The Tim Tracker #73 Gorging and Hoarding on the High Seas

[Monkeypoopants]

With the Trackers on a cruise and not being invited to The Guardians of the Galaxy Cosmic Rewind opening I thought this would be an appropriate title:

The Tim Tracker #74: We booked the wrong Chris Pratt!

 

[Quasimodo]

The Tim Tracker #74: We Spent All Our Money on Concierge and Now We Can't Afford Fruit

 

[GUCCI TRACKER]

They are absolute idiots for telling the whole internet they are leaving for a cruise tomorrow. Their address is so easy to look up. I mean, we all knew they were going because of things the Holy Moly posted, but they just told whoever watches them that they are going away for a week, with his parents. So basically no one will be at their house until next Saturday.

What if someone broke in and fixed the shelves in the garage and left a package of raspberries in the fridge

 

[Quasimodo]

Even more WTF. No Anthony, you weird fucking creep.

 

[Trumpet]

 

[blueberriesforthechild]

Looking time lurker, first time poster.

It's bad enough they left without blueberries, but Jenn, you edit the videos. Why would you leave the beginning part where Tim is saying how much Jackson loves blueberries and you are there to get blueberries knowing you left without buying him any?

Sorry, that bothered me so much. *Goes back to lurking*

 

[GUCCI TRACKER]

Tim tells a story about how The Buddy selected a toy that he wanted while at Target. They put it in their cart, brought it to the cashier, then had the cashier set it aside. They thought they so cleverly fooled their idiot child. The child then gets home and asks for his new toy. Tim ends the story with the punchline “we didn’t buy it Buddy”

 

[peteykirch]

 

[SirHiss]

I can't with these asshats......they go on and on about how much J$ loves blueberries, are at a freaking stand that sells JUST BLUEBERRIES, then they leave and say "oops, we didn't buy any blueberries".

 

[ThemeParkPigeonIsPettyAF]

We leave for our Hawaiian honeymoon tomorrow, I’m going to miss my daily read of this thread but don’t worry! I’m going to check out a local Hawaiian Starbucks and maybe abandon my new husband in a random tour guide van so I can buy more -exclusive- souvenirs

also, Tim not realizing everyone already knew about their travel plans just shows these two don’t talk or communicate outside of the camera. I’m anxiously waiting for 2 things in these cruise videos: 1) them capturing Holy Moly’s wife reacting to eating every meal with the trackers and nanny. 2) Jenn’s fake tan melting onto her white bathing tarp and looking like an orange glazed ham

 

[Rebelle]

Imagine being on a cruise for Mother’s Day and pawning your only miracle child off on the nanny so you could go drink and have a good time without them?
Oh, you couldn’t fathom doing that?
Congratulations! You’re a better parent than, Jennifer. Happy Mother’s Day!

And I feel bad bc I’m going to see Doctor Strange by myself this morning. My husband went by himself on Friday. We have to go to the movies by ourselves bc family lives too far to watch our son. But I still made sure they have something for lunch for when I’m gone and prepped the chicken for dinner tonight. Then I’ll do my toddler’s laundry when I get home. I’m so incredibly lucky that I get to feel special all the time and not just on Mother’s Day. It’s not just that I have a child, it’s caring for him that truly makes me a mom. Cheers to that

 

[quietcandy]

For a blueberry festival, they sure ate every single beige thing there.

And of course Tim got a burger:

 

[Imbris]

You know what, I've had enough. I'm really close to the Trackers and I need you all to lay off them. Let me clear up some misnomers.

"Why didn't they go back to buy J$ blueberries?"
Uhh maybe because they can't AFFORD blueberries? And you're wondering why they bought a ton of other fried food? If you even knew this family you'd know that Tim's catchphrase for YEARS has been "if it's brown go to town, if it's fruit it gets the boot"

"Why is Tim always in the bathroom?"
Honestly, people, how dare you. Tim is suffering from severe self-inflicted IBS from eating solely greasy meat and sugary foods. He literally spends 4 hours a day crapping his brains out - there are literal chunks of well-done theme park burger in his...well you get the picture. So let's give them a break.

 

[DukeOfKent]

Can I just say how much I love the holiday hats on Tattle? I don't have a profile picture yet, but I need to find a good one before the next holiday, because these are just delightful! I compiled this brief hall of fame today.

Also, you all write faster than I can keep up, so I always wind up quoting the previous thread.

Ginn walks like one leg is shorter than the other. Everything wobbles on her when she waddles. It's not normal to not even be 40 yet and be like that. But she's totally "healthy" guyzzzz.

She does! My dad and I have this inside joke that the old ladies in my hometown are part of "the waddle squad" because they wobble quite a bit as they walk. In their defense, though, they're all about double Ginn's age, and many are walking with replacement hips and knees. Ginn is definitely a "squad member"!

Do you think the Slackers have TSA-Precheck? I can't imagine them not having it...Dim bemoans about waiting in a 5 minute line for Cheeseburger Springrolls in Adventureland....there's no way he'd willing wait in a 30-45 minute security line.

Dim strikes me as the type of guy who doesn't really understand PreCheck -- the sort of guy who scoffs at the PreCheck line saying something like: "Look at all those dummies who paid all that money to stand in a line that's the same length as the regular free line!" ignoring the fact that the a big part of the appeal of the program is the fact that it makes it so much easier to get through security. You can leave your laptop in its bag, your belt around your waist, your shoes on your feet, and your dignity intact. I'd rather wait in a long PreCheck line than a short regular line just because the process is so much simpler once you get to the front of the line.

Why do her fingers look like they're caked in ashy mud? Like she tried to dust her house with her fingers?

Oh, that wouldn't look out of place on a horror movie poster. In fact...

 

[DisneyVloggerFails]

 

[SirHiss]

How the hell do they go to a BLUEBERRY festival, but take a picture of nothing but beige food?!?!?!

 

[Joanie Taylor]

Tim is out at the Science Centre with his child and all he is worried about is how loud it is for the video. It’s truly sad how he consistently puts his channel before his child.

I bet the other parents were concerned that a middle-aged man was roaming around with a camera.

I can’t believe he couldn’t just have a day out with his son and not film.

 

[Resilient-Jedi]

The Slackers have officially arrived in Cayman to ruin someone’s vacation.

Hi Tim! Hi Jenn! I know you work SO HARD to be here but please know there are others here with REAL jobs that have saved A LONG time to come here for vacation. Others that have worked exhaustively through a pandemic, who are burnt out, and are desperately in need of some time to recharge. Others that’s despite being on vacation, are still accessing work via VPN to be available if needed and to stay afloat. Please keep your vlogging to yourself and respect the locals here. They are wonderful people!

 

[Galorious]

Jenn on their budget cruise after the cash dries up....

 

[DisNuts]

I can't wait to see them fuck up their plan of spending money staying at a resort to get lightning lane for 7DMT just so their precious miracle child doesn't have to wait in line (aka so they don't have to wait in line). Talk about even more asinine ways to keep burning money. That shit doesn't grow on the palm trees in your stupid delusional world, Slackers.

Am I understanding correctly? They are going to spend money on a hotel room, probably a grand villa, so that they can pay for lightening lanes for J$ to be forced on to a ride he doesn’t want to ride. All the kid wants is a piece a fruit.

They are messing him up so bad. He needs to learn how to wait in lines.