Therapy / Counselling

[sarahboo]

I can't really help much as in a very similar position to you. CBT did not work for me, I've tried this quite a few times now. I am now in the process of finding a counsellor, my advice from people I know who have had it have told me to go private. It's expensive but I need the help so I will be going private.

My cousin has very poor mental health, sadly his experience with NHS has been very bad it seems they will do the bare minimum to support with cbt then suggested he went private as they can't help with his issues. I guess they are a very stretched service so can't fault them much.

 

[Mercedes12]

I’ve had CBT through NHS and also CBT and EMDR and counselling with a private therapist.

The therapy I paid for worked a lot better but it really is a case of finding the right therapist to suit you and being prepared to put the work in with them!

 

[Ohflogoff]

The NHS like to offer CBT as it’s viewed as a short, sharp “fix” and as it’s evidence based, they can “prove” it’s working. They also offer counselling for a set amount of time ie 6-12 sessions. Most of the time this is not enough to build trust and work though what it is that takes ton there.

Like other people have said it really depends on the counsellor you get and the relationship you build with them. Many offer sessions where you can meet and get a feel of what it’s like. You may not gel with one, but this doesn’t mean therapy is all useless. It just means that you should try someone else.

 

[Notyourpityparty]

Has anyone tried mentalization based therapy?

 

[Notyourpityparty]

Do you get the full session or do you mean you might be talking when the session has come to an end and the therapist lets you know your time is up?

Usually I pay for a 60 minute session, and the therapist ends it at about 40 mins even though I’m always on time! A few times she’s been busy going to the toilet or doing her own stuff for a certain ammount of time and still ended it early rather then factoring her wasted time into account. Makes me feel like a number lol

 

[Ohflogoff]

I've had CBT before. It worked I guess to help me change my behaviours and my therapist really made me feel like I was worth more than I felt. Once it finished though I struggled keeping up with the exercises. My only problem I had with it is we didn't really discuss what could have caused my problems, not my childhood or anything.

CBT is a solution focussed therapy, so it won’t delve into your past relationships. It’s very focussed. Relational talking therapy will help you explore past relationships and how these may influence your behaviours and experiences in the present.

 

[Bizarrebbq]

I know this might sound petty but I hate when I don’t get to use all the time I paid for essentially and god forbid I ever go over, just makes me feel like a number rather then a person and I get they have other clients but it’s kinda sneaky when therapists say “okay that’s all we have time for today” when you’ve paid for a full session. Any one else experienced this?

Do you get the full session or do you mean you might be talking when the session has come to an end and the therapist lets you know your time is up?

 

[Eddypeter]

Hey, I’m not too good at navigating to find what I’m looking for but this seems a good place to ask? I’m looking for a kind of PTSD, witnessing something help/advice forum. Xx

 

[supernintendochalmers]

Have had CBT (group and one to one) on the NHS in the past and have recently started group DBT. I do find that the whole process is trial and error and agree with others who have said that it really depends on the type of therapist you have. At uni I had a few sessions of counselling and found the counsellor quite unhelpful and judgemental at times.

 

[Sunflower91]

I have a psychotherapist and have done for almost two years now. I initially went to my Gp for help with the NHS and the wait list was so long that my GP recommended going Private. I’m so glad I was in a position I could do that - it means I get consistent long term care without worrying that I’ll be told that my time is up. Now I can’t say I’m 100% cured but I do feel like a different person and get more enjoyment out of life.

 

[seaborgium]

Finding the right therapist is key, it's like any relationship you have to feel you can trust that person. Counsellors can vary if a counselling psychologist with a doctorate to someone who has no qualifications at all, so worth checking out if going independently.

I began with a counsellor at my university during my PhD, but she realised it was beyond her level and needed more help. Despite my GP initially binning her referral letter, and a second on humming over referring me to a NHS psychologist I eventually had therapy from a clinical psychologist. I had psychodynamic therapy, which enabled me to understand my past to be able to understand my present.

One of my besties is a counselling psychologist, and therapy isn't for everyone one just like medication isn't. Equally, there can be a long wait on the NHS, but decided that for me they were better than someone unqualified that could do more harm than good.

 

[noonecaresaboutyou]

I have grieve counselling quite soon after losing someone close to me, it didn't work as I think it was too raw and I kept saying I was fine.

Been and had general counselling that didn't really work.

Had 6 or more sessions of CBT again I didn't think it truly helped, I learned from it relaxing/breathing techniques which I used regularly.

Had a physiological assessment, then they got to the bottom of all my problems and said I need DBT as I have a BPD and their has been other factors that have contributed to my current mental health. I'm currently waiting for it to start but it's currently on hold for obvious reasons. Has anyone had experience of DBT and felt it worked?

I have regular sessions to meet and chat with a councillor as well which is different from the other sessions I had in the past.

 

[btw]

I had private counselling about 2 years ago but it was quite expensive and I couldn't really justify the cost.
I then went to the doctors last year and was told I had ptsd, depression and anxiety. They put me on a silver cloud online course- I didnt really feel this helped me much, I then had counselling CBT through the nhs.
I felt like the NHS counselling helped .. i do still have times when I feel rubbish but I write a blog to help with how I feel.
I don't feel like I will ever be 'okay' as I dont think you ever get over domestic violence and how someone can treat you so bad.

My uni offers that silver cloud online course! I’ve not used it but may give it a try. Sorry to here that you went through such an awful thing I’m glad you’ve found that blogging helps you

 

[Begborrowsteal]

DBT is interesting but quite hard to implement, imo. Big standard counselling, I had a bad experience. Ive never been given CBT but my partner has it seems too simplistic? But I know people do benefit from it.

After 10yrs+ I finally got one to one therapy, which was so much more positive.

 

[jewelkitty]

I was the same, about 6 years ago I got to a point where I cried constantly, I was scared of strangers, being alone, I would scream into pillows you name it. I was frantic, anxious and depressed. My obsession at the time hooked onto my relationship with my boyfriend, was a constant “you don’t want to be with him” and a constant overanalysing everything he did. The most distressing thing was that deep down I knew I wanted to be with him but my mind was saying something way different. It was moments where my boyfriend had, had enough that I would gain clarity and I’d be able to see clearly, but that was temporary.

I knew instantly when a therapist wasn’t for me. And it’s always good to walk away, some therapists actually didn’t get me and made me worse. Standing up for yourself and walking away is so important.

I think for purely obsessional OCD acceptance & commitment therapy is really helpful. It helps to understand in your own time that your thoughts and obsessions aren’t actually you, it’s an automatic thing, just like breathing, that the sooner you stop being alarmed by the thoughts and accept them for what they are, good, bad or indifferent the sooner they will ease off and your mind will start to quiet. Russ Harris The Happiness Trap details this really nicely (the illustrated version is my favourite) it allows you to put distance between you & the thoughts in your head.

As mentioned previously, Eckhart Tolle The Power of Now is a super helpful book in describing why we are the way we are and how to help. I listened to the audiobook of this.

Another audiobook I listened to was Lost Connections by Johann Hari - he isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but my thought process completely shifted after listening to his book.

If you can I’d try find someone who specialises in ACT, it’s a worth a shot

Be kind to yourself, the 4-7-8 breathing technique helped me when my crying got out of control xx



My second therapist focused heavily on why I was the way I was, it actually made me really angry as a person. I started resenting people and it gave me a false sense of entitlement that people were to blame so my issues were all their fault. My last and most successful therapist who was a clinical psychologist told me to focus less on why I was the way I was and more on here and now. She said that I had developed a blame game attitude and being so stuck in the past wasn’t going to help my future.

If we focus too much on it, it becomes our story and we struggle to let it go.

I hope this doesn’t sound to preachy, just a little insight from my experience.
xx

Thanks so much for this reply, I really appreciate it! I have been coming across this Acceptance and Commitment therapy a lot and it's sounding better and better. I'm still not seeing any benefit come of the EMDR I'm doing, even though I get on with the therapist really well. I think I'll finish out this EMDR and then give ACT a go. I 100% went through that same sort of Relationship OCD about a year ago with my partner and it was hell -constant doubt if I should be with him or not, and confessing this to him which was really unfair. I'm currently going through a battle with my thoughts and emotions - I can say to myself that my thoughts aren't me but my emotions do feel like me and I can't help but attach meaning to them. Currently I've been enduring a months long obsession about my ex and I get horrible sadness about it and it's a constant loop I can't get out of. I've always had a difficult time of letting go of things, accepting and moving on so sounds like ACT is for me. I'll also give the 4-7-8 breathing techniques more of a proper go during my hysterical crying lol.
Again, thanks so much for your insight!
And thanks for the recommendations, already part way through The Power of Now and it's so mind-opening! xxx



Also I just want to add for anyone else reading, this might just be a coincidence but even if you're not covered by insurance I would recommend looking for a therapist who is covered. I've gone to two therapists now with Bupa who have been really good, but the one therapist who wasn't covered and I paid for myself (and she was just as expensive) turned out a bit crap - she seemed judgemental and kept forgetting things I told her or getting things seriously mixed up with other people. She even made me feel a bit stupid for coming, every week she would ask me why I was there and I'd keep saying the same thing. I reckon insurance companies vet and check out therapists before giving coverage to them.

 

[jewelkitty]

I had years of CBT and it didn’t help, goodness knows why I kept it up and paid a fortune - it helped my anxiety slightly but didn’t help my primary OCD, irrational thoughts etc. I then decided to pay £85 per hour to see an actual doctor of psychology rather than £45 an hour to a few different ladies who had probably gained a diploma online and it was life changing. I did ACT therapy - Acceptance & commitment therapy and I’ve never been better, I’ve no symptoms of my OCD. 3 years since I last saw my therapist and I’ve got the tools and complete understanding of my mental health to control it. Russ Harris writes a book called the happiness trap, really simple way to understand it, I read it together with Eckhart Tolles The Power of Now and it really accelerated my progress!

Thank god someone else with OCD! I have also tried CBT and it helped a little bit in terms of compulsions but not with obsessions, which is what I'm having an extremely tough time dealing with right now. I tried some normal talking counselling about 2 months ago but right away I felt like the therapist wasn't for me. I reached out to another therapist about hypnotherapy as I had been recommended this for OCD (I'm extremely lucky to have health insurance with my job so the cost isn't holding me back, and I'm willing to try anything, as woo-woo as it might sound). I was told hypnotherapy wouldn't be suitable for video call sessions which obviously is all we can do right now, and I was recommended EMDR instead. I'm 5 sessions into EMDR and I haven't noticed any difference yet except that I may feel worse. I'm an emotional rollercoaster and crying everyday. If anyone can help me with any similar experiences I would be so grateful.

 

[Notyourpityparty]

I know this might sound petty but I hate when I don’t get to use all the time I paid for essentially and god forbid I ever go over, just makes me feel like a number rather then a person and I get they have other clients but it’s kinda sneaky when therapists say “okay that’s all we have time for today” when you’ve paid for a full session. Any one else experienced this?