Uninviting wedding guests

Littlemisadoughnut · May 31, 2020

OK so basically me and my fiance are getting married next year. I felt under pressure from a lot of my old uni friends to invite them and sent them save the dates but after time in lockdown have decided I don't want them there. The friendship group is toxic and I don't want to continue it.

How would you go about delivering this news? I know the friendship will be impossible to repair but I've given it thought and I'm OK with it. 3 live abroad and I haven't seen them in years, the other 3 are in contact all the time and bitchy as hell, and I'm stuck in this weird limbo between the groups, not quite in, not fully out.

Also I appreciate this is a total etiquette disaster, aware I am a weak witch for inviting them in the first place, and aware that this all makes me a horrid person.

Ellsbells123 · May 31, 2020

Have you only sent save the dates and not the official invite?

Littlemisadoughnut · May 31, 2020

Ellsbells123 said:
Have you only sent save the dates and not the official invite?

Yes, exactly that

Ellsbells123 · May 31, 2020

Littlemisadoughnut said:
Yes, exactly that

I just wouldn’t send invite and say that you have had to cut back numbers. You are guaranteed to upset somebody, but at the end of the day it’s your wedding so it’s your way! We struggled when we got married and I even left my brother and sister in law out, they hadn’t spoken to any of the family for years, but the my sis in law put a massive post on Facebook basically saying what a witch I was

DoctorWho · May 31, 2020

I’d just tell them the wedding is being rearranged or something then block them

Littlemisadoughnut · May 31, 2020

DoctorWho said:
I’d just tell them the wedding is being rearranged or something then block them

Aha that has crossed my mind! We are all in a joint whatsapp group as well that has been running for nearly 10 years. In actual fact leaving that is proving equally as hard to navigate! Think I'm gonna send a goodbye and good luck message and leave the group, and not mention the wedding... And then if any of them send me a follow up message asking about it be clear. Hoping that doesn't happen though and that the littlemisadoughnut has left the chat will suffice

God I feel like I'm back at school

and I'm pushing 30!

Blackbird · May 31, 2020

Ghost them. And set up a new Whatsapp group without them.

Randy77 · May 31, 2020

If you don't want them in your life, delete the WhatsApp group and don't send them an invite or let them know that you are still going ahead with the wedding, however you have cut numbers.

It's normal to out grow friendship. I don't pay much attention to some uni friends and it's great!

hrh89 · May 31, 2020

I mean... as long as they don’t like live round the corner from you??

yeah just leave the chat and end that page of your chapter. If they really are toxic then better out I’d say. Don’t have anyone at your wedding you don’t want you’ll only be annoyed about it later on wishing they weren’t there good luck x

Leita · Jun 1, 2020

It’s your wedding, your day. Just don’t invite them. Save the date is just that... the invite is the official thing. As for WhatsApp just leave the group.

Jelly Bean · Jun 1, 2020

Could you not say (if you have to bother to explain) that the pandemic has forced you to have a look again at finances and numbers of guests and your original plans have changed. However you really really don't have to explain yourself and don't owe anyone an explanation.

Littlemisadoughnut · Jun 1, 2020

It is done! I toyed with the idea of writing a massive explanation about how we had drifted, but just couldn't deal with the finality. So I said that we are downsizing due to finances / social distancing concerns, which is the truth in reality. So book is closed, but not completely shut.....

Jelly Bean · Jun 1, 2020

Littlemisadoughnut said:
It is done! I toyed with the idea of writing a massive explanation about how we had drifted, but just couldn't deal with the finality. So I said that we are downsizing due to finances / social distancing concerns, which is the truth in reality. So book is closed, but not completely shut.....

Well done! Now don't give it a second thought and just concentrate on your lovely wedding and life together. You did the right thing.

urghmummybloggers · Jun 1, 2020

I’m invested in this - how did you exit the WhatsApp group?

Littlemisadoughnut · Jun 1, 2020

urghmummybloggers said:
I’m invested in this - how did you exit the WhatsApp group?

I didn't I bottled that bit

I've muted it and plan to try and do a gradual fade....

urghmummybloggers said:
I’m invested in this - how did you exit the WhatsApp group?

Thanks so much for the advice and pep talks! You've lifted such a load for me

density · Jun 1, 2020

Don't send an invite and if asked, just say you could only invite family. Then dip out of whatever you need to dip out of.

Homesweethomesweethome · Jun 1, 2020

Friendships come and go and chances are once you remove yourself from the puzzle many others will too. I’ve learnt it’s not normal to have friends that are in your life forever, you can be best friends and then merely acquaintances, if even that. And it’s ok. Doesn’t make you a crappy person, it makes you human that is ever evolving and growing choosing your own mindset. Weddings are precious and if I could go back and remove certain people that would be a grand saved!

Prgirl_cesca · Jun 1, 2020

You definitely need to say something. As save the date means literally that they will be saving the date and they may not book holidays or other committments and that may really upset them.

I would blame corona and just say you have been planning and thinking about the wedding and you are scaling right back and won't be having such a big wedding. Sorry to let you down, but at least you can do other things next summer blah blah

Send the text individually. Then dont reply to group chat for a while, mute it and slowly forget about it.

Littlemisadoughnut · Jun 1, 2020

Prgirl_cesca said:
You definitely need to say something. As save the date means literally that they will be saving the date and they may not book holidays or other committments and that may really upset them.

I would blame corona and just say you have been planning and thinking about the wedding and you are scaling right back and won't be having such a big wedding. Sorry to let you down, but at least you can do other things next summer blah blah

Send the text individually. Then dont reply to group chat for a while, mute it and slowly forget about it.

That's exactly what I did

ahhh yes love that we are on the same page!!!! No one really pushed back, I'm probably getting slated in some mini chat somewhere but hey
... If they're gonna hold that against me, it kinda confirms I didn't want them there anyway right?!

Prgirl_cesca · Jun 1, 2020

Littlemisadoughnut said:
That's exactly what I did ahhh yes love that we are on the same page!!!! No one really pushed back, I'm probably getting slated in some mini chat somewhere but hey
... If they're gonna hold that against me, it kinda confirms I didn't want them there anyway right?!

WELL DONE! Yep, doesn't matter anymore.

Good luck with the wedding. What sort of venue are you getting married at? Have you done much planning?