This Mama Life #27

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BettyCrockerr

BettyCrockerr

As you were folks….
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I think as soon as she walks out of that funeral she will be straight back on Insta as if nothing has happened
 
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LennyBriscoe

LennyBriscoe

BettyCrockerr said:
As you were folks….
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I think as soon as she walks out of that funeral she will be straight back on Insta as if nothing has happened
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I agree. It’ll be fine deaf on a scale we’ve never seen, complaining about loneliness and feeling hard done by.

I’m not sure what I would do about the funeral tbh. Most people they know in the area would be going to the funeral so I’m not sure who could watch them if they didn’t go. I hope she’s spoken to them about it all though. Because they only saw them very briefly a couple of times a year, it might be harder for them to accept they’ll never see their Gran again if she just ignores it and doesn’t explain in an appropriate way
 
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IAlreadyDespiseYou

IAlreadyDespiseYou

potmog said:
It will be very telling if her parents don't bother to attend.
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I don’t think her parents will attend and to be honest if they didn’t it wouldn’t raise my eyebrows. If they had very little relationship with Sinbad’s parents then why would they? When a close family member on my side died none of my husband’s family attended. They didn’t have that much of a relationship with that person, they lived a good few hours away and we didn’t expect them to attend.

I think we also give her parents too much credit and too much responsibility for managing Sarah. She’s a grown woman. We all seem to think her parents should be parenting her. She’s an adult and her parents are older and may have their own lives to manage. Do I think they’ve pandered to her and not parented her very well? Yes but it’s not their job now to run her life or manage her.
 
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BettyCrockerr

BettyCrockerr

Agree. I wouldn’t expect her parents to attend the funeral. They have probably only met once or twice, not sure why they would go?!
 
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Peachbomb

Peachbomb

Her mum used to visit more when they were in the navy housing I think? Probably for childcare now I think about it.
She seems to feel like she had a brilliant upbringing and she always wants to be with her family as if they are super close but surely something must have been very wrong in her life to develop anorexia. It’s always mystified me why she wants to recreate that, or is she trying to do it better?
 
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R

rainbowunicorn9

I was going to say the same I was confused about why her parents would be expected to attend but thought people might come for me😂 glad I’m not alone in thinking that. Considering Sarah hardly ever saw them I doubt her parents had much to do with robs mum, sure they would have known each other at the wedding etc but considering Sarah’s hardly been there for Rob I can’t imagine her parents are going to come the whole way from Aberdeen to be there for him.🤔
 
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L

Lilyofthevalley80

I think generally you would go to the funeral to support your daughter and son in law and grandchildren. Given that your son in law has essentially spent every Christmas and family occasion with you for the last 10 year (to the serious detriment of seeing his own family), you would assume there is some kind of relationship there between them. If not, then it’s a pretty sad state of affairs if he’s been there as a hanger on for all those years. Attendance at funerals can be just as much - if not more - about supporting the living.

Yes - Sarah is an adult. But she is an extremely troubled one with previous mental health issues and seeing Rob’s family seems to be something she struggles with. Given the situation, I suspect their tolerance levels will be pretty low so any support from her parents in attendance I am sure would be much appreciated by Rob.
 
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L

Lilybobtail

Lilyofthevalley80 said:
I think generally you would go to the funeral to support your daughter and son in law and grandchildren. Given that your son in law has essentially spent every Christmas and family occasion with you for the last 10 year (to the serious detriment of seeing his own family), you would assume there is some kind of relationship there between them. If not, then it’s a pretty sad state of affairs if he’s been there as a hanger on for all those years. Attendance at funerals can be just as much - if not more - about supporting the living.

Yes - Sarah is an adult. But she is an extremely troubled one with previous mental health issues and seeing Rob’s family seems to be something she struggles with. Given the situation, I suspect their tolerance levels will be pretty low so any support from her parents in attendance I am sure would be much appreciated by Rob.
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Yeah my point about her parents attending the funeral or coming to help with the children is more of a support for both Sarah and Rob..I can only base it on how my mum and in laws would behave and when either has been ill etc they other has always stepped up, helped, visited and offered support

In regards to her parents needing to parent her again I can only base it on me and my family but for us all we never stop parenting...I'm 7 months pregnant with my 2nd child and having a rubbish time of it and my mum has been amazing helping, offering advice and just steering me in the right direction and I would drop everything for my children I'll always be their parent I won't stop just because they will become adults!
 
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IAlreadyDespiseYou

IAlreadyDespiseYou

Lilybobtail said:
Yeah my point about her parents attending the funeral or coming to help with the children is more of a support for both Sarah and Rob..I can only base it on how my mum and in laws would behave and when either has been ill etc they other has always stepped up, helped, visited and offered support

In regards to her parents needing to parent her again I can only base it on me and my family but for us all we never stop parenting...I'm 7 months pregnant with my 2nd child and having a rubbish time of it and my mum has been amazing helping, offering advice and just steering me in the right direction and I would drop everything for my children I'll always be their parent I won't stop just because they will become adults!
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I totally agree that if parents want to support their kids and the kids want it, into adulthood then that’s what can happen. I have an excellent relationship with my parents and my in laws mostly and they support us as a family and me and husband as adults in ways they are happy to and we accept and appreciate and occasionally ask for. I plan to do the same with our kids and do already for our oldest who has left home, has a job, etc.

But it’s not always a given and her parents are not actually responsible for her once she’s an adult and there’s no obligation for parents to do that once their kids have left home. Maybe they feel they’ve done their parenting time? Maybe it’s exhausting having to manage her and her needs and the kids? Maybe they just feel they don’t want to give more than they do.

The ideal is generations supporting generations but in practice and also in choice people don’t always do that and judging them when we don’t know their why or why not is a bit unfair I think.
 
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DeloresBawbag

DeloresBawbag

Yes even if her folks didn’t have a close relationship with his parents, they DO have Rob with them almost as much as they’d daughter, for a decade. They should be there to support Rob, be there for the kids, and let Sarah focus on her husband.
 
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B

Backseatreader

I can’t believe she wouldn’t want to have seen Rob before today! When my husbands mum died wild horses wouldn’t have kept me away from him.
 
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J

jayne2240

It’s SO strange, cause even if Robs family don’t like her, wouldn’t you think Rob would have said “listen I don’t really care, my Mum is dead and I want my wife”?

Though that being said, he doesn’t stand up to Sarah ever so it’s not completely surprising if someone on his side has asked she doesn’t come up and he’s just gone yes sir.
 
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IAlreadyDespiseYou

IAlreadyDespiseYou

Must admit I’m interested in how she’s going to come back after the funeral. Will she talk about it? Will it be a whole host of passive agro about the Navy?
I wonder if there has been some sort of come to Jesus chat happening. Unless she has a private insta that she’s using so she can get her fix?
A friend of mine lost her mum a few months ago and whilst she didn’t post much on social media during the funeral etc she did share a few pics to Fb of family being together and some stories around her kids being with family they’d not see often due to distance etc and a couple of times she shared to a private story chat about how she was feeling.
I suspect Sarah has been told to share nothing at all. She would find a way if it was just a case of dealing with a funeral and loss, but I think Rob’s family have put their foot down hard.
 
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