Wild behaviour from ‘friend’ narcissist?

[Tretps29]

Right this is a bit of a wild ride so I’ll try to keep it brief and to the point.

I cannot work out what the hell my so called friend was/is playing at??? Any insight would be amazing.

been friends for over a decade, thought we were close she is nice as pie so I felt awful for thinking something wasn’t quite right with her (thought I shouldn’t be so mean thinking something was off)….I’ve only just found out that some of my friends have never warmed to her…. but when I had a boyfriend she would start being really mean. She has form for excluding me and making me feel silly but superficially everyone thinks she’s amazing.
She is obsessed with having a relationship regardless of whether they are married/have a pregnant wife I started to realise she only messaged me when she wanted something.
So in my mind I was done and happy to left it drift. But….

she weirdly turned up to an event I organised but ignored me then she did a dine And dash so I had to pay for her food and expensive alcohol.

a month later I politely asked for the money she owed and she just replied saying no she didn’t owe anything so I left it, totally done.

then randomly she messaged my husband (they’re not really friends) asking if I was ok because she was worried about my mental health!!!
my husband ignored her.

she then emailed me saying I have to reply to her.
I just said this wasn’t healthy and please stop contacting my husband.

she carried on texting my husband!

she actually said if I didn’t reply then she’d turn up at my house.

now I’ve received a long email from her. I can’t face reading it.

She has never acknowledged her bad behaviours or apologised for her dine and dash and behaviour.

can anyone tell me what the actual fuck is going on???! Who behaves like this?
My only thought is that she wanted a reaction to end our already drifting relationship but I didn’t give it to her so she went crazy

 

[Monkeymagic85]

Right this is a bit of a wild ride so I’ll try to keep it brief and to the point.

I cannot work out what the hell my so called friend was/is playing at??? Any insight would be amazing.

been friends for over a decade, thought we were close she is nice as pie so I felt awful for thinking something wasn’t quite right with her (thought I shouldn’t be so mean thinking something was off)….I’ve only just found out that some of my friends have never warmed to her…. but when I had a boyfriend she would start being really mean. She has form for excluding me and making me feel silly but superficially everyone thinks she’s amazing.
She is obsessed with having a relationship regardless of whether they are married/have a pregnant wife I started to realise she only messaged me when she wanted something.
So in my mind I was done and happy to left it drift. But….

she weirdly turned up to an event I organised but ignored me then she did a dine And dash so I had to pay for her food and expensive alcohol.

a month later I politely asked for the money she owed and she just replied saying no she didn’t owe anything so I left it, totally done.

then randomly she messaged my husband (they’re not really friends) asking if I was ok because she was worried about my mental health!!!
my husband ignored her.

she then emailed me saying I have to reply to her.
I just said this wasn’t healthy and please stop contacting my husband.

she carried on texting my husband!

she actually said if I didn’t reply then she’d turn up at my house.

now I’ve received a long email from her. I can’t face reading it.

She has never acknowledged her bad behaviours or apologised for her dine and dash and behaviour.

can anyone tell me what the actual fuck is going on???! Who behaves like this?
My only thought is that she wanted a reaction to end our already drifting relationship but I didn’t give it to her so she went crazy

A complete psycho does!

Its up to you whether you read her recent correspondence or not but tell her you no longer wish to be friends and if she doesn’t leave you or your husband alone, her behaviour is bordering on stalking and you’ll report her accordingly (especially if she turns up at your door and refuses to leave).

Some people just don’t like being told no and want everything on their terms, there is probably no point trying to figure her out, some people are just toxic.

Block her on everything you can think of and hopefully she’ll go away.

Good luck op

 

[LittleMy]

Right this is a bit of a wild ride so I’ll try to keep it brief and to the point.

I cannot work out what the hell my so called friend was/is playing at??? Any insight would be amazing.

been friends for over a decade, thought we were close she is nice as pie so I felt awful for thinking something wasn’t quite right with her (thought I shouldn’t be so mean thinking something was off)….I’ve only just found out that some of my friends have never warmed to her…. but when I had a boyfriend she would start being really mean. She has form for excluding me and making me feel silly but superficially everyone thinks she’s amazing.
She is obsessed with having a relationship regardless of whether they are married/have a pregnant wife I started to realise she only messaged me when she wanted something.
So in my mind I was done and happy to left it drift. But….

she weirdly turned up to an event I organised but ignored me then she did a dine And dash so I had to pay for her food and expensive alcohol.

a month later I politely asked for the money she owed and she just replied saying no she didn’t owe anything so I left it, totally done.

then randomly she messaged my husband (they’re not really friends) asking if I was ok because she was worried about my mental health!!!
my husband ignored her.

she then emailed me saying I have to reply to her.
I just said this wasn’t healthy and please stop contacting my husband.

she carried on texting my husband!

she actually said if I didn’t reply then she’d turn up at my house.

now I’ve received a long email from her. I can’t face reading it.

She has never acknowledged her bad behaviours or apologised for her dine and dash and behaviour.

can anyone tell me what the actual fuck is going on???! Who behaves like this?
My only thought is that she wanted a reaction to end our already drifting relationship but I didn’t give it to her so she went crazy

WTF?

I agree with the other poster, I’d block her on everything and if she continues to harass you, report her to the police. That is not normal behaviour, she sounds unhinged.

 

[Tretps29]

You could block her on all platforms and ignore her completely and never give a shit or speak to/of her again, but tbh it sounds like you're enjoying the attention yourself, which is why you're still communicating/inviting others to slag her/wondering what she's doing/anticipating hearing from her again.

Your behaviour is toxic as well.

Ouch! Wow brutal and a bit of a strange reaction.

I haven’t replied to ANY of her messages or emails. I’ve completely ignored her.
Maybe you misunderstood but since July when she behaved like a total twat all I have done is message to ask her to NOT contact my husband and that I was stepping away from our friendship.
That was ONE text and I think absolutely fair.

Since then I have completely ignored her. I certainly don’t want communication with her.

How can this toxic????
---
I came on here because I was upset and needed objective opinions
I wasn’t enjoying it and it’s caused me a lot of stress

Wasn’t looking for sympathy but also wasn’t look for a catty shitty response when really I don’t deserve it

all I can think is that you don’t understand toxic behaviour

 

[Popcornshovel]

Yes she is definitely a narcissist. Have a read about borderline personality disorder because this sounds a bit like that.

The thing about telling people you have issues and contacting your husband is completely nuts!

If she goes after married men then I reckon that's all about making herself feel good and validated cos she can 'steal' a man. Disgusting behavior.

She's got some serious issues and I bet she sees all those around her as objects to be used. She'll always be a taker and never a giver in a relationship/friendship.

 

[Popcornshovel]

Omg she's completely unhinged!

This actually reminds me of the behaviour of a family member I have... They'll ignore you, then do something dramatic to get attention and then if you don't give it constantly call (to try to get the attention).

All your friends behaviour seems designed to get attention, even the part where she ignored you for no reason.

These are huge red flags and you need to get her out of your life ASAP! Cut all ties and protect yourself.

Unfortunately you'll never see the money she owes you. People like this love having something like a debt owed but never paid so there's always a reason why people won't cut ties.

 

[Popcornshovel]

She’s a to narcissist
Amazing how you can re write history to suit your own agenda.
I wish I could respond and tell her what I think but I’m not sure that would serve much of a purpose and it would giver her what she wants
She wants to provoke and get under my skin

Silence is the best revenge against a narcissist.

 

[Tretps29]

Hey TL

An update for anyone who cares
Well I read the email and it’s worse than I could have predicted
She’s written a sickly sweet message saying she was devastated I pulled away from our friendship and she doesn’t know why
That I am to blame and she is the good friend I screwed over
Zero apology or acknowledgment of her vile behaviour

 

[Tretps29]

I’ve loved all of your messages because this is exactly what all my friends said…… psycho, drama attention seeker. etc etc it’s good to get objective opinions.

it’s unhinged and so unhinged that I can’t even justify any of it or understand at all why she’s behaved like this.

do you think she is a narcissist? I’m clutching at some kind of diagnosis to make sense of it all.

the bit about me saying no to her not accepting it is because I’ve never ever stood up to her

she comes across as a goody two shoes but I’ve experienced some Nasty, sly behaviour.
I now realise she has definitely tried to tell people including my husband that I am mentally unwell
she was relentless in contacting my husband and she sent screen shots of my conversations with her (nothing interesting) to my husband in the delusion he would take her side.
Thank god I have a solid marriage and we’re not in a tricky place because this could definitely not help.

the thing that really annoys me is she is sickly sweet but went after her married colleague who was just about to have a baby, I stupidly introduced her to a single friend and she used him I kept out of it but she strung him along to get attention and food, she constantly told me she is a 10/10 and amazing in bed …ok

I only realised Recently that any friend she sees there is always a negative comment made about them.

there is loads more this is the tip of the iceberg
I suppose I’m angry that I got used by her to fill her time and give her access to my male friends etc
And I’m annoyed that people see her as this amazing woman so lovable and kind. But she isn’t.

 

[silkytoes]

I reckon these 'user' types can sniff out a kind hearted person and know they can dominate them. I seem to attract them!

Like your experience here, it's always the ones who can't form relationships and get jealous that I'm married, whereas true friends are just happy for me rather than trying to knock me down for their own ego.

It can be hard to stand up to them and shake them off though.

This is so true, I've had the same experiences.

I've been with my now husband for 11 years now and met this one girl at work about 5 years ago. She knew I was in a long term relationship and we lived together but kept trying to convince me to go speed dating with her, I think because she just wanted me to be single like her so that I'd be constantly available for her.

When we finally got engaged, she reacted SO badly - I think it was jealousy or fear I was abandoning her maybe, but she would tell me that she didn't think we were right for each other (we'd been together nearly a decade at that point!), and that if we were really right for each other I wouldn't still be spending time with friends as I'd only spend time with him?? Not once did she ever ask me about my wedding planning or my engagement.

She has been single for a long long time and has problems finding a relationship, and she was so keen for me to be single too so that I could constantly be there for her.

The only benefit she saw to me having a partner was that I only recently passed my driving test, so during the pandemic, she constantly wanted him to drive me to see her so that I could see her (outside and at a social distance in line with guidance of course) without getting public transport and potentially passing covid to her. Mind you that she could drive so could have driven to see me to avoid that problem instead of expecting him to be my taxi, but she refused to get too far from her flat and expected me to do all the travelling. As though covid would know she was close to her house and leave her alone.

 

[Tretps29]

She thinks she can hound you into a friendship. Who in their right mind would want to hound someone into being their friend who clearly wants nothing to do with them? These types see the word NO as a challenge. The latest one who hounded me I actually found her BIN DIVING in my rubbish. She found me when I was shopping one day (after I'd blocked her baring in mind) and first tried getting her kids to approach me - blanked em... she then tried coming up to me like HIIIIIII. It ended up with her trying to call ME a tramp (I caught you with your feet dangling out my bins...) and me screaming abuse. She actually thought I'd be too scared to say anything or she could talk me round or something. The jealousy was oozing out of her. Apparently I stink of piss (surprised she could smell it over the stench of her knock off perfume that STUNK). Wouldn't be so bad but one thing about me is I smell gooood soz I'm going off about myself but just know I feel your stress!!!!
---


With the last one, last time I saw her she started screaming at me and SPAT at me. So she got a swift right hook... multiple times.

omg this is insane

so many layers of insanity

When I got a boyfriend and I lived with ex friend when she found out I had started a relationship she started to move all my stuff in the house for no reason
Weird

then there was the time she said to me ‘you’re always arguing with your husband’ which has always stayed with me because I don’t argue with my husband and I’ve never ever confided in her if and when my husband has fucked me off because my gut always Told me never say anything to her
It really stood out to me

Then there was the time she told me after one date with my friend she wasn’t interested in seeing him again yet my male friend said they’d been dating for months but she wanted to take it slowly

there was also the time she told my friend that I was lying to her about not being able to see her and making up that I had Covid ….yet I was in bed with Covid and I’m not flakey

there was also the time she asked me if my husband would consider Botox …. Wtf …he’s literally a normal looking bloke but it was planting that seed


All slyly done with a la dee dah veneer
---
Last thing that always stood out to me was ‘you’ve just got it easy because you’re blonde’

excuse. Me???

 

[katyazamo]

People like this are bad news. Don't give her the time of day, write off the money, cut all contact. She will not fuck off otherwise. Ask your husband to block her too. She clearly has some interest in him and thought she could reel him in. These people never change and make your life miserable.

 

[Popcornshovel]

These women are crazy

every single conversation I had with ex friend was all about her dating/relationships and she was always going from one disaster to another and never taking and responsibility but she always managed to be patronising, condescending and thought extremely well of herself.
drove me mad
It was so predictable and boring but impossible to have a conversation or proper catch up.

She had a family tragedy and I was there anytime she needed me, I was with her throughout and told her If she needed anything me and my husband would help her and she repaid me by turning up to my birthday, running off and not paying then messaging my husband
---
Before she started trying to get chummy with my husband he also politely messaged her the night of her dine and dash to ask if she had paid and if there was a mistake
Her response was so rude to him …told him to figure it out himself
She was so dismissive
If I had accidentally not paid for my food and drinks (wouldn’t happen) I would be mortified. I would pay immediately no questions asked I’d come back to the restaurant immediately and be so apologetic
The arrogance! And entitlement
I actually think she wanted to see my reaction because she views me as a push over I’m not sure
Or she hates me so much (all I’ve ever been is lovely to her)
---
I’m worried her email to me will say something like my husband tried it on with her or something equally outrageous to upset me
I also know that her and her friend would be rude about me and slag me off.
They would make sneering remarks

Can you just delete the email? Then it can't harm you. It's probably just a load of dramatic crap and lies anyway.

 

[Tretps29]

I hurt for us both when we realize that we were used or the friendship wasn't what we first realized. I felt a right mug. I am so sorry that you went through that.

Ah, yes that is another thing I missed. Men... She would sleep around a lot. Due to past trauma supposedly. One incident that hurts was she flew from her home country to come see me, we went out for something to eat and go to the cinema and she was on her bloody phone more than half the time because she was getting messages or whatever you do on Tinder, I have no idea and they were talking messaging back and forth I felt more shocked at the fact that she made herself "seen" in a different country? I eventually said to her should I leave because we weren't talking and I am 100% convinced they hooked up. Not that I care she can do whatever the hell she want. Why spend all that money on a flight and hotel to hardly put in any effort?

One last thing I want to say is that I caught her in a live stream on a gaming streaming website ( I do game streaming online, so I occasionally watch people play games) so I was watching this person we both knew, however she had no idea I was in the stream. They were talking about friendships and she claimed that she had no IRL friends, I confronted her straight away, and she told me that because we no longer see each other in person, she considers me an online friend... I was absolutely baffled, that hurt so much.

I just want a friend who I can call a best friend, and truly feel it! I don't think I ever can now, I will always be hesitant and not so very trustworthy. If only I had a IRL friend like you You seem very caring and nice. I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas.

They are so similar!
I think my friend ran off from me during our cinema date because she’d got a man to agree to a booty call.

she would also happily tell me about how ugly these guy’s previous gf or current girlfriends were and I have no idea why.

my friend would stalk men and not take no for an answer and so they’d end up sleeping with her because she hounded them. They always ghost her and block her but she never seemed self aware
---
She also weirdly has a very high confidence of herself which makes to the point it is arrogant yet somehow tied up to come across as very sweet and innocent and ‘nice’

I think they’re narcissists
Their arrogance
Self entitlement
Lack of empathy
To never ever apologise for their shit behaviour
Lack of relationships or friendships

 

[Popcornshovel]

I'm sorry you've had these experiences with so called friends!

Reading this has really brought back memories of a friend I have (but am trying to phase out).

She was always on the hunt for men, if she could get with a married man that would give her an ego boost. Also having sex in weird places like semi-public or at work.

She would always come crying to me when she had relationship dramas... Once she called me nonstop at 5am after a drunken argument at the end of a night out. Next thing she was at my door wanting to sleep on my sofa. This was when I'd just stated living with my now husband and he was not impressed at this drunk girl crashing on our sofa and ruining our cosy Sunday morning together! She wouldn't leave for ages, had me making her breakfast and then lunch and lending her clothes to wear.

She caused a scene (drunk and threatened to deck someone, also invited a bloke to the toilets for sex) at a friend's wedding, so when I got married I had people keeping an eye on her and ready to intervene if she did the same.

Another time she made the bride on a hen do cry on the hen weekend away (being late so we had to rush and nearly missed the train there, domineering about plans, took the best room in the house share etc).

Anytime we met up the conversation would be all about her and she'd minimise anything I said (like if I was stressed at work saying I didn't know what hard work was). She was also really slow at paying me back for group stuff that I booked.

She is now in a relationship and a bit calmer. She has a baby with him but has arranged all her finances so she can leave at any time! Like the house is all in her name, she doesn't let him contribute to the mortgage. Crazy that she's now got a baby but always has 1 eye on the exit.

 

[Lucyxxxx]

tosser is such a good word

it’s the realisation that I’ve been used and also passively bullied. I’m a time filler when it suits her, when she is bored and I see that now. She would happily ignore any of my texts for weeks if it didn’t suit her.
The moment I asked for the money she managed to instantly reply to that message

I’m a person who just doesn’t do jealousy, it’s not in my nature. If I have a friend in a happy relationship, promotion at work or who is beautiful (all my friends are beautiful) I am so happy for them and not bitter.
However when I met my husband I think she hated it because she thought I had something she should have. My husband is also very lovely to me so that prob didn’t help. I just didn’t pick up on it.
She puts herself on a pedestal and thinks she’s a catch but she hasn’t managed to have a relationship for a decade.
Nothing wrong with being single but it’s odd that if your main goal in life is to be in a relationship and no one will be in one with you she must be giving off some vibe.
Up until recently I had an odd friendship with her and another friend. I felt both of them didn’t like me and I see now they kinda bullied me.
narc friend is obsessed with this girl who isn’t very nice (I invited her to my wedding, never heard from her so politely asked for an RSVP and said her phone had been locked in a cupboard for months she said she was coming and then was a no show) so I decided to just not be friends with her thinking that was the issue. Im going off on a tangent they both used to make comments about my looks and made me self conscious and made me feel dumb.
She never asked for money but used me for other things 🥲

I just can’t understand why anyone would behave like this

Trying to knock you down a peg...People are horrible and weird. I have always attracted these types for some reason myself. I don't understand why they actively hunt and pursue people they don't even like. Want to use you for what you have but then resent you for having it. I'm ruthless with it. 1st sign of nonsense and I'm OUT. But they NEVER take the hint. Hello I've blocked you and blanked you in the street why r u so desperate to be around me for? Absolute freaks. I had a 'friend' who FUMED at the fact my fella has always spoiled me. Always a snide comment to be made. Just blocked her with no warning. Take your shite some place else cause I ain't dealing with it.

 

[Tretps29]

If I were a grown up I’d delete it but I’m also so curious at how bad it’ll be. My friends say they can read it for me or at least be there when I read it for support (and then we can slag it off )

I think she is doing this thing called hoovering
It’s always self serving with her

Hoovering, sometimes called “narcissistic hoovering,” is a manipulative tactic used to lure or suck a person back into a relationship they're withdrawing or stepping away from. It's a way of reasserting power and control and perpetuating a cycle of abuse
---
When I do read it I will definitely update you all

 

[Tretps29]

These women are crazy

every single conversation I had with ex friend was all about her dating/relationships and she was always going from one disaster to another and never taking and responsibility but she always managed to be patronising, condescending and thought extremely well of herself.
drove me mad
It was so predictable and boring but impossible to have a conversation or proper catch up.

She had a family tragedy and I was there anytime she needed me, I was with her throughout and told her If she needed anything me and my husband would help her and she repaid me by turning up to my birthday, running off and not paying then messaging my husband
---
Before she started trying to get chummy with my husband he also politely messaged her the night of her dine and dash to ask if she had paid and if there was a mistake
Her response was so rude to him …told him to figure it out himself
She was so dismissive
If I had accidentally not paid for my food and drinks (wouldn’t happen) I would be mortified. I would pay immediately no questions asked I’d come back to the restaurant immediately and be so apologetic
The arrogance! And entitlement
I actually think she wanted to see my reaction because she views me as a push over I’m not sure
Or she hates me so much (all I’ve ever been is lovely to her)
---
I’m worried her email to me will say something like my husband tried it on with her or something equally outrageous to upset me
I also know that her and her friend would be rude about me and slag me off.
They would make sneering remarks

 

[Popcornshovel]

I reckon these 'user' types can sniff out a kind hearted person and know they can dominate them. I seem to attract them!

Like your experience here, it's always the ones who can't form relationships and get jealous that I'm married, whereas true friends are just happy for me rather than trying to knock me down for their own ego.

It can be hard to stand up to them and shake them off though.

 

[My2cents]

Well this is what I found with my so called friend . I was there wh


This sounds very similar

Ex friend was my bridesmaid and I did this to make her feel comfortable as she wouldn’t know anyone at the wedding but I massively regret it . She got a lovely dress for free, hair and make up for free and couldn’t even bring herself to tell me I looked ok on my wedding day.

She also didn’t contact me at all about the wedding or ask if I wanted a hen do. I wasn’t expecting much but she literally ignored me and then turned up to the wedding, clearly didn’t enjoy it and then I didn’t hear from her.

She should have told me she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid or come along, it would have saved me money.
Something I remember was when she would contact me because she didn’t have another friend available and would ask if I wanted to go to the cinema. I would go, we would watch the film and then the moment it end she would say bye and run off.

Not even a have a good night. It was just so obvious I was being used.



When she started contacting my husband I think she absolutely thought he fancied her and they’d start up a secret conversation about my mental health. What she didn’t know was my husband for years has said to me there is something wrong with your friend and she’s unstable. He’s also said she only gets a shag because she begs men (which is true!)

But this whole time she has thought that my husband would run off with her.

Then there was her desperate behaviour with men. She would go online dating and always pursue men on there…:ask them out, say she would take them for food, really desperate. The guy would agree with no enthusiasm and inevitably she would sleep with them first night because as she told me that was how you get them. She would then go in a six month, year long weird relationship with the guy and be absolutely ghosted, never taken out on another date but when they wanted sex she would be there within 30 minutes.

The lack of dignity YET constantly telling me she was hot and a 10/10.
There was one time she did the above and she hung around a guy for 5 years! Every so often he would booty call her then kick her out the same night but she thought if she just hung in there he would change his mind.

The irony of telling my husband I have mental health problems.

I hurt for us both when we realize that we were used or the friendship wasn't what we first realized. I felt a right mug. I am so sorry that you went through that.

Ah, yes that is another thing I missed. Men... She would sleep around a lot. Due to past trauma supposedly. One incident that hurts was she flew from her home country to come see me, we went out for something to eat and go to the cinema and she was on her bloody phone more than half the time because she was getting messages or whatever you do on Tinder, I have no idea and they were talking messaging back and forth I felt more shocked at the fact that she made herself "seen" in a different country? I eventually said to her should I leave because we weren't talking and I am 100% convinced they hooked up. Not that I care she can do whatever the hell she want. Why spend all that money on a flight and hotel to hardly put in any effort?

One last thing I want to say is that I caught her in a live stream on a gaming streaming website ( I do game streaming online, so I occasionally watch people play games) so I was watching this person we both knew, however she had no idea I was in the stream. They were talking about friendships and she claimed that she had no IRL friends, I confronted her straight away, and she told me that because we no longer see each other in person, she considers me an online friend... I was absolutely baffled, that hurt so much.

I just want a friend who I can call a best friend, and truly feel it! I don't think I ever can now, I will always be hesitant and not so very trustworthy. If only I had a IRL friend like you You seem very caring and nice. I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas.