we no longer see each other in person, she considers me an online friend... I was absolutely baffled, that hurt so much.

I just want a friend who I can call a best friend, and truly feel it! I don't think I ever can now, I will always be hesitant and not so very trustworthy. If only I had a IRL friend like you You seem very caring and nice. I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas.

 

[Tretps29]

I hurt for us both when we realize that we were used or the friendship wasn't what we first realized. I felt a right mug. I am so sorry that you went through that.

Ah, yes that is another thing I missed. Men... She would sleep around a lot. Due to past trauma supposedly. One incident that hurts was she flew from her home country to come see me, we went out for something to eat and go to the cinema and she was on her bloody phone more than half the time because she was getting messages or whatever you do on Tinder, I have no idea and they were talking messaging back and forth I felt more shocked at the fact that she made herself "seen" in a different country? I eventually said to her should I leave because we weren't talking and I am 100% convinced they hooked up. Not that I care she can do whatever the hell she want. Why spend all that money on a flight and hotel to hardly put in any effort?

One last thing I want to say is that I caught her in a live stream on a gaming streaming website ( I do game streaming online, so I occasionally watch people play games) so I was watching this person we both knew, however she had no idea I was in the stream. They were talking about friendships and she claimed that she had no IRL friends, I confronted her straight away, and she told me that because we no longer see each other in person, she considers me an online friend... I was absolutely baffled, that hurt so much.

I just want a friend who I can call a best friend, and truly feel it! I don't think I ever can now, I will always be hesitant and not so very trustworthy. If only I had a IRL friend like you You seem very caring and nice. I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas.

They are so similar!
I think my friend ran off from me during our cinema date because she’d got a man to agree to a booty call.

she would also happily tell me about how weird these guy’s previous gf or current girlfriends were and I have no idea why.

my friend would stalk men and not take no for an answer and so they’d end up sleeping with her because she hounded them. They always ghost her and block her but she never seemed self aware
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She also weirdly has a very high confidence of herself which makes to the point it is arrogant yet somehow tied up to come across as very sweet and innocent and ‘nice’

I think they’re narcissists
Their arrogance
Self entitlement
Lack of empathy
To never ever apologise for their tit behaviour
Lack of relationships or friendships

 

[Popcornshovel]

I'm sorry you've had these experiences with so called friends!

Reading this has really brought back memories of a friend I have (but am trying to phase out).

She was always on the hunt for men, if she could get with a married man that would give her an ego boost. Also having sex in weird places like semi-public or at work.

She would always come crying to me when she had relationship dramas... Once she called me nonstop at 5am after a drunken argument at the end of a night out. Next thing she was at my door wanting to sleep on my sofa. This was when I'd just stated living with my now husband and he was not impressed at this drunk girl crashing on our sofa and ruining our cosy Sunday morning together! She wouldn't leave for ages, had me making her breakfast and then lunch and lending her clothes to wear.

She caused a scene (drunk and threatened to deck someone, also invited a bloke to the toilets for sex) at a friend's wedding, so when I got married I had people keeping an eye on her and ready to intervene if she did the same.

Another time she made the bride on a hen do cry on the hen weekend away (being late so we had to rush and nearly missed the train there, domineering about plans, took the best room in the house share etc).

Anytime we met up the conversation would be all about her and she'd minimise anything I said (like if I was stressed at work saying I didn't know what hard work was). She was also really slow at paying me back for group stuff that I booked.

She is now in a relationship and a bit calmer. She has a baby with him but has arranged all her finances so she can leave at any time! Like the house is all in her name, she doesn't let him contribute to the mortgage. Crazy that she's now got a baby but always has 1 eye on the exit.

 

[katyazamo]

People like this are bad news. Don't give her the time of day, write off the money, cut all contact. She will not duck off otherwise. Ask your husband to block her too. She clearly has some interest in him and thought she could reel him in. These people never change and make your life miserable.

 

[Tretps29]

These women are crazy

every single conversation I had with ex friend was all about her dating/relationships and she was always going from one disaster to another and never taking and responsibility but she always managed to be patronising, condescending and thought extremely well of herself.
drove me mad
It was so predictable and boring but impossible to have a conversation or proper catch up.

She had a family tragedy and I was there anytime she needed me, I was with her throughout and told her If she needed anything me and my husband would help her and she repaid me by turning up to my birthday, running off and not paying then messaging my husband
---
Before she started trying to get chummy with my husband he also politely messaged her the night of her dine and dash to ask if she had paid and if there was a mistake
Her response was so rude to him …told him to figure it out himself
She was so dismissive
If I had accidentally not paid for my food and drinks (wouldn’t happen) I would be mortified. I would pay immediately no questions asked I’d come back to the restaurant immediately and be so apologetic
The arrogance! And entitlement
I actually think she wanted to see my reaction because she views me as a push over I’m not sure
Or she hates me so much (all I’ve ever been is lovely to her)
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I’m worried her email to me will say something like my husband tried it on with her or something equally outrageous to upset me
I also know that her and her friend would be rude about me and ag me off.
They would make sneering remarks

 

[Popcornshovel]

These women are crazy

every single conversation I had with ex friend was all about her dating/relationships and she was always going from one disaster to another and never taking and responsibility but she always managed to be patronising, condescending and thought extremely well of herself.
drove me mad
It was so predictable and boring but impossible to have a conversation or proper catch up.

She had a family tragedy and I was there anytime she needed me, I was with her throughout and told her If she needed anything me and my husband would help her and she repaid me by turning up to my birthday, running off and not paying then messaging my husband
---
Before she started trying to get chummy with my husband he also politely messaged her the night of her dine and dash to ask if she had paid and if there was a mistake
Her response was so rude to him …told him to figure it out himself
She was so dismissive
If I had accidentally not paid for my food and drinks (wouldn’t happen) I would be mortified. I would pay immediately no questions asked I’d come back to the restaurant immediately and be so apologetic
The arrogance! And entitlement
I actually think she wanted to see my reaction because she views me as a push over I’m not sure
Or she hates me so much (all I’ve ever been is lovely to her)
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I’m worried her email to me will say something like my husband tried it on with her or something equally outrageous to upset me
I also know that her and her friend would be rude about me and ag me off.
They would make sneering remarks

Can you just delete the email? Then it can't harm you. It's probably just a load of dramatic crap and lies anyway.

 

[katyazamo]

I'm in two minds about her email, partially I'd want to take the high road and delete it, but I'd also consider reading it and completely ignoring it. Either way, she will clearly be looking for a reaction so don't give her one. People like this thrive when they're given attention and when it stops, they drop off and look for the next person to manipulate.

 

[Tretps29]

If I were a grown up I’d delete it but I’m also so curious at how bad it’ll be. My friends say they can read it for me or at least be there when I read it for support (and then we can ag it off )

I think she is doing this thing called hoovering
It’s always self serving with her

Hoovering, sometimes called “narcissistic hoovering,” is a manipulative tactic used to lure or suck a person back into a relationship they're withdrawing or stepping away from. It's a way of reasserting power and control and perpetuating a cycle of abuse
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When I do read it I will definitely update you all

 

[Lucyxxxx]

If I were a grown up I’d delete it but I’m also so curious at how bad it’ll be. My friends say they can read it for me or at least be there when I read it for support (and then we can ag it off )

I think she is doing this thing called hoovering
It’s always self serving with her

Hoovering, sometimes called “narcissistic hoovering,” is a manipulative tactic used to lure or suck a person back into a relationship they're withdrawing or stepping away from. It's a way of reasserting power and control and perpetuating a cycle of abuse
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When I do read it I will definitely update you all

Oooo I know about the hoovering. If someone didn't wanna know me I'd be like yeah sweet byeeee!!! Not hounding and embarrassing myself trying to force my way back into someone's life.

 

[Tretps29]

Hey TL

An update for anyone who cares
Well I read the email and it’s worse than I could have predicted
She’s written a sickly sweet message saying she was devastated I pulled away from our friendship and she doesn’t know why
That I am to blame and she is the good friend I screwed over
Zero apology or acknowledgment of her vile behaviour

 

[Popcornshovel]

Hey TL

An update for anyone who cares
Well I read the email and it’s worse than I could have predicted
She’s written a sickly sweet message saying she was devastated I pulled away from our friendship and she doesn’t know why
That I am to blame and she is the good friend I screwed over
Zero apology or acknowledgment of her vile behaviour

How are you feeling about it now that you've read it?

Sounds very typical of a narcissist that she's saying she's done nothing wrong and putting it all on you.

Have you reacted to the email? If not I bet its killing her that she's not had an effect!

 

[Tretps29]

i feeling a mixture of anger, disbelief and absolute rage
Well she’s managed to do the one thing I’m sure she set out to do and that is to get under my skin and make her the forefront of my thoughts.

I skim read and then forwarded to my friend for her to get angry on my behalf.

so the general gist
- she doesn’t understand why I ‘abruptly’ ended our friendship (is she deluded or trying to re write history) for anyone who has read through the thread she did a number of crappy/sly things which I kept giving her time to apologise for but in the end I called her out and said it’s be best we step away from the friendship

-in Her email she keeps mentioning my husband (no reason why) but she says she misses us both even though I told her she needs to stop contacting my husband on the sly and he’s not her friend

- she repeatedly told me SHE is hurt by my actions. The whole time I have been gracious, forgiving and gave her ample opportunity to try and rectify her behaviour. I didn’t get involved-in drama I just didn’t engage

-there was no mention of her-bad behaviour or anything along the line of an apology

- it was like the email was trying to convince both of us that her version was the right version and that I am at fault and need to desperately apologise for HER forgiveness 🫠🫨
---
If she is so deluded and doesn’t know why I abruptly ended our friendship then why hasn’t she asked why I stopped contacting her or ended the friendship?
what does she really think happened?
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So as much as I can say I’m not upset and it hasn’t affected me it really has

 

[Popcornshovel]

Woah she sounds totally deluded and also the mentions of your husband.... Very odd!

Sorry this has upset you. It sounds like a friendship which needs to get in the bin!

 

[Lucyxxxx]

i feeling a mixture of anger, disbelief and absolute rage
Well she’s managed to do the one thing I’m sure she set out to do and that is to get under my skin and make her the forefront of my thoughts.

I skim read and then forwarded to my friend for her to get angry on my behalf.

so the general gist
- she doesn’t understand why I ‘abruptly’ ended our friendship (is she deluded or trying to re write history) for anyone who has read through the thread she did a number of crappy/sly things which I kept giving her time to apologise for but in the end I called her out and said it’s be best we step away from the friendship

-in Her email she keeps mentioning my husband (no reason why) but she says she misses us both even though I told her she needs to stop contacting my husband on the sly and he’s not her friend

- she repeatedly told me SHE is hurt by my actions. The whole time I have been gracious, forgiving and gave her ample opportunity to try and rectify her behaviour. I didn’t get involved-in drama I just didn’t engage

-there was no mention of her-bad behaviour or anything along the line of an apology

- it was like the email was trying to convince both of us that her version was the right version and that I am at fault and need to desperately apologise for HER forgiveness 🫠🫨
---
If she is so deluded and doesn’t know why I abruptly ended our friendship then why hasn’t she asked why I stopped contacting her or ended the friendship?
what does she really think happened?
---
So as much as I can say I’m not upset and it hasn’t affected me it really has

She's mentioning your husband to get under your skin. What a nasty cow.

 

[Tretps29]

She’s a to narcissist
Amazing how you can re write history to suit your own agenda.
I wish I could respond and tell her what I think but I’m not sure that would serve much of a purpose and it would giver her what she wants
She wants to provoke and get under my skin

 

[Popcornshovel]

She’s a to narcissist
Amazing how you can re write history to suit your own agenda.
I wish I could respond and tell her what I think but I’m not sure that would serve much of a purpose and it would giver her what she wants
She wants to provoke and get under my skin

Silence is the best revenge against a narcissist.

 

[Tretps29]

Silence is the best revenge against a narcissist.

Thank you absolutely right.

I just need to hear this and know that the worst possible thing you can do is acknowledge a narc

my friends all read the email and were raging for me which massively helped, a good slagging off really helped

I wish I could understand what the hell she thinks she’s doing?
I guess it’s just to rewrite the events to make herself feel better
The whole purpose of the email is to make herself feel better

massive psycho witch!

I predict in a few months she will send me a message over WhatsApp to ask if I got her email and or why I didn’t reply

 

[hehehe]

You could block her on all platforms and ignore her completely and never give a tit or speak to/of her again, but tbh it sounds like you're enjoying the attention yourself, which is why you're still communicating/inviting others to ag her/wondering what she's doing/anticipating hearing from her again.

Your behaviour is toxic as well.

 

[Tretps29]

You could block her on all platforms and ignore her completely and never give a tit or speak to/of her again, but tbh it sounds like you're enjoying the attention yourself, which is why you're still communicating/inviting others to ag her/wondering what she's doing/anticipating hearing from her again.

Your behaviour is toxic as well.

Ouch! Wow brutal and a bit of a strange reaction.

I haven’t replied to ANY of her messages or emails. I’ve completely ignored her.
Maybe you misunderstood but since July when she behaved like a total twit all I have done is message to ask her to NOT contact my husband and that I was stepping away from our friendship.
That was ONE text and I think absolutely fair.

Since then I have completely ignored her. I certainly don’t want communication with her.

How can this toxic????
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I came on here because I was upset and needed objective opinions
I wasn’t enjoying it and it’s caused me a lot of stress

Wasn’t looking for sympathy but also wasn’t look for a catty crappy response when really I don’t deserve it

all I can think is that you don’t understand toxic behaviour