The reality of having 3+ kids

[Sailorontheseasea]

My partner and I have 2 boys under 3 currently. We are almost 100% sure we want a third to complete our little brood. We are ttc (so we must be 100% sure ) but I keep reading absolute horror stories about having 3 kids/potentially 3 under 4. We don’t want a large age gap at all, we have loved having them 19 months apart. If I were to fall pregnant now there would be a 21 month age gap.

I’m a nanny so the actual logistics of day to day life with 3+ young kids doesn’t reaaaaally scare me but I get/got to leave them at the end of every day (now only 2 days!) so can’t say I know fully what it’s like.

Essentially what the title says - talk to me parents of lots of children...I want to know all the things from finances to logistics to daily life to spreading yourself too thin, teenage life etc etc etc, do you wish you’d stopped at 2? Just interested in all of your wisdoms.

 

[Justamother]

I have 4 kids it’s 100% hard work but we always say this is our normal people with 1/2 have their normal that they are used too and we have ours so basically you get used to your everyday life changing and also going from 1 to 2 is more of a shock to the system hahah! Good luck!

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I only have 1 but my brother has 3. Their third slotted in like a dream but there was a 6 year gap between 2/3 so they were old enough to be involved and understand and a bit more self sufficient.

 

[Jewel88]

Following this as I also don't feel complete with 2 but get scared at the thought of 3

 

[Macmama]

We have 4 kids, who are now 9, 7, 6 and 4. There’s only just 10 months between our middle two, as our daughter was premature.

Going from 3 to 4 was definitely the easiest adaption, our littlest guy just slotted in like he’d been here all along. You’d be amazed at how easily your family grows,

Routine is an absolutely must when they’re small, and it will save your sanity, but it does get easier as they get bigger. Every family finds their rhythm regardless of how many people they have!

 

[Jerseymiss]

I have 4 currently pregnant with number 5.
And honestly going from 1 to 2 was the hardest transition for us. Once you have 3 everyone else just fits in.

Money wise it is expensive with trips, uniforms, holidays, the car etc and I stay at home, but we make it work. And they are only small for a short period, and I'll be back at work in few years.

But nothing beats the buzz of having them all playing in the garden together. Obviously before they start fighting

 

[SunshineDreamer]

I have 3 children. My first were twins so I’ve never only had one to contend with but honestly when we added our third I didn’t really notice much difference, at that was 3 under 4 too. A few years later and I couldn’t imagine us not having these 3. It can be a little (a lot!) chaotic at times but like the above poster said, there is nothing like watching them all playing together.

 

[Platypusfattypus]

I've got three and find it absolutely fine. But that might have more to do with the age gap. My older two were 10 and 8 when I had my third. This meant they were old enough to be excited but not jealous. When they were at school I had my time with the baby, was able to go to groups etc but still had time with my older children when baby was in bed. There's no feeling stretched thinly at all. I only had to have one car seat so we didn't need a new car, we are having to extend the house to get another bedroom so that was a cost we perhaps wouldn't have had if we stopped at 2 but that's not something I see as a problem. I was a bit worried about the age gap but my youngest adores their big siblings and vice versa. It's lovely to see them together and I have quite the harmonious household. I was also worried that because my friends had not had another baby that my youngest wouldn't have much in terms of other children to socialise, but that's not an issue, they are a proper social butterfly.

The only issue I might have is that family days out have to be for everyone, and with such age differences it can be difficult but thats not very often. We do have individual times with each child so it's easier to compromise when we are together. I love the way my family is and it's been the best decision ever.

The only bad thing is that I'm still doing the school run for another 6 years.

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

I had 3, and found going from 1 to 2 was the biggest shock to the system. Our 3rd was a very happy calm baby and just fitted in with no issues. The only things I really remember was the horror of the washing mountain, as they grew older 1 always seemed to be left out which caused arguments, and I was so so so glad to finish primary school by the time our youngest got to year 6.

Now they're adults, they all get on really well and there are 5 years between eldest and youngest.

 

[Definitelyme]

I have 3 and pregnant with 4. I can honestly say the change from 2 to 3 was easy as anything. I have slightly bigger gaps than you (my eldest is 8, then 5.5 and 2.5) but honestly you don’t notice much difference adding a third in. You are busy anyway, so it’s not much of a change!

In terms of cost atm, it’s not huge as we have a lot of hand me downs, we buy second hand bikes so we don’t have a huge outlay on them. That will obviously change as they get older, but we will budget to make it work.

 

[TinyDancer2602]

Agree with all those saying the jump from 1 to 2 was more a shock than 2 to 3. The only thing I have to say is take into consideration the prospect of a twin pregnancy...would you be prepared to jump from 2 to 4? I have 3 kids and we go back and forth on having another but ultimately I’m not willing to risk if we were to get pregnant with twins and so we will stop at 3 rather than risk 5. We could neither cope with nor afford 5 and I think the impact on our existing children would be too big.

 

[Falafel_Falafel]

I agree with what others have said, once you have 2 an extra don't make much difference. We had 5 between us and people would say they didn't know how we did it but it was no different than parenting 2, you cook same meals etc just more of it! We just had to be organised with food, uniforms etc. We found they entertained each other and played really well. I miss them being little so much

 

[NP]

Ask me in a few months. Had my third 3 weeks ago there’s a 7 and half year age gap between our first and second, and a 2 and half year age gap between our second and third. So far the smaller age gap has been tricky because the toddler is going through that wonderful stage they go through! But you’ve already been through that close age gap so I reckon a third won’t make much difference. We needed a bigger car and we don’t have much space in our house for all the stuff! But our newborn has been a dream so far. It’s our toddler I’m finding a challenge!

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

Thank you so much for all of your lovely responses! So interesting to hear. I feel like I’ve trailed through mumsnet 100 times on this topic but it’s all SO negative and it’s really made me panic but reading here has put my mind at ease.

My youngest is the most high maintenance child I have ever met god love him, he still wakes up a tonne in the night after (I.e on a good night he will wake up 3 times ) and is a stage 5 clinger and has been since day 0 - I kind of feel like/have to tell myself if the shock of relaxed chilled baby to absolute feral screamy extreme silent reflux child hasn’t put me off then I guess nothing will I must be butters.

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you so much for all of your lovely responses! So interesting to hear. I feel like I’ve trailed through mumsnet 100 times on this topic but it’s all SO negative and it’s really made me panic but reading here has put my mind at ease.

My youngest is the most high maintenance child I have ever met god love him, he still wakes up a tonne in the night after (I.e on a good night he will wake up 3 times ) and is a stage 5 clinger and has been since day 0 - I kind of feel like/have to tell myself if the shock of relaxed chilled baby to absolute feral screamy extreme silent reflux child hasn’t put me off then I guess nothing will I must be butters.

My second was the same! Screamed blue murder from the get go, wouldn’t be set down, only stopped co-sleeping and started sleeping all night at 4.5! He was very high needs indeed, he actually has a milk allergy and the reflux etc that went along with that, even after milk was cut out. He was just shy of 3 when his little sister came along. I was so worried how he would do sharing me with a smaller one as he was very, very clingy but he was amazing, and never once displayed anything other than delight and adoration for his sister, and his behaviour towards me was great as well.
And baby 3 was super chilled out she slept for the first 6 months, sometimes we would forget about her when we were eating dinner etc, she’d just be asleep in the other room and we would forget she existed she still doesn’t STTN, and now co-sleeps with my husband. I have been a bit worried as she very much prefers me, but experience tells me we will be fine when the baby is here.

 

[Kim Mild]

I have 3. A teenager, 3 year old and 1 year old . The little ones will share a room til the older one moves out ( boy and girl)
We needed to buy a people carrier as my oldest couldn't fit between two child seats.
The amount of washing we have is relentless.
I also found getting food portions right something to think about once the baby started eating full meals as a lot only contain 4 servings

The baby just slotted in , although since the lockdowns we don't really have a good routine. Baby is the worst sleeper.

 

[Tallieban]

I had my first 3 within 3 years (2010-2013). All girls, which I have to say has been very lucky for me.

My son came along in 2017, he was a lovely baby but that child has some lungs on him, it never stops! - Bloody lucky he’s so cute.

Having them close in age is great IMO, never quiet and tonnes of fighting, my favourite things... haha.