Those with partners, how is work/housework split?

[Babycheeses2]

OH and me, 2 kids. I work full time but unsociable hours (wkdays 4pm-9pm and wkends 9am-7pm) so I usually have the day to do shopping, all the cooking and most of the admin work I.e bills, paperwork, kids schooling, appointments etc. I also do all the organising because husband has a tendency to just place things where he sees a 'gap' - i like to think everything has a place in the house but this changes quite often lol so he can't keep up! I tend to do a deep clean of the kitchen every couple of weeks. And a spring clean of all the rooms every couple of months.

OH works part time wkdays 10-2 so he does all the childcare, school drop offs/pick ups and all activities (including wkends). He does all laundry plus ironing, hoovers, mops, deep cleans bathroom, kitchen worktops (including all washing up) and bins. He's outsourced some of the laundry to the kids so they take the washing out to dry and also bring them back in to fold and put away (just their stuff, they fold ours and put on the side and I put away into the cupboards). He also pays them to help out with the deep clean at wkends and thats how they earn their pocket money (tends to be the tedious stuff like washing windows, dusting, wiping skirting/door handles/light switches etc).

He defo does a lot more than me because I take on a higher mental load. My job is more stressful and I travel a lot more. We will be changing our hours in the next few years so he will be upping his hours when school runs/childcare is no longer needed and I'll be able to reduce my hours so I don't have to work every weekend and potentially have a weekday evening off, but that will mean I will be given laundry/ironing job back and we will have to see what else!

 

[JoeBloggs]

I like doing the majority, I just hate that if I
Don’t do anything then it won’t get done.

As I said, many men just don't see it. I have mentioned things to my husband and he is just so oblivious it didn't even enter his remit.

You cannot force your expectations on someone else, therefore if it isn't their idea of a home but it is yours, then its something you have to take on. I am not saying he should do nothing, but I expect the beds changed weekly and the house cleaned weekly whereas my husband does not therefore I cannot expect him to clean it weekly.

Constantly being frustrated at your man doesn't do either of you any good. Maybe get a list together of jobs he could do (bins, DIY and maybe cook once a week) and see what he thinks, don't overload him and men love praise for the small things. They might as well have a reward chart!

 

[Cheapseats]

Both retired. I do all the cleaning. He does all of the cooking. I do most baking. I do the gardening. He takes the bins out. Cat litter 70% he does, 30% me. Cat feeding I do mornings he mostly does evenings. Washing 100% me he would have to ask how to operate machine.. Changing bedcovers 50/50% House decor 50/50. DIY he does 95%.
I feel we share the tasks quite well. I would like to shove him out the kitchen more often.
Edited to add if you feel you are doing too much you need to ask him to do more or you will resent him.

 

[peachhes]

I work part time (4 full days a week) and he works full time. We have a toddler.

I’d say I do 95% of it. He hoovers occasionally, will fold washing and do the dishes if I ask repeatedly. A lot of the time it gets left so I do it myself in the end.

I do all of the laundry, bed changes, bed making, actual cleaning and tidying etc. He puts away his own clean clothes but leaves mine and sons. I do all of the cooking and food purchasing as well.

 

[Keikochan]

There is husband & me, no children & 1 cat. We are both retired.

He does cooking, washing up dishes, hoovering(sometimes I do it), cat liter, taking bins out, putting clothes wash on & collecting grocery delivery from door of the building(we live in apartment on 1st floor with no lift, I am disabled & can't manage stairs).

I dust, clean kitchen, fold laundry on/off clothes horse, order the groceries, clean bathroom, brush the cat(daily, she loves it. When she hears me brushing my hair she runs in to get herself brushed. It's so cute & not really a chore). I'm the 1 who would wash the windows although it is rarely and inside only.

We change bed covers & put groceries away together.

I can't think of anything else. I feel it is 50/50ish split, although maybe he does more. He def does all the heavy lifting & anything that requires the stairs as I physically can't. We just kinda fell into this pattern. I feel we are both happy with how the tasks are divided & if we weren't we would just talk about it. Communication is key in relationships.

 

[HumphreyB]

He works full time. Approx 55-60 hours per week. I work part time, 22 hours per week. He has hybrid work so is home the 3 days I work but office the 2 days I don’t work.
2 kids who are busy
I do meal planning food shopping and all the cooking. I pre plan and have meals ready for the days I work. I do the house deep clean once per week.
He does most of the laundry, washing drying putting away. Same with the dishwasher. He does all the kids activities to and from training and games and generally keeps the kitchen space tidy and clean when I’m not around.
This allows us to be in a position that when evening/ weekends come the time is ours.
Garden work all him diy mix of us both.

 

[chickhicks86]

I don't work, my husband is full time (long shifts over 4 days). I do everything housework wise, he does DIY. Obviously that's 100% fair and I'm very lucky to be in this position, but I do wish I could split the cliché of the mental load sometimes.

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

Two adults, no children. We both work full time but his hours are longer and I wfh so I have no commute. When I used to commute I did most of the shopping and all of the cooking, he washed up and did the bins.

Now that I wfh, he does more shopping but only his stuff for work. I get everything for our meals and menu plan too, and all of the household stuff like toilet rolls, kitchen rolls, bin bags etc... I still do all the cooking and now I do the bins.

We each have our set weekly cleaning jobs, he does the bathroom and also the kitchen floor and he hoovers the hall and the spare bedroom. I do the kitchen from waist height up (I have bad knees so can't do the floors).

I do most of the washing but he does put away and he does his own ironing although he will occasionally ask me to iron something for him.

We clean the windows together about once every three months. I do the skirting boards about once a month, I don't think he'd even think to do them.

I feel like we have a fair distribution of tasks but I still moan about doing more until I remember he's out of the house for about 55 hours a week

 

[bongsandstuff]

He works full time and I study full time at university but live at his parents. We’ve been here for 5 years now and god it’s been tough. I finish uni next summer so hoping to get a job and finally move out. He works and pays rent and food and I just pay for my own things like my phone bill and anything else I buy. Besides working I do everything else! I cook, wash up afterwards, meal plan, clean, laundry and DIY! Sometimes I feel unappreciated but as long as he has the upper hand with working I try and help out as much as I can to make his life easy. It can be exhausting but I’m sure it’s way less than what he faces at work! When we move out (next year) I hope to split everything 50/50 bills wise, chores wise etc. I grew up in a home in which my dad did ZILCH besides working and my poor mum was and still is exhausted. I’d rather die than live that lifestyle so if he continues with his habits when we leave I’ll have no choice but to reconsider the relationship.

 

[Randy Marsh]

We both work part time at the moment. Everything is 50/50. When he worked full time and I was part time I did all the cleaning, but everything else was 50/50.

 

[JSquared]

When we first moved out, the first 6-8 weeks I did EVERYTHING. It wasn’t until I mentioned it to him and he said ‘well you didn’t ask me to help’ I realised how this was going to work.
I literally tell him what to do now. We work the same hours etc so no excuse for him to not pitch in.
Was recently signed off work and went back to everything being left to me until I spoke to him… some people just need a gentle nudge.
It shouldn’t end in world war 3!

 

[cmcdb]

Hi, not really sure where else to ask this and looked around for suitable threads, this is the closest I could find.. I’m on maternity leave, have 10 week old twins.. Partner has recently gone back to work full time; 8hr day shift/12hr nights. When he’s on nights, he only helps with one feed before he heads out to work. He is absolutely hopeless with housework, and mainly because I have particular ways I want things done, and he does try his best but I end up doing it myself. When he’s on days, it’s not too bad, he’s an amazing dad and I can work away (I actually quite enjoy cleaning). But when he’s on nights it’s hard to get anything done and look after two babies. We’ve discussed getting someone in to help with the housework, but more than likely a local teenager who’s looking for a bit of pocket money.

I used to do this, and was lucky to get €20 for 2-3 hours work, but we’re talking 15 years ago and I’m wondering would you pay someone like this minimum wage? At the moment I do not expect this person to look after my babies, although it would be a great opportunity down the line for this person to also babysit, as we’re new to the area, and are options are very limited..

sorry for the long spiel, just genuinely curious… TIA.

 

[Mermer89]

2 adults and no kids, two cats. Technically I have no worked 'full time' since graduating. I tend to work 3-4 days a week, usual office hours as I am self employed. He works 5 8 hour shifts across the week (usually between the hours of 6am and 8pm) and has every other weekend off.

I refuse to work full time if I am doing 80-90% of the house work. Though ask my husband it he will call it a 50/50 split. We have had many an argument over the years and he claims he does more than most men and I should be grateful therefore I will not work 5 days a week. I also earn more doing 3 days a week so I feel it is justified.

However, I think it is all about expectation and that your expectation may not be your partners. I love a clean home and I enjoy cleaning. While my husbands likes a tidy home there are parts he just doesn't see and therefore I know I have to take on more to meet my expectations.

Also to add, my husband can be pretty lazy, like most men and I think most of the time they are just oblivious to things as women we notice. My mind is on 24/7, I barely sit down but that's just because it is not me. I don't enjoy sitting around where as my husband does.

Last night I was doing dinner, mine was ready so I was eating it. It was half time and I got up to finish his, he hadn't noticed and I had to ask him. I think most of the time they are so unaware, my husband will do most things if I ask but I know in the past I have expected it of him and he just doesn't realise.

I do all the finances, food shopping, cleaning, gardening, most of the washing and most of the DIY. If you are not happy with the way it works, you need to communicate with him. I bet he is completely unware of how you feel and what needs doing. You mention the boys go to their dads, do you two not have any children together?

We don’t have any children together. I’d just started uni again when we got together so that was 2 years and then a year or two qualified and then we decided gap was too big between my two. Also, youngest born at 24 weeks (he’s 9 now) means my mental health wouldn’t manage another baby.

We’ve had the conversation before when I was working full time (including 13 hour days) that it was too much. I eventually just burnt out (adhd making that worse).

I like doing the majority, I just hate that if I
Don’t do anything then it won’t get done.

 

[gummy-bear]

My partner and I work full time, no kids.
If my partner was left to it he’d do zero, but there’s no way I’m living like that. He has his weekly jobs (bins, changing the bedding, cleaning the bathrooms) and I have mine. We split the cooking and washing up 50/50. Whoever cooks on a particular evening, doesn’t do the wash up. We do the food shop together weekly and anything for the house goes in split wise (we don’t have a joint account) it works well at the moment. If there are weeks where one of us is working more and the jobs are a bit unfair then so be it but I couldn’t live in a house where it was all on me, I’d go mad!

 

[JTsFringe]

Hi all. Those with partners, talk to me about what you both do work wise and around the house.
My OH works full time- Monday to Friday 8-5. I now work part time around 26 hours a week but very long days (changed to part time about 2 months ago). I also do 2/3 agency shifts a month to top up my wage.

I do everything, well 95% of it all. On my work days he takes the youngest to school club and picks him up (only picks up once a week as their dad picks them up on Tuesdays). He will do their tea and have a tidy around and do our tea for when I’m back. A lot of weeks I only do one week day so this is usually a once a week thing.

Everything else is me. Cleaning, DIY, gardening, washing and ironing, changing the beds, food shopping, any appointments my youngest may have (autistic/ADHD). The boys are dressed and ready before I leave in a morning ad he gets up less than ten mins before they have to leave. Lunchboxes and meal planning all me. Lie ins at a weekend are always his- can’t remember the last time I stayed in bed after 6:30/7.
He’s got in a grump this afternoon because of an argument in the car after eldest’s football about positioning. He’s sat on the sofa since and I’ve cooked tea, cleaned up etc etc.
I get I have more days off and more days off without anyone at home but he usually gets that at the weekends when the boys go to their days- usually every other weekend but a few weeks not going atm due to their dad having a kidney transplant.
I cut my hours down because I was burnt out (diagnosed ADHD in January) but still bring home a good wage- can take home the most with the agency shifts included.

Just wondered what it’s all like in your houses?

Sounds like you're better off on your own, not like you'd be missing anything.

 

[Kaylarina]

My husband and I both work, 40-60 hours a week (although currently on mat leave) and we have an 8 month old. We have always shared things 50/50 down the middle but we've kind of found a natural split. He likes to cook, so I'll wash up, I love doing washing but hate hoovering. It's neverreally been discused, just happened naturally.