The things kids say

[JoJo76]

Let’s talk about very inappropriate things our kids have said. Mine are a while ago now as my daughter is 22 but she came out with some crackers.

While in the chippy, a very large man walked in and joined the queue. Daughter aged about 4 said very loud “Mummy, I think that man will need a LOT of fish and chips!”

In Morrison’s “Mummy, I just did a massive loud pump like you do!”

Also in Morrison’s at the checkout “Mummy, that lady has very big boobies like you do”

What classics have you or your kids come out with?

 

[Fifi91]

I was at the checkout in tesco with my daughter, she was helping me put the shopping on the belt, checkout operator was saying how good my daughter was, daughter then picks up panty liners and says 'mummy are these what you use incase you have to sneeze'

 

[Letsspillthetea]

When my eldest was 2 we had gond out for lunch with my mum, an old man walked past the table and my daughter was waving at him he started talking to her, he then said bet you can't do this and started moving his false teeth around with his tongue (strange I know) she looked at him perplexed put her hand on her head shook it and said "oh duck" my mum was like did she just say what I think she just did to which she every so kindly said it again

My 2 year old likes to tell everyone that she has boobies, it's even better when she adds that daddy has boobies too

Not so much funny but really cute last week my eldest (she's 4 now) was chatting away and asked me if she shared her food with the coronavirus would it start being nice, she then said she was going to share her crisps with it so because she wants to go the cinema

 

[watermelon sugar]

My nephew said to my fella 'gosh your boobs have grew since Christmas' he's 5

 

[Gembo]

When my brother was little my mum said I had to let him sit with me and my friend in my room. He stared at her for ages, I could tell she was getting really uncomfortable as he was sat quite close to her too, then he suddenly said to her ‘Do people call you funny names?’ I was horrified and screamed for my mum to come and take him away but it always makes me laugh when I think about it now!

 

[Penguinandthepinecone]

3 year old son told me very informatively that ‘women have got knockers’ , when I asked who told him that he said Daddy ....took me a couple of days to realise it was ‘swimming have got lockers’!

 

[Sally1993]

Getting ready for an important job interview - “Do you like my dress?”

Two year old son - “no”

 

[LittleMy]

Me to my Shrek obsessed 3yo the other day at the park: “Do you want to go down the slide sweetheart?”

3yo: “No, Ogre!”

 

[Rodneytrotter]

When i was trying to explain religion to my eldest once and was saying some people are Christian, some people are Jewish etc. My son said 'and don't forget grandad, he is with Natwest'

 

[Fofoca]

In 2005 I was on the bus and there was a family sat at the back. Little boy jumping up and down in his seat screaming, “Willy w@nker!!! Willy w@nker!!!”

Entire bus was laughing. His mum insisted they’d just seen Charlie and the chocolate factory.

 

[LittleMy]

We were on the bus with our mum (early 90’s) and my little brother who was only little at the time starts belting out the song from the Bodyform advert, loudly. My mum was cringing so hard and everybody on the bus was laughing at him.

 

[Dirtyhorseshoes]

I'm always drumming manners into my two daughters. Constantly reminding them re saying please, thank you, and things like table manners. Eating with your mouth closed, not speaking with your mouth full etc but its backfired on me up on a couple of ocassions.

I was in tk maxx once with both of them just looking at bags and a woman wanted to get past so she said 'excuse me'. I stepped back and let her pass and one daughter says loudly 'she didn't say thank you'

Another time we went to bistro for my birthday and again quite loudly one daughter says 'that lady is talking with her mouth full' re a lady sitting at the next table.

I'm now try drumming into them that they don't need to be so shouty when they talk.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

My mum was a swimming instructor so her work 'uniform' was a bathing suit. One of the kids she taught saw her in the bank one day and loudly declared 'Wow, Mrs A! I didn't recognise you with your clothes on!'.
Reckoned she blushed to the roots of her hair

 

[User name taken]

I've got quite a few but the one that made me cringe the most was when my youngest was 2-3 years old. He was obsessed with Lego figures and called them little men, any way husband was in chippy with our other 2 and I was outside as youngest was in buggy, I saw this man, I think correct term is little person? I thought oh no! I had to turn around quickly when I heard a loud "OOOOOOOH, Look mum a little man, a real little man" Luckily as I had turned around the man couldn't see my face but my husband could out the chippy window and looked a mixture of confusion and worry as he thought I was crying.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

When one of my cousins was 3-4 years old we went to a pantomime with our family. At one point he shouted out "Mummy, I did a pop off!" My auntie responded "no, we don't say that, we say broke wind" and he shouted again "All right, I broke wind then!"

My 3-year-old nephew thinks his mum's sanitary towels are "medicine" and you make tea with them. In fairness to him she does use Chinese medicine whose packaging might look similar to a child his age

My sister and I are fraternal twins who look very similar except that she's quite a lot bigger physically than I am. When we visited a friend's daughter who was then about 5, my friend tried to explain to her that some twins look the same and some don't. She asked if her daughter could tell us apart and the kid replied "(sister) has a bigger bottom!"

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

Way back in the 80s, on my niece's first day in nursery, she was very cute, beautiful, silky, curly hair tied up in ribbons and a lovely new dress. She looked like an angel. The school caretaker was walking past, he looked at my niece and leaned in to her to tell her she was beautiful, as he stood back up, she pulled a face and shouted 'urgh, burger breath', my sister was mortified Same niece, when she was about 18 months old, at the Dr's, he put the stethoscope on her chest and she told him to piss off because it was cold, the Dr had to stifle a laugh.

My sister was in the shower and my nephew was about 3 and as she was getting out of the shower he looked at her and said 'disgusting', such a charming boy!

 

[DCICassieStuart]

I was talking to my neighbour earlier on today and she had her little girl who's 18 months with her.

Suddenly another neighbour's cat appeared and the little one got all excited telling us "Mummy, Cassie, look. It Gingerman, it Gingerman!"
The cat's name is Benjamin but she can't pronounce it yet so she calls him "Gingerman".

She's not far wrong though, because he actually IS a ginger cat

 

[Sparks]

We were on a lift with a little person, my son who was 3 kept staring and I kept thinking, please don't say anything. We got off and the guy walked off and my son looked at me and said: that guy did not eat his vegetables!

 

[Melian]

I stayed with a relative a few years age for the London marathon. Their 15 month old looked at me and just said "no!"

His brother was 5 and asked me if I'd won.

 

[JoJo76]

We were on the bus with our mum (early 90’s) and my little brother who was only little at the time starts belting out the song from the Bodyform advert, loudly. My mum was cringing so hard and everybody on the bus was laughing at him.

Actual LOL's at that. Still chuckling now as I type this. I would have probably wet myself if I was on that bus