To think this is so unfair?

[Prince fan 1999]

Husband has a sister,early 40s,with 3 children,18,23 and 26. All live at home rent free with FIL. Husband has been told fil is leaving the house to sil. Signed it over to her and fil is paying rent. Husband is understandably feeling very hurt. Nothing to do with money at all but feels like he doesn't mean as much to his dad. It will eventually make things really awkward between himself and sister.

 

[HumphreyB]

I dont think its fair but its not uncommon. Its understandable he feels the way he does.

Id have to pull her up on the dad paying rent, thats just cheeky

 

[Prince fan 1999]

I dont think its fair but its not uncommon. Its understandable he feels the way he does.

Id have to pull her up on the dad paying rent, thats just cheeky

It's a way of getting around the rules apparently

 

[hiya_hun]

Does the sister care for your FIL?

 

[Prince fan 1999]

Does the sister care for your FIL?

No. He's a young 70 and still very fit etc.

 

[HumphreyB]

How many kids are there? Just your husband and his sister? It comes across like dad sees his son settled, living in his own home and happy. He could think son has his own house, daughter doesnt. This is the daughters home so she might as well stay here.

 

[Prince fan 1999]

How many kids are there? Just your husband and his sister? It comes across like dad sees his son settled, living in his own home and happy. He could think son has his own house, daughter doesnt. This is the daughters home so she might as well stay here.

Just husband and sister. Fil had tried to justify it by saying we would get my mum's inheritance when the time came I thought it was a ridiculous thing to say. My mum could leave it to the cats gone for all I know,not to mention any care expenses later on. It hurts too that because everything has been handed to them,they've not bothered to work. Middle child could have gone to uni but didn't bother

Cats home*
I hope I don't come across as bitter. I'm just sad that my husband is sad about everything and basically feels less loved than his sister at the end of it

 

[Penguinandthepinecone]

There’s not enough info to make a judgement here. Why does SIL live with her dad? Did she go through a divorce? Does she partner/husband/father of her three children to help her with supporting and housing her children? Do you and your husband have children? Is your husband’s mother still alive?

 

[Prince fan 1999]

There’s not enough info to make a judgement here. Why does SIL live with her dad? Did she go through a divorce? Does she partner/husband/father of her three children to help her with supporting and housing her children? Do you and your husband have children? Is your husband’s mother still alive?

She lives with FIL after giving up council property about 10 years ago. Mil died 14 years ago. Never married. Kids all have different dad's that have nothing to do with kids. Yes we have 2. Son 26 and daughter 9.

Kind of grates that son is practically working himself to the bone,paying extortionate London rent and his cousins don't have a care re paying anything re rent or food. Sorry if I'm drip feeding.

 

[hiya_hun]

I would just see it as, even if the Dads a fit 70 now, he won’t always be. When the time comes that he needs looking after, the SIL will be living in the same house

She lives with FIL after giving up council property about 10 years ago. Mil died 14 years ago. Never married. Kids all have different dad's that have nothing to do with kids. Yes we have 2. Son 26 and daughter 9.

Kind of grates that son is practically working himself to the bone,paying extortionate London rent and his cousins don't have a care re paying anything re rent or food. Sorry if I'm drip feeding.

I get what your saying. But it wouldn’t help your son paying London rent if the house hadn’t been handed over to your SIL. It’s no one else’s responsibility to pay your sons rent but his 26 year old self and it’s his choice to live in London,

Fair enough if the cousins live rent free but they clearly live in a house with not only their mother but also their grandfather. Completely different lifestyle - which I’m sure your son wouldn’t prefer.

 

[Penguinandthepinecone]

If your FIL has lived with your SIL for 10 years, and her three (grown up) children probably almost feel like his own children, especially if there’s never been any other decent father figures on the scene for them. He probably is being very simplistic and just trying to ensure that they stay in their home. They probably filled a massive void when his wife passed and he probably does feel extremely responsible for them.
You say he’s fit and active, he could possibly have another 20-30 years of life yet, plenty of time to rethink his will.
Don’t forget, that had he lived on his own it’s highly likely he would have met a new partner/wife in the last 14 years, and if he had it’s also highly likely that he would have left everything in his will to her. Would you have questioned that as unfair?
I do recognise that it feels hurtful, but your husband has time to discuss that with your FIL in a way that respects his decision and doesn’t cause rifts. Maybe he just needs to hear your perspective, but also maybe you/husband need to hear his.

 

[hiya_hun]

Just to add - it’s so rude of him to even bring up any inheritance you would receive from your own family. Absolutely none of his business and that would have really grated on me.

 

[Prince fan 1999]

Just to add - it’s so rude of him to even bring up any inheritance you would receive from your own family. Absolutely none of his business and that would have really grated on me.

Thank you. Not just me then. It was definitely a way of justifying his reasons. Unfortunately fil never .et anyone else. He definitely would have if he was on his own. Sil is very controlling I think

 

[Base2019]

There’s a lot of aspects to this. Your FIL might feel that he’s helping your SIL as she won’t be able to get on the property ladder on her own with 3 kids and no other half to help and support her. She has probably cared for your FIL a great deal over the past 10 years and will continue to do so and he may wish to pay that deed back. In saying that I don’t agree with her taking rent of him, but each to their own.
Your FIL may see you and your husband as being well set up and settled. Don’t forget you have each other for support. It wouldn’t be easy having 3 children on your own with no support.
I understand your husband might feel like he is loved less or not as important in his eyes, that’s understandable. But the one thing I would say is your FIL is still here and about. I’d encourage your husband to reach out to him and discuss this with him.
Many peoples parents do this and it’s not discovered until they have passed away via the will. They are then wondering for the rest of their lives what/why etc. Don’t make that mistake.
Discuss it, don’t dwell on it and enjoy the time you have with your FIL. He’s in his 70s, you don’t know what’s around the corner for anyone

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Maybe it’s because he knows they can’t stand on their own two feet?

She lives with FIL after giving up council property about 10 years ago. Mil died 14 years ago. Never married. Kids all have different dad's that have nothing to do with kids. Yes we have 2. Son 26 and daughter 9.

Kind of grates that son is practically working himself to the bone,paying extortionate London rent and his cousins don't have a care re paying anything re rent or food. Sorry if I'm drip feeding.

They aren’t children. They are grown adults.

You’re coming across as jealous when there’s nothing to be jealous of. It sounds like they can’t wipe their own arses (are they working), be proud that you and your family work for what you have.

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

I think to get around any possible inheritance tax had he to die within 7 years, paying market rent is the sensible option.

Whether its morally correct or not... well.

 

[hiya_hun]

Maybe it’s because he knows they can’t stand on their own two feet?


They aren’t children. They are grown adults.

You’re coming across as jealous when there’s nothing to be jealous of. It sounds like they can’t wipe their own arses (are they working), be proud that you and your family work for what you have.

I agree with this - there is nothing to be jealous of.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Inheritance is tricky and people always assume it should be fairly split between siblings but at the end of the day it’s his choice and you husband has no to right to it if he’s made that call with a sound mind.

As others have said, you seem a settled family and they don’t. If FIL needs care in later life she will need to provide for it but as he now doesn’t own anything the state will help with funding.

Inheritance is never a given and should never been expected or relied upon.

My dad is one of 8 children, one has had in excess of £200,000 over the years and my dad has had £5,000 all because they felt she was the needy (drug addict) one.

What’s done is done, your husband shouldn’t let it get between him and his family.

 

[Kim Mild]

If she and her children live there, it is her home. Your husband has a home elsewhere.
It would be unfair to turf her out on the death of her father.

If things were being fair , a share in the house could be left to husband , and they could be co- owners as tenants in common.

 

[Definitelyme]

I don’t think this is unreasonable. In my extended family one grown up child lives with an elderly mother, he doesn’t pay rent. He’s never lived anywhere else. There are 3 other siblings who understand when the mother dies, he will inherit the house because it’s his home, and they all have their own homes and families.

In this case FIL taking care of SIL and her children is not a slight on your husband. He doesn’t need taken care of.