To think this is so unfair?

[30thisyear]

^^ Another unhelpful post from someone who hasn't even bothered to read the whole thread. As Judgejohndeed said, anyone who thinks they wouldn't be bothered if this happened to them are living in a dreamworld

I did read the thread, that’s why I commented. Life is short to be angry, if the FIL has said there’s nothing in it, then I’d move on. And you are correct, this hasn’t happened to me - I actually don’t have family to inherit from (and if I could make a wish it wouldn’t be for an inheritance, it would be for time, would that be the ‘dreamworld’ you mentioned maybe?)
Cherish what you have while you have it OP

 

[JoeBloggs]

I'd like to hope my parents wouldn't be so cold. Every parent/sibling relationship is different though I guess. It becomes more complicated when there's few siblings involved.

Inheritance is not a given and should never be expected. People have the right to leave it to whoever they please and spend it all if they want.
If people require private care (anyone in a house will have to pay) then that can easily deplete any funds. By signing the house over early, the OP’s FIL (should he live at least another 7 years) has saved the daughter from inheritance tax and has no assets for them to put a charge on for care. The OP hasn’t commented again so who knows what’s happened

 

[30thisyear]

I don’t see a major issue. Your sister needs a home and lives with her father, her father wants to help her as any father would. I assume your husband does not need a home?
yes it’s annoying when someone else gets more than you, but there’s probably not another side to it. FIL did what felt right and works for him, as he should with his own home.

 

[mindlessness]

You are very invested in this. Of course, it's about the money, would OP be making this thread over some garden furniture?

I'm a 63yo woman I have been left out of many things in my life. I got over it, even as a kid who had a dad who did everything for his 2nd family but nothing for his first, his other children are still part of my family even though I was left nothing. I gave the above example about my BIL because its new and fresh

This is the advice forum, I gave my advice. unless OP asks for only agreements?

Right now the hurt for the OP and her husband is fresh, and one I imagine many feel when it comes to being left out of wills/inheritances. With time I imagine both she and her husband will 'get over it' as you have done.

 

[HumphreyB]

My husband is already saying that once his dad is no longer here,he's going to find it hard to maintain any relationship with his sister

There isn't much you can do about that. He may have just said it in the heat of the moment.

In life and death parents are often guilty of treating their children differently and its difficult when you feel or perceive your being dealt a shit hand. Many of my adult friends hold resentment for their parents, how they helped one sibling out more than the other either through free childcare, cash when buying a home. At the end of the day the money and assets our parents have are theirs to divide as they choose. Or not divide.

Personally I think its a really crappy thing to do but equally cant say I wouldnt make the same decision in years to come if I was faced with the same dilemma.

 

[Definitelyme]

I don’t think this is unreasonable. In my extended family one grown up child lives with an elderly mother, he doesn’t pay rent. He’s never lived anywhere else. There are 3 other siblings who understand when the mother dies, he will inherit the house because it’s his home, and they all have their own homes and families.

In this case FIL taking care of SIL and her children is not a slight on your husband. He doesn’t need taken care of.

 

[Prince fan 1999]

How many kids are there? Just your husband and his sister? It comes across like dad sees his son settled, living in his own home and happy. He could think son has his own house, daughter doesnt. This is the daughters home so she might as well stay here.

Just husband and sister. Fil had tried to justify it by saying we would get my mum's inheritance when the time came I thought it was a ridiculous thing to say. My mum could leave it to the cats gone for all I know,not to mention any care expenses later on. It hurts too that because everything has been handed to them,they've not bothered to work. Middle child could have gone to uni but didn't bother

Cats home*
I hope I don't come across as bitter. I'm just sad that my husband is sad about everything and basically feels less loved than his sister at the end of it

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

I think to get around any possible inheritance tax had he to die within 7 years, paying market rent is the sensible option.

Whether its morally correct or not... well.

 

[Prince fan 1999]

My husband is already saying that once his dad is no longer here,he's going to find it hard to maintain any relationship with his sister

 

[mindlessness]

My husband is already saying that once his dad is no longer here,he's going to find it hard to maintain any relationship with his sister

It sounds like there's a complicated family dynamic. I'm sorry, that sucks.

A positive thing that you can do from all this is make a commitment to ensure this isn't a source of conflict for your own children many decades in the future too. Sort out both your wills and make sure you have conversations with your adult children about it so they aren't left wondering why you made certain decisions etc.

 

[Ahahha]

My husband is already saying that once his dad is no longer here,he's going to find it hard to maintain any relationship with his sister

That's his choice in other words hes taken it out on his sister and it's not her decision its there dads.

You don't know they have 'done nothing' and that the sister has done loads. You're making assumptions, including the assumptions you made about the SILs children having mental health issues or serious illnesses. We can only go by what the OP tell us

Anyway, if the sister and her kids live with the father and she gets paid rent from him for his own house the least she can do is pull her weight- it's not something to 'punish' the OPs husband for

Let's be right here the op is making it all about her when there 2 sides to this story and maybe 3 I asked these questions and she never replied it's like her and her family are in the right and the sister is wrong and the way she worded about them having different dads and not working nope shes trying to make them out to be the bad ones

 

[Purrrrrrr]

As has been indicated many times in the thread, it's not about the money, it's that one sibling feels like they have been snubbed. Great that you're not into stuff but you weren't left out or snubbed. You were "offered the pick" but chose not to, that's totally different to being left out

You are very invested in this. Of course, it's about the money, would OP be making this thread over some garden furniture?

I'm a 63yo woman I have been left out of many things in my life. I got over it, even as a kid who had a dad who did everything for his 2nd family but nothing for his first, his other children are still part of my family even though I was left nothing. I gave the above example about my BIL because its new and fresh

This is the advice forum, I gave my advice. unless OP asks for only agreements?

 

[Ahahha]

You are very invested in this. Of course, it's about the money, would OP be making this thread over some garden furniture?

I'm a 63yo woman I have been left out of many things in my life. I got over it, even as a kid who had a dad who did everything for his 2nd family but nothing for his first, his other children are still part of my family even though I was left nothing. I gave the above example about my BIL because its new and fresh

This is the advice forum, I gave my advice. unless OP asks for only agreements?

I find it strange she hasn't answered any of my questions and made the sil look so bad so everyone feels like she hard done by when in reality we all know she sounds bitter and jealous

 

[SqualorVictoria]

You are very invested in this. Of course, it's about the money, would OP be making this thread over some garden furniture?

I'm a 63yo woman I have been left out of many things in my life. I got over it, even as a kid who had a dad who did everything for his 2nd family but nothing for his first, his other children are still part of my family even though I was left nothing. I gave the above example about my BIL because its new and fresh

This is the advice forum, I gave my advice. unless OP asks for only agreements?

Not invested in it, I just think some of the comments towards the OP are harsh. She is simultaneously being criticised for giving background on the sisters family and also being quizzed for not answering further questions in relation to the sisters family or the family situation, something she is not under any obligation to do. She even said she didn't want to give any further info as it might be identifying. Anyway, she has been given loads of perspectives so I'll leave it there.

 

[crouchingcat]

I've been reading this thread and I've decided to comment. There is little information in regard to your sister, the house, your FIL to go on and without knowing the exact nature of all your relationships.
1. Do you and your husband visit often/call him?
2. Does the SIL work and if not why? If she can, FIL should encourage her to do so. It could be the case that once he passes she may find it hard to manage with the cost of the house, bills. (depends on the size of the inheritance)
3. I don't think it matters whether she has three children by different men.


In regards to comments relating to she will be the one to look after your FIL. Sometimes this cannot be guaranteed, however this depends on your SIL nature and whether she is likely to look after him. Not sure why people think it is an automatic thing that she will be the one providing care. (I would like to think she would) In 10 years the SIL future may be different such as partner, spouse, job wise etc therefore it could be that she doesn't need it.


I would tell your husband to talk to your FIL about it and why he has come to that decision. Maybe think about the relationship you have with him. Is it close or is it strained? perhaps this could have affected the decision. Personally if your SIL and husband are both close to FIL and do visit often, help him it seems a bit unfair that the SIL gets it all by doing nothing (if she isn't working, you said your FIL is fit so surely doesn't need much help)

Your inheritance makes no difference in this matter. Your family could leave it to someone else, inheritance tax could take a huge chunk, you could divorce (with your husband likely to get 0.

To add - Your FIL is entitled to do whatever he wants with his inheritance and house.

 

[Impleo]

You have to accept his decision and move on or it will eat you up inside. Not getting money you feel you're entitled to is hard enough, but spending future years being bitter because you didn't get money you feel you are entitled to will cause an even greater pain. Move on. build your own future and be grateful for what you have.

Not saying it to be arsey, but from experience in my family

 

[Ahahha]

I don’t see a major issue. Your sister needs a home and lives with her father, her father wants to help her as any father would. I assume your husband does not need a home?
yes it’s annoying when someone else gets more than you, but there’s probably not another side to it. FIL did what felt right and works for him, as he should with his own home.

Now dont go against them they kinda get upset that this op is chucking her toys out the pram because she acting like a baby but they cant see it.... god forbid

Actually it's quite funny I dont think that me and op situations are the same because I'm an adult and I dont want money for anything in life she wont talk to her sister in law because well that her husband family em that her family too she married in to them and se should be able to have a conversation with the sister in law and frankly if she is upset about it she should before brother and sister properly fall out but I all I see is jealousy they are getting it and she not she never answered my questions so I'm taken it as she never done nothing for father in law and still thinks they should get half...

 

[Prince fan 1999]

It really not that and it make me laugh because she came on here bad mouthed her sister in law and niece and nephews moans that they dont work have different dads but yet we need to believe her when the sister in law cant tell her side I can tell you now shes not telling everyone the truth

I didn't bad mouth at all. I was giving all the info without outing myself.

Someone asked if the dad was involved and I told them the answer.

 

[Ahahha]

As has been indicated many times in the thread, it's not about the money, it's that one sibling feels like they have been snubbed. Great that you're not into stuff but you weren't left out or snubbed. You were "offered the pick" but chose not to, that's totally different to being left out

Well let's ask the question why have they been snubbed there must be a reason

 

[Prince fan 1999]

Husband has a sister,early 40s,with 3 children,18,23 and 26. All live at home rent free with FIL. Husband has been told fil is leaving the house to sil. Signed it over to her and fil is paying rent. Husband is understandably feeling very hurt. Nothing to do with money at all but feels like he doesn't mean as much to his dad. It will eventually make things really awkward between himself and sister.