Therapy / Counselling

[Vera Stanhope]

I have had a lot of therapy for anxiety - some with the NHS and latterly for the past 5+ years with a private counsellor.
The counsellor I did have with the NHS retired and wasn't replaced so I had no other option but to pay for one myself and I know I'm lucky to be able to afford to do this.

I found DBT quite difficult to master - I was given a lot of homework and had to try to analyse behaviours and replace any destructive behaviour patterns with healthy effective ones.

I found CBT really helpful and my therapist tells me I am using it well and benefitting from it, which I do have to agree with.

I also had several sessions of EMDR which uncovered several issues from my childhood which caused me trauma and anxiety.

 

[IJustDon'tGetIt]

Thank god someone else with OCD! I have also tried CBT and it helped a little bit in terms of compulsions but not with obsessions, which is what I'm having an extremely tough time dealing with right now. I tried some normal talking counselling about 2 months ago but right away I felt like the therapist wasn't for me. I reached out to another therapist about hypnotherapy as I had been recommended this for OCD (I'm extremely lucky to have health insurance with my job so the cost isn't holding me back, and I'm willing to try anything, as woo-woo as it might sound). I was told hypnotherapy wouldn't be suitable for video call sessions which obviously is all we can do right now, and I was recommended EMDR instead. I'm 5 sessions into EMDR and I haven't noticed any difference yet except that I may feel worse. I'm an emotional rollercoaster and crying everyday. If anyone can help me with any similar experiences I would be so grateful.

I was the same, about 6 years ago I got to a point where I cried constantly, I was scared of strangers, being alone, I would scream into pillows you name it. I was frantic, anxious and depressed. My obsession at the time hooked onto my relationship with my boyfriend, was a constant “you don’t want to be with him” and a constant overanalysing everything he did. The most distressing thing was that deep down I knew I wanted to be with him but my mind was saying something way different. It was moments where my boyfriend had, had enough that I would gain clarity and I’d be able to see clearly, but that was temporary.

I knew instantly when a therapist wasn’t for me. And it’s always good to walk away, some therapists actually didn’t get me and made me worse. Standing up for yourself and walking away is so important.

I think for purely obsessional OCD acceptance & commitment therapy is really helpful. It helps to understand in your own time that your thoughts and obsessions aren’t actually you, it’s an automatic thing, just like breathing, that the sooner you stop being alarmed by the thoughts and accept them for what they are, good, bad or indifferent the sooner they will ease off and your mind will start to quiet. Russ Harris The Happiness Trap details this really nicely (the illustrated version is my favourite) it allows you to put distance between you & the thoughts in your head.

As mentioned previously, Eckhart Tolle The Power of Now is a super helpful book in describing why we are the way we are and how to help. I listened to the audiobook of this.

Another audiobook I listened to was Lost Connections by Johann Hari - he isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but my thought process completely shifted after listening to his book.

If you can I’d try find someone who specialises in ACT, it’s a worth a shot

Be kind to yourself, the 4-7-8 breathing technique helped me when my crying got out of control xx

I've had CBT before. It worked I guess to help me change my behaviours and my therapist really made me feel like I was worth more than I felt. Once it finished though I struggled keeping up with the exercises. My only problem I had with it is we didn't really discuss what could have caused my problems, not my childhood or anything.

My second therapist focused heavily on why I was the way I was, it actually made me really angry as a person. I started resenting people and it gave me a false sense of entitlement that people were to blame so my issues were all their fault. My last and most successful therapist who was a clinical psychologist told me to focus less on why I was the way I was and more on here and now. She said that I had developed a blame game attitude and being so stuck in the past wasn’t going to help my future.

If we focus too much on it, it becomes our story and we struggle to let it go.

I hope this doesn’t sound to preachy, just a little insight from my experience.
xx

 

[IJustDon'tGetIt]

I had years of CBT and it didn’t help, goodness knows why I kept it up and paid a fortune - it helped my anxiety slightly but didn’t help my primary OCD, irrational thoughts etc. I then decided to pay £85 per hour to see an actual doctor of psychology rather than £45 an hour to a few different ladies who had probably gained a diploma online and it was life changing. I did ACT therapy - Acceptance & commitment therapy and I’ve never been better, I’ve no symptoms of my OCD. 3 years since I last saw my therapist and I’ve got the tools and complete understanding of my mental health to control it. Russ Harris writes a book called the happiness trap, really simple way to understand it, I read it together with Eckhart Tolles The Power of Now and it really accelerated my progress!

 

[tskiry56]

I had private counselling about 2 years ago but it was quite expensive and I couldn't really justify the cost.
I then went to the doctors last year and was told I had ptsd, depression and anxiety. They put me on a silver cloud online course- I didnt really feel this helped me much, I then had counselling CBT through the nhs.
I felt like the NHS counselling helped .. i do still have times when I feel rubbish but I write a blog to help with how I feel.
I don't feel like I will ever be 'okay' as I dont think you ever get over domestic violence and how someone can treat you so bad.

 

[Mizzdee]

I had CBT when I was 17 and tbh thought it was a load of balls, didn't really help me. Talking therapies and mindfulness however have proved to be successful for me. I find having someone help to rationalise my thought processes and challenging my beliefs with simple logical conversation made me realise my bad thought patterns, which make it so much easier for me to recognise when I'm sliding into a depressive episode and helping myself before it becomes a full blown depressive slump that I used to find myself in for months.

 

[Sallycinnamon_]

I've had CBT before. It worked I guess to help me change my behaviours and my therapist really made me feel like I was worth more than I felt. Once it finished though I struggled keeping up with the exercises. My only problem I had with it is we didn't really discuss what could have caused my problems, not my childhood or anything.

 

[btw]

Can anyone share their experiences with different types of therapy?
I have had CBT therapy but it didn’t help me, I think I need counselling to be able to discuss my feelings more!

What type of therapy have you found helpful or unhelpful? Have you had a better experience privately or on the NHS?

 

[BlahBlahSheep]

I tried counselling twice at uni with the student services counsellors and I didn’t find it helpful. Now I know more about counselling I think it could have been helpful but I just took an instant dislike to both of them and didn’t go back after my first session with either. They both got straight into it, asking me questions about my upbringing, childhood, family etc. which didn’t seem relevant to me so I switched off. I now understand that they were trying to understand me, how I think, act, react etc. based on the way I’d been ‘moulded’ before being able to do anything helpful. I think if they’d explained that in the first place, I might have responded differently. If you have any option to discuss the counsellor’s approach beforehand and get a general feel for whether they’re someone you want to open up to, it would be a beneficial thing to do.

And for anyone reading who’s thinking about counselling, if you’re in employment it might be worth checking with HR if your company has an employee assistance programme. Lots do but aren’t very good at advertising them to staff. You can usually get short-term private counselling free of charge. They can’t always help, especially for complex matters, but worth checking out to see if it might be an option for you.

 

[btw]

I can't really help much as in a very similar position to you. CBT did not work for me, I've tried this quite a few times now. I am now in the process of finding a counsellor, my advice from people I know who have had it have told me to go private. It's expensive but I need the help so I will be going private.

My cousin has very poor mental health, sadly his experience with NHS has been very bad it seems they will do the bare minimum to support with cbt then suggested he went private as they can't help with his issues. I guess they are a very stretched service so can't fault them much.

I’m looking at going private too! I had 6 weeks CBT through the NHS, then she said to me ‘this isn’t working, your mental health is too bad for this type of therapy’ but that’s all they could offer me

 

[tskiry56]

My uni offers that silver cloud online course! I’ve not used it but may give it a try. Sorry to here that you went through such an awful thing I’m glad you’ve found that blogging helps you

Thank you , the silver cloud does help in some ways. But for me I felt like I needed reassurance that I did the right.
Blogging helped me realise what I went through and the journey i have been on to get to where i am today. If writing it helps other people then it's a bonus!

 

[Guacamole123]

I had counselling but stopped going as the councillor couldn’t understand why I had crippling anxiety but didn’t have frequent panic attacks . I was offered online CBT on the NHS a few years ago after waiting 6 months for a CAHMS referral and I didn’t end up signing up to it (i had to do a self referral) as I felt a bit deflated and shit, I was in a very lonely place at the time and really needed to speak to someone face to face. Since then I haven’t really engaged with any services but will be watching this thread as I can feel my mental health is on a downward spiral again

 

[Eddypeter]

Have you spoken to your gp? Does your employer have an employee assistance program?

I’m expecting a call from the gp In the morning and have self referred to my local wellbeing service xx

 

[Pixipoppy]

I had counselling for a few sessions a couple years back and it was the biggest waste of time/money ever. Maybe it’s not the right thing for me - I just felt like she focused on really minor things and kept going back to them, and then basically just gave me strategies I already knew and could have taught myself through google or a basic self help book. I ended up just lying to her to to stop having to go over and over the same things - told her I was fine and ended the sessions as they were costing me £50 a pop. Would really love to find something that works for me but therapy didn’t seem to be the answer!

 

[KateESJ]

I have PTSD and I have CBT. It works for me but it hasn't always. When I first started I didn't get on with my therapist at all. Nothing against them, we just didn't work together. My therapist now is brilliant, you can tell she genuinely cares and she knows exactly what to say, knows how much to speak vs how much to listen.

I still struggle a lot but usually after my sessions I feel refreshed. I didn't think therapy or counselling would help, because despite my PTSD, the main casue of my depression and struggle is grief, which never goes away. But she has helped me deal with a lot of my struggles so that they don't feel so heavy.

 

[HoneyBee29]

Ive went to private counselling for the last 4 years and it is expensive but so worth the money in my opinion but it is extremely important that you find someone that your comfortable with and feel that you can open up to. It may take you to go to a couple before you find the right one. My mum spent a few years taking me back and forth to the doctor about anxiety/depression and trying to get to see an NHS counsellor, but they literally never did anything and just handed gave me a load of leaflets about anxiety/depression and my mum got fed up and looked into a private councillor for me and agreed to pay for the first few sessions then after that I had to pay for it myself as I wasn’t fussed about going in the first place but I’m really glad I did it’s the best thing I’ve ever done, she’s helped me with a lot of things trying various methods and there is some I take to more than others CBT I was ok with. I know a few people have been to NHS councillors and they where no help at all so glad I wasn’t put on a list to wait for years to go to one

 

[Horatio]

I’ve just started seeing an ‘integrative therapist’ as she calls herself... I’ve only had one session on Skype which isn’t ideal but she did offer some new insights to old issues which is promising. I’m not sure what real progress there might be but it’s hard to say after one session. I have a friend who says it’s better seeing someone with qualifications in psychology and that as a science but that tends to be more expensive... £60 for an hour isn’t too bad at the moment and if there are positive results that’s not something you can put a price on... but at the same time if I feel after a few months I’m not getting anywhere I won’t feel I’ve wasted too much on it.

 

[btw]

I have had a lot of therapy for anxiety - some with the NHS and latterly for the past 5+ years with a private counsellor.
The counsellor I did have with the NHS retired and wasn't replaced so I had no other option but to pay for one myself and I know I'm lucky to be able to afford to do this.

I found DBT quite difficult to master - I was given a lot of homework and had to try to analyse behaviours and replace any destructive behaviour patterns with healthy effective ones.

I found CBT really helpful and my therapist tells me I am using it well and benefitting from it, which I do have to agree with.

I also had several sessions of EMDR which uncovered several issues from my childhood which caused me trauma and anxiety.

I’m so glad your on the right path to feeling happier and less anxious hope everything works out for you

 

[ChampagneBox]

I’ve had counselling and honestly it’s the best thing ever. Hard, yes. The hardest thing I’ve ever done, and you feel so much worse immediately afterwards BUT you do recover and every hard session lays another stepping stone towards unpacking your traumas and issues. I’ve been in counselling since 2014 and I can’t even begin to imagine what would have happened if I hadn’t gone. I’m lucky enough that I could go private so I paid for it myself but it is worth it if you can I think every single human should go even if you have no anxiety/depression or anything, it really does pay dividends to just talk through your life with a relative stranger. It’s weird at first but soon becomes more normal. A good counsellor will never rush you, force you to say things you’re not ready to say, hound you with phone calls trying to book a session... it’s all down on your terms, at your pace.

 

[caterday28]

I've had CBT, RO-DBT, psychotherapy, counselling and CAT therapy all through the NHS. I've always found open therapies like psychotherapy to be the most useful. CBT is very prescriptive and sometimes overly simplistic. It's definitely worth giving other therapies a shot. How well you connect with the therapist themselves is also important.

 

[Ohflogoff]

Hey, I’m not too good at navigating to find what I’m looking for but this seems a good place to ask? I’m looking for a kind of PTSD, witnessing something help/advice forum. Xx

Have you spoken to your gp? Does your employer have an employee assistance program?