I was the same, about 6 years ago I got to a point where I cried constantly, I was scared of strangers, being alone, I would scream into pillows you name it. I was frantic, anxious and depressed. My obsession at the time hooked onto my relationship with my boyfriend, was a constant “you don’t want to be with him” and a constant overanalysing everything he did. The most distressing thing was that deep down I knew I wanted to be with him but my mind was saying something way different. It was moments where my boyfriend had, had enough that I would gain clarity and I’d be able to see clearly, but that was temporary.
I knew instantly when a therapist wasn’t for me. And it’s always good to walk away, some therapists actually didn’t get me and made me worse. Standing up for yourself and walking away is so important.
I think for purely obsessional OCD acceptance & commitment therapy is really helpful. It helps to understand in your own time that your thoughts and obsessions aren’t actually you, it’s an automatic thing, just like breathing, that the sooner you stop being alarmed by the thoughts and accept them for what they are, good, bad or indifferent the sooner they will ease off and your mind will start to quiet. Russ Harris The Happiness Trap details this really nicely (the illustrated version is my favourite) it allows you to put distance between you & the thoughts in your head.
As mentioned previously, Eckhart Tolle The Power of Now is a super helpful book in describing why we are the way we are and how to help. I listened to the audiobook of this.
Another audiobook I listened to was Lost Connections by Johann Hari - he isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but my thought process completely shifted after listening to his book.
If you can I’d try find someone who specialises in ACT, it’s a worth a shot
Be kind to yourself, the 4-7-8 breathing technique helped me when my crying got out of control xx
My second therapist focused heavily on why I was the way I was, it actually made me really angry as a person. I started resenting people and it gave me a false sense of entitlement that people were to blame so my issues were all their fault. My last and most successful therapist who was a clinical psychologist told me to focus less on why I was the way I was and more on here and now. She said that I had developed a blame game attitude and being so stuck in the past wasn’t going to help my future.
If we focus too much on it, it becomes our story and we struggle to let it go.
I hope this doesn’t sound to preachy, just a little insight from my experience.
xx
. I was offered online CBT on the NHS a few years ago after waiting 6 months for a CAHMS referral and I didn’t end up signing up to it (i had to do a self referral) as I felt a bit deflated and 
