Saw this on Facebook, thought it might be fun! 
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I tripped over whilst trying to remove my trousers when drunk and landed on a broken glass. Had to have stitches in my butt cheek. They were filming a daytime reality TV show in the same hospital at the time but sadly the film crew weren't there at night cos I think I would have made a cracking story for them. 
Broke my ankle putting my trainers on. They laughed and asked if I was drunk. I was not.
Ingrowing toenail 
I’m a nurse now and can’t believe I did that
I’m a nurse now and can’t believe I did that 
Fell off a bathmat and broke two toes. 20 years ago
Ruptured my ear drum while washing my hair. Last year.
Ruptured my ear drum while washing my hair. Last year.
Slipped on a discarded kebab and thought I had broken my big toe 
Went to get a new coil removed over a weekend as was really painful. It ended up stuck and spent hours and hours there, whilst a number of people
Peered up my fanjita trying to remove it. Eventually referred to gynae who thankfully sorted it and said it hadn’t been put in correctly! Lost so much dignity that day!
Peered up my fanjita trying to remove it. Eventually referred to gynae who thankfully sorted it and said it hadn’t been put in correctly! Lost so much dignity that day!
Went to go downstairs in the middle of the night, in the dark, a few years ago. Cat was laid out on the 2nd stair from the top and I went straight over him. Bounced off every step on the way down and narrowly avoided banging my head on the wall at the bottom. Hematoma the size of a grapefruit on my bum, and defensive carpet burns to my arms and elbows. I had to spend 2 hours in A&E waiting for a decision on whether they were going to drain the Hematoma. They didn't in the end, and I couldn't sit down for around 2 weeks.
And my dear beloved cat? Never moved off that stair. He just stared at me with a judging look for the audacity of disturbing him, and then went back to sleep
And my dear beloved cat? Never moved off that stair. He just stared at me with a judging look for the audacity of disturbing him, and then went back to sleep
Sorry for laughing but peak cat behaviour I'm dyingWent to go downstairs in the middle of the night, in the dark, a few years ago. Cat was laid out on the 2nd stair from the top and I went straight over him. Bounced off every step on the way down and narrowly avoided banging my head on the wall at the bottom. Hematoma the size of a grapefruit on my bum, and defensive carpet burns to my arms and elbows. I had to spend 2 hours in A&E waiting for a decision on whether they were going to drain the Hematoma. They didn't in the end, and I couldn't sit down for around 2 weeks.
And my dear beloved cat? Never moved off that stair. He just stared at me with a judging look for the audacity of disturbing him, and then went back to sleep
It's the judgy look that just adds to the pain. I had a haematoma on my fanjo after a badly stitched episotomy and it's was actually more painful than labour. Astonishing how your own blood can hurt you so much!Went to go downstairs in the middle of the night, in the dark, a few years ago. Cat was laid out on the 2nd stair from the top and I went straight over him. Bounced off every step on the way down and narrowly avoided banging my head on the wall at the bottom. Hematoma the size of a grapefruit on my bum, and defensive carpet burns to my arms and elbows. I had to spend 2 hours in A&E waiting for a decision on whether they were going to drain the Hematoma. They didn't in the end, and I couldn't sit down for around 2 weeks.
And my dear beloved cat? Never moved off that stair. He just stared at me with a judging look for the audacity of disturbing him, and then went back to sleep
A lost fluorescent pink condom … jokes were made about turning the lights off to make it easier to find 🫣
Went to go downstairs in the middle of the night, in the dark, a few years ago. Cat was laid out on the 2nd stair from the top and I went straight over him. Bounced off every step on the way down and narrowly avoided banging my head on the wall at the bottom. Hematoma the size of a grapefruit on my bum, and defensive carpet burns to my arms and elbows. I had to spend 2 hours in A&E waiting for a decision on whether they were going to drain the Hematoma. They didn't in the end, and I couldn't sit down for around 2 weeks.
And my dear beloved cat? Never moved off that stair. He just stared at me with a judging look for the audacity of disturbing him, and then went back to sleep
Another cat-related A&E visit for me.
We were living in a recently renovated Victorian terraced house. For reasons best known to themselves, the landlord had fitted a new staircase but had used some weird non-standard dimensions. The steps were lower and longer than normal so we were constantly falling up or down the stairs. A mid-grey carpet on the landing, stairs and hall didn't do much for our depth perception either.
So, the cat woke me up in the middle of the night wanting to go out. I followed her downstairs when she stopped dead on one step halfway down and even a toe-poke wouldn't shift her. So I stepped over her and her new steppy home and... missed the next step too and went straight to the foot of the stairs and wrenched my knee.
A&E strapped up my knee and I had to use crutches for a few weeks. The most painful part was nobody at work believed that it was a cat-related injury and accused me of a self-inflicted drunken tumble. Bastards, if they had a cat they'd understand.
I was a teenager, but I thought I broke a finger trying to kill a mosquito I say trying, because I missed.
I saw a mosquito on the wall and I put my hand in a shoe thinking I'd be sure to kill it that way... Except I guess my fingers weren't sitting flat in the shoe when I hit the wall at full force so one of my fingers got bent funny. I remember bursting out laughing and crying at the same time, laughing because I could tell how ridiculous the situation was, crying because it was so painful that I saw stairs and got all warm and dizzy. Couldn't bent my finger and was in a lot of pain so my mum took me to the children's A&E. The triage nurses and the doctors all thought it was hilarious. I think it was only a bone contusion in the end, but damn it hurt
I say trying, because I missed.I saw a mosquito on the wall and I put my hand in a shoe thinking I'd be sure to kill it that way... Except I guess my fingers weren't sitting flat in the shoe when I hit the wall at full force so one of my fingers got bent funny. I remember bursting out laughing and crying at the same time, laughing because I could tell how ridiculous the situation was, crying because it was so painful that I saw stairs and got all warm and dizzy. Couldn't bent my finger and was in a lot of pain so my mum took me to the children's A&E. The triage nurses and the doctors all thought it was hilarious. I think it was only a bone contusion in the end, but damn it hurt
Fell over playing kiss chase and cracked the knuckle in my little finger.