What do you do when you're having an identity crisis?

[Sogdhitalley]

I'm currently having an identity crisis (I think!) I'm in my 30's, yet, I feel I look like I'm an unglamorous mid 50's woman who has given up on herself.

Before Covid was ever heard of I used to wear a full face of slap, hair always done nicely and I'd say I dressed fairly well.

Now, I just can't be bothered with any of it, I would never be seen dead without a full face on or my hair done properly but now I don't seem to care about what I look like very much.

I look like I've aged around 10 years in 2 years!

What do you all do when you feel like this? Did you just embrace it and get used to this new you whether it be begrudgingly or not or did you get yourself back? How did you do it?

 

[Kim Mild]

I feel a bit the same , I feel scruffy all the time. I had a baby , a toddler then lockdown hit and then we were decorating/ revamping our house so I an always in scruffs . When I leave the house , I just have to grab some clothes to hoy on whereas I used to spend ages planning my outfits.
I don't always wear make up now , I often hide behind my mask instead.

I do think it's better to not be a slave to make up , and also the hairdressers kept shutting so low maintenance hair is better.

I think life has changed for a lot of us , so maybe a more relaxed approach to appearance is what some people have evolved into. And priorities change .

It might take time to find your thing again. What about a capsule wardrobe of basics for your lifestyle ?

 

[bubbadabut]

Please don't feel bad, I'm exactly the same. I think a lot of it is lockdown. Parenthood has taken it's toll for me too - I had 4 kids in 7 years, plus 2 losses. It's very hard work and I feel and look like I've aged so much. I'm lucky in that I managed to keep my figure after having them with very little effort, but during lockdown I have become very sedentary and I now have a belly, which I am disgusted with. I decided to take some action earlier this week, and I've started doing the Chloe Ting 2-week shred on YouTube. I have no idea who she is, it was just one of the first ones that came up and it seemed like the kind of thing I was after. I can honestly say after two days, my head fuzziness has gone and I feel a lot less tired, even after the exertion. I hope to persevere and if I see any results - great.

I've hardly worn make-up since lockdown either, and most of the stuff in my make up bag is years old and well out of date, so I recently "treated" myself to a load of new cosmetics from...Primark Quite nice they were too!

 

[Happyvalley]

I could have written this myself. Struggling so much as my hair has turned white/grey and I feel so old and like I look in the mirror and don’t recognise myself. Colouring every three weeks and that and just the general ageing process is getting me down. Trying not to be vain and self obsessed but at the moment I feel so crap about my appearance

 

[turkeydinosaurs]

Okay so I always find to get back on track the first thing is a skincare routine at night. Doesn’t need to be anything posh or fancy. Cleanser and moisturiser. Start with doing that each evening. It’s a start and definitely makes me feel better when I’m doing it. Also, every Sunday I make sure I shave everywhere that needs shaving and I exfoliate my body. All sounds daft but really helps.
A tinted lip balm does wonders in the day if you can’t be bothered doing a full lip. I am not wasting real lipstick to be on Microsoft Teams all day. And an eyelash tint if you have time to get it done, again no mascara but lashes still look nice

 

[Pixipoppy]

I went through a weird midlife/quarter life/identity crisis when I turned 30. I felt like my body and face were betraying me by getting older when I still felt young. My hair was an awkward stage and I hated the colour, I couldn’t decide what style suited me and always felt scruffy and frumpy. My New Years resolution that year was to have a glow up… I told myself there was no reason I couldn’t look better at 30 than I did at 20. So this is what I did over the course of the next year (or two cos of lockdown!):

Put effort into growing my hair and looking after it. I stopped my usual hair dyes and decided I needed to start getting it done professionally if I ever actually wanted it to look decent. 10 years of box dye had taken its toll! (I’m yet to get it done at a salon but over the 2 years I’ve grown it and it’s getting healthier… still not perfect!).

I set aside some money to invest in some good makeup products and skincare. I started using retinol and sunscreen.

I got botox which I probably wouldn’t bother with again but it made me realise I don’t actually mind my wrinkles and with decent skincare they seem much less now anyway.

I started using fake tan. I’d never really tried it before but I do feel better with some colour to me.

I looked at a lot of YouTube videos about finding what styles and colours suit you. I’ve tried to move away from “trendy” clothes and more to more versatile items. I still do have a lot of young clothes but I threw out so much.

I gave in and started wearing makeup daily. Whereas before I didn’t wear any unless I was going outI was ending up feeling down about my dark circles and uneven skin thought duck it, I’ve had a good run here so now I pretty much always put on concealer, blush, bronzer and do my eyebrows.

I also got my teeth sorted because that was a personal issue that was bugging me.

Would also like to get a LVL lash lift.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Please don't feel bad, I'm exactly the same. I think a lot of it is lockdown. Parenthood has taken it's toll for me too - I had 4 kids in 7 years, plus 2 losses. It's very hard work and I feel and look like I've aged so much. I'm lucky in that I managed to keep my figure after having them with very little effort, but during lockdown I have become very sedentary and I now have a belly, which I am disgusted with. I decided to take some action earlier this week, and I've started doing the Chloe Ting 2-week shred on YouTube. I have no idea who she is, it was just one of the first ones that came up and it seemed like the kind of thing I was after. I can honestly say after two days, my head fuzziness has gone and I feel a lot less tired, even after the exertion. I hope to persevere and if I see any results - great.

I've hardly worn make-up since lockdown either, and most of the stuff in my make up bag is years old and well out of date, so I recently "treated" myself to a load of new cosmetics from...Primark Quite nice they were too!

I'm in a similar situation to you. I had four children in the space of six years as well as an older one. I'm still slim but there's a belly situation going on and it won't go away.

I used to make an effort but what's the point these days. I started working full time earlier this year so most days I'm in uniform and on my days off I'm in scruffs.

I've totally forgotten how to do make up well. Anything beyond a light layer seems over the top. I'd lost myself way before Covid to be honest but now youthful, vibrant me seems decades ago. I feel quite frustrated with my stuck in a rut- ness.

 

[Kim Mild]

I'm in a similar situation to you. I had four children in the space of six years as well as an older one. I'm still slim but there's a belly situation going on and it won't go away.

I used to make an effort but what's the point these days. I started working full time earlier this year so most days I'm in uniform and on my days off I'm in scruffs.

I've totally forgotten how to do make up well. Anything beyond a light layer seems over the top. I'd lost myself way before Covid to be honest but now youthful, vibrant me seems decades ago. I feel quite frustrated with my stuck in a rut- ness.

I think it's best to update make up ,people who wear the same make up from when they were younger tend to look dated, and it often doesn't suit them anymore. I find a barely there look is more flattering.

I agree with good skincare. Even smooth skin on your body.

Well fitting underwear, too . ( I have a house bra and a going places bra)

I don't think the Op who made the thread mentioned if she has children, though, that was us commenters . I didn't want to speculate.

 

[Sea]

Make the effort even if you're not in the mood too. If you dress slouchy you'll look and feel slouchy. You don't need to return to the before you but you need to feel good. You don't have to bother with full face of make up, even a tinted lip balm is a bit of a pick me up.
Wear nice tops with your jeans. Accessorize with jewellery. Wear nice looking bras. little adjustments/touches make all the difference.

 

[Sogdhitalley]

Thank you all, you've all been really lovely.
I do have children.

I'm glad I'm not the only one to feel this way though.

 

[lemonlime]

You should cut yourself some slack, I think we underestimate the effect of this pandemic on ourselves, especially if we haven't had a big loss thus end up thinking maybe we don't have a big reason to feel this terrible. It's been more than a year of almost constant stress and unknown. A drop of water may not do a lot of damage but a continuous stream of drops could carve rocks; daily stress of it all may seem managable but over time it builds up, especially when we don't really catch a break from it. It's okay if you aren't feeling attractive but it's not a betrayal against your existence. Take the time to make peace with yourself and think of how you'd like to aee yourself and how you'd like to feel about yourself. Do you want to go back to the exact way you looked? Or do you feel like a change is due? What would your new style look like? What holds you back from it? Can you invest in an appointment at a good salon? Even getting a mani-pedi might flip a switch, if you feel like you need a treat.

I totally understand how you feel. For me, the pandemic hasn't added much to it (apart from some more weight gain) but I've definitely been feeling frumpy and too old for this and that lately. I'm in my early 30s. What I'd like to dress in doesn't suit me, I don't know how to tweak it for my body shape and I don't really want to tweak anything because it doesn't feel quite right on me when I try to emulate a style into my daily outfits. I don't like the way I look so I don't bother, I'm in a rut with what I wear and how I keep my hair etc and not knowing what to replace it with leaves one a bit lost.

Keep note of whose style you like, what you like to see and how you'd like to fit yourself into that image and take your time. You don't have to look a certain way at a certain age. Sending hugs

 

[watermelon sugar]

I sort of feel the same. I'm 26, had a baby when I was 24 and went right into lockdown. Before the baby I was skinny, used to always wear fake tan, have my make up and hair done, always tried to be up to date on the latest fashion & proper took interest in what I was wearing. Now I barely ever were make up, have a few greys have bags i could charge you 10p for, never bother styling my hair, never wear fake tan... I feel like I'm not attractive and I just dont feel like a person anymore and just a Mum... ive tried overcoming this feeling by putting fake tan on, make up etc but I'm too tired! Now I've lost a fair bit of weight from pregnancy ive sort of embraced my new look and happier with how I look. I try to do my make up if im going somewhere to get the old me back but

 

[FakeSmile]

I’ve just had my third baby in 3 and a half years and with working from home for over a year now aswell, I’ve just completely lost myself! My hair is always barely washed and in a bun on the top of my head, I very very rarely put on any make up and I live in scruffy loungewear. When I look back to 5 years ago when I got married I’m completely a different person but I’m just so exhausted that it takes all of my energy to simply function, let alone put abit of effort in with myself.

It does get me down and I’ve started searching through eBay for some higher end office clothes for when we go back later on this year just to cheer myself up a little bit.