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I don't mean to sound harsh but I do think you're projecting your situation onto the OPs. The OP has said he is fit and healthy (as many people in their 70s and beyond are), nothing about that indicates that the OP and her husband do nothing while the sister does everything
It really not that and it make me laugh because she came on here bad mouthed her sister in law and niece and nephews moans that they dont work have different dads but yet we need to believe her when the sister in law cant tell her side I can tell you now shes not telling everyone the truth
I didn't bad mouth at all. I was giving all the info without outing myself.
Someone asked if the dad was involved and I told them the answer.
We dont need to know they have different dads or even tell us they dont work when there could be any reason why they dont you could of went about it in a different way and maybe spoke to the sister too because she might have some opions that might surprise you and your husband. She might think it's unfair but it's all down to what the dad wants and she cant change his mind all I'm saying is the way you came on here was really bitter and maybe you have all reason to be mad but maybe get the sister views too.
Honestly there is nothing in anything you've said that comes off bitter to me. This person's judgement is clearly clouded by their own personal experience of the situation, I wouldn't worry about it.
Speaking to the sister, really? It's the OPs husbands family, she absolutely cannot do that and in no way should she.
The OP came here for advice, she did not come to be kicked when she's down or be told she's not telling the truth or have the tone of her posts and what info she did/ didn't include picked apart.
The OP came here for advice, she did not come to be kicked when she's down or be told she's not telling the truth or have the tone of her posts and what info she did/ didn't include picked apart.
WHAT ever I said you would of used it against me so I dont care but for guys to say she ain't bitter or jealous she is because all I see is my husband has worked all.his life my son lives in London and works while his cousin sit on there a well how do you know they are just sitting on there arses honestly I hope you are not one of these who complains they get nothing while doing nowt for the father in law and then question why they ain't its between father and son noone else it even the ops also can I mention I dont care my grandparents left me nothing they looked after me they loved me I dont need there money or house to know how much I was loved from them and that all that matters to me
Well if she can come on a public forum tell the sisters life then I am pretty sure her or the husband can go and talk to the sister about the situation and sort it like a adult and not like a baby that like shes getting this and hes not getting that grow up life is hard for everyone
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It's not about 'using it against you' - you are building so many facts into this situation that it's impossible to take you seriously. And it doesn't escape me (and others clearly) that what you're making up here mirrors your own situation, which is why your judgement is clouded.
There has been no suggestion the FIL needs help of any kind. There has been no suggestion that OP or her husband don't help, or wouldn't help if it was required.
Your point about not knowing if someone is sat on their a makes no sense - it's not difficult to find out if someone is or isn't working. I'm not sure why OP would need to lie about that.
Good for you that you don't feel hard done by about your own situation. That might be right for you but it's not going to be right for everyone else. Other people aren't wrong just because they aren't handling things the way you did. It could be pointed out that you seem to have benefitted more from living with your grandparents whilst they were alive so perhaps you 'got more' from them then and that's why they didn't leave you anything. This is not so for the OP and her husband.
You are right that what parents do with their assets is their choice however people have to accept that this is going to cause family arguments. Saying 'it's my choice' and refusing to discuss it would be a crappy thing to do. If you want to behave like that, you can expect people to fall out with you and in the case of OP's husband, feel hurt that they're being treated differently with no explanation. What a stupid and childish way to behave as part of a family.
She posted about it on an internet forum to get impartial advice on how to best support her husband. Her post seems to have hit a nerve with you for whatever reason and you're taking your own issues out on her. Simply saying "it's his decision now stop being a big baby" is not helpful or productive. Families are messy and complex and everyone's dynamic is different. By the way I was going to say this earlier but your situation isn't even comparable to the OPs- it's not as common for grandchildren to get an inheritance unless the grandparents are loaded, of course. It *usually* goes to children, regardless of how much they have done or not. That's the unconditional love of parenting and that's what makes it even more hurtful for the OP's husband
It feels like a snub although it might not be intended that way. OP, I hope your husband and his father can clear the air
It feels like a snub although it might not be intended that way. OP, I hope your husband and his father can clear the air
It sounds like there's a complicated family dynamic. I'm sorry, that sucks.My husband is already saying that once his dad is no longer here,he's going to find it hard to maintain any relationship with his sister
A positive thing that you can do from all this is make a commitment to ensure this isn't a source of conflict for your own children many decades in the future too. Sort out both your wills and make sure you have conversations with your adult children about it so they aren't left wondering why you made certain decisions etc.
I don’t see a major issue. Your sister needs a home and lives with her father, her father wants to help her as any father would. I assume your husband does not need a home?
yes it’s annoying when someone else gets more than you, but there’s probably not another side to it. FIL did what felt right and works for him, as he should with his own home.
yes it’s annoying when someone else gets more than you, but there’s probably not another side to it. FIL did what felt right and works for him, as he should with his own home.
^^ Another unhelpful post from someone who hasn't even bothered to read the whole thread. As Judgejohndeed said, anyone who thinks they wouldn't be bothered if this happened to them are living in a dreamworld
Now dont go against them they kinda get upset that this op is chucking her toys out the pram because she acting like a baby but they cant see it.... god forbid
Actually it's quite funny I dont think that me and op situations are the same because I'm an adult and I dont want money for anything in life she wont talk to her sister in law because well that her husband family em that her family too she married in to them and se should be able to have a conversation with the sister in law and frankly if she is upset about it she should before brother and sister properly fall out but I all I see is jealousy they are getting it and she not she never answered my questions so I'm taken it as she never done nothing for father in law and still thinks they should get half...
No matter what you feel or think, everyone is entitled to leave their money /possessions to who they please. I know you didn't like the FIL bringing up your inheritance but if you are the sole beneficiary to someone else's estate then I understand if he is taking that into account when making his will.
Maybe he would change his mind if you and your husband were no longer together. maybe your SIL will meet someone else and her life gets better and FIL will rethink. Why should he not talk about your inheritance while you are here talking about his?
You did come across as bitter to me, there was no need to slate your SIL and her children you could have just given the info without that.
You all need to sit down and chat about this have you all sat down and discussed all of this? I have only skimmed read so sorry if I missed that you have
As for those saying we would all be the same. BS don't judge me by your standards I'm not into stuff my wealthy BIL has just gone into a home I have been offered the pick of the home contests I have asked for the broken garden ornament where me and my BIL scattered my sister's ashes. A framed wedding photo of them both and a glass dish I gave my sister from my collection when I had no money for BD present for her 25 years ago.
When my sister died I was left her jewellery, my BIL sorted it all out for me, she had a ton of very high priced jewellery, boxes of it I took one thing that meant something to me and said to share the rest amongst the family.
I hope you can sort this out without a family breakdown. people are more important than stuff.
Maybe he would change his mind if you and your husband were no longer together. maybe your SIL will meet someone else and her life gets better and FIL will rethink. Why should he not talk about your inheritance while you are here talking about his?
You did come across as bitter to me, there was no need to slate your SIL and her children you could have just given the info without that.
You all need to sit down and chat about this have you all sat down and discussed all of this? I have only skimmed read so sorry if I missed that you have
As for those saying we would all be the same. BS don't judge me by your standards I'm not into stuff my wealthy BIL has just gone into a home I have been offered the pick of the home contests I have asked for the broken garden ornament where me and my BIL scattered my sister's ashes. A framed wedding photo of them both and a glass dish I gave my sister from my collection when I had no money for BD present for her 25 years ago.
When my sister died I was left her jewellery, my BIL sorted it all out for me, she had a ton of very high priced jewellery, boxes of it I took one thing that meant something to me and said to share the rest amongst the family.
I hope you can sort this out without a family breakdown. people are more important than stuff.
As has been indicated many times in the thread, it's not about the money, it's that one sibling feels like they have been snubbed. Great that you're not into stuff but you weren't left out or snubbed. You were "offered the pick" but chose not to, that's totally different to being left out
Well let's ask the question why have they been snubbed there must be a reason
You are very invested in this. Of course, it's about the money, would OP be making this thread over some garden furniture?
I'm a 63yo woman I have been left out of many things in my life. I got over it, even as a kid who had a dad who did everything for his 2nd family but nothing for his first, his other children are still part of my family even though I was left nothing. I gave the above example about my BIL because its new and fresh
This is the advice forum, I gave my advice. unless OP asks for only agreements?
I find it strange she hasn't answered any of my questions and made the sil look so bad so everyone feels like she hard done by when in reality we all know she sounds bitter and jealous
Right now the hurt for the OP and her husband is fresh, and one I imagine many feel when it comes to being left out of wills/inheritances. With time I imagine both she and her husband will 'get over it' as you have done.