We are not well off by a long shot. We are in HA accommodation. Husband has worked non stop since leaving school. We are late 40s. Can't afford to get on property ladder,yet people who've not worked a day in their lives get everything banded to them on a plate. It just grates a bit that's all. I'm thankful tho that our son has a great work ethic like his dad. I'm proud of him.
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You honestly sound like a bitter person have you or your husband done anything for your father in law.. have you took him shopping have you helped him when he has been I'll you say hes fit and healthy but all elderly generation need help in some ways and also would love to put people who done work a day but get everything handed to them that is not true and I can tell you that from experience you really are a bitter person who needs to get your self in check all because you are not left a house okay you are living in a council property well you are houses okay there many people living homeless honestly you annoyed me like it's like you want it not your husband
^^ that's a harsh response.
OP, I can understand being hurt. There isn't really a whole pile your husband can do but I just wanted to say I can understand. I think it's all very well to say you or he shouldn't be hurt but it's human nature.
And your FIL was so cheeky to bring up your Mum's inheritance.
OP, I can understand being hurt. There isn't really a whole pile your husband can do but I just wanted to say I can understand. I think it's all very well to say you or he shouldn't be hurt but it's human nature.
And your FIL was so cheeky to bring up your Mum's inheritance.
Why is it harsh its the truth and you are all thinkikg it but bloody been too nice about it all
Her son decides to move to London and pay that prices she moans about her nieces or nephews dont work well maybe they got chronic illness or mental health problem that make them not work honestly if she wants the house so bad go out and work for it like and be like I done this on my own
If your SIL is living there I assume she will be caring for your FIL in his old age? Which might be why FIL thinks it’s fair.
Does FIL have other assets that might be left to your husband or was it just the house?
Does FIL have other assets that might be left to your husband or was it just the house?
Others have made some good points so I'll keep it brief. Inheritance is so tricky and I agree it's natural to feel hurt and confused by this at the moment. The comment about your mum's inheritance was odd too!
That said, some of your comments come off judgemental and bitter towards SIL, like about her situation, kids having different dads, living home rent free etc. At the end of the day it's FIL's decision and these judgements towards SIL aren't really fair or constructive. I hope things turn out well for all of you.
That said, some of your comments come off judgemental and bitter towards SIL, like about her situation, kids having different dads, living home rent free etc. At the end of the day it's FIL's decision and these judgements towards SIL aren't really fair or constructive. I hope things turn out well for all of you.
It's not what I'm thinking though- this is an anonymous forum and it would be no skin off my nose to tell the OP what I really think if I thought she was bitter or whatever.
I would be hurt in the OP and her husbands shoes. An argument could be made that maybe the comments about her SiL were judgemental but you know what, we're all a bit judgemental and it would sting a bit to have a family member that has had everything handed to them (including her father paying her for rent on his own house!) while the OPs husband hasn't had everything handed to him. Maybe there's more to the story but we can only go on what the OP tells us
My son hasn't decided to move to London. We were all born here and tied to work here. In-laws are London too.
You may well be in a HA home, but you have a home. Being bitter and angry that your SIL and her kids don’t work doesn’t improve your life so let her be.
I agree your mother’s potential inheritance isn’t his business but if you are potentially due to come into money or a house from your family maybe he sees this as her only chance of a stable home. If the home was left to both the SIL and your husband what would he do? Kick her out to get his share or would he let her live there and rent half of it? I presume you don’t have the money to buy her out.
I agree your mother’s potential inheritance isn’t his business but if you are potentially due to come into money or a house from your family maybe he sees this as her only chance of a stable home. If the home was left to both the SIL and your husband what would he do? Kick her out to get his share or would he let her live there and rent half of it? I presume you don’t have the money to buy her out.
But he’s decided to stay, if the rent is too high then he can always move further out. We all have choices, and sometimes we have to compromise things.
People who think they wouldn't feel exactly the same as the OP in this situation are honestly living in a dreamworld, I'm sorry. It's very easy to judge people for feeling 'bitter' when it's not you in that situation. We all love to think we're more rational and fair than we actually are.
I've done a tiny bit of wills and probate and I have to say I honestly do not know what crosses these parents' minds when they do things like this. It causes so many family rifts not only between the child who isn't left anything and the parent, but a resentment between the siblings. It's very obviously going to make the child who isn't left anything feel like they've been penalised for working for what they have while the other one has coasted and then been given the house.
OP all you can do is encourage your partner to talk honestly to his Dad about why he's done this. There's really not much else you can do. I'm sorry you're in this position though and I don't think what you're feeling is irrational. Your partner must be very upset and confused.
I've done a tiny bit of wills and probate and I have to say I honestly do not know what crosses these parents' minds when they do things like this. It causes so many family rifts not only between the child who isn't left anything and the parent, but a resentment between the siblings. It's very obviously going to make the child who isn't left anything feel like they've been penalised for working for what they have while the other one has coasted and then been given the house.
OP all you can do is encourage your partner to talk honestly to his Dad about why he's done this. There's really not much else you can do. I'm sorry you're in this position though and I don't think what you're feeling is irrational. Your partner must be very upset and confused.
Yeah, I agree with the above. I'm in a 'better' situation than my sister at the moment and should my parents decide not to split the inheritance fairly I'd be pretty p*ssed off. Firstly, I might not always be in a better financial position (things change, life happens) and secondly I don't think it'd be fair to be penalised for making better life choices. JMO. I'd be less annoyed if they told me they were leaving everything to a dog charity tbh because it's not really about the money.
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Yeah you're spot on with it not being about the money. I did a case once where only one sibling of four was left something, and they didn't know that was going to happen and they didn't agree with it anyway/wanted it to be split between the four of them, but the damage was already done with the other three knowing that the parent didn't want them to have part of that particular asset. That's what I mean, it's not even jealousy of the money, it's the blatant different treatment of siblings I can't get my head around. Or how parents think that's going to be perceived by the other siblings.
My husband is already saying that once his dad is no longer here,he's going to find it hard to maintain any relationship with his sister 
Maybe because i have been In that situation I know she sounds bitter god its his house his money and his way to spend it and the sister no doubt has been doing everything during lockdown and they did nothing and expect half god honestly blows my mind
You don't know they have 'done nothing' and that the sister has done loads. You're making assumptions, including the assumptions you made about the SILs children having mental health issues or serious illnesses. We can only go by what the OP tell us
Anyway, if the sister and her kids live with the father and she gets paid rent from him for his own house the least she can do is pull her weight- it's not something to 'punish' the OPs husband for
Anyway, if the sister and her kids live with the father and she gets paid rent from him for his own house the least she can do is pull her weight- it's not something to 'punish' the OPs husband for
That's his choice in other words hes taken it out on his sister and it's not her decision its there dads.My husband is already saying that once his dad is no longer here,he's going to find it hard to maintain any relationship with his sister
Let's be right here the op is making it all about her when there 2 sides to this story and maybe 3 I asked these questions and she never replied it's like her and her family are in the right and the sister is wrong and the way she worded about them having different dads and not working nope shes trying to make them out to be the bad ones
I haven't taken any of these things from anything OP has said. You say you've been in this situation - am I right to assume you're the one who got everything while the other sibling got nothing?
Actually I done everything for my grandparents and lived with them for years there own daughters did nothing the same excuse we too busy working ect when came down to it my whole family got something and I got nothing . I'm just saying there 2 sides and she sounds bitter
There isn't much you can do about that. He may have just said it in the heat of the moment.My husband is already saying that once his dad is no longer here,he's going to find it hard to maintain any relationship with his sister
In life and death parents are often guilty of treating their children differently and its difficult when you feel or perceive your being dealt a tit hand. Many of my adult friends hold resentment for their parents, how they helped one sibling out more than the other either through free childcare, cash when buying a home. At the end of the day the money and assets our parents have are theirs to divide as they choose. Or not divide.
Personally I think its a really crappy thing to do but equally cant say I wouldnt make the same decision in years to come if I was faced with the same dilemma.
Well there you go then. You think she's bitter because you're influenced by the fact that you were also treated unfairly and have put up with it, so you think she's wrong to be upset/or her partner is. Really, you are both entitled to be upset that you've not been treated fairly. That's not being bitter. Yes, it is the parents' choice always what they choose to do what their assets, but that doesn't mean if there is a huge disparity in how family members are treated you're not allowed to be annoyed or upset about it. Like I said, parents cause huge rifts doing these stupid things and it can't be brushed off as 'this is my choice.' That is simply not how families work.