Long time lurker here… I definitely think she still sees Coco as a newborn and whether consciously or not, ‘I’m needed too much to take a break’/‘the boob is the answer to everything 24/7’ is her way of reinforcing that because she’s scared to accept that she’s almost a toddler now.
As quite an anxious mum I have experienced many of the feelings she talks about, but made a conscious effort to accept that when I leave my toddler with my husband, he will do things differently to me and that’s ok! It made us all a lot happier as it meant I got a break, my husband felt trusted and got more one on one time with our little boy. You would think that after 4 kids she might have at least tried this by now. I get the impression her husband just doesn’t even try anymore because he feels like he’s not trusted or considered capable by her.