‘ The perfect age gap ‘ between children?

[Mrs McCarthy]

20 years between me and my sister. She feels like my baby

 

[Millymoo32]

I was a suprise baby my eldest bro was 20 when I was born and and my sis was 19 I'm closest to them even though theres 4 others in between

 

[tskiry56]

I'm a twin and also have an older brother and sister who are twins the age gap between us is 8 years. I am close to my sisters and we talk and see each other alot. I text my twin every day. My brother has moved a few hours away. When we were growing up me and my twin got on fine until one of our friends said we never argued. I then think they jinxed us. But as we have got older we appreciate each other a lot more.
I have a 6 year old son and if I'm lucky enough to have more children there will be a big age gap.

 

[Devondoll]

Mine are 17 months apart. I wanted them close to 'grow up together'. Until lockdown they got on really well, but they've had enough of each other now and constantly fight. The eldest has autism too which makes it trickier. I've also just had a baby, hes a month old. I went to uni hence the gap (8, almost 7 and newborn). Think I want one more but would need to be in the next 3 years maximum.

My brother is 15 months older than me, we arent particularly close but probably because we're boy/girl. My younger brother is 5 years younger and my mum said she wish she'd had another as he was like an only child.

 

[Skyeball]

I have a big gap between my first and youngest two (secondary infertility) and the gap is showing hugely now.
They don't do anything together, for the first few years they did but they are completely different stages now and the play together moment has passed I guess.
That said, the eldest will pick the youngest up from school for me and will take them to McDonald's for tea. Once even my God daughters got an invite as their mums got held up at work too.
Times like that are lovely. I would say they are protective of each other as well. Like if one of them needs urgent medical care the other two will blow up my phone checking up.
This will come back around when they are in their 30s and 40s/50s onwards and they all have adult lives.
Much later on when me and their dad start to need care and having plans made for us they will always have each other to help make those decisions.
Youngest two are 25 month apart. The first year was insane but after that, instant friend, confidante & their friends overlap too.
If I'd had a choice, I'd have chosen that gap the first time.

 

[leon19]

Exactly. My own mother has said to me “ oh it’s quite an age gap.” Well I didn’t plan on having a missed miscarriage and then being told it was a partial molar pregnancy where you are not ALLOWED to get pregnant for at least six months until tests say you are all clear.

I’m just happy I’m lucky enough to be healthy and pregnant again. End of.

I know that feeling, i had a complete molar myself it was horrendous I had to have chemo. Just rare to see anyone talking about it, never come across anyone who's had one! Congrats on your pregnancy x

 

[Browniesbxo]

I don't have any children but there are 7 years between my sister and I and it was definitely difficult for us to get along for a long time. It was like we were from different generations.

This is very interesting! Some would say siblings always have an unbreakable bond sort of thing, I definitely do think there can be ‘ too big of a gap ‘ almost, where like you say it’s difficult to relate to eachother and build a relationship.

 

[watermelon sugar]

I have a 5 month old ive been thinking this too

Theres a 7, 14 and 12 year age gap between me and my brother & sisters. I absolutely hated it. Ive always told myself if i have children, i want them close in age. Dont think i could handle 2 under 2. Maybe a 3/4 year gap

 

[mcfeez]

I don't have children but my brother and I are 8 and half years apart and don't really have much of a relationship now and didn't have any really growing up.

We were very separate generationally growing up i.e. he was still very young when I was going to secondary school, when I was heading off to university he hadn't even started secondary school yet.

 

[Platypusfattypus]

2 years and 8 years do quite different gaps. Both work for different reasons, all my children are close and get on. I dont think there is a perfect gap, your kids will either get on or not.

 

[cherry_gal2]

There’s four years between me and my Brother and I couldn’t imagine a worse gap! I think it’s better to have 2 years as I’ve met siblings with two years between them and they actually talk! Go out together etc etc and the relationship seems more balanced, whereas with four years the older children is deffo the leader and the younger the follower/gets stomped on.

 

[Pinkglitter123]

4yrs 10 months. She was born in the July and he started school reception in the September. So I have one who's oldest in the year and one who will be the youngest.

 

[Rosie878]

We started trying a while ago but had a miscarriage so that made the age gap bigger which was frustrating. It’s not always in your control.

My son is five, and I’m due in two weeks. I couldn’t face having another until my son was at least fending for himself and out of nappies. The thought was too scary haha and also I just loved that he had had my undivided attention. I feel now he’s at school, he doesn’t need me anymore and I can spend all my time on the baby. I would’ve liked a slightly closer age gap. However, having said this my best friend has two close together and while she feels it’s good she’s “ done “ with the baby stage she says they fight all the time, and she’s been wishing the days away because it’s so tough. She seems absolutely exhausted all the time. I would say whenever you have another it’s hard and there’s pro’s and con’s to all age gaps.

My son is 5 in December and I’m due in October. Like you, I miscarried in between although I’m looking forward to being able to focus on baby and enjoy a proper mat leave during school hours! I’m hoping my son will be protective of the new baby and it will be a less competitive, more nurturing relationship. Who knows though, a lot of it seems to be down to personalities!

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I don’t have kids yet but a lady I work with has approx 18 months between her girls and said it was perfect! But as above 2 under 2 would terrify me

I had 2 under 2. Do NOT advise!

I think 3/4yrs is a good gap.

 

[101d]

This is very interesting! Some would say siblings always have an unbreakable bond sort of thing, I definitely do think there can be ‘ too big of a gap ‘ almost, where like you say it’s difficult to relate to eachother and build a relationship.

We're very close now that we are both in adulthood But when you're 16 and your 9 year old sister wants to hang out with you.... nah

 

[Tricham]

I have an 8 yr old and have been ttc for two years. This is something that worries me, the age gap is getting bigger and bigger!

My mum was 16 when my uncle was born! They rely on each other a lot as adults. They help each other out and are just like any other brother and sister.

 

[50sGirl]

I always thought 2-3 years was a good age gap. Mine are 2yrs 8 months apart. It meant the eldest was potty trained by the time the youngest arrived so only one in nappies.

I always remember my mum advising me NOT to have a 4 year age gap because the eldest may feel they are being replaced by the new baby just as they start school and leave their mummy.

 

[Dexy]

We started trying a while ago but had a miscarriage so that made the age gap bigger which was frustrating. It’s not always in your control.

My son is five, and I’m due in two weeks. I couldn’t face having another until my son was at least fending for himself and out of nappies. The thought was too scary haha and also I just loved that he had had my undivided attention. I feel now he’s at school, he doesn’t need me anymore and I can spend all my time on the baby. I would’ve liked a slightly closer age gap. However, having said this my best friend has two close together and while she feels it’s good she’s “ done “ with the baby stage she says they fight all the time, and she’s been wishing the days away because it’s so tough. She seems absolutely exhausted all the time. I would say whenever you have another it’s hard and there’s pro’s and con’s to all age gaps.

 

[Browniesbxo]

Do you think there is one? What are the age gaps between your children? I have a 4 month old, I know I want a second just haven’t decided when... thoughts?

 

[Onthehop]

I’m really glad to have read this, as I did have in my mind 4 years being ‘perfect’ for that exact reason. Older boy goes off to school and I can have all day with the baby! But I guess when they both grow up it is very different in terms of interests etc.. this is why I’m kind of thinking there’s going to be pros and cons regardless. I could TTC now and have a 1 year old and a baby, perfect because they’re similar ages and will grow up ( hopefully ) best friends but then there’s the obvious con... 2 babies! 2 under 2!

Mine are just over 4 years apart. Different genders which may have helped but they are close even now as adults.